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Class of August 2014 Part 19

Old 07-27-2015, 05:34 AM
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To date, I make a commitment to not drink after I've overdone. It's a cycle...overdo it; feel ill for a few days; feel remorse, etc; make a commitment to stop; but in a few weeks I say "one drink won't hurt", etc. then I can moderate for a bit but then end up overdoing it. I'm so tired of trying and failing. I need to come to terms with this problem. I really feel made progress over the last month. Feeling stronger, better. I can't explain what happened Saturday or why I didn't do better. I feel like a jerk starting and stopping over and over again. I really think it comes down to true commitment. I am smart and strong. When I put my mind to something I do it. Why is this so hard?

I need to build a plan and need to add tools to my "toolbox". Commitment, planning, foreseeing trouble spots and developing a plan to overcome and to celebrate successes.
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Old 07-27-2015, 11:44 AM
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Happy Monday folks !

Again no news, but like london said, sometimes that's cool because life is doing what it should, and going well!

Thinking of you all.

Ooooh, must share, I found delicious ice cream today called 'the skinny cow'. It's mint choc chip, and half fat, hurrah!

Keep safe, smile, be good to yourselves xxx
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Old 07-27-2015, 03:30 PM
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No news is good news!

Rah, I had to finally understand that no matter what, I cannot drink. One is too many, ten not enough. I think it is a great start that you recognize your cycle; now you can work on breaking the pattern. You might want to start thinking "one drink WILL hurt. It will lead to more, then to overdoing it, then to the dreaded hangover, shame, remorse, embarrassment."

Once you know there is no such thing as "one drink won't hurt" for people like us, you will be on your way. All of us who have stayed on Team August have mentioned the differences- our lives are more carefree, calm, safe, healthy, cheerful.....basically, much better and more positive.

Let's keep on keeping on!
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Old 07-27-2015, 03:41 PM
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That's some great advice scooter - thanks
Rah, I don't think there's any way to negotiate with alcoholism. I thought there was too.

I was always focusing on the last drink -' i shouldn't have had that last drink', 'gee, I don't remember what happened after that last drink' , 'I was fine before that last drink...'

I should have focused on the first drink I took, cos thats the problem one - thats the one that starts the crazy train - it's the one from which all other circumstances spring from.

You might be saying but sometimes I'm fine.

Like you, at least in earlier years, I could manage not to drink to blackout sometimes, or not get drunk sometimes...but it really wasn't control on my part, Rah, it was more good luck.

I have many times when I drank and had bad stuff happen as testament to my lack of control over my drinking.

I finally realised I was a very poor drinker and I had no business drinking.

I really hope you'll have that same realisation Rah
D
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Old 07-27-2015, 06:44 PM
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Hey all! I am still here, just been feeling down lately - feeling very much alone. I have plenty to do but it just doesn't fill the loneliness since the divorce especially now that my kids are away at camp until the end of summer. I don't want to bring anyone down I am just being real. Time for a gratitude list...

Today I am grateful for:
sunshine
really good coffee
watermelon
a job I love
really really really good chocolate
my happy, healthy, funny children - I miss them but I am happy that they are enjoying their summer
SR - It helps to read random posts by newcomers and wise responses
#TeamAugust - always helps me to read all your posts - you inspire me - love you all! Hey, I feel better already!
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Old 07-27-2015, 06:58 PM
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((((Rah)))) You are smart and strong. Being stuck in this cycle has nothing to do with intelligence. That is great that you are looking to add to your tool box - fantastic start.

You can do this, I believe in you.

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Old 07-28-2015, 12:08 AM
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Rah, I hope you can break the cycle soon my love, we are all rooting for you!

Scooter, fantastic post, you just said what we are all thinking!

Dee, lovely to see you!

Grateful, lovely grateful list today, and now I fancy watermelon! I will buy 1 today! funny how sometimes you can feel lonely even when in a crowd. Big hugs for you my friend, thinking of you and sending you buckets of positivity xxx

Oh hey guys? Is today the 28th? If so, I am 11 months sober today (does a little funky dance) oh yeah! How the hell did that happen? I can remember er counting days and weeks and now 11 months? I honestly cannot quite believe it, and had to triple count the months backwards, as it is so truly unbelievable. I am so bloody proud of myself, and I wouldn't be where I am today without your endless support. Thank you so much. Xxx

Hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go, with a lovely clear head!

Happy Tuesday guys xxxx
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Old 07-28-2015, 03:02 AM
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No blues day Tuesday!!

Just put on "always look on the bright side of life" from Monty Python. That song will put a smile on the old face!

Pink, that's what's up!!! Freakin fantastic! Playin for keeps baby!!

Great post scooter.

Grateful, loved your list. These feelings can really get you down, plus we are actually feeling them now! Just acknowledge your feelings, know that it is ok to feel like that sometimes, and just let it pass on by. Tough waves hit us sometimes. Just duck under it and let it roll on by, when you come to the surface and look up, better waves are always in the horizon. Surfers call it "duck diving" I use the metaphor emotionally all the time.

Gotta run. Have an awesome day team!

You got this rah. Great post dee, thank you.

"Smooth seas do not create skillful sailors"

Duck dive.
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Old 07-28-2015, 05:02 AM
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Thank you all for your posts. You have given me good food for thought. I guess I have been trying to negotiate with alcohol. I feel like such an idiot. I was doing so well and fell hard Saturday. Trying to decide if I need to go for counseling or something. I feel so embarrassed.
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Old 07-28-2015, 07:04 AM
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Thanks so much Pink and Determined!

