One Year & Over Part 28
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Originally Posted by Mags1 
I know that saying! Gilmer.
Which brings me on to something on my mind for a few days now, nothing major and I don't know why it keeps popping in my head but it does tho and I'm having really bad revenge thoughts! A lady I work with told me it's been noticed that I go on my mobile a lot at work! I don't that much but it does sit on my desk. I'm one of the hardest workers there, really and she is one of the best at skiving! I was flabbergasted and haven't said much about it since but inside my head planning my revenge like a 2 year old.
I've put my mobile in my desk drawer, she isn't my boss just a co worker who does take liberties and now I'm thinking of all these nasty negative things, which I don't like myself for. I don't feel I've been found out as I use my phone to take pics in the workshop of jobs etc also. To upload to my PC. I just want to be rational about it. I know I can be sensitive sometimes. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry if I sound like a silly little girl.
Which brings me on to something on my mind for a few days now, nothing major and I don't know why it keeps popping in my head but it does tho and I'm having really bad revenge thoughts! A lady I work with told me it's been noticed that I go on my mobile a lot at work! I don't that much but it does sit on my desk. I'm one of the hardest workers there, really and she is one of the best at skiving! I was flabbergasted and haven't said much about it since but inside my head planning my revenge like a 2 year old.
I've put my mobile in my desk drawer, she isn't my boss just a co worker who does take liberties and now I'm thinking of all these nasty negative things, which I don't like myself for. I don't feel I've been found out as I use my phone to take pics in the workshop of jobs etc also. To upload to my PC. I just want to be rational about it. I know I can be sensitive sometimes. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry if I sound like a silly little girl.
even the best of us can have our noise put out of joint.
I try to live by the old axiom the best revenge is to live well.
You do a great job - you're entitled to use your phone.
All the rest is just someone else's envy, insecurity or just plain bitchiness trying to get you rattled.
I kill my enemies with kindness - drives them mad lol
Don't play the game- you win
D
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Thanks Glee,
The dynamic here is fertile ground for vocalizing our reflections on recovery. Some are still dealing with life and their attraction to alcohol. I just have to deal with life. I threw a switch when I decided if I could ever put it down, I would never be irresponsible enough to drink alcohol again, for any reason. I'm free! Not deprived! Free! I did it, with a little help from my friends, I escaped the slow suicide I was resigned to helplessly watch myself, detached and numb, march to an early death. That despite physically changing and shaking and becoming sick daily with withdrawal and excusing myself because I wanted escape.
I wrote down my thoughts here in many posts, and kept a lot of them indexed to remember and use again.
Petals, Happy Anniversary!
Here are some of those things I wrote here that might strike a chord. As always, take what you can use and leave the rest.
"Boredom is wanting to do something, anything, as long as you don’t have to actually do something to do it."
Itchy
"I consider myself recovered now. BECAUSE I know I am one drink, and one smoke, away from being enslaved again. And as in all cases, in this case too, Freedom Isn't Free. It cost me my drinking, a cheap price to pay, to stop being cheap myself."
Itchy
"Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>"
Itchy
"I am not losing my mind, alcohol already took it away. I am just picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together again. Some of the pieces are missing. So I get to make new ones that fit in the whole."
Itchy
"I liked drinking when it was voluntary, not when it became mandatory."
Itchy
"I can tell you that being human and alive is easier than maintaining that image of perfection, that we all see through when another does it, but think is working when we do."
Itchy
"I am wearing the T-shirt of my sobriety and it has the stains of a year of tears on it. But it also has the stains of a lot of icing from the cake on it too. Some people cry over the stains they can't get out. I am still learning to smile at how they were made."
Itchy
FBL thanks man!
IP,
Sounds a lot like me. I don't know where I ever found the time to go to my place of work five to 7 days a week. You are going to find your measure. The artistic and writers of the world bleed through their fingers. Readers like it best when they can see the blood of passion and experience. Why do we do it? Be cause we can, in itself, a moral imperative.
Movie is on now, going.
Oh!
I agree with Dee too. Great minds think alike Mags!
