Class of August 2014 Part 19
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Trying to think of positive things and things that I am grateful for...I love being a mom and grandma; love my husband; love my dogs; I am grateful that I have them and a good job that I do well at. I try to be a good person. I am smart, kind, compassionate. My biggest struggle is binge drinking. I am healthy but I do struggle emotionally and struggle with depression. I am not perfect but have many good attributes. I know this to be true, yet I feel so bad.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
Good morning-
Rah, great job on staying positive! Try to stay in the moment. Yesterday does not define you, unless you repeat it.
Hope you feel better, Ultra!
London-
Way to go on 11 months, Pink! Wooooohooooooo!
Rah, great job on staying positive! Try to stay in the moment. Yesterday does not define you, unless you repeat it.
Hope you feel better, Ultra!
London-
Way to go on 11 months, Pink! Wooooohooooooo!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Choobie - the fact that I keep repeating the same pattern is one of the things that is really bothering me. I know that drinking must be eliminated completely but end up falling for one reason or another. I have been involved in this since October 2010...that's nearly 5 years of this. Most people would just stop after 1 incident. But not me. There is something really wrong with me...I am sick over this.
Happy birthday London
Happy birthday London
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Trying to put things in perspective..yes, I really screwed up Saturday night...here are some thoughts...
1. We made it home safe, thankfully
2. The only people that know are me, my husband and you
3. I have a good job, comfortable life and a family
4. I have my health
5. Lots of people struggle w things in life
6. No one is perfect
7. I am blessed with my granddaughter being here for the summer
1. We made it home safe, thankfully
2. The only people that know are me, my husband and you
3. I have a good job, comfortable life and a family
4. I have my health
5. Lots of people struggle w things in life
6. No one is perfect
7. I am blessed with my granddaughter being here for the summer
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
I cannot change the past. I need to accept that it happened. The only thing I can do is to live better now, make better choices, and accept that I am a "no alcohol zone"! I am not a bad person. I just made a mistake and have a problem to address.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 1,049
Rah, you are a good person. I have been trying to do this since April 2010. I have fallen many times and gone back even after the worst consequences. Please try not to beat yourself so much over wht has happened. It helps me to put all of my energy into the present. Just don't drink today.
Rooting for you!
Rooting for you!
:
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Been thinking about my life, not to make excuses but to understand the journey, since I imagine it's important to where I find myself...been through a lot and probably am not in a good place for success right now...
1. Both of my parents drink. I seem to be like my dad when it comes to drinking
2. Had issues with binge drinking even in my teens. Stopped when I got pregnant in college, stayed on the path until my kids grew up and moved out.
3. Got divorced, remarried in 2003. The blended family thing did not work out as expected. Right after we got married my stepson got arrested, went to jail for 6 months. Step daughter hated me so much she went into the Marines. Came back fr the Marines with a bunch of issues. She lived w us, tried to overdose on OxyContin, didn't succeed but ended up dying in our house of an accidental drug combination/overdose. Can't tell you how much that affected me and my view on life.
4. Had gastric bypass in sept 2010. My husband had gastric bypass in January 2010. Important point about this is that we metabolize alcohol differently after the surgery
5. After the surgeries and especially after my step daughters death my husband and I started going out a lot. After the surgery we went out and drank instead of eating bc we couldn't eat and bc food just didn't bring the same enjoyment. After my step daughters death things really got bad. We were going out a lot.
6. Add to the mix that my daughters and granddaughter moved out due to conflict at the house, as I said the blended family did not work for us. My daughters did not like having to grow up and be responsible. Essentially we were confronted w empty nest syndrome. Made it worse for me. Things got really out of hand ended up doing things I am totally embarrassed about.
7. Tried to cut back stop, etc. was successful for a period of time. Felt like a change of scenery was needed. Took a new job and we moved to a new state, 700 miles away
8. Thought everything would be better in the new city. Had 2 surgeries to take care of excess skin, tummy tuck in October 2014 and arm lifts in December 2014. Still have pain from the surgeries. Anyway, the move hasn't solved all of our problems. Socially we are isolated. I am isolated at work too. I don't have face to face interaction w people. I am a people person so it is challenging. Sometimes I feel like I should socialize but then I isolate myself. I feel like we can't go out bc I can't handle drinking, as you know. We haven't found interest or friends not centered around drinking.