Pink-Congrats on 11 months! i am so proud of you and happy for you! I can not get enough watermelon. Also, I love Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches mint chocolate chip is the best! Thanks for the posititvity boost-I feel it from across the pond. Xx

Determined- thank you for the duck surfing metaphor. I am on the train to work reading your post with tears in my eyes. I pictured myself ducking and then coming up to sunshine and happier days with my kids. Powerful image!

(((Rah)))

Ultra-loved your one-year post! Massive congratulations on a whole year of sobriety. Woo hoo!

Scooter, London, 1StepUp, Cute, Choobie-hugs to all!
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Old 07-28-2015, 11:06 AM
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Greetings!

Pink, Congratulations on eleven months! BE PROUD!

Rah, there is absolutely no need to feel embarrassed with us - we have all been there, done that.

Grateful, everyone has melancholy days - as Pink said, you can be lonely in a crowd. I remember my mother and father moping about whenever one of my siblings went off to college or moved away. My mother filled with tears every time she heard my brother's name for at least a year after he moved to Dallas.

Determined, I had never heard of duck diving - I like it!


Hello to everyone else.

I am going to the Red Sox game to see Pedro Martinez' number retired. tonight, and we are leaving here early. I hope they win - they have lost every game I have gone to so far this season.

Bug hugs!
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Old 07-28-2015, 01:14 PM
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Congratulations on 11months Pink!

Enjoy the game Scooter!

Hope you feel better soon Grateful

Don't be embarrassed Rah, I know only too well how hard it is to stay stopped. I see it that I'm as allergic to alcohol as a hay fever sufferer is allergic
to pollen the only difference is a hay fever sufferer doesn't have an obsession for going around sniffing flowers like I do about drinking. The getting away with it drinks I had ALWAYS set me up for a fall somewhere further on up the road. Like has been said its the first drink that gets us drunk its just Russian roulette as to when and how the chaos, havoc, blackouts and misery arrive.

Thanks for your continued optimism Determined!
.

Still plodding on here on day 37, went to a fantastic meeting last night- going to bigger out of town ones more now with a good mate who has similar sobriety and its given me a new lease of recovery life.
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Old 07-28-2015, 02:43 PM
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Thank you all for your support, kind words and advice. I left a message for a counselor today. I am waiting for a call back. Adding to my toolbox I hope they call me back. I really want my life to be better and want to get off this ride.
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Old 07-28-2015, 05:49 PM
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Glad the duck diving metaphor helped!

Way to kick it 1 step, awesome job dude!

Way to step back into the ring rah, play for keeps. Alcohol is not anyone's friend.

Bedfordshire it is, love you guys.
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Old 07-28-2015, 06:21 PM
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Pink, congrats on 11 months! You are doing great!!
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Old 07-28-2015, 08:38 PM
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Duck diving tonight.

xoxo
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Old 07-29-2015, 12:18 AM
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Hey all

Hoping everyone is good.

It was my birthday yesterday so I was out and about for the day. Had some great food (all day!) and visited Hampton Court which was amazing. So I took a day off internet too. Lovely day.

What a contrast. On my birthday last year I drank all afternoon and then was sneaking drinks home and all my partners plans and surprises were ruined. A year ago this was the start of "rock bottom" week so I am reflecting hard coming up to one year.

Rah - the counsellor is a great idea. I have been seeing someone for 9 months. It's coming to an end soon but has helped immensely. I am just working out with my current therapist how I might continue in a private capacity. Building a plan was essential for me. You can do it. Dee has some very wise words on that first drink.

Yesterday I did a whole day with no cigarettes. I am using a vape stick whilst I work out nicotine reduction. Running is my motivation. I know I can go longer and faster if I can do this and now I feel ready. Thanks for the encouragement Ultra!

Have a great day all. It's hump day and on my way into work. Some crazy pressure this week but do you know what, all is OK when I keep on track and work my little plan :-)

Congrats on 11 Pink! That's superb. I hope you enjoyed the ice cream :-)
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Old 07-29-2015, 03:03 AM
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Humpy hump day babies!

Happy birthday London!! Your day sounds very cool, well done on the smoking thing too. Your comment about this time last year resonated. So much wasted time. You are doing absolutely fantastic man.

Grateful, you got it right, just look t that bad wave coming, don't avoid it, duck under the water and come up on the other side. Poke that head out of the water and look at the sun and beautiful calm water. A smile will be waiting on the other side. Everything passes.

"To appreciate beauty, to give ones self, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition. To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation. To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. That is to have succeeded." Emerson.

Make them think you are crazy today, laugh at this divine comedy called life.

Love.
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Old 07-29-2015, 03:20 AM
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Great stuff on 11 months Pink!

Happy belated birthday London.

Great advice determined

I haven't felt well for the last couple of days do have skipped some mid week runs. Three weekends of long back to back runs before the official Ramos up begins.
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Old 07-29-2015, 05:04 AM
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Checking in...feeling really bad/sad about the slip Saturday. It's hitting me particularly hard. Still off physically. Emotionally/mentally I'm a mess. Having trouble getting out of this state.
Been trying to think of positive things...reminding myself that those 6-7 hours don't define me. Having trouble shaking these feelings of negativity and sadness. I was doing so well, feeling very good. I undermined my progress in 1 night. I feel very isolated and lonely.

Today is day 4, alcohol free
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