Class of July 2013 Part 20
This is a poem you put up long ago Bob.
I love it
Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
__________________
-Your Brother in sobriety,
Bob
Quit on 7/26/13
resolute50 is offline Report Post
I love it
Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
__________________
-Your Brother in sobriety,
Bob
Quit on 7/26/13
resolute50 is offline Report Post
This is a poem you put up long ago Bob.
I love it
Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
__________________
-Your Brother in sobriety,
Bob
Quit on 7/26/13
resolute50 is offline Report Post
I love it
Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
__________________
-Your Brother in sobriety,
Bob
Quit on 7/26/13
resolute50 is offline Report Post
Leigh , this is one of yours. I hope you don't mind me putting it in here , but it's too beautiful not to share .
You have such a talent xxx
Old 05-03-2015, 08:24 AM #11 (permalink)
SoberLeigh
Member
SoberLeigh's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast, DE, USA
Posts: 13,561
Written sober:
The Victory of Recovery
Recovery beckons from the horizons
As grief kindly, slowly softens
Subtle rays of hope and optimism
Intensify ~ shatter agony’s prisms
Vitality sprouts from dormant gardens
As springs of kindness nurture ~ softly christen
Tender shoots of reclaimed spirit
Strengthen, grow ~ shed misery’s thicket
Inspiration stirs in caverns ~ in deep recesses of the mind
As thoughts and visions focus ~ weave and wrap ~ become entwined
Scattered pieces ~ jagged shards of memory’s puzzle
Assemble, merge ~break nightmare’s cycle
Courage taunts with its opponent
As fortitude and righteousness form battle’s garment
Valor and brawn take up mutual fortress
Seek out enmity ~ weaken, destroy, redress
Individuality seeks out anonymity
As character and strength bid up their ante
Conviction and identity form alliance
Attain compassion ~ heightened conscience
Harmony silences notes of discord
As tranquility and peace calm warring drums
Melodies and songs of hope and promise
All are proof positive ~ I have won.
Oh merciful, kind and glorious Recovery
How bittersweet thou art
For you are yet one more reminder
That of with him I live without
Thank you Leigh , this is very moving & cathartic reading before I go to sleep
You have such a talent xxx
Old 05-03-2015, 08:24 AM #11 (permalink)
SoberLeigh
Member
SoberLeigh's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast, DE, USA
Posts: 13,561
Written sober:
The Victory of Recovery
Recovery beckons from the horizons
As grief kindly, slowly softens
Subtle rays of hope and optimism
Intensify ~ shatter agony’s prisms
Vitality sprouts from dormant gardens
As springs of kindness nurture ~ softly christen
Tender shoots of reclaimed spirit
Strengthen, grow ~ shed misery’s thicket
Inspiration stirs in caverns ~ in deep recesses of the mind
As thoughts and visions focus ~ weave and wrap ~ become entwined
Scattered pieces ~ jagged shards of memory’s puzzle
Assemble, merge ~break nightmare’s cycle
Courage taunts with its opponent
As fortitude and righteousness form battle’s garment
Valor and brawn take up mutual fortress
Seek out enmity ~ weaken, destroy, redress
Individuality seeks out anonymity
As character and strength bid up their ante
Conviction and identity form alliance
Attain compassion ~ heightened conscience
Harmony silences notes of discord
As tranquility and peace calm warring drums
Melodies and songs of hope and promise
All are proof positive ~ I have won.
Oh merciful, kind and glorious Recovery
How bittersweet thou art
For you are yet one more reminder
That of with him I live without
Thank you Leigh , this is very moving & cathartic reading before I go to sleep
I've been terribly weepy all day. My psychiatrist thinks that ECT helped, I know it did, but the effects weren't long lasting. He now thinks because of my abnormal brain circuitry, that I should try deep brain stimulation, or even brain surgery where they cut part of the brain. All horribly terrifying. Massive urge to drink driving home. I won't but I'm very depressed. I'm to increase my anti depressants in the meantime and check in with him by email on Friday.
