Class of July 2015 Part 4
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Try not to let it get you down WT...you made a boo boo but others have done far worse, including me in the past.
I really struggled with appearing rude because I really wanted people to like me... and I really didn't want to go into the 'BECAUSE I AM AN ALCOHOLIC' speech either...
the trouble was that not wanting to appear rude thing kept me drinking for several more years.
I look back to today and I'm kinda sad I thought way more of other peoples welfare than I did my own.
I discovered there's no need to make a fuss - just tell people no - 'no thanks I don't want one...do you have a soda?'
works 99.9% of the time everytime.
D
I really struggled with appearing rude because I really wanted people to like me... and I really didn't want to go into the 'BECAUSE I AM AN ALCOHOLIC' speech either...
the trouble was that not wanting to appear rude thing kept me drinking for several more years.
I look back to today and I'm kinda sad I thought way more of other peoples welfare than I did my own.
I discovered there's no need to make a fuss - just tell people no - 'no thanks I don't want one...do you have a soda?'
works 99.9% of the time everytime.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Los Angeles,CA
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by whiteturtle 
Hi everyone. I am dead tired, and heading to bed soon, but needed to post.
I drank today. It was on that party bus for work. One of my coworkers handed me her drink that she and another made together the night before, and I didn't really even want it, but I inexplicably felt like it would be rude to not try it after they went to the trouble... So I took a sip.
The sip itself wasn't really a big deal to me. The rest of the day at the amusement park I drank all waters and did not at all have any craving for alcohol. We got on the bus at the end, and everyone was just in party mode, with lights down and the colored lights going, and fun songs with bass playing. Everyone was letting loose and having a great time, and stupidly I figured that I already had that sip and "ruined" my sobriety, so I just had a whole drink of my own. I ended up having two, and it was a really fun time with everyone. I really don't think I needed the alcohol for it to have been that way, though.
I feel a bit of sinking disappointment knowing I should have and could have been stronger. I had a great day, and I didn't let having a drink take away from that, but in the same vein, I don't think the drinks really added to it, either.
I am happy with myself that I didn't go overboard, or even want to, and it felt like "social drinking" used to, just having a drink or two and enjoying the company of everyone. I did not feel the need to binge whatsoever, and I tried very hard to not mentally let the regret of lost sobriety hinder what was otherwise a great time.
Moving forward is the thing I am thinking about now. Today went fine, and the alcohol didn't negatively impact anything, but as so many can attest to, the slope can be either gradual or quick, but always slippery. I suppose the best course of action is to get back to sobriety and keep it, rather than carrying on in the hopes of continuing to drink socially/moderately.
I am just disappointed because I was at 25 days, nearly a month; things hadn't been great, but at least I had something consistent to be proud of. I don't know what I should be feeling now.
I am sorry that I let you all down. I am happy I'm not alone in fhis, but I feel like I must be weak for failing. Sigh.
I drank today. It was on that party bus for work. One of my coworkers handed me her drink that she and another made together the night before, and I didn't really even want it, but I inexplicably felt like it would be rude to not try it after they went to the trouble... So I took a sip.
The sip itself wasn't really a big deal to me. The rest of the day at the amusement park I drank all waters and did not at all have any craving for alcohol. We got on the bus at the end, and everyone was just in party mode, with lights down and the colored lights going, and fun songs with bass playing. Everyone was letting loose and having a great time, and stupidly I figured that I already had that sip and "ruined" my sobriety, so I just had a whole drink of my own. I ended up having two, and it was a really fun time with everyone. I really don't think I needed the alcohol for it to have been that way, though.
I feel a bit of sinking disappointment knowing I should have and could have been stronger. I had a great day, and I didn't let having a drink take away from that, but in the same vein, I don't think the drinks really added to it, either.
I am happy with myself that I didn't go overboard, or even want to, and it felt like "social drinking" used to, just having a drink or two and enjoying the company of everyone. I did not feel the need to binge whatsoever, and I tried very hard to not mentally let the regret of lost sobriety hinder what was otherwise a great time.
Moving forward is the thing I am thinking about now. Today went fine, and the alcohol didn't negatively impact anything, but as so many can attest to, the slope can be either gradual or quick, but always slippery. I suppose the best course of action is to get back to sobriety and keep it, rather than carrying on in the hopes of continuing to drink socially/moderately.
