Class of July 2015 Part 4
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Amanda - Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Do you really think hiding the pills is the right thing to do long term?
I'm glad you have hunkered down in your room though, anything but drinking (as long as it's not law breaking or immoral!)
We're here for you
B
I'm glad you have hunkered down in your room though, anything but drinking (as long as it's not law breaking or immoral!)
We're here for you
B
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Reading here is helping me because as I give advice, I am also sitting here contemplating running out to get a bottle of wine. What a hypocrite. My boyfriend is being such a cold selfish jerk I'm about to just give up, I'm cooking an early dinner because I just don't know what to do with myself. House is clean enough. Kids are occupied. It's raining. I want to drink.
Dee has suggested we ask ourselves what are hoping to feel as a result of taking that drink (or something like that). I want to escape- the unsettled/not knowing what to do feeling (yet there's tons I could do), the frustration with my bf. My AV Is telling me that some wine will entertain me and I won't worry so much about stuff.
It's uncomfortable. Part of me is saying I'm missing a perfect "opportunity" to drink. No one will know, I have nothing to do, last week of summer vacation. Ugh. I wish I could just relax.
Dee has suggested we ask ourselves what are hoping to feel as a result of taking that drink (or something like that). I want to escape- the unsettled/not knowing what to do feeling (yet there's tons I could do), the frustration with my bf. My AV Is telling me that some wine will entertain me and I won't worry so much about stuff.
It's uncomfortable. Part of me is saying I'm missing a perfect "opportunity" to drink. No one will know, I have nothing to do, last week of summer vacation. Ugh. I wish I could just relax.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 444
Hi Amanda.
I too live in central CA and I too have wretched in-laws
They will ultimately go home and you will have things back to normal.
Someone, whose name I cannot seem to recall, has a tagline at the end of their post that says something along the lines of "ya don't have to drink over it" (sorry to that person for messing up the line)
I love that expression and use it daily like a mantra.
This too shall pass.
Jonathan
I too live in central CA and I too have wretched in-laws
They will ultimately go home and you will have things back to normal.
Someone, whose name I cannot seem to recall, has a tagline at the end of their post that says something along the lines of "ya don't have to drink over it" (sorry to that person for messing up the line)
I love that expression and use it daily like a mantra.
This too shall pass.
Jonathan
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,332
Forabetterlife - glad you posted that you are struggling so we can help. I can understand that it's uncomfortable, but I think all of us need to retrain our brain to be able to deal with these emotions and not run off with the bottle. Each time we feed the AV the cycle of instant gratification is reinforced.
Can you think of anything to do to get you through the urge? Maybe take a walk. I've found that it can help get the stress and anger out of me until an urge can pass.
Hang on in there, you got this.
Can you think of anything to do to get you through the urge? Maybe take a walk. I've found that it can help get the stress and anger out of me until an urge can pass.
Hang on in there, you got this.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Originally Posted by forabetterlife 
No one will know,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 239
FABL, I am sorry you are going through this. As Casey Said," YOU will know". Do you really want to feel even worse tomorrow and possibly start off the new school year undoing the positives that you have started in your life. It's not worth the the brief relaxation or entertainment that you think you will get out of it. Keep cooking and do not pick up a drink! (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 205
I drank last night. My friends and boyfriend wanted to go to a local bar. I didn't want to, and said so, but they all insisted. I really am incapable of choosing my well being over that of others'. What is the matter with me??
I went there, had a glass of wine that didn't even taste good...then I had to run home to change out some laundry before going back, so I stopped at the store and got a bottle of wine to put in my fridge. What is the matter with me??
When I got home, I drank throughout the evening. I drank about a bottle of wine.
I woke up today feeling good about everything...like, it was a good lesson to relapse and realize I don't really even want the wine once I'm abstinent from it.
Then, I get sent home early from work due to an electrical mishap, and I decide... Oh! I will drink wine while I fold clothes, so I have a "good reason" to get it done! Mind you, I have to work at 6pm tonight at my other job.
So, here I am, laying in bed to nap before work, having hid the finished bottle I bought the other night at the bottom of the trash so it looks like the one I bought today is just the one from the other day, in case my boyfriend notices...
What is the matter with me??
I feel insane. Even more so because, as that buzz set in for the first time in 25 days (I didn't drink enough on my Friday relapse, or last night), I was happy. I felt okay again, normal.
That isn't right. I know it's not.
I know you all have been through what I am feeling, which is why I am posting here. At the same time, I am afraid of the judgment I may get, and likely deserve. But, SR is the only thing I have to keep me "in check," or accountable, so even though I am messing up so badly, I feel I need to be honest with my Julyers.
I am so sorry for letting you all down. In those first 25 days, having said no to myself as many times as I did, I thought, there's no way I can't do this. If I really want to, I can. Then I slipped up. I didn't even want to drink more after slipping up. But I did.
What is the matter with me??
I am so sorry. I am so happy for and proud of all of you who are continuing to rack up your sober days. This is a wonderful class, you are all wonderful people, and I am so sorry that I have failed.
I went there, had a glass of wine that didn't even taste good...then I had to run home to change out some laundry before going back, so I stopped at the store and got a bottle of wine to put in my fridge. What is the matter with me??