The dynamic here is fertile ground for vocalizing our reflections on recovery. Some are still dealing with life and their attraction to alcohol. I just have to deal with life. I threw a switch when I decided if I could ever put it down, I would never be irresponsible enough to drink alcohol again, for any reason. I'm free! Not deprived! Free! I did it, with a little help from my friends, I escaped the slow suicide I was resigned to helplessly watch myself, detached and numb, march to an early death. That despite physically changing and shaking and becoming sick daily with withdrawal and excusing myself because I wanted escape.
I wrote down my thoughts here in many posts, and kept a lot of them indexed to remember and use again.
Petals, Happy Anniversary!
Here are some of those things I wrote here that might strike a chord. As always, take what you can use and leave the rest.
"Boredom is wanting to do something, anything, as long as you don’t have to actually do something to do it."
Itchy
"I consider myself recovered now. BECAUSE I know I am one drink, and one smoke, away from being enslaved again. And as in all cases, in this case too, Freedom Isn't Free. It cost me my drinking, a cheap price to pay, to stop being cheap myself."
Itchy
"Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>"
Itchy
"I am not losing my mind, alcohol already took it away. I am just picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together again. Some of the pieces are missing. So I get to make new ones that fit in the whole."
Itchy
"I liked drinking when it was voluntary, not when it became mandatory."
Itchy
"I can tell you that being human and alive is easier than maintaining that image of perfection, that we all see through when another does it, but think is working when we do."
Itchy
"I am wearing the T-shirt of my sobriety and it has the stains of a year of tears on it. But it also has the stains of a lot of icing from the cake on it too. Some people cry over the stains they can't get out. I am still learning to smile at how they were made."
Itchy
FBL thanks man!
IP,
Sounds a lot like me. I don't know where I ever found the time to go to my place of work five to 7 days a week. You are going to find your measure. The artistic and writers of the world bleed through their fingers. Readers like it best when they can see the blood of passion and experience. Why do we do it? Be cause we can, in itself, a moral imperative.
Movie is on now, going.
Oh!
I agree with Dee too. Great minds think alike Mags!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Mags - I feel emotionally stunted at times too. I don't know why I am, but I find it helps to ask for input and encouragement in areas that I'm struggling to develop! Great advice Gilmer and Dee.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Dee, you are so, so, right!
Itchy, this is brilliant:
"Boredom is wanting to do something, anything, as long as you don’t have to actually do something to do it." If you don't mind I'm going to quote this someplace else (and attribute it, of course).
Itchy, this is brilliant:
Originally Posted by Itchy
"Boredom is wanting to do something, anything, as long as you don’t have to actually do something to do it."
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Morning guys
I agree with D there's always someone at work who enjoys a certain type of bs
Follow D's advice to a T don't make it obvious and whatever happens don't bite their bait
Going to get new trainers no exercises today spk soon
I agree with D there's always someone at work who enjoys a certain type of bs
Follow D's advice to a T don't make it obvious and whatever happens don't bite their bait
Going to get new trainers no exercises today spk soon
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
I've often heard it said that we stop maturing when we start drinking. Well, I started drinking at age 14, so that explains a lot As far as co-workers go, I just make sure to take care of my business and let them try to do the same.
Time to head out for my extra-long Sunday "nature walk"...hope the rain holds off for a bit.
Have a great Sunday, overs!
As far as co-workers go, I just make sure to take care of my business and let them try to do the same.Time to head out for my extra-long Sunday "nature walk"...hope the rain holds off for a bit.
Have a great Sunday, overs!
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,681
Thanks overs.
I understand that freedom, itchy, it is refreshing after what we all had with the crutch. I just have to allow my emotions to grow up, now! Just saw your post Fbl, think that's me too, 17 drinking properly. I was a young 17 too.
I've read on sr often about keeping our own side of the street clean. I do, but being a codi, I have to stop myself.
Beautiful summers day here. Hope you're all having a good Sunday.
I understand that freedom, itchy, it is refreshing after what we all had with the crutch. I just have to allow my emotions to grow up, now! Just saw your post Fbl, think that's me too, 17 drinking properly. I was a young 17 too.
I've read on sr often about keeping our own side of the street clean. I do, but being a codi, I have to stop myself.
