Class of August 2014 Part 19
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Like I just said to someone else, I genuinely don't feel a sense of loss anymore for being a non drinker and I have more fun now than I ever did drinking.
as they say in AA - Don't leave before the miracle happens
D
as they say in AA - Don't leave before the miracle happens
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 1,049
Happy August everyone!
Determined - I love what you wrote today. I think that is another reason I have been feeling down and unsettled. My professional life is great but I just feel very empty inside. This on top of my recent divorce and now my kids being away has really thrown me off the last couple of weeks.
Divorce is a very lonely place. I am realizing that I might need to find a separate support group for that. I was getting frustrated with my family because I felt like they didn't care but now I am realizing slowly that it is similar to addiction - they have not been through it so they simply can not understand the pain I am in right now.
That is why all of you have been so important to me on this road to recovery from poison and self-sabotage - you all get it.
I'm looking forward to a great month sober. I miss my kids but it is temporary. I decided to take advantage of all this alone time and turn it into a time to work on myself. Kind of like my own rehab - clean eating, yoga, writing in a journal, reflection, meetings, good sleep, reading, crochet, dance, playing guitar, etc. I want to focus on making myself a better person so that when my kids are back I can be the best Mom I can be for them and for myself.
"It is the set of sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go."-Jim Rohn
Determined - I love what you wrote today. I think that is another reason I have been feeling down and unsettled. My professional life is great but I just feel very empty inside. This on top of my recent divorce and now my kids being away has really thrown me off the last couple of weeks.
Divorce is a very lonely place. I am realizing that I might need to find a separate support group for that. I was getting frustrated with my family because I felt like they didn't care but now I am realizing slowly that it is similar to addiction - they have not been through it so they simply can not understand the pain I am in right now.
That is why all of you have been so important to me on this road to recovery from poison and self-sabotage - you all get it.
I'm looking forward to a great month sober. I miss my kids but it is temporary. I decided to take advantage of all this alone time and turn it into a time to work on myself. Kind of like my own rehab - clean eating, yoga, writing in a journal, reflection, meetings, good sleep, reading, crochet, dance, playing guitar, etc. I want to focus on making myself a better person so that when my kids are back I can be the best Mom I can be for them and for myself.
"It is the set of sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go."-Jim Rohn
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Had a great sober day today! My husband and I took our granddaughter to an amusement park near our house. Water parks n rides. It was a really nice day. Feeling better today.
I've been feeling slot of anxiety lately
-last week bc I overdid it Saturday night
-about work..feeling really insecure and disconnected there. I'm actually thinking of asking my boss if I could work at home a couple of days a week
- bc I've run into so much trouble drinking when I go out I get anxiety. I avoid going out now. Stay in most of the time
-I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about my first counselor visit and am actually thinking of canceling
I hope my antidepressant helps.
I've been feeling slot of anxiety lately
-last week bc I overdid it Saturday night
-about work..feeling really insecure and disconnected there. I'm actually thinking of asking my boss if I could work at home a couple of days a week
- bc I've run into so much trouble drinking when I go out I get anxiety. I avoid going out now. Stay in most of the time
-I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about my first counselor visit and am actually thinking of canceling
I hope my antidepressant helps.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Hi all, wow a whole year since we started this journey, wish I could have stayed sober for the duration but I am glad that I've kept coming back as they say in AA! Day 41 now so got through the whole of July sober.
Not in a good place unfortunately, sober but physically and emotionally feeling down. Firstly my hip which has been hurting for a while has got a lot worse so I'll have to see a doctor about it Monday, it feels like arthritis type pain but could be anything including a joint issue linked to my alcoholism and abusing my body with it for years although I have worked tough manual jobs so my bones and joints have been battered, Im 34 though so feel a bit young to be this immobile.
Then the other night I woke up with intense stomach pain which was terrible and I came close to passing out, I went as white as a sheet and had an eerie cold sweat which was like the withdrawal days, it passed but it scared me, hoping it was a bug but deep down worrying in case its linked again with my drinking days....
Went to a city AA meeting last night and that lifted my spirits but when I got home I got a text from the stalker woman again, it had been over a week and I was hoping it would pass but no after getting another strange text again before Im having to take the plunge and change my phone numbers as of tomorrow- its annoying as I have loads of people and businesses etc that I'll need to inform and haggling to do to keep the services I get for being a good customer etc....