I am just disappointed because I was at 25 days, nearly a month; things hadn't been great, but at least I had something consistent to be proud of. I don't know what I should be feeling now.
I am sorry that I let you all down. I am happy I'm not alone in fhis, but I feel like I must be weak for failing. Sigh.
You did the right then in that you automatically knew it wasn't something you should be doing and you didn't drink anymore than you did. That doesn't mean that you'll be okay like that all the time because as you said, it's a slippery slope and one can easily fall back to a deadly pattern very easily. It's just not worth it. 25 days is a long time and like others have said, it's not lost, it was just a bump in the road. Bumps on the road are going to happen. Don't feel like you failed when that happens, I think when we do that, we automatically give up sobriety and go "the heck with it" and then it's back to our old ways again.
SD 7/3/15 SRJD 7/14/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 316
Sorry for your setback WT, hope you pick yourself back up and move forward.
Welcome to all the newcomers and all returning or just interested members, July 2015 is almost over so we'll see if we can keep this engine chugging down the track and then we will also be available to support the August 2015 class...pay it forward.
Tooshabby, I was considering one on one counseling, but since finding some information on an alternate path here on SR in the Secular Connection forum I think I will be moving in that direction.
So much of what I'm reading and researching about it resonates with how I was already thinking...spooky but comfortable nonetheless.
As many have posted here, whatever works for you is all that matters.
Counseling may come into play after I feel I have my alcohol abstinence under control.
Day 23 for me here today, just planning on working around the house, some exercise, and a minor league baseball game at a place close to home tonight...it's Bruce Springsteen Appreciation Night so should be fun. I am from the Jersey Shore you know!
Welcome to all the newcomers and all returning or just interested members, July 2015 is almost over so we'll see if we can keep this engine chugging down the track and then we will also be available to support the August 2015 class...pay it forward.
Tooshabby, I was considering one on one counseling, but since finding some information on an alternate path here on SR in the Secular Connection forum I think I will be moving in that direction.
So much of what I'm reading and researching about it resonates with how I was already thinking...spooky but comfortable nonetheless.
As many have posted here, whatever works for you is all that matters.
Counseling may come into play after I feel I have my alcohol abstinence under control.
Day 23 for me here today, just planning on working around the house, some exercise, and a minor league baseball game at a place close to home tonight...it's Bruce Springsteen Appreciation Night so should be fun. I am from the Jersey Shore you know!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: CO
Posts: 32
WT, you didn't let us down! You came back, which speaks loads about this group! Thanks! Now, put that other foot forward and don't look back!
Looking forward to a nice bike ride this morning, then killing weeds (a squirt of weed killer for each syllable from the AV!). Then inside, and to the basement, before it gets killer hot!
Have a great Saturday, July-ers!
KO
Looking forward to a nice bike ride this morning, then killing weeds (a squirt of weed killer for each syllable from the AV!). Then inside, and to the basement, before it gets killer hot!
Have a great Saturday, July-ers!
KO
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
I must remember that too, Dee1971....great going getting through the tough night :-)
Cool Toadie, that sounds really good. I should probably have a look at that myself.
Had fish and chips for dinner - yum. We've got a film festival on in the city at the moment. Nice seeing not so run-of-the-mill movies on the big screen. Austrian horror called 'Goodnight Mommy'. Not for the faint of heart. Not gory, just disturbing.
One week of sobriety today. I can't say I'm elated about that because I've gone for weeks without drinking before and then caved. This time feels a bit different though because I have people I can talk to about it that really understand.
Off to bed and look forward to reading your posts in the morning.
xx
Cool Toadie, that sounds really good. I should probably have a look at that myself.
Had fish and chips for dinner - yum. We've got a film festival on in the city at the moment. Nice seeing not so run-of-the-mill movies on the big screen. Austrian horror called 'Goodnight Mommy'. Not for the faint of heart. Not gory, just disturbing.
One week of sobriety today. I can't say I'm elated about that because I've gone for weeks without drinking before and then caved. This time feels a bit different though because I have people I can talk to about it that really understand.
Off to bed and look forward to reading your posts in the morning.
xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 132
Originally Posted by whiteturtle
....I really don't think I needed the alcohol for it to have been that way, though.
...I had a great day, and I didn't let having a drink take away from that, but in the same vein, I don't think the drinks really added to it, either.
...what was otherwise a great time.