Beautiful summers day here. Hope you're all having a good Sunday.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I havnt been doing much as I've promised no exercise today I will let the blisters heal
Didn't get my new trainers so might leave that till later I have a headache so I'm going for nap since today were resting
I have a kool n sooth patch and I have Taoist meditation on Spotify
Tom Day has a song called what we want to be that I was listening to as I walked in the rain with Mrs sw when we went out earlier
Got some good quality organic diced beef on the cheap for dinner later
My avatar is a heart shaped cloud I snapped yesterday on the way to the cemetery to visit my mum it was a near perfect heart but was drifting so I quickly snapped it
Didn't get my new trainers so might leave that till later I have a headache so I'm going for nap since today were resting
I have a kool n sooth patch and I have Taoist meditation on Spotify
Tom Day has a song called what we want to be that I was listening to as I walked in the rain with Mrs sw when we went out earlier
Got some good quality organic diced beef on the cheap for dinner later
My avatar is a heart shaped cloud I snapped yesterday on the way to the cemetery to visit my mum it was a near perfect heart but was drifting so I quickly snapped it
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,681
Lovely avatar, Wolfie, I love clouds and the shapes they make. Very poignant!
It's gonna be one of those nights. It's hot and clammy, think we're gonna have thunderstorms, it's been chucking it down. The TV sky channel hasn't a signal, I think that's the weather too. All these invisible waves about we cannot see. My husbands bedside clock radio crackles when I am anywhere in direct line to it.
It's gonna be one of those nights. It's hot and clammy, think we're gonna have thunderstorms, it's been chucking it down. The TV sky channel hasn't a signal, I think that's the weather too. All these invisible waves about we cannot see. My husbands bedside clock radio crackles when I am anywhere in direct line to it.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Awesome Wolf!
Wayne Dyer and you will definitely be singing from the same sheet of music. I truly enjoy your simple enjoyment of our complex life.
Your Dad is amazing for making sure you know he is quitting! If he were not truly trying, he would never tell you as then he will not have to account for a failure on his part if he doesn't make it. I see that contact as twofold; He wants you to see he is worthy of respect too - and that he respects you and your sobriety. Who knows, you and he might have a relationship in the future much like FBL and his Dad for decades of his Dad's sobriety. It is difficult to follow your kid's lead in changing long held behaviors and beliefs. It is even harder to tell them about it. I hope he shows you long term too. Your sobriety reaps gifts of joy like your cloud, and gifts of family learning how difficult it is to forgive, and to love. As was written by John before his untimely death: "All you need is love." (and sobriety)
Mags and FBL,
Thanks. I think part of our divergent views and experiences in sobriety is that I did not become a problem drinker until my late 40s. I had already retired after a successful career, had my stuff and financial security nailed, and had my education that was put to use in the military and business, and now in understanding International affairs. I lost nothing but my self respect for a while. In fact as I made terrific money for a brief 5 year second career I quit when I realized it would become 18 hours a day six days a week again if I accepted the position I was being pressured to take as the head of this location. I'd already led large sized organizations, taught mentorship and leadership development. As well as making changes that were adopted AF wide. We have all we need, and I refuse to be motivated by money or impressing others. A younger man who needed the job got it eventually and he is doing fine now.
I did get to grow into my skin. But I can pass along another of my beliefs from that time. I find many people talk about growing up and acting their age and with some it is meant well. But in studying people and helping some on their way, I find many throw the baby out with the bathwater! They get rid of both their childish and childlike behaviors and beliefs. I resolved to lose my childish immediate gratification ways and beliefs, and that took determined effort. But more important to me, I resolved to never allow my child-like sense of wonder to be discarded along with the childish. Wolf is sharing his with us daily.
My perspective is from experience. I define experience as being able to recognize a mistake, when I make it again.
Glee,
On the emotionally stunted feelings many describe, I think FBL nailed it.
Thanks Gil! Why not give them this link to read the quote?
FBL,
I think you have that catching up with our age versus development from the earliest age of problem drinking exactly right. It is raining on and off here. Temps in the low 90's and 68% humidity. I break a sweat before I take ten steps! Hope your walk goes well and dry.
YW Sas, danke!
Mags,
Your feelings aren't necessarily immature. Mature people can be hurt too. We all feel petty sometimes and downright juvenile too.
I'm sure being a codie comes from love, but you can only bleed so much and do so much for another before you find you have left yourself nothing. I have to remind myself in the case of one of my sons who is sweet and a hard worker but will never have a pot to pee in, that if I give him money he will handle it even less responsibly than he does the money he worked hard to earn. So we get along and he knows I am here for advice and love and support. But he has to keep his own powder dry. I know how hard it can be to give folks enough rope, and not start making a noose ourselves.