9. Distance from the family has reduced some stress but still have issues w the kids. Financially it is better living in our new state. I am doing well at my job despite the social isolation I feel at work.
Been through a lot and am ashamed that alcohol has become such an issue. I am so sick over this.
1. Both of my parents drink. I seem to be like my dad when it comes to drinking
2. Had issues with binge drinking even in my teens. Stopped when I got pregnant in college, stayed on the path until my kids grew up and moved out.
3. Got divorced, remarried in 2003. The blended family thing did not work out as expected. Right after we got married my stepson got arrested, went to jail for 6 months. Step daughter hated me so much she went into the Marines. Came back fr the Marines with a bunch of issues. She lived w us, tried to overdose on OxyContin, didn't succeed but ended up dying in our house of an accidental drug combination/overdose. Can't tell you how much that affected me and my view on life.
4. Had gastric bypass in sept 2010. My husband had gastric bypass in January 2010. Important point about this is that we metabolize alcohol differently after the surgery
5. After the surgeries and especially after my step daughters death my husband and I started going out a lot. After the surgery we went out and drank instead of eating bc we couldn't eat and bc food just didn't bring the same enjoyment. After my step daughters death things really got bad. We were going out a lot.
6. Add to the mix that my daughters and granddaughter moved out due to conflict at the house, as I said the blended family did not work for us. My daughters did not like having to grow up and be responsible. Essentially we were confronted w empty nest syndrome. Made it worse for me. Things got really out of hand ended up doing things I am totally embarrassed about.
7. Tried to cut back stop, etc. was successful for a period of time. Felt like a change of scenery was needed. Took a new job and we moved to a new state, 700 miles away
8. Thought everything would be better in the new city. Had 2 surgeries to take care of excess skin, tummy tuck in October 2014 and arm lifts in December 2014. Still have pain from the surgeries. Anyway, the move hasn't solved all of our problems. Socially we are isolated. I am isolated at work too. I don't have face to face interaction w people. I am a people person so it is challenging. Sometimes I feel like I should socialize but then I isolate myself. I feel like we can't go out bc I can't handle drinking, as you know. We haven't found interest or friends not centered around drinking.
9. Distance from the family has reduced some stress but still have issues w the kids. Financially it is better living in our new state. I am doing well at my job despite the social isolation I feel at work.
Been through a lot and am ashamed that alcohol has become such an issue. I am so sick over this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: peterborough uk
Posts: 1,171
London, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Way to smash the sober birthday out of the park compared to last year! Proud of you, another first down, you did it! Xx
Rah, grateful hit it spot on, think about today. Do not drink today. If you do not drink today, tomorrow will always be better x you have done amazingly to get through all you have, you are strong, very strong xxx
Determind, duck diving is an awesome metaphor! I didnt know that i actually duck dive all the time, and now have a name for it, thank you! Also, great quote today my friend x
No news here, just in from work and making dinner, I'm starving! Also Accidently devoured a bag of marshmallows at lunch. Whoops ie. Thinking of you all.
Take care xxx
Rah, grateful hit it spot on, think about today. Do not drink today. If you do not drink today, tomorrow will always be better x you have done amazingly to get through all you have, you are strong, very strong xxx
Determind, duck diving is an awesome metaphor! I didnt know that i actually duck dive all the time, and now have a name for it, thank you! Also, great quote today my friend x
No news here, just in from work and making dinner, I'm starving! Also Accidently devoured a bag of marshmallows at lunch. Whoops ie. Thinking of you all.
Take care xxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Spent some time today reviewing all of my posts since I joined this thread in August 2014. Tried to write down all of the times I've overdone it. Trying to moderate has gotten the best of me. You all tried to tell me that moderating wouldn't work. What a thick head I am. Even though these episodes are only a small portion of the last year the effects are extensive...self disgust, relationships, self esteem, time lost, money wasted, what am I doing and why do I keep going back? I have no answers. My resolve ebbs and flows. I can't change everything that has happened. The only thing I can do is take care of myself and really commit and stick to it now. I've got plenty of good years left and want them to be better and sober. Today is day 4. I will not drink today. I will focus on being a good wife and grandma today. I will be grateful for the life I have
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
So the class of August 2015 is around the corner- wild!