When I got home, I drank throughout the evening. I drank about a bottle of wine.
I woke up today feeling good about everything...like, it was a good lesson to relapse and realize I don't really even want the wine once I'm abstinent from it.
Then, I get sent home early from work due to an electrical mishap, and I decide... Oh! I will drink wine while I fold clothes, so I have a "good reason" to get it done! Mind you, I have to work at 6pm tonight at my other job.
So, here I am, laying in bed to nap before work, having hid the finished bottle I bought the other night at the bottom of the trash so it looks like the one I bought today is just the one from the other day, in case my boyfriend notices...
What is the matter with me??
I feel insane. Even more so because, as that buzz set in for the first time in 25 days (I didn't drink enough on my Friday relapse, or last night), I was happy. I felt okay again, normal.
That isn't right. I know it's not.
I know you all have been through what I am feeling, which is why I am posting here. At the same time, I am afraid of the judgment I may get, and likely deserve. But, SR is the only thing I have to keep me "in check," or accountable, so even though I am messing up so badly, I feel I need to be honest with my Julyers.
I am so sorry for letting you all down. In those first 25 days, having said no to myself as many times as I did, I thought, there's no way I can't do this. If I really want to, I can. Then I slipped up. I didn't even want to drink more after slipping up. But I did.
What is the matter with me??
I am so sorry. I am so happy for and proud of all of you who are continuing to rack up your sober days. This is a wonderful class, you are all wonderful people, and I am so sorry that I have failed.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: CO
Posts: 32
[QUOTE=forabetterlife;5484730]. . . . I'm about to just give up, I'm cooking an early dinner because I just don't know what to do with myself. House is clean enough. Kids are occupied. It's raining. I want to drink.
I had a similar problem yesterday. It wasn't as dire as FABL's; I was just bit at loose ends. I had wanted to do some book-keeping, but my bank's system was down. I'd killed the weeds. It was too hot to be outside much more. I had done the dishes. So, sitting in front of the computer USED to be a time that I'd pop a bootle of wine and "relax". I'm glad I didn't.
KO
I had a similar problem yesterday. It wasn't as dire as FABL's; I was just bit at loose ends. I had wanted to do some book-keeping, but my bank's system was down. I'd killed the weeds. It was too hot to be outside much more. I had done the dishes. So, sitting in front of the computer USED to be a time that I'd pop a bootle of wine and "relax". I'm glad I didn't.
KO
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Whiteturtle, "what is the matter with you" is you're addicted to alcohol. That leads to you buying bottles in secret and hiding them at the bottom of the trash and to you drinking during the day between jobs. Doesn't sound like a happy way of life. We've all been there. Good news is there is a better way of life waiting for you.
But...and here's where a little bit of blunt talk is going to come in...if you want to stop drinking, you've got to stop hanging out in bars. Period. That atmosphere does not work for you. Every time you step into a bar, you're giving your addiction a little bit more hope that this time you can drink successfully. Put your recovery first for a while and you'll be amazed at the results. You can do this!
But...and here's where a little bit of blunt talk is going to come in...if you want to stop drinking, you've got to stop hanging out in bars. Period. That atmosphere does not work for you. Every time you step into a bar, you're giving your addiction a little bit more hope that this time you can drink successfully. Put your recovery first for a while and you'll be amazed at the results. You can do this!
Guest
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 75
Whiteturtle you are not alone & no apologize are necessary. I could be rite there with you, I'm just lucky that in one of my weak bored moments Noone has invited me out. Thank god I live 30 minutes from the closest friend or bar. I know once I get more time from that last drink it will get easier. You can do it I promise. Goodluck
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Whiteturtle--- NO judgement- at all. We all know it's hard, we all have been there. You just need to get to a point where you'd rather be sober, in my opinion. I agree that bars are not a good idea. I don't have much of a social life these days but I don't think I could handle a bar atmosphere this early on. Please don't beat yourself up , pick yourself up. We are here for you...
Thank you all for getting me through my tough afternoon. I knew posting and reading all of your thoughts and encouragement would turn my brain around and it did. Honestly, I'm glad I'm going back to work next week. It's tough having all this free time and I'm out of the routine of drinking after work so I think that part will be ok, especially with 2 weeks under my belt by that point.
You are all fantastic, I can't thank you enough ...
Thank you all for getting me through my tough afternoon. I knew posting and reading all of your thoughts and encouragement would turn my brain around and it did. Honestly, I'm glad I'm going back to work next week. It's tough having all this free time and I'm out of the routine of drinking after work so I think that part will be ok, especially with 2 weeks under my belt by that point.
You are all fantastic, I can't thank you enough ...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Sydney
Posts: 88
Almost three days into my journey!
Really loving this website so far..
Feeling very defeated by life tongiht. Even feeling like a loser as I sit here and think of all the ****** things I have got myself into while being drunk.. I lost who I thought I was going to be and have become this person that I so do not want to be..
It can only go up from here though right?
Really loving this website so far..
Feeling very defeated by life tongiht. Even feeling like a loser as I sit here and think of all the ****** things I have got myself into while being drunk.. I lost who I thought I was going to be and have become this person that I so do not want to be..