It is sunny and getting hotter after cloudy most of the morning. My SH is taking care of her mom as she does daily for most of the day. I envy here the good bye time, but not watching the suffering. My mom died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism cause by a car accident several weeks earlier. My younger brother died of a massive MI about three weeks after I quit drinking. I am glad neither had to suffer like my MIL is now. MY SH, and FIL, as well as our kids and my BIL and family are all watching as helplessly as we. But we are taking her and him daily all day with home hospice workers. Her older sister takes the night shift. It is getting worse by the day, I doubt it will be much longer. It is in her brain too. So all that is left is make her comfortable and pain free, and most of the time that means asleep. She has become delusional and adversarial/agitated at times now too. My SH is truly keeping the family functional through this over there. I keep the contractors straight over here, and we get evenings together and that is fine with me for now.
I am wall mounting a TV and need to run into town to Homer's to pick up some M4 screws to go in the TV through the wall mount. And I am trying to decide how to secure the pillows we have to stuff the roof vents with to keep the heat out.
I have to try to make time to learn Windows 10 on the laptop I'm trying it on first. Life goes on, even through grief and joyful moments.
Have fine rest of Sunday overs!
Wayne Dyer and you will definitely be singing from the same sheet of music. I truly enjoy your simple enjoyment of our complex life.
Your Dad is amazing for making sure you know he is quitting! If he were not truly trying, he would never tell you as then he will not have to account for a failure on his part if he doesn't make it. I see that contact as twofold; He wants you to see he is worthy of respect too - and that he respects you and your sobriety. Who knows, you and he might have a relationship in the future much like FBL and his Dad for decades of his Dad's sobriety. It is difficult to follow your kid's lead in changing long held behaviors and beliefs. It is even harder to tell them about it. I hope he shows you long term too. Your sobriety reaps gifts of joy like your cloud, and gifts of family learning how difficult it is to forgive, and to love. As was written by John before his untimely death: "All you need is love." (and sobriety)
Mags and FBL,
Thanks. I think part of our divergent views and experiences in sobriety is that I did not become a problem drinker until my late 40s. I had already retired after a successful career, had my stuff and financial security nailed, and had my education that was put to use in the military and business, and now in understanding International affairs. I lost nothing but my self respect for a while. In fact as I made terrific money for a brief 5 year second career I quit when I realized it would become 18 hours a day six days a week again if I accepted the position I was being pressured to take as the head of this location. I'd already led large sized organizations, taught mentorship and leadership development. As well as making changes that were adopted AF wide. We have all we need, and I refuse to be motivated by money or impressing others. A younger man who needed the job got it eventually and he is doing fine now.
I did get to grow into my skin. But I can pass along another of my beliefs from that time. I find many people talk about growing up and acting their age and with some it is meant well. But in studying people and helping some on their way, I find many throw the baby out with the bathwater! They get rid of both their childish and childlike behaviors and beliefs. I resolved to lose my childish immediate gratification ways and beliefs, and that took determined effort. But more important to me, I resolved to never allow my child-like sense of wonder to be discarded along with the childish. Wolf is sharing his with us daily.
My perspective is from experience. I define experience as being able to recognize a mistake, when I make it again.
Glee,
On the emotionally stunted feelings many describe, I think FBL nailed it.
Thanks Gil! Why not give them this link to read the quote?
FBL,
I think you have that catching up with our age versus development from the earliest age of problem drinking exactly right. It is raining on and off here. Temps in the low 90's and 68% humidity. I break a sweat before I take ten steps! Hope your walk goes well and dry.
YW Sas, danke!
Mags,
Your feelings aren't necessarily immature. Mature people can be hurt too. We all feel petty sometimes and downright juvenile too.
I'm sure being a codie comes from love, but you can only bleed so much and do so much for another before you find you have left yourself nothing. I have to remind myself in the case of one of my sons who is sweet and a hard worker but will never have a pot to pee in, that if I give him money he will handle it even less responsibly than he does the money he worked hard to earn. So we get along and he knows I am here for advice and love and support. But he has to keep his own powder dry. I know how hard it can be to give folks enough rope, and not start making a noose ourselves.