Don't mind at all, Snoozy . . . so glad that it helps - makes writing it worthwhile.
(recovery from grief and from alcoholism are common themes of my writing; the last paragraph is for those whose recovery is from grief).
(recovery from grief and from alcoholism are common themes of my writing; the last paragraph is for those whose recovery is from grief).
Thanks Snooz for your kind words. Yeah, I would speak to him....and I considered it, or maybe contact one of his sisters to test the water, but - I think he would listen and appreciate it. But, he's married now with two small children. It's likely it would wrench up pain that may have settled for the best on his end.
The worst part, for me, is he tried and tried to get back together, but I was the one who continually pushed him away. I basically forced him to be with this girl in a fashion, so he could have his own children.
I did see him at the funeral last year, and it was unbearable. I could be lying to myself, but I believe those strong feelings were still there as we never broke up because we fell out of love or hated each other or fought angrily. It was because I said I didn't think I could have children with him (something we'd always agreed we would do), the real honest reason is, I realised I no longer wanted to fall pregnant, because that would mean stopping drinking. He said he would accept I didn't want children (I used the excuse I felt I was getting too old, well, the alcy in me believed that), but I still pushed him away.
When I saw him, I started to cry, not just because of the funeral, but just seeing him was overwhelming. Now, him being him, he always hated to see me cry and I saw the look on his face of wanting to comfort me, and me wanting that comfort, but the sadness of the fact that it's not like we can have that with each other anymore. The invisible wall is there, yes?
Of course, in my dreams his wife and children magically disappear now and we seem to be getting back together. Which is better than my early sobriety dreams where he'd always catch me sneaking drinks.
Long post, but I guess I have accepted I have to carry the same amount of pain I must have caused. All the tears I know he must have cried, but I never knew or realised until feeling them myself now I'm sober. That's the awesome thing about sobriety (sarcasm), there's no escaping pain, you have to feel it with all its full hard and devastating force.
The worst part, for me, is he tried and tried to get back together, but I was the one who continually pushed him away. I basically forced him to be with this girl in a fashion, so he could have his own children.
I did see him at the funeral last year, and it was unbearable. I could be lying to myself, but I believe those strong feelings were still there as we never broke up because we fell out of love or hated each other or fought angrily. It was because I said I didn't think I could have children with him (something we'd always agreed we would do), the real honest reason is, I realised I no longer wanted to fall pregnant, because that would mean stopping drinking. He said he would accept I didn't want children (I used the excuse I felt I was getting too old, well, the alcy in me believed that), but I still pushed him away.
When I saw him, I started to cry, not just because of the funeral, but just seeing him was overwhelming. Now, him being him, he always hated to see me cry and I saw the look on his face of wanting to comfort me, and me wanting that comfort, but the sadness of the fact that it's not like we can have that with each other anymore. The invisible wall is there, yes?
Of course, in my dreams his wife and children magically disappear now and we seem to be getting back together. Which is better than my early sobriety dreams where he'd always catch me sneaking drinks.
Long post, but I guess I have accepted I have to carry the same amount of pain I must have caused. All the tears I know he must have cried, but I never knew or realised until feeling them myself now I'm sober. That's the awesome thing about sobriety (sarcasm), there's no escaping pain, you have to feel it with all its full hard and devastating force.
Some loves we carry with us through our lives locked in a time and space we cannot revisit.
Thanks for sharing your soul.
Crois thank you so very much for opening up your heart like that . I could feel between the lines how much you loved him & he you .
Drinking can be so cruel. I actually can't believe how similar you and I are , it's incredible .
I've never divulged this to anyone before , but I had an affair with the love of my life whilst I was still married. Mark and I were together for the kids basically. We fell out of love many years before.
I had known him for many years . He wanted to marry me and I wanted to be with him . We Connected so well and I loved him deeply.
It was too complicated & the kids were still young . I needed to put more energy into them.