The only silver lining was that I have my girls today and overnight but even that was tarnished. Have been getting on well with ex lately but when she dropped them off today she handed me a carrier bag of rubbish to put in my bin and it had an empty can of beer in it- strange but tried to ignore it, but when she'd gone my eldest asked if I'd seen the car behind my ex's brother car(who dropped them off with her) I said no, but then saw it driving off, it was ex's brothers mate who I have major history with, he assaulted me in a pub and nearly blinded me 4yrs ago, he also passed around drugs in a kids party I was at years before that and he's generally bad news, I knew my ex saw him occasionally as her brother and him were close but I pleaded with her not to let my kids anywhere near him which she agreed to. Turns out they'd all been out together before I had them and my eldest was telling me how 'kind' this guy had been with them.
Feel lost, let down and like the worlds against me at this point, didn't react with my girls and had a great evening with them still but its been eating away at me all night. Haven't called or text ex to tell her as I know that it would cause an argument and that's the last thing I need, feel like a doormat at times and that the nicer, more sober me is too much of a 'nice guy' that is open to be taken advantage of....
Not in a good place unfortunately, sober but physically and emotionally feeling down. Firstly my hip which has been hurting for a while has got a lot worse so I'll have to see a doctor about it Monday, it feels like arthritis type pain but could be anything including a joint issue linked to my alcoholism and abusing my body with it for years although I have worked tough manual jobs so my bones and joints have been battered, Im 34 though so feel a bit young to be this immobile.
Then the other night I woke up with intense stomach pain which was terrible and I came close to passing out, I went as white as a sheet and had an eerie cold sweat which was like the withdrawal days, it passed but it scared me, hoping it was a bug but deep down worrying in case its linked again with my drinking days....
Went to a city AA meeting last night and that lifted my spirits but when I got home I got a text from the stalker woman again, it had been over a week and I was hoping it would pass but no after getting another strange text again before Im having to take the plunge and change my phone numbers as of tomorrow- its annoying as I have loads of people and businesses etc that I'll need to inform and haggling to do to keep the services I get for being a good customer etc....
The only silver lining was that I have my girls today and overnight but even that was tarnished. Have been getting on well with ex lately but when she dropped them off today she handed me a carrier bag of rubbish to put in my bin and it had an empty can of beer in it- strange but tried to ignore it, but when she'd gone my eldest asked if I'd seen the car behind my ex's brother car(who dropped them off with her) I said no, but then saw it driving off, it was ex's brothers mate who I have major history with, he assaulted me in a pub and nearly blinded me 4yrs ago, he also passed around drugs in a kids party I was at years before that and he's generally bad news, I knew my ex saw him occasionally as her brother and him were close but I pleaded with her not to let my kids anywhere near him which she agreed to. Turns out they'd all been out together before I had them and my eldest was telling me how 'kind' this guy had been with them.
Feel lost, let down and like the worlds against me at this point, didn't react with my girls and had a great evening with them still but its been eating away at me all night. Haven't called or text ex to tell her as I know that it would cause an argument and that's the last thing I need, feel like a doormat at times and that the nicer, more sober me is too much of a 'nice guy' that is open to be taken advantage of....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
It's August! Wooooohooooooooo! A whole year of freedom! I'm so proud of us all!
It was three years ago that I knew I was killing myself. Countless promises to quit, many "day 1's". Having been sober for five years, I knew what I was missing, the work I was undoing, the future I was creating. Misery and emptiness clung to every moment. I often took relief in the thought of resting deeply in dark earth; a place I imagined I might find peace. I drank every day, and the bingeing increased so that I didn't really have any control of when I drank, what I drank, or how much I drank. The night before I started a sought after job, a Saturday night, watching TV in the afternoon were all equal opportunities to drink as much as I could before I passed out.
So it was the night before I volunteered to work at a county fair. I arrived, still drunk and too nauseous to speak with anyone and suffering from alcohol poisoning. I spent my shift in a hot, ripe porta-potty. Sitting on the floor, I felt grateful for the silence. I remember comparing the peace and silence of an overflowing toilet to the luxury of the cold earth and hoped that this was rock bottom. My husband and kids arrived at the end of my shift, fresh-faced and ready to have fun. Instead, they walked me to the car, where I rested as they had a family day without me. That was it for me.
This week I again work at the fair, and it will mark a solid year of a life free of alcohol, and not coincidentally, a year free from the deep depression that had engulfed me. I had no reason to succeed last August, as I had tried so many times before, but for each one of you. I can't tell you how thankful I am for SR, and for this team. Life-saving to be sure.