...I had a great day, and I didn't let having a drink take away from that, but in the same vein, I don't think the drinks really added to it, either.
...what was otherwise a great time.
Start of day 22, last day at the beach. Zero AV and Zero cravings. I would be a fool to believe it will stay that way. I've had an entire week of nothing much to do but think about my drinking and work on my attitudes and beliefs. It's been a very good week, probably one of the best vacations I can remember in many years.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 515
Hang in there CAGY. I bet it harder being away. You can do it tho.
KO - num num num num! I love honey... And blackberries.... And yogurt... And basil ...love basil.... Can't beat a good tomato either! I've been putting fresh fruit on my no sugar added ice cream. Think I'll have some yogurt (less calories and added probiotics) next time.
Have a good day! Beautiful storm last night ((mostly just heat lightening).
Olivia
KO - num num num num! I love honey... And blackberries.... And yogurt... And basil ...love basil.... Can't beat a good tomato either! I've been putting fresh fruit on my no sugar added ice cream. Think I'll have some yogurt (less calories and added probiotics) next time.
Have a good day! Beautiful storm last night ((mostly just heat lightening).
Olivia
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by whiteturtle
Hi everyone. I am dead tired, and heading to bed soon, but needed to post.
I drank today. It was on that party bus for work. One of my coworkers handed me her drink that she and another made together the night before, and I didn't really even want it, but I inexplicably felt like it would be rude to not try it after they went to the trouble... So I took a sip.
The sip itself wasn't really a big deal to me. The rest of the day at the amusement park I drank all waters and did not at all have any craving for alcohol. We got on the bus at the end, and everyone was just in party mode, with lights down and the colored lights going, and fun songs with bass playing. Everyone was letting loose and having a great time, and stupidly I figured that I already had that sip and "ruined" my sobriety, so I just had a whole drink of my own. I ended up having two, and it was a really fun time with everyone. I really don't think I needed the alcohol for it to have been that way, though.
I feel a bit of sinking disappointment knowing I should have and could have been stronger. I had a great day, and I didn't let having a drink take away from that, but in the same vein, I don't think the drinks really added to it, either.
I am happy with myself that I didn't go overboard, or even want to, and it felt like "social drinking" used to, just having a drink or two and enjoying the company of everyone. I did not feel the need to binge whatsoever, and I tried very hard to not mentally let the regret of lost sobriety hinder what was otherwise a great time.
Moving forward is the thing I am thinking about now. Today went fine, and the alcohol didn't negatively impact anything, but as so many can attest to, the slope can be either gradual or quick, but always slippery. I suppose the best course of action is to get back to sobriety and keep it, rather than carrying on in the hopes of continuing to drink socially/moderately.
I am just disappointed because I was at 25 days, nearly a month; things hadn't been great, but at least I had something consistent to be proud of. I don't know what I should be feeling now.
I am sorry that I let you all down. I am happy I'm not alone in fhis, but I feel like I must be weak for failing. Sigh.
I drank today. It was on that party bus for work. One of my coworkers handed me her drink that she and another made together the night before, and I didn't really even want it, but I inexplicably felt like it would be rude to not try it after they went to the trouble... So I took a sip.
The sip itself wasn't really a big deal to me. The rest of the day at the amusement park I drank all waters and did not at all have any craving for alcohol. We got on the bus at the end, and everyone was just in party mode, with lights down and the colored lights going, and fun songs with bass playing. Everyone was letting loose and having a great time, and stupidly I figured that I already had that sip and "ruined" my sobriety, so I just had a whole drink of my own. I ended up having two, and it was a really fun time with everyone. I really don't think I needed the alcohol for it to have been that way, though.
I feel a bit of sinking disappointment knowing I should have and could have been stronger. I had a great day, and I didn't let having a drink take away from that, but in the same vein, I don't think the drinks really added to it, either.
I am happy with myself that I didn't go overboard, or even want to, and it felt like "social drinking" used to, just having a drink or two and enjoying the company of everyone. I did not feel the need to binge whatsoever, and I tried very hard to not mentally let the regret of lost sobriety hinder what was otherwise a great time.
Moving forward is the thing I am thinking about now. Today went fine, and the alcohol didn't negatively impact anything, but as so many can attest to, the slope can be either gradual or quick, but always slippery. I suppose the best course of action is to get back to sobriety and keep it, rather than carrying on in the hopes of continuing to drink socially/moderately.
