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Class of July 2013 Part 20

Old 08-19-2015, 07:31 AM
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This is a poem you put up long ago Bob.

I love it

Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.

Ebenezer Scrooge:


I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
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Old 08-19-2015, 07:48 AM
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Originally Posted by SnoozyQ View Post
This is a poem you put up long ago Bob.

I love it

Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.

Ebenezer Scrooge:


I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
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-Your Brother in sobriety,
Bob
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great poem - thanks Bob and Snooz.
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Old 08-19-2015, 07:49 AM
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Leigh , this is one of yours. I hope you don't mind me putting it in here , but it's too beautiful not to share .

You have such a talent xxx


Old 05-03-2015, 08:24 AM #11 (permalink)
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Written sober:
The Victory of Recovery

Recovery beckons from the horizons
As grief kindly, slowly softens
Subtle rays of hope and optimism
Intensify ~ shatter agony’s prisms

Vitality sprouts from dormant gardens
As springs of kindness nurture ~ softly christen
Tender shoots of reclaimed spirit
Strengthen, grow ~ shed misery’s thicket

Inspiration stirs in caverns ~ in deep recesses of the mind
As thoughts and visions focus ~ weave and wrap ~ become entwined
Scattered pieces ~ jagged shards of memory’s puzzle
Assemble, merge ~break nightmare’s cycle

Courage taunts with its opponent
As fortitude and righteousness form battle’s garment
Valor and brawn take up mutual fortress
Seek out enmity ~ weaken, destroy, redress

Individuality seeks out anonymity
As character and strength bid up their ante
Conviction and identity form alliance
Attain compassion ~ heightened conscience

Harmony silences notes of discord
As tranquility and peace calm warring drums
Melodies and songs of hope and promise
All are proof positive ~ I have won.


Oh merciful, kind and glorious Recovery
How bittersweet thou art
For you are yet one more reminder
That of with him I live without


Thank you Leigh , this is very moving & cathartic reading before I go to sleep
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Old 08-19-2015, 07:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Leshar View Post
I've been terribly weepy all day. My psychiatrist thinks that ECT helped, I know it did, but the effects weren't long lasting. He now thinks because of my abnormal brain circuitry, that I should try deep brain stimulation, or even brain surgery where they cut part of the brain. All horribly terrifying. Massive urge to drink driving home. I won't but I'm very depressed. I'm to increase my anti depressants in the meantime and check in with him by email on Friday.
I agree - horribly terrifying - have you considered second, third, fourth opinions? (((Leshar)))
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Old 08-19-2015, 07:59 AM
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Don't mind at all, Snoozy . . . so glad that it helps - makes writing it worthwhile.

(recovery from grief and from alcoholism are common themes of my writing; the last paragraph is for those whose recovery is from grief).
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Old 08-19-2015, 08:05 AM
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I agree Leigh , I hope you check in soon Leshar . Just talking can relieve the weepiness at times.

We are ALL here for you xxx
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Old 08-19-2015, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Croissant View Post
Thanks Snooz for your kind words. Yeah, I would speak to him....and I considered it, or maybe contact one of his sisters to test the water, but - I think he would listen and appreciate it. But, he's married now with two small children. It's likely it would wrench up pain that may have settled for the best on his end.

The worst part, for me, is he tried and tried to get back together, but I was the one who continually pushed him away. I basically forced him to be with this girl in a fashion, so he could have his own children.

I did see him at the funeral last year, and it was unbearable. I could be lying to myself, but I believe those strong feelings were still there as we never broke up because we fell out of love or hated each other or fought angrily. It was because I said I didn't think I could have children with him (something we'd always agreed we would do), the real honest reason is, I realised I no longer wanted to fall pregnant, because that would mean stopping drinking. He said he would accept I didn't want children (I used the excuse I felt I was getting too old, well, the alcy in me believed that), but I still pushed him away.

When I saw him, I started to cry, not just because of the funeral, but just seeing him was overwhelming. Now, him being him, he always hated to see me cry and I saw the look on his face of wanting to comfort me, and me wanting that comfort, but the sadness of the fact that it's not like we can have that with each other anymore. The invisible wall is there, yes?

Of course, in my dreams his wife and children magically disappear now and we seem to be getting back together. Which is better than my early sobriety dreams where he'd always catch me sneaking drinks.

Long post, but I guess I have accepted I have to carry the same amount of pain I must have caused. All the tears I know he must have cried, but I never knew or realised until feeling them myself now I'm sober. That's the awesome thing about sobriety (sarcasm), there's no escaping pain, you have to feel it with all its full hard and devastating force.
Tears fell from my eyes while reading this, crois.

Some loves we carry with us through our lives locked in a time and space we cannot revisit.

Thanks for sharing your soul.
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Old 08-19-2015, 08:09 AM
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I so agree Leigh , it made me cry too xx Crois

Crois has a very gifted way with words . I feel very priveledged to have been able to read that post. Thanks for sharing such a personal part of you xx
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Old 08-19-2015, 08:16 AM
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Originally Posted by SnoozyQ View Post
Crois thank you so very much for opening up your heart like that . I could feel between the lines how much you loved him & he you .

Drinking can be so cruel. I actually can't believe how similar you and I are , it's incredible .
I've never divulged this to anyone before , but I had an affair with the love of my life whilst I was still married. Mark and I were together for the kids basically. We fell out of love many years before.