It can only go up from here though right?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 322
Thanks everyone for the support. For those confused by the pills. I'm on Antabuse. If I drink on it I get sick. My husband administers it to me daily and checks my mouth to make sure I swallow. It's humiliating, but the doctor specifically requested he do this. He left them out yesterday and I hid them from him today. He never noticed and he will be home long after I'm in bed. I can't drink today because I will get ill, but in a few days it will be out of my system enough to drink. I hope I buck up before then. I know this is my journey and I need to embrace it and walk the walk.
It seems many of us are struggling right now. Why does it need to be so hard? Why can't we just leave it and not care? Obsessing over it does no good, drinking it does no good, why do we torture ourselves with it?
I'm here. I'm posting, but I just have an icky feeling. I guess I'll go clean something to help get through it. My in laws are gone; maybe I'll calm down a bit. Haha
It seems many of us are struggling right now. Why does it need to be so hard? Why can't we just leave it and not care? Obsessing over it does no good, drinking it does no good, why do we torture ourselves with it?
I'm here. I'm posting, but I just have an icky feeling. I guess I'll go clean something to help get through it. My in laws are gone; maybe I'll calm down a bit. Haha
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Hi Mary and Christimac :-)
Mary - nice to see another Australasian in the class! Absolutely...the only way is up, baby, for you and me now.....(That's a song just in case anyone thinks I'm weird :-)
Christimac - this is your time. I'm loving this site too. It has been so great reading all the posts and seeing people support one another. Warms the cockles of my heart, and gives me hope.
Have a great, sober day everyone, or a lovely sleep. I loved that 'no thank you, I don't drink' dream. My drinking dreams are usually nightmares about me making a complete fool of myself. It will be interesting to see if and when that changes....
xxxx
Mary - nice to see another Australasian in the class! Absolutely...the only way is up, baby, for you and me now.....(That's a song just in case anyone thinks I'm weird :-)
Christimac - this is your time. I'm loving this site too. It has been so great reading all the posts and seeing people support one another. Warms the cockles of my heart, and gives me hope.
Have a great, sober day everyone, or a lovely sleep. I loved that 'no thank you, I don't drink' dream. My drinking dreams are usually nightmares about me making a complete fool of myself. It will be interesting to see if and when that changes....
xxxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Amandaw, remember you almost lost your job a few weeks ago? You don't want to start another school year hung over everyday do you? Please think about your priorities. It's not worth it.
Last edited by letitgo; 07-27-2015 at 03:43 PM. Reason: Fat fingers and a small phone :)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Hello July class.
I took that darn first drink Friday, I know why and have learned I am weak when I am depressed , tired and feel invisible. Didnt post before as I felt no one will care.. . Ridiculous pity party of one boo hoo hoo! Drank a bottle. So Saturday and Sunday I had two glasses each day, AV said this would help avoid a heinous withdrawal, how silly is that?
So.. Back to anxiety that was decreasing after a couple weeks sober. Blech. Cannot wait for long awaited counselor appt next week, and will read alan carrs book.
Whiteturtle, you are not insane, you are obsessed with wine, as am I. all we can do is start over, with more tools to fight this addiction. Pinpoint what went wrong and bolster our plan.?? I believe most long term sober people on this site had several Day 1s, but kept at it, no shame to start again, we just need more vigilence against the slippery slope of just one drink. CaseyW, I am sorry I did not sit on my hands, no joke. Or thrown my keys somewhere that would take time to find again.
Amanda, in laws can be a nightmare for sure, but they will leave and that stress will be gone, but the problems from not taking meds and possibly drinking will remain. please "unhide" that bottle. Puhleeze!!
To all new members, how great you jumped in at end of month rather than using that as an excuse to drink till August!!!
Any other old Julyers struggling out there, maybe reading but not posting? Come back, check in.
I took that darn first drink Friday, I know why and have learned I am weak when I am depressed , tired and feel invisible. Didnt post before as I felt no one will care.. . Ridiculous pity party of one boo hoo hoo! Drank a bottle. So Saturday and Sunday I had two glasses each day, AV said this would help avoid a heinous withdrawal, how silly is that?
So.. Back to anxiety that was decreasing after a couple weeks sober. Blech. Cannot wait for long awaited counselor appt next week, and will read alan carrs book.
Whiteturtle, you are not insane, you are obsessed with wine, as am I. all we can do is start over, with more tools to fight this addiction. Pinpoint what went wrong and bolster our plan.?? I believe most long term sober people on this site had several Day 1s, but kept at it, no shame to start again, we just need more vigilence against the slippery slope of just one drink. CaseyW, I am sorry I did not sit on my hands, no joke. Or thrown my keys somewhere that would take time to find again.
Amanda, in laws can be a nightmare for sure, but they will leave and that stress will be gone, but the problems from not taking meds and possibly drinking will remain. please "unhide" that bottle. Puhleeze!!
To all new members, how great you jumped in at end of month rather than using that as an excuse to drink till August!!!
Any other old Julyers struggling out there, maybe reading but not posting? Come back, check in.
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