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Class of July 2015 Part 4

Old 07-26-2015, 05:07 AM
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Rehydrating to Oblivion.
 
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Hi charlie and welcome to the group

I certainly know that feeling of coming out of a muti day binge. Sounds like you are very determined to do this. Nice to meet you

Day 11 here. Feeling good. Very good sleep last night. Feeling a lot more refreshed than usual. Still in the Scottish Highlands here, it's actually not raining for once so I'm planning on setting up the deckchair outside after lunch and having a good read.

B
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Old 07-26-2015, 05:17 AM
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Welcome charliesworld - you'll find many friends and a lot of support here

D
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Old 07-26-2015, 05:19 AM
  # 303 (permalink)  
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Welcome to all new and returning members, sure looks like there's a lot of determination here and that is great!

Into day 24 today, almost ready to stop counting days, maybe I'll move on to months.

Got an early morning power walk in this morning, pool area cleaned up and ready for the usual Sunday family guests.

Hope everyone has the power to stay on track today, you are the only one with the power to say NO!
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Old 07-26-2015, 05:19 AM
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Welcome Sillyboy. UP and sourgrapes the anxiety part is a major factor for my relapse in the past too. During my last week or so of my 91 day stint of sobriety last time I let everything get to me. My journal read: “I feel like my damn head is going to just explode!” It was like a physical pressure. I was snapping at my kids, picking battles at work and obsessing on them. And when I chose to drink it was a conscious semi-self-harm choice because I was just so out of sorts. But I think I’ve learned a few things this go-round and have a better perspective.

As for the AV being gone I really think the Allen Carr book has helped. At the restaurants this week I actually paid attention to other people drinking. It was fascinating to see how they coddled the drink, and how they behaved differently….not in a good way….than the non-drinkers. I genuinely felt “poor sap, it’s got you and you don’t even know it…”. You paid a lot of money for that drink that actually makes you thirsty, it really does not taste as good as a coke, you are acting a little foolish, and you are risking getting a dui driving your kids back to the condo. AND you are brainwashed into thinking it is “healthy”. What a fool. AND I know that you’d punch me in the face if I mentioned any of this because deep down….you know it’s a lie and its very upsetting to have anyone point it out….

And speaking of driving, I gotta pack up and get out of this place. I have a 5 hr drive ahead, which is not too bad. I’ll arrive during danger time so I’m planning to eat before I even get home and/or have to go to the grocery store to stock up.
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Old 07-26-2015, 05:29 AM
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Great advice Bob. I have read a few books on addiction also. It's really about getting out of the escape rut. Dealing with life on it's terms. Very hard have to relearn but posibble because many others have done it. Hard to not romanticize when drinking was related to everything. It's no way to live around planning drunken escapades and hangovers. This is my third attempt and I feel really strong. My motivation is no matter what happens at least my mind and body we're sober. Being a parent you can't be a good example drunk or respond to a crisis properly. Have a safe drive and thanks for the insights on Allen Carr.
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Old 07-26-2015, 05:58 AM
  # 306 (permalink)  
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I have got to stop once and for all or I'm going to die. So, I'm joining the class of July. I had quit for a year, by checking in with my class regularly. It really did help.
So, I'm here and I'll be checking the class out several times a day. It really does help to have someone, ANYONE to talk to (who knows exactly what it's like).
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Old 07-26-2015, 06:12 AM
  # 307 (permalink)  
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Welcome KD. Congrats on 1 year previously. We look forward to having you here 1 day at a time. I hear yeah life or death. Time to break the chains and stop being a slave. Is today day one for you?
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Old 07-26-2015, 06:20 AM
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Welcome Charlie, Silly, Upward Spiral, Sourgrapes and KD...so glad you are here with us

Have a safe drive back Bob, you should feel very proud of yourself making it through vacation sober. Sounds like you had some really good insights too.

Letitgo, I often think the same..no matter what is happening, If I can wake up sober and without that awful physical feeling as well as the mental self-hatred and disappointment in myself, then I can get through it. As a parent, even though I think I "hide" my drinking from my kids (teenagers), I am sure that's not true. The more sober time, I have the more differences I see in how I relate to them and how the respond to me. I think my telling myself that they don't know is part of my own self-protection and denial that it's a bigger problem than I'd like to admit.

Anyway, I slept like a rock last night..almost 9 hours again. Nothing beats waking up sober. I sound like a broken record, but with every sober morning, I tell myself I NEVER want to wake up any other way, ever again. I have gotten to a point where alcohol pervades every facet of my life - mind, body, relationships, work, how I care for my home, my finances, my confidence in myself. To allow myself to believe anything less is just believing my addiction.