I had known him for many years . He wanted to marry me and I wanted to be with him . We Connected so well and I loved him deeply.

It was too complicated & the kids were still young . I needed to put more energy into them.

He told me he would always wait for me , but of course that's just not being realistic.
I was devastated when he met someone else , but he had given me many opportunities to change my mind.

He moved on , I stayed in a loveless marriage , started drinking & I still think of him .

I think of what a huge mistake I made and how different my life would be.
We also saw each other at a funeral of a mutual friend .
The look between us was still there & all those feelings came rushing back.

There was never any real closure , we never had an argument , but it was just unfinished. He is a beautiful person.

Still with the same girl and has Two young children now.

Life .... Sigh

I hope no one thinks bad of me as that was a very long time ago.

I've ALWAYS felt I made the wrong choice.

Thanks for sharing Crois



I
Crois and Snooz; these posts remind me of a book "The Bridges of Madison County". Have either of you read it; it was also made into a movie with Merryl Streep and Clint Eastwood. The book is better than the movie.
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Old 08-19-2015, 08:19 AM
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Crois and Snooz - I am going to send you something by PM.
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Old 08-19-2015, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by SnoozyQ View Post
This is a poem you put up long ago Bob.

I love it

Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.

Ebenezer Scrooge:


I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
__________________
-Your Brother in sobriety,
Bob
Quit on 7/26/13
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Love!
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Old 08-19-2015, 11:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I think like crois says there's always underlying reasons for our unhappiness and why we drink, but it morphs into something else if we do enough drinking... so that it's no longer enough to tackle just the unhappiness or the drinking - they both need addressing.

I really think we need to tackle the drinking first tho - I don't believe there's any way to get to that deep rooted unhappiness/fear if we're still drinking. We need to know ourselves, our true selves before we can try and get to that nitty gritty.

I'm sorry you feel you have someone who got away Snooz...the only thing I can offer you is that our lives aren't over yet and none of us really knows what's just around the corner or just up ahead.

Every time I think I'm done with changes, more seem to come along...some are great and some are not so great but I'm happy with my life which is something I wasn't able to say for 35 years or so.

Good people deserve good things and I think by and large we find them

D
That's a excellent post D
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Old 08-19-2015, 11:03 AM
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(((((((((( Croissant & Snooz ))))))))))

Leigh you are a star
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Old 08-19-2015, 02:10 PM
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Ladies and gentlemen.
We have an awesome class!
Be back later when I can spend more time.
BFN
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Old 08-19-2015, 05:02 PM
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This is the best class EVER
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Old 08-19-2015, 06:02 PM
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Hey Wendy,

How things going?
I'm just resting and reading/ surfing the web.
Doing some research on a few project I might take on.
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Old 08-19-2015, 06:09 PM
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Hiya Bob , going excellent thank you

Had a packed day yesterday , full of activities to keep me behaved!

Holly & I had a chocolate and snacking movie night whilst I was also doing lots of reading on SR.

I feel really positive & well today . Having a bit of a sleep in then taking Holly to work. Then off to visit my Mum after her cardiac apt .
Feeling in control.

I'm really glad you're resting up my friend. You work really hard and long days.

Always love seeing you on here when it's my morning and your evening xxx
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Old 08-19-2015, 06:33 PM
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I loved reading all of tie posts today Julyers
You have all given me hope and I mean that.

We do need to tackle this drinking thing above all else. At least I do, I know that.

Crois and Snooze , I do hope that you find peace and acceptance with the relationships you speak of that ended. I know how that feels. I couldn't bear the thought that it was something I did or my drinking that caused me not to be with my someone. So much so that I spent 5 years of my life waiting and basically begging for more chances. When I finally got the chance, I realized that it wasn't all me all along. He has his own huge issues and we don't even "fit" anymore. He literally made me miserable for 3 months - manipulation, mind games, double standards, blaming, dishonesty, and secrets. . But for years I was so hung up on my guilt and my fantasies of what I thought we "could" have that I didn't see reality, the red flags or the obvious issues he has. Anyway, I am grateful for the closure but I do wish I let go of it all years ago rather than waste so much time. I'm 44 and my girls are growing up. I would love to meet someone someday and after this experience I am much more clear on what I want and what I won't accept.

I guess I'm still growing up and learning

You guys are the BEST ..
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Old 08-19-2015, 06:52 PM
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Nice post FABL :-)

That's so true what you said , we are all growing and learning , you will be ok . You're only 44 you young whippersnapper . I'm 53
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Old 08-19-2015, 06:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I think like crois says there's always underlying reasons for our unhappiness and why we drink, but it morphs into something else if we do enough drinking... so that it's no longer enough to tackle just the unhappiness or the drinking - they both need addressing.

I really think we need to tackle the drinking first tho - I don't believe there's any way to get to that deep rooted unhappiness/fear if we're still drinking. We need to know ourselves, our true selves before we can try and get to that nitty gritty.

I'm sorry you feel you have someone who got away Snooz...the only thing I can offer you is that our lives aren't over yet and none of us really knows what's just around the corner or just up ahead.

Every time I think I'm done with changes, more seem to come along...some are great and some are not so great but I'm happy with my life which is something I wasn't able to say for 35 years or so.

Good people deserve good things and I think by and large we find them

D
I think this is possibly the best advice ( statement ) I have EVER read on SR.
Dee
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