BobBFree33

Congrats tooshabby, toadie, and welcome back cutengay.

Sober day 38 in the books. My son and I just sat on the back porch and watched a thunderstorm. I used to not do that as I'd be about knocked out by now or I'd just miss it.

Had a good work day, really busy. No cravings or AV at all. SOOOO, this is actually the danger zone for me. I get complacent, begin to let my sober muscles get lazy and I conveniently "forget" I am an alcoholic. The AV recognizes weakness at long last in the host and pounces. It only takes a millisecond to flip that damn switch.....and its done.

But I've got some good support here, some tools in place, some changes in my pattern that allowed drinking and I genuinely have mostly reset my brain to see alcohol as the poison it is.

Welp, storm is back and getting worse. Better post before power goes out. Plus I want to see it!

Good sober eve folks!

angd1978

Thanks letitgo and FABL! I am trying my best to stay positive and handle one day at a time. I was just going through the motions last year too, FABL. I really contemplated whether I had wasted $50,000 on the wrong career. The fact is though, I love my students. Both the districts that I have worked for haven given me the gifted and talented along with low performing/dyslexic/broken homes/behvioral problems, and the English as a second kiddos( because of my certifications). The stress of trying to meet everyones needs has been very overwhelming at times, but when it comes down to it I get to know my kids and I fight for them. No it doesn't pay much, but I feel the rewards from making a difference in a few lives every year. I don't know that I would have the same enthusiasm after 12 years either. I feel like this year is different though because I am sober. I still have no idea if I will just be teaching one subject or multiple but God has showed me that I have a purpose to fulfill with these same students and I just need to rely on my faith and sobriety to see me through whatever path I am led to. I hope that you can find some peace and a little spark of excitement again with your sobriety.

Good luck this week tokidoki and nice bowling Toadie!

alreadyinuse

Hi All,
Thanks to Dee the moderator I think I've finally found my class! I had my last drink July 12th. I started in March and clocked up 147 days Sobre since then. I managed 3 months AF in that time too. I'm determined to keep on going this time. I learnt more about my pattern of drinking during the last slip, in fact the last 6 months have been an eye opener. I'm no spring chicken but have to say it's never too late to change your life around.
Looking forward to getting to know you all
AIU

angd1978

Welcome, alreadinuse! Happy to have a new member.

DitzyDandelion

Glad things are looking upward angd and FABL. I am having no trouble feeling over the bad ten year relationship but the loss of the short one after is still making me wake up hollow and full of regret. I know those feelings will pas and there is a good chance I only clung to it so much because of the previous abuse and my vulnerable state. Logically I know I am better fighting these demons myself and finding myself. Still there is that sting of loss from time to time. Other times I feel great. I'm back up to day 3 and I guess that sense of loss is helping as it is a constant reminder of why I don't want a drink. I have caused myself so much pain.

martina12

Hi all and welcome to AIU

Well I'm 6 weeks in and I continue to feel the benefits of sobriety.

I took my kids to a theme park yesterday. In the past I would have been itching to get back around tea time to open the first bottle but not this time!

When we got back I cooked dinner and ran the bath yet again. This seems to be my new routine and its working. I'm not noticing the witching hour nearly as much now and actually enjoying getting into pj's and lounging on the sofa until early bedtime.

I am going to Asia on Friday for a 2 week holiday so my routine will go out the window. I need to come up with a plan for it....

Have a good day all

BringingBackB

Morning all

Day 27!

Welcome already in use

I didn't realise the school year starts so early in the US. The kids here arent back until September.

I'm off to play my first ever proper round of golf today with a family member. I've only been on the driving range so far but apparently I have a very 'natural' swing. I'm not expecting much but as long as it's fun and not taken seriously I don't mind at all

I'm going to renew my teaching application next week. Already so many teachers in this group! I think it's time for a change... Imagining myself in my current job in a few years time isn't filling me with thoughts of joy.

Have a greet sober day all

alreadyinuse

Gosh it really does start back early in the U.S. Last day of the month for mine.
Thanks for the welcomes. I'm just back from a 5k trot by the water. I've been out of sorts for the last week so today I feel I'm getting back to me. Working from home today so I'm setting up my back garden with my laptop and plumping cushions, I might just bring my yoga mat out!

Enjoy the golf BBB, hope the sun is out like here, such a mixed bag in July!

Martina you describe it so well with the word itching!! Many an itch was scratched between these four walls I can tell you! A client in work thanked me with 8 bottles of wine yesterday, they are still in the boot of the car, the chocolates made it to the fridge of course! The booze may have to go into hiding in somebody else's house.