#TeamAugust
It was three years ago that I knew I was killing myself. Countless promises to quit, many "day 1's". Having been sober for five years, I knew what I was missing, the work I was undoing, the future I was creating. Misery and emptiness clung to every moment. I often took relief in the thought of resting deeply in dark earth; a place I imagined I might find peace. I drank every day, and the bingeing increased so that I didn't really have any control of when I drank, what I drank, or how much I drank. The night before I started a sought after job, a Saturday night, watching TV in the afternoon were all equal opportunities to drink as much as I could before I passed out.
So it was the night before I volunteered to work at a county fair. I arrived, still drunk and too nauseous to speak with anyone and suffering from alcohol poisoning. I spent my shift in a hot, ripe porta-potty. Sitting on the floor, I felt grateful for the silence. I remember comparing the peace and silence of an overflowing toilet to the luxury of the cold earth and hoped that this was rock bottom. My husband and kids arrived at the end of my shift, fresh-faced and ready to have fun. Instead, they walked me to the car, where I rested as they had a family day without me. That was it for me.
This week I again work at the fair, and it will mark a solid year of a life free of alcohol, and not coincidentally, a year free from the deep depression that had engulfed me. I had no reason to succeed last August, as I had tried so many times before, but for each one of you. I can't tell you how thankful I am for SR, and for this team. Life-saving to be sure.
#TeamAugust
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
Rah, staying in is a good call. Go to the counselling appointment-I think it will feel like a relief. Keep going-you are doing great!
1step-keep it up! I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I guess the best thing that can be done is to focus on what you can do-like changing your number and spending the best time you can with your girls. Hope you feel better soon!
Pink-thanks for sharing your story. So glad to be on a team with you!
Good insight in your post, Determined. Real contentment cannot come from a bottle. It is always manufactured mirth-even for those that use it occasionally. I loved picturing your hike in the woods.
Grateful, I'm right with you. I think divorce is truly life changing, and now is the time to find the true Grateful and honestly negotiate your new life.
Good to see you, dry!
1step-keep it up! I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I guess the best thing that can be done is to focus on what you can do-like changing your number and spending the best time you can with your girls. Hope you feel better soon!
Pink-thanks for sharing your story. So glad to be on a team with you!
Good insight in your post, Determined. Real contentment cannot come from a bottle. It is always manufactured mirth-even for those that use it occasionally. I loved picturing your hike in the woods.
Grateful, I'm right with you. I think divorce is truly life changing, and now is the time to find the true Grateful and honestly negotiate your new life.
Good to see you, dry!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: peterborough uk
Posts: 1,171
Choobie, thank you for sharing, you have come so far and done so well and you are neatly at 1 year, and have done it all yourself. Life is better for you, and also for your family, you have turned around completely, and return to the place where your journey began. You can go to the fair with your head held high choobie, I am so proud of you xxx well done my friend. Nearly 1 year! Woooooooooohooooooooo!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Tough weekend on the Trails- but completed! Friday night I ran 14, Saturday morning 10, then Sunday morning 7.
I needed to get some miles in quickly since I'd been skipping my midweek runs. And I needed to prove to myself that I could run tired, and run when I'd rather rest.
I have a one year follow up cardiologist appt tomorrow (even though My pacemaker has been removed). I'm looking forward to telling him I don't drink alcohol or coffee and ran 30 miles over the weekend.
He'll either think I'm goofing on him or hang my picture up as patient of the year!
I needed to get some miles in quickly since I'd been skipping my midweek runs. And I needed to prove to myself that I could run tired, and run when I'd rather rest.
I have a one year follow up cardiologist appt tomorrow (even though My pacemaker has been removed). I'm looking forward to telling him I don't drink alcohol or coffee and ran 30 miles over the weekend.
He'll either think I'm goofing on him or hang my picture up as patient of the year!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Checking in...day 8. Feeling better physically. Good day so far..a little shopping this morning, pool time this afternoon, then going to dinner at my parents later. Having some issues with one of my daughters. I'm trying not to let it get to me with everything else I'm working through. Started talking/sharing what I've been feeling/thinking with my husband today. I have such a hard time opening up. Today is a good day hope you all are having a good day too.
hope you all are having a good day too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Quick happy Sunday kids!
At pool, having fun with all the kids on the slides and dives. No alcohol allowed here, but I noticed a guy my age "sunning" on a chair lounge while his kid played. He kept getting up and pouring beer into a plastic cup using his cooler to block the view and a towel to hide the bottle. He was trying very hard to nap, but his little son kept "annoying" him. Clearly hungover and trying to fix it with beer. Nobody really noticed, but boy I did! Glad that is not me. So very glad.
Gotta run!
Love you guys, will read up on posts later.
