phoebe64

The blatant alcoholism is on my other's side of the family. She and her brothers all drank very heavily. She has two sisters, and I do not think they did. The odd glass of wine on a holiday for them. And there is some dark secret in my father's family tree. My husband actually got the story talking to relatives of mine. He is a genealogy hobbyist. My grandfather's grandfather, went off on the road with some boxer, as his manager, and was said to be an alcoholic. I do know there is very little alcoholism in that side of the family, but one here or there. No alcohol was ever allowed to be served in my grandmother's house, upstairs from my own, from 1964 on, until her death in 1987! However, that did not mean we abstained downstairs, in our own home.

My mother was an alcoholic. Ice tinkling in her coffee mug many days when I got home from school. She was an angry drunk too. For a long time, I excused my drinking, in my mind, because I did not become that altered, angry person, like she did. My dad hated her drinking. He did enjoy a couple of beers on a Saturday night, and a whiskey with ginger-ale on special occasions.

Mark1014

Hi mystified, great to have you here.

I need to tell myself to straighten all the various piles of mail, business stuff etc., in my study. I just never completely get it organized once and for all! I can always find something else to do.

Mark1014

Before my dad and mom divorced and he was still home, I knew when to stay in my room. He could be, well, very harsh and aggressive . I was afraid of him.

I taught myself to not need him or anyone. And years later when he wanted to be a part of my life I 'punished' him for a long long time by excluding him almost completely. But I also hurt myself through bitterness. I'm very thankful that we worked through it in later years.

phoebe64

Glad you got it sorted, Mark. My story is similar with my mother. We got to a better place before I lost her. I had forgiven the mistakes she had made. We all make plenty of them.

I have had a very lazy day! I was up at 5:30 for the dog and so tired. So, I went back to bed when everyone else was up to do dog duty. Got a couple hours nap, but have yet to do anything! Well, I made lunch for the kids and myself. I need to do dome dinner prep. Have some 1/2 grillers to rub or marinate, and we are going to take the dog for a short ride to out arboretum. We want him to have car rides that end in fun times, so he will get used to the car.

Conquest

My old pup loves a good car ride to any drive-thru for a "cheeseburger, dry" (especially after vet visits). I've wondered if it's too unhealthy for him, but he's nearly 100 in dog years...sooo... How bad can it be?

The first few months of sobriety last fall, I would get so angry when others were drinking, including my father. I had a very hard time being around. There were many times that I'd walk in to their house and practically walk right out or hide on my phone, just couldn't tolerate it. Now, I'm sad because I know the struggle. I've seen him string a few days together, and then slip. I've seen him try alternates to his harder favorites, and then go back. It's too familiar. Is it my place to talk to my dad about his choices? Eeeeek. Going there with him scares me half to death.

Phoebe, I've had a super lazy day too. Cowboy took jr. to a nearby pool that has an outdoor restaurant and bar... No thanks. Not after yesterday's garage sweat fest. Instead, I'm watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, thinking I need to chop up a big salad and cook up something healthier than what we've been munching on lately. I may try this Dijon Lime Chicken recipe...
Baked Chicken with Dijon and Lime | Skinnytaste

Hope everyone else is having a restful, relaxing Sunday.

Briar

Hi guys, been quiet, feeling a little weird, but today seems better.

V – my first two cars had absolutely sinister cooling system issues. No matter how many times I fixed them, it was always an issue. I hated it! And what is it about a pretty young lady in tiny shorts bent over under the hood of a car that invites every man in the universe to stop and offer to help? *wink*

Speaking of which, Mark – I was once a teenage girl who spent a great deal of time in the company of teenage boys, so I can confirm that your concerns are valid.

Phoebe – what a cutie! Hang in there, sounds like you all are in the middle of some big adjustments.

Conquest – I love that you are setting an example for your dad. I wish mine were around so I could do the same, but this damn disease took him out 14 years ago when he was 52. Amazing the damage it can do to a whole family.

Arbor – fitting meetings into a family schedule is definitely a challenge. I really can’t do weeknights at all. Of course right now I’m not doing any and am feeling a bit stuck as far as meetings go. I haven’t been liking them, but I need to do something. Maybe I’ll make an effort to get more one on one time with my friends in recovery. I don't think it so much matters what you do as long as it actually works.

Well, it’s chili and cornbread night, so I’ve got my tea ready in my favorite cooking mug, as shown below, and I’m about to start up some:





Have a good night.

Arbor

Briar. There are so many meetings to choose from. That's the thing. I got lucky on my first. Gonna go back to the same one Thursday. It's a good time for me and it's literally right down the road. An hour out of the day. I actually have enough time after I get out of work to come home, shower, make dinner, and play with the kids before it. Just missing the bath time routine. I've bathed my kids every night since they've been born, so one night out of the week my wife can handle it.If for some reason this group doesn't work out I'll find another. I really need to talk to people. Real people who have been through this (No offense guys. I know your all real and are somewhere out there!!!). In a way I knew this was what I needed and have been wanting for sometime. I feel you should try to fit something in if you can. But like you say whatever works, works.