Have a great sober Sunday No matter what you have going on today, rememer what feels good, what feels right, and dont' take that first drink...
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Old 07-26-2015, 06:35 AM
  # 309 (permalink)  
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Day 13 :-)

Welcome CuteNGayNay & FrankLapidas & SillyBoy & CharliesWorld

I love the Kath Riechs series of books .. of course my home city Montreal &
South Carolina play in her stories so its a fun mix of culture.

Hang in there AmandaW

UpwardSpiral plan just today :-)

ForaBetterLife, I love exercise also ...I am doing Paul Mckenna just the 4
rules around eating it very managable.

I really like Allen Carr's book because it gave me a way to "talk back" to
the AV when it would say really silly things ...
I can tell it how its just all lies and consumer brainwashing that alcohol has
NO benefits,its ALL negatives, there was another thread I read on this site about
calling "********" on some of the things the AV says lol ot really a good read!

However the book doesn't address the underlying emptional issues that drive the need
to escape a given "feeling" and replace it with whatever buzz your drug of choice is.
Hence programs like 12 steps etec that has us dig to find the real why that got us
started in the firstplace.

For me I had a very unloving childhood filled with abuse etc ...
but the two most defining things I am learned was how expressing or even having
emotions was not acceptable in my family positive or negative, as a child and teen
food was my drug of choice then booze then both. ALso that I was undeserving of love
without tremondous service and sacrafice.

So I developed into an adult that had no tools to deal with my natural emotional states,
and a tremendous slave girl mentality of trying to make the world perfect for everyone
around me so I can be deserving of some love. I am still in the beginning of all this
and trying to "re-educate" myself into knowing that I am worthy of love just because
I am me and I am not responsible for making the world perfect for everyone.

I read a book called The WillPower Instainct which also helped tremendously it,
it teaches how to create the mental "space" needed in the right moments so you
can think and choose your actions instead of having a default pattern
run you, its really facinating.

Thought for the day ... I don't control everything so CHILL woman!

Have a great day everyone!
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Old 07-26-2015, 06:57 AM
  # 310 (permalink)  
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Happy Sunday! Just a quick check in. Some good intense posts here again.

Finished my crime novel. It was really good! Guess I missed reading these kind of books cause I sure posted a lot about them! Will check out Ian Rankin! Would love to read that Aerosmith bio. I read somewhere (saw an interview with Tyler also) that it took like eight stints in rehab for him to quit. Tyler wrote the Foreword on the book Sober Recovery. That's written by one of the docs from the Betty Ford center. Good book. Based on AA from what I remember. Some good info about the damaging effects of alcohol. Thanks Bob for the recap (kinda) of Carr's book. A lot of it is oh so true.

Heading out this Sunday am. Take care everyone.

Olivia

BBB - did u get your blood numbers Friday ? Maybe I missed it. Or if u don't want to share that's ok too.
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Old 07-26-2015, 07:10 AM
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Day 4 for me today. I'm feeling some peace and serenity on a weekend w family. Still battling some flashbacks of regrettable behavior that are declining. Trying to keep my brain focused on the now. And remembering the future is mine to choose what to do with.

I'll have to make some additional changes - the HH habits I had been indulging will need to change. I know it won't be easy but I can do it one day at a time. Stop future tripping and stop isolating so that I feel alone in my sobriety. Remembering how the alcohol is not the key to my feeling connected to others or my higher power. Coming here to SR is a giant help with that! So thanks to you all
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Old 07-26-2015, 07:15 AM
  # 312 (permalink)  
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Dee- not familiar with Paul McKenna, going to look that up. As well as the Willpower Instinct.
Yes, it is so important to understand our underlying issues. Sounds like your childhood has definitely contributed and I think identifying that is so important to be able to work through some of our "go to"patterns and thoughts.

I am enjoying a quiet, lazy morning. Not many more of these left before the craziness of school and work starts. I feel so strong and committed until the afternoon/early evening. Scares the c^&*ap out of me that my mindset changes like that in just a matter of hours. I am so afraid of ruining this good thing I have going for myself again.
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Old 07-26-2015, 07:33 AM
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You're doing awesome FABL, don't sweat it. Just look at your posts from before compared to what they are now. If that's not something to be proud of, I don't know what is.
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Old 07-26-2015, 08:24 AM
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Welcome to all new friends! Just a quick check in. By the grace of God, I woke up today and I am sober. I am off to church for worship and praise. There are many things that I am grateful for today, especially all of you!
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Old 07-26-2015, 09:33 AM
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Yes, Letitgo. Day 1. Again. Thank you for the welcome.
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Old 07-26-2015, 09:57 AM
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Thanks for the support class! FABL I know what you mean about being afraid of how your mindset can change. Sometimes I feel like a different me takes over, now I hope I can remain aware enough to detach from it as the AV.
I just woke up from dreams where exactly that was happening. I was sneaking all over town trying to find a big bottle of my favorite beer, all the while lamenting how I'd suddenly lost all perspective and couldn't fathom how to stop myself now that I'd decided to go for it. Thank God it was a dream!
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Old 07-26-2015, 10:36 AM
  # 317 (permalink)  
Rehydrating to Oblivion.
 