I am just disappointed because I was at 25 days, nearly a month; things hadn't been great, but at least I had something consistent to be proud of. I don't know what I should be feeling now.
I am sorry that I let you all down. I am happy I'm not alone in fhis, but I feel like I must be weak for failing. Sigh.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: the driftless zone
Posts: 1,017
Hello Julyers and welcome to all new members!
*Att'n* - Silly ramble ahead. Feel free to scroll on down.
So, yesterday started out rainy up here in the driftless zone. After I got a chai latte, I settled down to a lot of reading here on SR. There was a thought-provoking post from a member which Dee commented on with a link to "Analysis Paralysis". Clicked on that, read it. Clicked on link to "Weltshmertz", read it. Clicked on a link to "mono no aware", read it, Etc. etc. ad nauseum. Finally, I just started *literally* (sorry, but have to use the word) laughing out loud...
Holy mackerel, I'm definitely a candidate for analysis paralysis!
Later, the sky cleared up and my friend, past and future comrade-in-arms, texted that we should still get together to have a sweatfest and get that moving done. So we did and the sweatfest turned into a gabfest. We ended up talking, alternatively serious and very silly. It was great to reconnect.
Anyway, if there's any point in all this, it's that a learned a couple of things yesterday.
1. I get very silly after too much caffeine but I'll take that vice before the wine vice for now.
2. The construct of 'analysis paralysis' is helpful since I'm definitely prone to it.
3. Taking alcohol off the table one day at a time is very useful. I was able to spend some quality time with my friend and didn't cut the conversation short to make my daily run to the wine shop.
Okay. Enough blathering. I hope you all are having/have had a wonderful Saturday.
*Att'n* - Silly ramble ahead. Feel free to scroll on down.
So, yesterday started out rainy up here in the driftless zone. After I got a chai latte, I settled down to a lot of reading here on SR. There was a thought-provoking post from a member which Dee commented on with a link to "Analysis Paralysis". Clicked on that, read it. Clicked on link to "Weltshmertz", read it. Clicked on a link to "mono no aware", read it, Etc. etc. ad nauseum. Finally, I just started *literally* (sorry, but have to use the word) laughing out loud...
Holy mackerel, I'm definitely a candidate for analysis paralysis!
Later, the sky cleared up and my friend, past and future comrade-in-arms, texted that we should still get together to have a sweatfest and get that moving done. So we did and the sweatfest turned into a gabfest. We ended up talking, alternatively serious and very silly. It was great to reconnect.
Anyway, if there's any point in all this, it's that a learned a couple of things yesterday.
1. I get very silly after too much caffeine but I'll take that vice before the wine vice for now.
2. The construct of 'analysis paralysis' is helpful since I'm definitely prone to it.
3. Taking alcohol off the table one day at a time is very useful. I was able to spend some quality time with my friend and didn't cut the conversation short to make my daily run to the wine shop.
Okay. Enough blathering. I hope you all are having/have had a wonderful Saturday.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Catching up on posts. So active this thread is. Welcome CAGY and everyone else. Checking in day 21 ands it's the weekend woohoo. My wife was having an ice cold beer last night temptation for a second and I thought that sip is great just times it by a million. Wasnt appealing any more. Glad everyone is doing ok. Thinking I should hit up an AA meeting again but I don't have time. Looking forward to a fun weekend. Hope you all have a great one and keep posting? Where is DD? She seems to be MIA.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Los Angeles,CA
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by Tooshabby
I must remember that too, Dee1971....great going getting through the tough night :-)
Cool Toadie, that sounds really good. I should probably have a look at that myself.
Had fish and chips for dinner - yum. We've got a film festival on in the city at the moment. Nice seeing not so run-of-the-mill movies on the big screen. Austrian horror called 'Goodnight Mommy'. Not for the faint of heart. Not gory, just disturbing.
One week of sobriety today. I can't say I'm elated about that because I've gone for weeks without drinking before and then caved. This time feels a bit different though because I have people I can talk to about it that really understand.
Off to bed and look forward to reading your posts in the morning.
xx
Cool Toadie, that sounds really good. I should probably have a look at that myself.
Had fish and chips for dinner - yum. We've got a film festival on in the city at the moment. Nice seeing not so run-of-the-mill movies on the big screen. Austrian horror called 'Goodnight Mommy'. Not for the faint of heart. Not gory, just disturbing.