With my Dad I'm not so sure he struggles with the booze. I haven't even thought about breaching the conversation. I know my mother hates the stuff. Hates his habit. She's a non drinker. He is retired and prepared for it well financially. I know he'll never quit at this point. I've heard him say that. He's dependent on the vodka daily. I honestly don't know how he does it anymore, but he seems quite happy. I know he's not swigging from the bottles in secrecy like me, so there's some level of control there. Thing is he's only 65 and could easily be around for another 20 plus years. If he's HEALTHY. I sometimes feel like he's given up. That his job(s) in life are done. Goes to show you that it's never over.

Mark1014

Chili and cornbread will be a welcome dinner in about six weeks or so when the heat eases up a bit. Nice mug Briar, I'd almost always rather eat at home. Back before life got out of hand, we enjoyed hosting dinner parties. Also, I agree that there's more than one path to sobriety.....some may be more common, but others have a place too.

Conquest, that's a tough question you posed about talking to your dad about his choices. I don't know that anyone could have talked me into my need to quit drinking, but certain conversations I've had with my sister and one with my mother did register with me on some level and probably played a supporting role in my decision. Honestly though, my absolute misery was the biggest thing I think for me. If anyone had pushed me or given me an ultimatum it probably would have made me foolishly dig in. Maybe just modeling your sobriety along with your brother will help your dad. I guess you could offer to share your thoughts and concern and let him come to you when/if he's ready. Have you and your brother talked it over? I'm just thinking out loud and realize how difficult it can be for an outsider like me to understand the family dynamic.

Mark1014

Was quite similar with my dad Arbor. I think he drank almost daily between around six to eight, but I didn't see progression with him. And I would also grab a secret swig straight from the bottle too.... many actually. I thought I was the only one that did stuff like that. I don't know my brother's weekday habits, but I do know that he starts drinking early on weekends and does get hangovers. Just don't know if it's progressing like I did. I hope not.

Arbor, I remember your posts from way back referencing a need for face to face support.

Arbor

Yeah I know my dad won't pour a drink until like 4pm or so. Like I said. Some level of control, but it's daily and it's not good to be dependent on the stuff.

Mark. Been on SR for two years. Some great stints of sobriety. The last nine were my best, but proved to not last. I had to do something else. I had to see for myself if there was anything else out there. Can't begin to tell ya how great it felt to connect with folks in person who "KNOW." Was a very warm feeling to say the least.

Mark1014

I am pumped that you've gotten your footing again Arbor. I'm paying attention to your thoughts on the whole meeting thing as time goes and will consider adding that to my game plan if need be.

Good night all.

Briar

HOLY F!!! Another fire just a couple miles from my mom's house! She just got back to her house and now is evacuated again. This is ridiculous!!!

Conquest

Agreed. So happy for you Arbor. I hope you're able to fit in some more meetings with that tight schedule. It sounds like a great opportunity to connect.

And I really don't see a talk with my father happening anytime soon. Like Mark mentioned, I don't know that that would help necessarily. I was simply sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Speaking of tired... Goodnight all!

Conquest

Oh NO! What a mess. So sorry, Briar. She and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and keep us posted, ok?

SoberLeigh

Oh no . . . I'm off to bed; will pray until I fall asleep.

Dee74

Hope the situation settles again Briar.

D

GnikNus

I live in the Bay Area and can smell them from here. California's on fire.

Briar

Thanks for the prayers and kind wishes guys. I can't wait for fire season to be over. This is crazy.

venuscat

Lordy, I have shivers down my spine hearing that...praying for all of you who live in the area to be safe, and that they put this new fire out soon.

Hi GnikNus...nice to meet you, hope you are safe. I don't know how far the Bay area is from all of this? (I live in Australia).

venuscat

Years ago, when I realised I was an alcoholic, I tried to talk to my mum about it...specifically about our family history. She was the youngest of 8 children. An occasional social drinker, but really drank very little her whole life. On the other hand, 3 of her 6 brothers ultimately died from this disease. But she was furious when with me at even the idea of such a thing. She thought it was ridiculous. Some denial, and some of it was due to being born in a whole different era I guess.

I remember being in Scotland with one of my uncles, and being kind of stunned that his (and his wife's) whole lives were about drinking. Even after both of them developed life-threatening problems as a result, they didn't stop. They both died in their 60s.

My nephews know a little about this, and of course they know about me, and I can only hope the cycle can be broken in my family. I think my story has had a fairly big impact on them...they saw someone they loved almost destroy herself. And now they have seen how very different I am as a sober person. We all like me a lot better now.