Anyone still remember what it was like in the early days of our Team? I genuinely don't recall alot- except for the enthusiasm of the new venture and the hope that every member had starting out.
Then the 'novelty' wore off and we got down to work: holidays, vacations, family gatherings, birthdays, summer- supporting and sharing the good, bad, adn ugly of the journey!
We've thined a bit, as is common I'm sure- but we're tight and love each other unconditionally.
What do you say we each pop in on the August 2015 class and offer some encouragement as the members begin their epic quest? It may help some solidify that this is in fact an acheivable endevor.
Anyone still remember what it was like in the early days of our Team? I genuinely don't recall alot- except for the enthusiasm of the new venture and the hope that every member had starting out.
Then the 'novelty' wore off and we got down to work: holidays, vacations, family gatherings, birthdays, summer- supporting and sharing the good, bad, adn ugly of the journey!
We've thined a bit, as is common I'm sure- but we're tight and love each other unconditionally.
What do you say we each pop in on the August 2015 class and offer some encouragement as the members begin their epic quest? It may help some solidify that this is in fact an acheivable endevor.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Glad you liked the duck dive metaphor pink! I am doing it right now actually, bad day, but this emotion will be processed in a healthy way and it will pass on over me, just like a wave. Tomorrow morning will be better and I will be off the ropes swinging like rocky balboa.
Rah, taking inventory like you are doing is very positive. It helped me. Next is resolve to evolve. Move past the events that hurt and to the place you know you want to be. Dig deep. Visualize living sober, not just quitting drinking. Have a plan in line with your goal. Then execute. Every single day. You can do this and it sounds like you are learning from each event. Lean on us, we got you.
Great post ultra, I'm in!
Goodnight guys. Love you all!
Rah, taking inventory like you are doing is very positive. It helped me. Next is resolve to evolve. Move past the events that hurt and to the place you know you want to be. Dig deep. Visualize living sober, not just quitting drinking. Have a plan in line with your goal. Then execute. Every single day. You can do this and it sounds like you are learning from each event. Lean on us, we got you.
Great post ultra, I'm in!
Goodnight guys. Love you all!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Hey guys
Ultra that's a great idea :-)
Rah, I agree with Determined. The inventory is a good idea. Just focus on a day at a time and you can build the rest of your plan. You can do it! You have had some tough stuff happen and deserve a contented life.
I love the duck dive metaphor Determined!
I am doing lots of thinking this week. A year ago this week I was on a weeks binge, somehow holding down a job (just being there in the morning then sneaking out for the afternoon) My partner had just left due to my drinking and the only option I felt I had was to keep drinking to take all the pain away and keep the shakes and nerves at bay. Just horrible. Each day I only made it as far a midday before I started drinking wine.
Away to work this morning and ready for my Starbucks! Work is difficult but I am smashing through the deadlines. Two whole days of not smoking real cigarettes and I feel angsty and need to be patient. I have joined a forum based on how much SR has helped me. I have also built a serious running training plan ready to start on the weekend when I am relaxed and no work.
Hope everyone has a great Thursday. Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone. Love Team A!
Ultra that's a great idea :-)
Rah, I agree with Determined. The inventory is a good idea. Just focus on a day at a time and you can build the rest of your plan. You can do it! You have had some tough stuff happen and deserve a contented life.
I love the duck dive metaphor Determined!
I am doing lots of thinking this week. A year ago this week I was on a weeks binge, somehow holding down a job (just being there in the morning then sneaking out for the afternoon) My partner had just left due to my drinking and the only option I felt I had was to keep drinking to take all the pain away and keep the shakes and nerves at bay. Just horrible. Each day I only made it as far a midday before I started drinking wine.
Away to work this morning and ready for my Starbucks! Work is difficult but I am smashing through the deadlines. Two whole days of not smoking real cigarettes and I feel angsty and need to be patient. I have joined a forum based on how much SR has helped me. I have also built a serious running training plan ready to start on the weekend when I am relaxed and no work.
Hope everyone has a great Thursday. Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone. Love Team A!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,347
Top of the morning to ya!
London, great post man. Wow, what a transformation. So much to be proud and thankful for, truly remarkable bro.
Thinking of taking tomorrow off to regroup and just have some fun with my little man. Gonna go in today on a mission and make it happen.