One week of sobriety today. I can't say I'm elated about that because I've gone for weeks without drinking before and then caved. This time feels a bit different though because I have people I can talk to about it that really understand.
Off to bed and look forward to reading your posts in the morning.
xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Grrrrr....blimmin' insomnia. Just took a sleeping pill and thought I would post before it takes effect. If I can't get to sleep tonight I'm literally going to kill someone (that's for you toki) :-D I'm going to check out that 'analysis paralysis' link....sounds like me all over.
Thanks SCF - I really appreciate that. Are you really a silent cinema fan?
I know letitgo, where is DD?! AWOL. I'm hoping suddenly inspired and writing furiously. Not the same without you DD.
I love blackberries, basil, and storms too Olivia. I've never heard of heat lightening I'm going to look it up.
Sounds like a fantastic holiday, Bob. You're right about our society and alcohol. I'm really beginning to notice that more and more. It's the 'acceptable drug' which is tolerated despite the enormous toll it takes. People just can't see it because they're in too deeply. Pretty awful really. On that cheery note...feeling the meds kick in, so sayonara for now. Hope everyone has a great weekend and remembers everything about it!
Thanks SCF - I really appreciate that. Are you really a silent cinema fan?
I know letitgo, where is DD?! AWOL. I'm hoping suddenly inspired and writing furiously. Not the same without you DD.
I love blackberries, basil, and storms too Olivia. I've never heard of heat lightening I'm going to look it up.
Sounds like a fantastic holiday, Bob. You're right about our society and alcohol. I'm really beginning to notice that more and more. It's the 'acceptable drug' which is tolerated despite the enormous toll it takes. People just can't see it because they're in too deeply. Pretty awful really. On that cheery note...feeling the meds kick in, so sayonara for now. Hope everyone has a great weekend and remembers everything about it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 322
Toady,
I understand your frustration. I tried the same IOp twice and dropped out both times. Maybe it was me, maybe it was the program. I'm trying a different one in August. Maybe I need something a little different. My doctor (who runs it) said it's similar to the last one but run a little differently and they have more flexibility. Of course he owns it so he is going to say it's superior. Anyway, don't give up or try to find a different IOP. Your idea of just seeing a counselor seems great too. You can do it!
I understand your frustration. I tried the same IOp twice and dropped out both times. Maybe it was me, maybe it was the program. I'm trying a different one in August. Maybe I need something a little different. My doctor (who runs it) said it's similar to the last one but run a little differently and they have more flexibility. Of course he owns it so he is going to say it's superior. Anyway, don't give up or try to find a different IOP. Your idea of just seeing a counselor seems great too. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 322
White Turtle,
I'm glad you didn't allow the slip up to spiral completely out of control. There have been many times I've disappeared from these boards due to relapse, but I keep coming back. You will gain the tools to make your next night out successful and you'll be great! Thanks for coming back!
I'm glad you didn't allow the slip up to spiral completely out of control. There have been many times I've disappeared from these boards due to relapse, but I keep coming back. You will gain the tools to make your next night out successful and you'll be great! Thanks for coming back!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: MouseTown, USA
Posts: 11
Two weeks down....meditation has helped.
Reached two weeks being free of alcohol today and feel pretty darn good. Have had a few rough days and temptations along the way, but have worked through it. One thing that has helped is that I started meditating. There is a wonderful app called Calm, that provides guided meditation. Whenever I have a moment of weakness or stress, I have been turning to this app to help calm my cravings and mind.
Thanks everyone for sharing your successes and setbacks. I am inspired by each one of you and how you are dealing with your situation. Even if you have a slight setback - and I will stress slight - don't throw the rest of your successes out the window. If you make it week and then have a drink - celebrate the week and commit to making it two weeks next time. Remember, a journey of 1,000 miles is made up of many individual steps. A stumble along they way does not mean that the miles you covered to that point don't count.
Stay strong, everyone, and have a great and alcohol free weekend!
Thanks everyone for sharing your successes and setbacks. I am inspired by each one of you and how you are dealing with your situation. Even if you have a slight setback - and I will stress slight - don't throw the rest of your successes out the window. If you make it week and then have a drink - celebrate the week and commit to making it two weeks next time. Remember, a journey of 1,000 miles is made up of many individual steps. A stumble along they way does not mean that the miles you covered to that point don't count.
Stay strong, everyone, and have a great and alcohol free weekend!
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