It is sunny and getting hotter after cloudy most of the morning. My SH is taking care of her mom as she does daily for most of the day. I envy here the good bye time, but not watching the suffering. My mom died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism cause by a car accident several weeks earlier. My younger brother died of a massive MI about three weeks after I quit drinking. I am glad neither had to suffer like my MIL is now. MY SH, and FIL, as well as our kids and my BIL and family are all watching as helplessly as we. But we are taking her and him daily all day with home hospice workers. Her older sister takes the night shift. It is getting worse by the day, I doubt it will be much longer. It is in her brain too. So all that is left is make her comfortable and pain free, and most of the time that means asleep. She has become delusional and adversarial/agitated at times now too. My SH is truly keeping the family functional through this over there. I keep the contractors straight over here, and we get evenings together and that is fine with me for now.
I am wall mounting a TV and need to run into town to Homer's to pick up some M4 screws to go in the TV through the wall mount. And I am trying to decide how to secure the pillows we have to stuff the roof vents with to keep the heat out.
I have to try to make time to learn Windows 10 on the laptop I'm trying it on first. Life goes on, even through grief and joyful moments.
Have fine rest of Sunday overs!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
I'm 18 months sober today! Yay!!
It's amazing to think of how far my life and mind have expanded since my last drink.
I spent the weekend hanging out with various family and friends, rode my bike, practiced some yoga, exercised, cooked and cleaned, and took care of some last minute school preparations. I spent it grateful to be enjoying the normal things that I used to rush through so that I could get to my drink faster.
The immature addict in me struggles with wondering when the balloons and confetti are going to drop in my honor! Thankfully I have been developing realistic expectations in recovery, and cultivating acceptance for my life as it is. More recently I've begun to also develop a confidence for my inner truth that outshines long held shame. Doing what I should be doing is enough!
I'm pleased to be able to share this milestone with you all, both the familiar friends and the newer ones. It means a lot to me that we can be here for one another!
It's amazing to think of how far my life and mind have expanded since my last drink.
I spent the weekend hanging out with various family and friends, rode my bike, practiced some yoga, exercised, cooked and cleaned, and took care of some last minute school preparations. I spent it grateful to be enjoying the normal things that I used to rush through so that I could get to my drink faster.
The immature addict in me struggles with wondering when the balloons and confetti are going to drop in my honor! Thankfully I have been developing realistic expectations in recovery, and cultivating acceptance for my life as it is. More recently I've begun to also develop a confidence for my inner truth that outshines long held shame. Doing what I should be doing is enough!
I'm pleased to be able to share this milestone with you all, both the familiar friends and the newer ones. It means a lot to me that we can be here for one another!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Thank you Itchy we spoke again today and he said ive picked up some of his traits we laughed at our similarities I can't explain what a week this has been I told him I love him today at the end of our call and are planning to see each other sometime this week which I'm quietly stoked about I'm going with what's in front of me
No expectations twice I've spoken to him twice I've needed to seriously sit down and process it
I have been in touch with my siblings today and every call went well
I'm trying my best to not to think as it seems the universe is not only looking out for me but protecting me today I was so happy to be out in the rain holding Mrs sw's she said its raining I found it so perfect and I walked slow and let the rain soak me fresh clothes aswell it didn't matter I wanted to cry it felt so right
Ever since my mum died my world got that bit colder today my dad warmed it up
I wrote this week on my calendar although I think il remember this week for the rest of my life
No expectations twice I've spoken to him twice I've needed to seriously sit down and process it
I have been in touch with my siblings today and every call went well
I'm trying my best to not to think as it seems the universe is not only looking out for me but protecting me today I was so happy to be out in the rain holding Mrs sw's she said its raining I found it so perfect and I walked slow and let the rain soak me fresh clothes aswell it didn't matter I wanted to cry it felt so right
Ever since my mum died my world got that bit colder today my dad warmed it up
I wrote this week on my calendar although I think il remember this week for the rest of my life
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Glee, happy to celebrate your 18 months with you!
Itchy, thanks for your very insightful posts.
Wolfie, I send many warm wishes your way in hopes that your dad will follow you in the path of sobriety.
Mags, how goes?
Have a good night to all!
Itchy, thanks for your very insightful posts.
Wolfie, I send many warm wishes your way in hopes that your dad will follow you in the path of sobriety.
Mags, how goes?
Have a good night to all!
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