At pool, having fun with all the kids on the slides and dives. No alcohol allowed here, but I noticed a guy my age "sunning" on a chair lounge while his kid played. He kept getting up and pouring beer into a plastic cup using his cooler to block the view and a towel to hide the bottle. He was trying very hard to nap, but his little son kept "annoying" him. Clearly hungover and trying to fix it with beer. Nobody really noticed, but boy I did! Glad that is not me. So very glad.
Gotta run!
Love you guys, will read up on posts later.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
Great posts - we have really become a deeply insightful group.
Choobie, thanks for sharing. We all understand.
London, aren't you going to be the first of us to hit one year?
Determined, that sounds like fun! I love water slides, but haven't been on one in about 15 years when I brought a few nieces - and, I still remember how horrible my hangover was that day.
Rah, you are doing great. Just keep doing it one day at a time. They really do add up!
1Step, I agree - change your phone number, go to meetings. You might want to write what you plan to text to your wife, then wait an hour or two and reread it before texting her.
Ultra, I can't wait to hear what your cardiologist has to say! I know a woman who survived pancreatic cancer, and there is a large picture of her on the wall at Dana Farber that she jokes about. Your face might just grace the cardiac unit at your hospital!
Hello to everyone else. If you haven't done it yet, I suggest you go back to our postings from last August - September when we were starting our journey and friendship.
Bug Hugs !
Choobie, thanks for sharing. We all understand.
London, aren't you going to be the first of us to hit one year?
Determined, that sounds like fun! I love water slides, but haven't been on one in about 15 years when I brought a few nieces - and, I still remember how horrible my hangover was that day.
Rah, you are doing great. Just keep doing it one day at a time. They really do add up!
1Step, I agree - change your phone number, go to meetings. You might want to write what you plan to text to your wife, then wait an hour or two and reread it before texting her.
Ultra, I can't wait to hear what your cardiologist has to say! I know a woman who survived pancreatic cancer, and there is a large picture of her on the wall at Dana Farber that she jokes about. Your face might just grace the cardiac unit at your hospital!
Hello to everyone else. If you haven't done it yet, I suggest you go back to our postings from last August - September when we were starting our journey and friendship.
Bug Hugs !
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Hey guys!
Had a busy day but a great one out and about in London in the sunshine. I had a great lie in this morning too, rare for me!
Loving the posts at the moment. Lots of gratitude. I went back to read some of the early posts and what a difference! Scooter I hit one year on Tuesday, a day at a time :-)
Hope everyone has a great Sunday
Had a busy day but a great one out and about in London in the sunshine. I had a great lie in this morning too, rare for me!
Loving the posts at the moment. Lots of gratitude. I went back to read some of the early posts and what a difference! Scooter I hit one year on Tuesday, a day at a time :-)
Hope everyone has a great Sunday
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 1,049
Hey TeamAugust14!
Scooter - Thanks for the suggestion. I went back and read the first couple parts of Class of August 2014. It was very interesting to read and especially helped me because I am back in "earlier" recovery.
Choobie - Thanks for your post, I can relate all too well. I am so inspired by what you have accomplished since last August!
London - You were one of the first to help me here on TeamA. I am so inspired by your dedication and consistency here on SR. Top drawer my friend!
Hugs and love to all.
Scooter - Thanks for the suggestion. I went back and read the first couple parts of Class of August 2014. It was very interesting to read and especially helped me because I am back in "earlier" recovery.
Choobie - Thanks for your post, I can relate all too well. I am so inspired by what you have accomplished since last August!
London - You were one of the first to help me here on TeamA. I am so inspired by your dedication and consistency here on SR. Top drawer my friend!
Hugs and love to all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Hey all
Good morning!
Monday morning is here again. And a sober and happy weekend again. I have been making the most of the summer this year which feels great.
Thanks for your kind words grateful! You are doing great. The tough times will change for the better
Struggling with the cigarettes the last few days. I had one last Tuesday and none since, just some small puffs on the ecigarette when it's felt too much. Been feeling rotten as all the poison is expelled but a day at a time I will kick this one into the long grass too
Have a wonderful Monday all
Good morning!
Monday morning is here again. And a sober and happy weekend again. I have been making the most of the summer this year which feels great.
Thanks for your kind words grateful! You are doing great. The tough times will change for the better
Struggling with the cigarettes the last few days. I had one last Tuesday and none since, just some small puffs on the ecigarette when it's felt too much. Been feeling rotten as all the poison is expelled but a day at a time I will kick this one into the long grass too
Have a wonderful Monday all
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