angd1978

I could use some prayers. I got some potentially bad news regarding my job today while I was in another training. Apparently, we don't have enough students enrolled in 4th grade at the moment and if we don't end up with 4 more students by the end of the first week of school, one of us will be moved. I probably won't be the teacher moved( but there are no guarantees). If I end up staying with my new team, I will have the responsibility of teaching 2 out of the 4 tested subjects this year in Texas. The last two teachers that taught both Reading and writing quit. One had a nervous breakdown and left in December. The other teacher also had a nervous breakdown, quit at the end of her contract, and left the teaching profession. The amount of stress the would be placed on me is ridiculous. I have thought several times this afternoon about having a drink, but I know that won't solve anything. It will make things worse! I finally felt like I was going to end up with the best year ever and it is being ripped to shreds at the moment. I need prayers that we will somehow have 4 more kids enroll and also that I can keep up my vigilance on my sobriety. Thanks in advance, friends.

toadie54

Seeing a lot of challenges being presented to the class today/tonight, and most everyone is handling their issues without failing in their sobriety.

Prayers to all.

BobBFree33

HMS, damn, you did good! You deserve a lot of credit for having the consciousness to pull your hand out of the fire….cause it woulda hurt a lot tomorrow. And you know you are going to need all your beans in your head to deal with the divorce. Think of something creative that is healthy. Sometimes it only takes about 1% more, umph, you know, thought processing capability to come up with creative solutions to dealing with stress. Alcohol knocks us down at least 10% and, unfortunately, it lasts a good bit before we recover…assuming we don’t hat ourselves for slipping. So, again congrats!

Angd1978 you sure sound a lot like me in thinking of ALL of the potential variables…especially the bad ones…that could happen in this scenario. When I am able to think properly I see stress the way it was really intended: ENERGY. Yeah, its nervous energy but, going back in our history it was fight or flight. I’ve been able to use that energy to map out different scenarios, different outcomes.

I learned this long ago as a counselor, but I use that nervous energy to write down, brainstorming-wise, all the things I can do to solve the problem. Once I make my list: I’m done. That was the purpose of my stress; to try to solve the problem. I may get up later at night and add to the list. Often I won’t sleep, but I got my list and I keep adding to it. More than a few times I was up at 3am on the computer writing my list.

Of course, in the morning some of the things on my list, and my worries, seemed stupid. But some were not. Some were good ideas.

So, that’s how I frame it, the real purpose of stress is to give us the energy to work on solutions.

Finishing up sober day 33. I did get stressed today. I worked from home and ended up being kinda short with people. Know what? Screw it. I don’t care. It’s over and done with and tomorrow is a new day. I went out and pulled weeds for a while and that helped too :-)

Scared myself silly watching ‘The Babadook’ Ausi film on Netflix. Good thing to distract oneself!

letitgo

Had a rough Tuesday. Just minor stupid things that really pissed me off. Taking some deep breaths. Serenity now. Somethings I could control and some I couldnt. Make a dumb mistake but it was my sober mistake so I own it.
Definately still having anxiety a month in. Standard for me. I like that idea Bob to turn nervousness into energy.
Angd1978, I hope everything works out for you.
Tomorrow will be a better day I hope lol Just waiting out the urges if they come.

BobBFree33

letitgo it seems like at this stage our nerves are still raw...or maybe we notice things we didn't when we were hung-over or drunk. I'm thinking/hoping this is just one of those stages we go through. Or, we just learn to deal better. Either way its not worth falling back down the rabbit hole for.

letitgo

Yeah it's hard to pinpoint because I am off the smokes 8 days now. Chantix and no smoking are contributing. You are right on. Nothing that made me upset was worth drinking or smoking over. It's not going to make my problems go away or fix my mistake. Or make all the road construction disappear. Just going to drag me back into slavery.

angd1978

Thanks for the advice Bob and for the kind thoughts Letitgo. It is 2:18am and I am still sober. I would have to say this has been the hardest day so far. I haven't wanted to drink even though my AV has been strong in making me think that this is what I deserve and " You knew this was too good to be true!" We have had conversations and battles with each other tonight and what I have come up with over lots of tears and prayer, is that alcohol is not an option and serves no purpose in solving this problem. I have thoughts of all of the different scenarios and I know that right now this is out of my control. I just have to go with faith that things will work out for the best and deal with whatever happens when the time comes. That is easier said than done but I am just going on blind faith right now. It is all I have because I WILL NOT go backwards.

