Jsbodhi

Starting day 2, feeling good.
My problem is I've been drinking a bit responsibly, but I can't seem to actually quit, this is very frightening to me, I can have 1 bottle of wine a week, even just a couple beers, but I can't stop completely.
I feel really trapped by this.
I just want to stop, I was at about 6 bottles of wine a week when I first came here, so I'm getting better, I'm not trying to moderate, I'm trying to quit, the one bottle of wine is torture, its a lot of work to just have one.
Anyway, school is starting next month and I'd like to be bright eyed and bushy tailed this semester,and also actually participate in my hobbies rather than sit around drinking wine- such a waste of time.

I'll hang around here, I also have a secular AA group near my house, none of us are religious, we do mediation as the higher power thing, I can handle that.
I'll make a more concrete plan over the next day or two.
Right now I'm going for 30 days, I need to make reachable goals rather than forever goals or I'll panic and start drinking...

Sorry to post so much in your thread about myself Frank, but I like this thread so I'll hang around if thats ok

FrankLapidas

It's more than okay, Jsbodhi. Please make this your home. Good people on this thread. And tell us more about yourself . . . what are you studying this semester?

Cissy

Scratch that.

Jsbodhi

Well lets see, I study sociology concentrated in criminology combined with psych ( no wonder I drink....) I own a little business, I travel a ton, not married, no kids.
I write, am learning guitar, I paint a little.
I love the outdoors, hiking, fishing, swimming.
I really want to be sober and happy, I'm pretty happy in general, but I drink alone and hide it, I'm getting better but its still out of control

What about you? Who are you?

FrankLapidas

It sounds like you have all the ingredients for a full life. But why do you drink alone?

Jsbodhi

Because I prefer it, I like sitting alone and listening to music, my business and school really stress me out so I drink to go from 60-0 as fast I can, and I get insomnia so I drink to sleep.
Its also Russian roulette if I drink with others, I can be lovely, or a deranged lunatic- safer if I'm alone at home.
Lately I haven't been a lunatic because I don't drink as much, I just go to bed after the bottle of wine is done, but my life would be so much better without alcohol, I am just finding it very difficult to give it up.

Jsbodhi

I have a lot of work to do to get used to not drinking.
I'm actually on my A game socially when I'm sober, I don't like others to be around me when I'm drinking, I just need to find more productive ways to deal with my boredom, stress, and insomnia.
I've used alcohol to unwind since I've been 20, I'm 32 now, its a deeply ingrained habit and crutch

FrankLapidas

I've been drinking alone too the last couple of years. Mostly to avoid embarrassment. When I drink in public I either (a) am convinced that every girl within a hundred yards desperately wants me, or (b) I get on my high horse and am convinced I have the answer to everything. In other words, I tend to make a fool of myself.

Hang in here and elsewhere, Jsbodhi. Yes, it is difficult, but it can be done.

And with that I need to take leave for awhile, but I will be back to check in with you and others. Please keep posting.

Hevyn

Missed you by a couple hours. Still keeping an eye on you.

Tooshabby

Hi all, great to read all your wisecracks and have a few laughs :-D

Jsbodhi - if you can get on top of this at 32 that would be fantastic. Sounds like you're doing really well. Good for you. I was just ramping up my drinking at that age :-/

Hi Frank!!

Hevyn

Me too, Tooshabby. The worst was still to come for me at 32.

Jsbodhi

Thats what I'm afraid of and why I'm trying to stop now, I FEEL its getting weirder and more unhealthy, its going to go downhill from here fast and very badly if I don't rein it in.
Glad to be here anyway
Xoxo

Venecia

Sounds familiar.

At age 32, you can have more years of sobriety ahead of you than a lot of us. It was at about that age, maybe a little older, when I made the transition to more drinking at home alone than with others. Trust me, it is a Russian roulette all its own.

Because I'd become a closet drinker, there aren't many people in my life who know I'd become an alcoholic. It is every bit as dangerous, maybe more. And, yeah, the point when one bottle isn't enough is a sad wake-up call, one I ignored.

Venecia

And how are you, Frank?

FrankLapidas

Doing okay, Venecia. Not great, but okay. I think the antidepressants may be working, slowly but surely. I have a followup appt. with Doc tomorrow to evaluate, and also to try to determine why I have no appetite and have had a rather startling weight loss. Just call me Skinny Frank.

Jsbodhi, how are you today? Remember, this thread is yours, too, so keep in touch. Also, what is the origin of your user name?

Waving hello to Shabby, Cissy, Hevyn, Olivia, Saoutchik, Nest, Dee, Sadie, and all.

Jsbodhi

Hey guys,

Glad to hear you're doing ok Frank even if its not great xoxo
I hope you get your appetite back!!!

I'm doing well, I didn't really get much done today :/ I didn't complete my work, I stayed in bed most of the day in bed with an Irishman I've been seeing...he goes back to Ireland next week ( sad)
Tomorrow I'll be more productive.
The username is the name of my old dog- Bodhi, named after the bank robbing surfer in the movie point break


How is everyone else doing?

Tooshabby

I'm doing okay. Reading this thread prompted me to watch 'Born Into This' again. I remember watching it a long time ago and thinking what a complete a'hole....but seeing it again, I just felt really sorry for him.

Others? How you doin?

saoutchik

I too am a closet alcoholic. Weekdays I would get home from work, cook, then would try to hang on until my 9pm booze watershed. Quick drinker (whiskey) so would be unable to understand the tv by 10pm and would black out between 10:30 and 11pm. What a waste of life

Doing better now, I actually feel useful at work

Glad those anti depressants are beginning to work Frank

Keep trying Jsbodhi - I am the worst moderator ever, it just doesn't work for me

It's been raining in London for most of the last two days. I'm being kept waiting buy a guy who is trying to persuade be to bid for a contract (for personal protective equipment) that I know i'm not going to get but he wants it to look like there was a competitive tender. Going to leave if he keeps me any longer

Cissy

Frank, I'm pretty concerned about you now that I hear you say you rarely eat and have lost a lot of weight. You are malnourished so it's no wonder you feel so low emotionally and spiritually. I hope to God you are taking a potent daily multivitamin at least. A low vitamin D level will make you REALLY depressed. Spend time out in the sunshine. Another great source of V-D. (Oh no! VD.)

Seriously though, merely not drinking isn't going to fix all that ails you. You need to replenish all that your body was deprived of while drinking all those years. Please do something to help in that way. Ensures, Boost, etc. And a really good multivitamin, but not on a totally empty stomach.

It will do far more for your mood than any antidepressant. Please take care of yourself.

FrankLapidas

You should patent that. Get sober, sleep with an Irishman!


Did you make it out of bed today?