Ultra and Londons posts were awesome, making me reflect a bit. Just the magnitude of the changes we have all made this year, unreal. I remember so many times wishing I could clean up for a year. I wondered, wow, what would happen. Now I know. I don't miss that life. Not going back. I think ultra makes a good point, let's go spread the word and help others find their way out of that dark place.
No thanks, I don't drink.
Boy that feels so natural now. Try it today, you will see what I mean.
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left. And I could say I used everything you gave me." Erma bombeck
Go get it.
London, great post man. Wow, what a transformation. So much to be proud and thankful for, truly remarkable bro.
Thinking of taking tomorrow off to regroup and just have some fun with my little man. Gonna go in today on a mission and make it happen.
Ultra and Londons posts were awesome, making me reflect a bit. Just the magnitude of the changes we have all made this year, unreal. I remember so many times wishing I could clean up for a year. I wondered, wow, what would happen. Now I know. I don't miss that life. Not going back. I think ultra makes a good point, let's go spread the word and help others find their way out of that dark place.
No thanks, I don't drink.
Boy that feels so natural now. Try it today, you will see what I mean.
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left. And I could say I used everything you gave me." Erma bombeck
Go get it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
Greetings!
Happy Belated Birthday, London.
Ultra, I like your idea of posting on the August 2015 thread. I think I will do it on the 16th, my one year anniversary. I believe we had 26 members at one point.
Pink, I LOL'd about your accidentally devouring the bag of marshmallows. I have accidentally devoured many snacks through this year!
Rah, you have been given some great advice by Determined, London, Grateful, Pink , Choobie and others. One thing London wrote that really made me think was that you deserve a contented life. I never wanted a contented life - I now realize I liked the drama of driving while drunk, liked the excitement of talking to people in bars, liked going to parties. But, now? I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my contentment. I love waking up sober, I love exercising, I love keeping my house in order and decorated, I love going to the beach and reading, not trying to sleep off a hangover. I love getting ready for bed - washing my face, brushing my teeth - things I rarely did while drunk. I love getting a great night's sleep - no crazy thoughts, no pounding heart. I love not worrying about who I texted, phoned, emailed. I love not worrying about if others can tell I have had a few drinks. I could go on, but you get the point. I now crave contentment because of the great joy and calm it brings with it.
Let's keep on keeping on.
Happy Belated Birthday, London.
Ultra, I like your idea of posting on the August 2015 thread. I think I will do it on the 16th, my one year anniversary. I believe we had 26 members at one point.
Pink, I LOL'd about your accidentally devouring the bag of marshmallows. I have accidentally devoured many snacks through this year!
Rah, you have been given some great advice by Determined, London, Grateful, Pink , Choobie and others. One thing London wrote that really made me think was that you deserve a contented life. I never wanted a contented life - I now realize I liked the drama of driving while drunk, liked the excitement of talking to people in bars, liked going to parties. But, now? I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my contentment. I love waking up sober, I love exercising, I love keeping my house in order and decorated, I love going to the beach and reading, not trying to sleep off a hangover. I love getting ready for bed - washing my face, brushing my teeth - things I rarely did while drunk. I love getting a great night's sleep - no crazy thoughts, no pounding heart. I love not worrying about who I texted, phoned, emailed. I love not worrying about if others can tell I have had a few drinks. I could go on, but you get the point. I now crave contentment because of the great joy and calm it brings with it.
Let's keep on keeping on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Hang in there RAH I'm pulling for you- but really can't offer any different suggestions than those you've gotten already.
One practice of top trail runners is to keep their momentum going as they crest a hill to gain an extra push as gravity begins to take them down the other side. We've had many milestones yet a one year mark is particularly significant as a measure of time. Heck, we track our time on earth in years.
Let's crest this hill with a smile in our hearts, passion in our veins, and contented spirits giving recognition to who we were, praise for we are, and positive expectation for what we will be.
I'm proud of each of you.
One practice of top trail runners is to keep their momentum going as they crest a hill to gain an extra push as gravity begins to take them down the other side. We've had many milestones yet a one year mark is particularly significant as a measure of time. Heck, we track our time on earth in years.
Let's crest this hill with a smile in our hearts, passion in our veins, and contented spirits giving recognition to who we were, praise for we are, and positive expectation for what we will be.
I'm proud of each of you.
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