Thanks for letting me rant.

Cbf123

Thanks for ranting and not drinking!

I hope everyone finds some strength to get them through, be it on here or closer to home. I can't tell you how invaluable this place has been to me recently. I hope it can be as invaluable for everyone struggling at the moment.

toadie54

Good morning July'ers!

angd1978, great work on the posting and then the rant, you survived the day so be proud and reward yourself!

So glad to see everyone here so engaged in their goals, whatever they may be.

Together (virtually) we are strong!

kittycat3

Day 15 today. This week hasn't been easy, a baseball game last night where I bought my friend a beer for taking me (was her request.) She was great, she asked if I wanted one too and I just said no thanks and that was that, but I was tempted. And another HH invite for tonight where I could also go and drink. I turned it down. I'm staying vigilant despite the temptations! Hope everyone else is fighting hard with me!

BobBFree33

Start of sober day 34 here in the steamy Mid-Atlantic of the US.

angd, one of the things to put on your solution list is to change jobs. I firmly believe in continually moving. I'm 56 and never worked the same job more than 7 years. I switched from pure counseling in a psych hospital to network engineer, back to setting up computers for folks with vision problems...a blend of both. There were a few times in the tech period where my companies sold me like livestock from one company to the next. I had 4 different companies in 6 months, all with different insurance. So don't let 'em box you in!

Working from home again today. I don't feel as irritable, have been sleeping wonderfully.

As I was putting in my contact lenses this morning it hit me that my actual vision is better and a long-standing sore-spot on my right eye is gone. I remember I used to take my contacts out early at night so I could drink better! How smart is that?!

Have a sober Thursday friends.

letitgo

Angd1978 I hope you get some sleep.
Keep on rantning. I know I am going to. Makes me feel better and learning new perspectives. How do people live and thrive everyday sober? Still learning myself.

Ranting is Better then bottling it up inside literally and figuratively.

Have a great thrusday!

tokidoki

Hello Julyers,

Seems there is another 'disturbance in the force' for many of us, but am so happy we are getting through difficult situations sober.

I went through my first day of countless meeting without much problem, but again, must keep my guard up.

Angd--I *so* relate to your problem. I was in a very similar situation in teaching. The pressure was tremendous. When I started seeing students as *numbers* (because of testing), I actually quit my job in K-12 and "rested" by teaching at a university for 4 years. I missed the kids though, and am back in K-12- teaching, yes, tested subjects. Anyway, please PM me any time you want---Ya know, you are a fellow teacher and a same-day sober buddy. We can do this!

tokidoki

FWIW, I had another drinking dream the night before last. I was at work (!?) in it and somehow a bottle a wine was in my hand. It was a nightmare, so of course I was drinking and then thinking about how I could hide it and how I could lie to you all. What? It took me a good half hour to get my groundings and realize I hadn't done it. As you all know, the relief was great.

I hope you all have a good day/night.

BringingBackB

Hi all

Day 22 today. Checking in a bit late today just done a 3 hour bike ride and I am exhausted. Probably overdid it a bit but at least it's getting me fit.

Apart from that, no cravings today. Had a few additions to add to my urge log, but nothing above a 5/10 so not huge. I am hoping it will get to the point where resisting them just becomes second nature.

I am still noticing myself getting angry about little things,(It didn't help that some berk in a car nearly ran me over) but I've thought it through and I think it's more frustration at the situation I am in more than anything. Living back with my family and dealing with all the alcohol baggage isn't easy when it's difficult to get much time to yourself (hence the solo bike riding). I am sure it will get better with time and for now I need to just try and stay in the present moment. I imagine all of us here would feel down if we started thinking about things we had done in the past whilst drinking, and the things we spoilt in the process. Dwelling on the past will get us nowhere and I need to continue focusing on the solution, not the problem.