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Originally Posted by Olivia2011 View Post
Happy Sunday! Just a quick check in. Some good intense posts here again.

Finished my crime novel. It was really good! Guess I missed reading these kind of books cause I sure posted a lot about them! Will check out Ian Rankin! Would love to read that Aerosmith bio. I read somewhere (saw an interview with Tyler also) that it took like eight stints in rehab for him to quit. Tyler wrote the Foreword on the book Sober Recovery. That's written by one of the docs from the Betty Ford center. Good book. Based on AA from what I remember. Some good info about the damaging effects of alcohol. Thanks Bob for the recap (kinda) of Carr's book. A lot of it is oh so true.

Heading out this Sunday am. Take care everyone.

Olivia

BBB - did u get your blood numbers Friday ? Maybe I missed it. Or if u don't want to share that's ok too.
Hi Olivia. Glad you enjoyed you novel. Definitely check out Ian Rankin. I an currently tearing through the Axeman's Jazz by Ray Celestin. It's set in 1920s New Orleans if you're into all that jazz (huh).

No blood results yet. They took them on Thursday and sent them to the lab. I've got another docs appointment on Friday to review my sicknote so I should get them then, fingers crossed I've not damaged anything too badly.

Enjoy your trip out!
B
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Old 07-26-2015, 10:48 AM
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Hi everyone. Sunday evening here and I've got a lovely smelling sausage casserole on the hob cooking.

Everyone here is obviously on different journeys although fundamentally the same. I know this might sound daft but as someone who has struggled through counting hours to get through the day without drinking and then the week (even at 18 I could not imagine a weekend without alcohol but then all my friends were the same). It does get easier, it does stop. Your brain does stop throwing it at you but you have to train it into different habits. You can't unlearn what you have learnt but you can re-educate.

I have been thinking today - some quiet time on my own. There is a definite pattern to me having a binge and it starts with me getting unsettled with life and it goes on for some time before it happens. I feel I can't control my life, I stop seeing the beauty in things, everything becomes a chore and hassle and I struggle to find things to enjoy to take me out of it. I start to worry about everything. The drinking seems to act as a re-set. It takes me to the depths of my past so I can appreciate where I am now. I'm not sure what I can do to counteract that. One thing I always say I should do and never have is meditate so that is my goal for now. To try and spend a bit of time each day connecting with myself.

I'm not sure you will be ready to laugh at this yet but I did when I realised what I'd done. On Wednesday daytime I remembered that my children had been given some money and I knew where it was so I waited for the chance and then legged it out with my 15 to the shop. I wanted to buy a bottle of vodka which is 11 but I also wanted to get a bottle of wine to act as a decoy in case I was found (i.e. they'd take the wine away not knowing I also had the vodka) so picked up the first one for 4. Anyway I drank the wine first in the end whilst sat with everyone downstairs (sneaking off upstairs to drink it and going back down). It did nothing. I thought I was getting immune and it felt like an eternity until everyone went to sleep so I could get up again. Anyway I did, drank the vodka, don't remember the next bit. It was only on Thursday when I was finally coming out if it and clearing up that I realised the wine I'd picked up in such a hurry because I wanted to get out of the shop was NON-ALCOHOLIC. If you don't laugh you cry right lol.
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Old 07-26-2015, 11:00 AM
  # 319 (permalink)  
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Thanks for the chuckle charliesworld :-)
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Old 07-26-2015, 11:15 AM
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Welp, my overextended weekend ended up biting me in the ass last night. I was exhausted, I just wanted to go home, and I was out with folks where alcohol was available. I didn't get drunk, but I did have a 3.5 drinks over a period of 5 -6 hours b/c I felt I deserved it and b/c I was pissed about not being at home on my couch. So clearly I need to go a little easier on myself and learn how to say "no" to things so I'm not so overbooked. I said "no" to everything today and am laying low and relaxing... got some sleep too. This is what I should have done yesterday.
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