SpiritOfDjinn

I have noticed that it comes and goes. Sadly, it's not just a day on a d a day off. It's like a damn rollercoaster throughout the day. But, as you said, I've read that how long it lasts and how severe the symptoms are is based on the individual.

SpiritOfDjinn

Definitely. I read that taking multivitamins can really help ease the symptoms as it helps balance your body out. And the anxiety... oh yeah. That one is a tougher nut to crack. It seems like my anxiety is on shuffle. It just randomly spikes. I'm dealing though. One day, I will actually be free of alcohol. That's the light at the end of the tunnel for me, and it keeps me going.

SpiritOfDjinn

So, anyway, enough about me and my issues. How is everybody? Haven't seen a lot of us here lately.

mystified

I've just got home from spending the night in a hotel. I thought it might be relaxing and a way for me to recharge (I'm introvert and need to be away from people to recharge properly) but I spent the entire time fretting over the kids, even though I know they were with their dad, and worried that someone might try and get in my room during the night.

Absolutely no rational reason for those worries whatsoever.

As always I'm trying to treat it as a learning experience and focus on the positives:
-I had all my meals cooked/prepared for me and cleared away by others.
-I slept in a freshly made bed.
-I had access to all the free tea and coffee I could stomach
-there was a dvd player in my room and I watched The Life of Pi which I hadn't seen before.
-I bought a new wayne dyer book and read it undisturbed for well over 2 hours
-silence. Much needed silence.
I'm glad to be home though.

mystified

5 months today!

Dee74

congratulations mystified

D

SpiritOfDjinn

CONGRATULATIONS!!! That's awesome! I can only imagine the sheer amount of willpower and resolve it's taken for you to get this far. The struggles you've faced. A-mazing!

secretary

Good to see everyone is doing okay. I've been struggling a lot recently and have almost given in a couple of times. We've been eating out a lot and every where I look people are drinking and I feel so left out. I do see all the good things about me not drinking and I have to keep remembering them. But then I think just one, just one. WHY? Are we ever really free of alcohol in our society? It's in front of us all the time. It's glamorous it's fun it's social it makes you more attractive, on and on and on and on. I know I'm not as much fun being off alcohol and I know I've lost friends over not drinking and it makes me sad. Maybe this is a form of PAWS for me, I don't know but as I look toward my 6th month mark, I am struggling.

Dee74

With time, you'll find you tune out Secretary.
It gets easier.

I want to be sober - I prefer my life and me that way.

I don't feel like I'm missing out - I feel like I have something other people are missing out on

I honestly don't register people drinking now.

D

SpiritOfDjinn

Well, I can tell you that from what I've read about PAWS, a lot of it is psychological. Then again, I think a lot of us face those thoughts and ideas. I know I still do. Especially since I've started feeling the physical effects of what I believe to be PAWS. I continuously think about how easy it would be to "fix" my problems with a few drinks. Then I realize it won't fix anything at all. I'll just end up back at square one, or worse. Hard as it may seem I feel confident that these struggles will pass. You're doing too well to sacrifice it all now.

SpiritOfDjinn

Quick update for my friends here in the March class. My symptoms seem to be leveling out. Luckily, my mood hasn't changed much. I'm still able to maintain a positive attitude despite how I feel physically. It seems like now, my body is just overly sensitive to everything. So if I feel cold, I'm freezing. If I feel hot, I get a little dizzy. If I'm hungry, I feel shaky and a little nauseous. I guess it's just my body trying to fully balance itself out? Anyway, over all, doing better. How are all of you?

mystified

Spirit, I get this too-like my body can't cope with extremes of anything and I find myself constantly attempting to achieve a balanced level of comfort in terms of temperature, satiety, rest, movement, etc. Perhaps its just that we're so much more aware of ourselves in sobriety?

I'm also noticing extremes in my mood and my thinking.

I think it is the addict in me that feels these things and my higher self doing the noticing. Hope that doesn't sound too far out?

Hope everyone is doing well.