He told me he would always wait for me , but of course that's just not being realistic.
I was devastated when he met someone else , but he had given me many opportunities to change my mind.
He moved on , I stayed in a loveless marriage , started drinking & I still think of him .
I think of what a huge mistake I made and how different my life would be.
We also saw each other at a funeral of a mutual friend .
The look between us was still there & all those feelings came rushing back.
There was never any real closure , we never had an argument , but it was just unfinished. He is a beautiful person.
Still with the same girl and has Two young children now.
Life .... Sigh
I hope no one thinks bad of me as that was a very long time ago.
I've ALWAYS felt I made the wrong choice.
Thanks for sharing Crois
I
Drinking can be so cruel. I actually can't believe how similar you and I are , it's incredible .
I've never divulged this to anyone before , but I had an affair with the love of my life whilst I was still married. Mark and I were together for the kids basically. We fell out of love many years before.
I had known him for many years . He wanted to marry me and I wanted to be with him . We Connected so well and I loved him deeply.
It was too complicated & the kids were still young . I needed to put more energy into them.
He told me he would always wait for me , but of course that's just not being realistic.
I was devastated when he met someone else , but he had given me many opportunities to change my mind.
He moved on , I stayed in a loveless marriage , started drinking & I still think of him .
I think of what a huge mistake I made and how different my life would be.
We also saw each other at a funeral of a mutual friend .
The look between us was still there & all those feelings came rushing back.
There was never any real closure , we never had an argument , but it was just unfinished. He is a beautiful person.
Still with the same girl and has Two young children now.
Life .... Sigh
I hope no one thinks bad of me as that was a very long time ago.
I've ALWAYS felt I made the wrong choice.
Thanks for sharing Crois
I
This is a poem you put up long ago Bob.
I love it
Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
__________________
-Your Brother in sobriety,
Bob
Quit on 7/26/13
resolute50 is offline Report Post
I love it
Quote/Poem
From one of my favorite holiday movies from Scrooge 1970.
Ebenezer Scrooge:
I will start anew
I will make amends
and I will make quite certain that the story ends
on a note of hope on a strong amen
and I'll thank the world and remember when
I was able to begin again!
__________________
-Your Brother in sobriety,
Bob
Quit on 7/26/13
resolute50 is offline Report Post
I think like crois says there's always underlying reasons for our unhappiness and why we drink, but it morphs into something else if we do enough drinking... so that it's no longer enough to tackle just the unhappiness or the drinking - they both need addressing.
I really think we need to tackle the drinking first tho - I don't believe there's any way to get to that deep rooted unhappiness/fear if we're still drinking. We need to know ourselves, our true selves before we can try and get to that nitty gritty.
I'm sorry you feel you have someone who got away Snooz...the only thing I can offer you is that our lives aren't over yet and none of us really knows what's just around the corner or just up ahead.
Every time I think I'm done with changes, more seem to come along...some are great and some are not so great but I'm happy with my life which is something I wasn't able to say for 35 years or so.
Good people deserve good things and I think by and large we find them
D
I really think we need to tackle the drinking first tho - I don't believe there's any way to get to that deep rooted unhappiness/fear if we're still drinking. We need to know ourselves, our true selves before we can try and get to that nitty gritty.
I'm sorry you feel you have someone who got away Snooz...the only thing I can offer you is that our lives aren't over yet and none of us really knows what's just around the corner or just up ahead.
Every time I think I'm done with changes, more seem to come along...some are great and some are not so great but I'm happy with my life which is something I wasn't able to say for 35 years or so.
Good people deserve good things and I think by and large we find them
D
Hiya Bob , going excellent thank you
Had a packed day yesterday , full of activities to keep me behaved!
Holly & I had a chocolate and snacking movie night whilst I was also doing lots of reading on SR.
I feel really positive & well today . Having a bit of a sleep in then taking Holly to work. Then off to visit my Mum after her cardiac apt .