Enjoy your days, wherever they find you, here's to another day on the bus!
AIU

Tooshabby

Arghhh...DD, I had a long message for you and the bloody cord fell out of my computer. Just wanted to say you are doing so well - it's not easy what you are going through. I would rather be in your shoes than hers...I reckon he had it coming, quite frankly. Who knows? There may be a delicious beau on the horizon, as we speak :-D

DitzyDandelion

Thanks TS. Yeah part of me thinks my fabled compulsion to be honest is something good. That compulsion exists when sober but can come out in really bad ways when drunk. Huge moral decisions cannot be made in that state. It would have eaten me up keeping on in that situation. It certainly wasn't a situation that was good for getting my head in a sober place. I did kind of believe he was the one though, not sure how much of that was me kidding myself to feel loved.

I guess I swing back and forth between thinking I destroyed something that was even in the circumstances, the first thing to make me feel good for years. To, on the other hand it was in other ways still a toxic situation as I am not someone who can really cope with doing that to someone and it tore me up so much. And on the selfish level it made me very insecure. Sober I would have kept my mouth shut but I still feel I should have walked away from it all. Yet I have still been daft enough to leave him a string of messages I am sure he will never reply to. I have to let it go huh.

I was partly tempted to just carry right on and let her know the truth but the whole stressing a pregnant woman and that my decision could have a serious impact on a child's life. I still think she deserves the truth but if she prefers a pretty lie and they are both out of my life it is perhaps not my place.

BobBFree33

Good sober morning all, start of day 39.

Ditzy, I've thought a lot about being single at this time. Technically divorced, + multiple brief relationships. My next X will have to be a non-drinker as I really do buy the "pitcher plant" analogy from Alan Carr. His controversial theory is alcohol is a poison and that there are no differences between us alcoholics and everyone else. We've just slid a little further down the plant. Those that appear to be "normal drinkers" are just higher up in the plant but they will inevitably slide. This conflicts with AA who hold that we alcoholics are "different" from "normal" drinkers. I've been around a long time and I really have observed people drinking over the years in how so many of them very gradually increase the amount they drink. I've had more than a few friends pull out of the "death spiral" fairly early and become total non-drinkers. Were they "alcoholics" ? Where is that line in the pitcher plant? Hard to say.

I'm getting off-track as my point is I don't see ANY drinking of alcohol as normal, healthy, or good. I won't tolerate it in anyone I date. I guess I should pack my bags and move to Utah.....home of the non-drinking Mormons :-)

Have a great sober Tuesday!

DitzyDandelion

Doesn't help in some ways as his big thing is his motorbike so he never really drank. If he hadn't been in the situation he was he would have been very good for me and was very supportive of me not drinking. It is just not part of his lifestyle at all. If this had all been a year earlier before he was with her it would have been very simple and riding off into the sunset happy ever after.

Tooshabby

Hey Bob, I love your hard line approach about alcohol. You're so right. The whole world is in bleedin' denial. I said to someone today, if you were a heroin addict, and you could pop down to the dairy and pick up a (whatever heroin addicts pick up), how likely would it be that you would give up? I think the world would be better off if there was no alcohol in it. But there's your point, Bob. Most people are addicted to alcohol to some degree or another, so they will never ban it.

DD - you did not destroy anything. Nothing worth keeping, anyway. You are worth so much more than that - so is she, so is everyone, but like you say, seems like she prefers pretty lies. That's her bag, and she is going to have to deal with it in the long-term. Me thinks be thankful you're out of it. So hard though, I know xx

toadie54

Welcome AIU, we're here for you!

Rainy day here at the Shore, not much scheduled today, though I do meet a man about a possible job opportunity this afternoon...we'll see. I've been very particular about what I want to do at my age (60). It's a nice feeling.

Stay on track today everyone, the AV is right around the next corner!

Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

Been keeping up with all of your posts. Hope it's ok if I jump back in here? I am back on Day 3 and really need all the support I can get. This place helps so much. All of this secrecy and lying to my family is killing me and I have to stop if I ever want to be happy. My littles ones deserve a happy and healthy mom. Will be checking in regularly. Thanks for being here.

DitzyDandelion

We are little day three people together lady.

Ladybug2

Yep, glad to see you back too DD

Olivia2011

BBF - touché !

Cbf123

Welcome to the class :-)

letitgo

Welcome AIU!

I am still over complicating cravings with my thoughts. I think but I am not as bad as Caroline Knapp or many others I read about. I didn't do this or that. I could handle myself most of the time.

Most simplistic approach was the equation M(me)+A (alochol)=-infinty (drinks and/or some negative consequence everytime. Lost productivity, money, health and feeling guilty,anxious and like hell. This equation works for smoking too.

Just need to remember that and move on to more important things to think about. I may get the Carr book next. Reinforcement never hurts.

Checking in lunch time here. Have a good one!!