Looking forward to a SMART meeting tonight. I missed last night's so tonight is a must.

Keep on rollin' all.
B

tokidoki

Need to be obnoxious and post yet again.

HMS- I must echo--You did good! A very difficult situation and you made it.

And having just really read through previous posts, just need to express how much I appreciate this group. Thanks again for your great suggestions and your honesty about struggles, etc.

2WheelsGood

Agree! For me part of the recovery has been re-learning how to deal with emotions that have been numbed into submission for way too long. It feels raw and edgy because we aren't used to actually having to deal with them. At least for some of us.

I'm starting to feel progress already at only 58 days. I hope it's not just a phase. I hope to learn an emotional maturity I've stunted for the past 20 years.


Good luck all of you! This has been awesome.

angd1978

Thank you all for letting me talk this through! Bob, I had started to look for a teaching job in a different district at the end of last school year but then was offered a position to move to 4th with the same kids I had last year and to only teach one subject. No other district contacted me over the summer, after me pounding the pavement to get a foot in the door somewhere else. I will be starting my 3rd year teaching and I love my job, but really despise our Superintendent and the central office. Their motto is putting kids first and that never is the case. It is never about what is best for the students but all about numbers and many of them have never taught a day in their life. Sorry, it just frustrates me. I have been thinking that maybe this isn't what I have been called to do, but I am not sure what else I can do with an education degree and I have to at least teach this next year because my son is a senior and we can't move from the area that I am in right now. I guess I will have to do a lot of soul searching this school year and figure out what my options are. Thanks for the advice!

Tokidoki- I will definitely pm you! I know that you can relate. I could use some advice from someone with more experience than I have and also who is working on sobriety. I know that this was a huge test for me last night. The craving for alcohol isn't there but the "stinking thinking" still is. Had this been a month ago, I would have drank myself into an oblivion and probably would still be drinking right now and into the weekend. Test passed but I need to put my guard up higher than ever right now.

If they move me down to first grade( which I have no business being in) I will probably quit, begin subbing in another district and go back to waiting tables. I may have to work 2 jobs to keep my sobriety. I may have to do the same if I end up teaching both the Reading and the Writing. I will tough it out for a bit but realistically, I know what both those jobs entail and I will have no time to spend with my family or work on myself. I am just still praying that this is all a test and everything will work out in the end.

I have to go talk to a few parents with my principal tomorrow and after that I am going to talk to him about it. I know his hand's are tied but maybe if I present my case for the betterment of the students, we can work together to get the rest of administration on board. It is worth a shot.!

martina12

Hi angd I'm a teacher too but here in the UK. I teach teenagers and I understand how stressful it is. In fact I think it has been a major contributing factor to my problem with alcohol. Hectic stressful day then home to relax and chill out with you know what..... Its the school holidays here so no work stress at the moment.

I do have my children (and others) though all day and we are going out and about and its quite full on! I am finding alternative ways to de-stress at the end of the day and at the moment hot baths and pj's are cutting the mustard

I seem to be in a spend spend spend mode at the moment which is rather worrying as I really don't have the money but I am justifying it to myself by saying that I am not wasting it on pouring alcohol down my throat....I have just had my bike repaired and now looking to buy posh panniers and a posh basket for it

I am trying to convince myself that I can ditch the car and save petrol by going everywhere by bike and get fit at the same time.

I am on day 38 and things do seem to be levelling out...

I am going to Vietnam at the end of next week with a friend who drinks. I am wondering if anyone has any tips of how I can get through this 2 week trip without drinking?

My friend knows that I have quit drinking but I am worried that I will be tempted especially as I will be out of my 'safe' daily routine?

Cbf123

I forgot to say - day 10 for me. Double figures for the first time in a while! Woohoo!