SpiritOfDjinn

I hadn't thought of it like that. Maybe that's really all it is. Maybe I'm just noticing these things for the first time without the haze of alcohol. I don't know. It came on so suddenly, and so strong, it scared the crap out of me. Lately, it's been pretty mild and seems to be on the decline. Here's hoping. *fingers crossed*

How have things been in your corner of the world?

immri

Hi guys, I made a commitment that I'd post on SR whenever I even considered drinking, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and don't want the attention of too many people right now so I'll post with you guys instead of in a new thread or something

I'm just in a bad place today, it's 8am and I have a full day of work ahead of me but I very much just want a drink. I had this really silly nightmare about a family member who was abusive to me and my cousins when we were kids. I haven't seen him in years but I hear about him a bit from my family, but generally I don't really think about it much anymore I think I dealt with it and speaking about him normally doesn't bother me.

This dream just so unnerved me though!! I'm not even particularly upset or angry or anything, I just feel a bit unsettled and it's making me want to have a drink to just get rid of that feeling

It was such a stupid dream too! Nothing really happened he just kept popping up everywhere I went and was mad over something.

Oh well it's good to get that out I can't exactly vent to my co workers about this! I think one of the things that bothers me too is how uncomfortable people get talking about any past abuse, sometimes I'd love to be able to say to a friend 'ugh feeling really ****** today about what happened when I was a kid' and then be able to talk about other things once that feeling passes.

Sometimes it is just a passing thought/feeling and then I'm ok, and the really heavy responses from people often make it harder in a way? I'm rambling now, but whatever, that's why I'm sharing it here instead of to a friend Thanks for listening

SpiritOfDjinn

That sucks immri. Seems like some wounds never truly heal. I think many of us have scars like that, that just crack open when we least expect it. And of course, AV is quick to pick up the bullhorn, perch on the soap box and DEMAND a drink. But, you were right to seek some comfort elsewhere. We all know just how much alcohol "helps" with problems. Sometimes, it would be nice to be able to have that face to face conversation with a friend. Then again, just how much of ourselves are we willing to expose when we are so vulnerable??? At least here, we each have the veil of safety. Even if we did know each other in real life, we'd probably never know it, and that makes it easier to open up and share. And that's MOST of what led me here. That and the fact that I KNEW that I'd be among like-minded folks trying to walk away from addiction. Let's face it, most addicts have something in their past that they are trying to hide or run from. It's usually a large factor in our addictions, even when when we don't realize it.

Sorry, I'm rambling. Bottom line. You did the right thing. Don't give in to those temptations. Alcohol won't help you and you obviously know that. So, do your best to let those old wounds heal. Treat yourself well while you deal with it too. You deserve it. Curl up with a good book, throw on an old movie you haven't seen in a few years, surf some funny pictures on the web, whatever. Just do something that will help ease your mind and soothe your soul, at the same time. You've achieved sobriety. You deserve it. Don't let some old memories take it away from you. We're here for you immri. Anytime you need. I hope you feel better soon. Good luck.

mystified

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way immri. I hope it's a better day today for you.

Dee74

I'm sorry too Immri but do stay the course.
Drinking won't make anything better.

Whenever I have nightmares about my past I make a point oif reminding myself that I am no longer that scared child.

I'm an adult, and I have all the power in the world. I really do believe that all wounds can be healed given enough time and attention

I'm glad that you can come here and feel safe talking about this.

D

SpiritOfDjinn

Could not agree more!!! Thank you Dee.

mystified

How is everyone doing?

My sleep patterns are shot just lately. My car needs some attention and i don't know if it's beyond economic repair or not. I'll know for sure in a week or so but in the mean time I'm waking up in the early hours then struggle to get back to sleep through thinking about it. Stupid really. Even if it were something I could do something about, which it's not-all the necessary calls and appointments are already made, there's very little I can do at 2am isn't there?

It's a long day from 6am-9pm as sole carer of 3 little ones 6 years and under, even with undisturbed sleep. Factor in waking up at 2am and 4am and being unable to get back to sleep for almost an hour each time and you have one cranky momma.

Just venting guys. I just need 7 undisturbed hours and I'll be right as rain.

Hope my fellow marchers are doing well.

secretary

Been doing the same thing - 2 AM - really makes for a long hard day!