Feeling in control.
I'm really glad you're resting up my friend. You work really hard and long days.
Always love seeing you on here when it's my morning and your evening xxx
Had a packed day yesterday , full of activities to keep me behaved!
Holly & I had a chocolate and snacking movie night whilst I was also doing lots of reading on SR.
I feel really positive & well today . Having a bit of a sleep in then taking Holly to work. Then off to visit my Mum after her cardiac apt .
Feeling in control.
I'm really glad you're resting up my friend. You work really hard and long days.
Always love seeing you on here when it's my morning and your evening xxx
I loved reading all of tie posts today Julyers
You have all given me hope and I mean that.
We do need to tackle this drinking thing above all else. At least I do, I know that.
Crois and Snooze , I do hope that you find peace and acceptance with the relationships you speak of that ended. I know how that feels. I couldn't bear the thought that it was something I did or my drinking that caused me not to be with my someone. So much so that I spent 5 years of my life waiting and basically begging for more chances. When I finally got the chance, I realized that it wasn't all me all along. He has his own huge issues and we don't even "fit" anymore. He literally made me miserable for 3 months - manipulation, mind games, double standards, blaming, dishonesty, and secrets. . But for years I was so hung up on my guilt and my fantasies of what I thought we "could" have that I didn't see reality, the red flags or the obvious issues he has. Anyway, I am grateful for the closure but I do wish I let go of it all years ago rather than waste so much time. I'm 44 and my girls are growing up. I would love to meet someone someday and after this experience I am much more clear on what I want and what I won't accept.
I guess I'm still growing up and learning
You guys are the BEST ..
You have all given me hope and I mean that.
We do need to tackle this drinking thing above all else. At least I do, I know that.
Crois and Snooze , I do hope that you find peace and acceptance with the relationships you speak of that ended. I know how that feels. I couldn't bear the thought that it was something I did or my drinking that caused me not to be with my someone. So much so that I spent 5 years of my life waiting and basically begging for more chances. When I finally got the chance, I realized that it wasn't all me all along. He has his own huge issues and we don't even "fit" anymore. He literally made me miserable for 3 months - manipulation, mind games, double standards, blaming, dishonesty, and secrets. . But for years I was so hung up on my guilt and my fantasies of what I thought we "could" have that I didn't see reality, the red flags or the obvious issues he has. Anyway, I am grateful for the closure but I do wish I let go of it all years ago rather than waste so much time. I'm 44 and my girls are growing up. I would love to meet someone someday and after this experience I am much more clear on what I want and what I won't accept.
I guess I'm still growing up and learning
You guys are the BEST ..
I think like crois says there's always underlying reasons for our unhappiness and why we drink, but it morphs into something else if we do enough drinking... so that it's no longer enough to tackle just the unhappiness or the drinking - they both need addressing.
I really think we need to tackle the drinking first tho - I don't believe there's any way to get to that deep rooted unhappiness/fear if we're still drinking. We need to know ourselves, our true selves before we can try and get to that nitty gritty.
I'm sorry you feel you have someone who got away Snooz...the only thing I can offer you is that our lives aren't over yet and none of us really knows what's just around the corner or just up ahead.
Every time I think I'm done with changes, more seem to come along...some are great and some are not so great but I'm happy with my life which is something I wasn't able to say for 35 years or so.
Good people deserve good things and I think by and large we find them
D
I really think we need to tackle the drinking first tho - I don't believe there's any way to get to that deep rooted unhappiness/fear if we're still drinking. We need to know ourselves, our true selves before we can try and get to that nitty gritty.
I'm sorry you feel you have someone who got away Snooz...the only thing I can offer you is that our lives aren't over yet and none of us really knows what's just around the corner or just up ahead.
Every time I think I'm done with changes, more seem to come along...some are great and some are not so great but I'm happy with my life which is something I wasn't able to say for 35 years or so.
Good people deserve good things and I think by and large we find them
D
Dee
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)