nymets86

Up nice and early again. I hadn't run outdoors in ages and my feet are sore today, so going to give myself the day off.

It's still fresh on my mind what happened last weekend, but I am very greatful of the support I've gotten here as I feel like I'm in a position where I can move on and refocus on my sober plan.

ReadyOrNot123

You sound much more upbeat Mets, glad to hear it. How are you feeling about drinking? Any urges that you're battling? I think the main concern is that after a weekend like you had that it's harder to bounce right back onto the wagon. Are you finding that, or are you finding it's more like the previous slips where you found it fairly easy to abstain again? I hope it's the latter, but if it isn't, post!

nymets86

Abstaining right now is relatively easy because the wound is so fresh I think. I feel as though next week will be harder, so I'm staying close to SR.

I had had a crazy day at work, which honestly made me feel good. The issue with my two angry clients is almost totally resolved, and my superiors never questioned my judgement during all of it. We will lose money on both deals, but not very much and not enough to even make a dent in my annual bonus (at least as far as I can tell). I brought in a big new client today that I think will wash out these two stinkers.

I just finished a fantasy baseball draft and enjoyed it, until I realized my 3rd baseman is out for a few more weeks (Kang on the Pirates). I also went way heavy on Mets, but heck, it's hard to eliminate bias. I have Noah Syndergaard, Travis d'Arnaud, and then Michael Conforto on my bench. I also picked up Big Papi to be my utility man and Clay Buchholz as a starter, so go Sox!

I met with my therapist today too and he did encourage me to try a secular support group. He said one of his other clients really made progress in one nearby. Typical me, I feel nervous about seeing another client of my therapist at a secular meeting where we'd have no clue who each other were and if we did, who cares?

That's scheduled for Monday night. I hope to keep that appointment, though I won't lie and say that I'm not nervous about going.

Tomorrow Duke plays at 10PM and I'm planning on watching at my apartment. I get incredibly anxious when they play (maybe even more so than the Mets), so I'm going to do a gym visit after work tomorrow to work off some of that nervous energy. If they lose, they lose. Still 2015 National Champions.

Friday after work I'm heading home for Easter and plan on a relaxing weekend. If I can get together the courage to tell my parents or brother about my plans to quit drinking, I'll view it as a huge success, but since they've mostly seen me sober the last year, I'm not 100% sure how to broach the subject.

Ready, thanks so much for your support this week, it means a lot to me.

Be well!

ReadyOrNot123

Hi Mets, I am pleased to read your update. Your head is in the right place. Honestly, part of me is hoping for Duke to lose - it's one less possible temptation for you. But as long as they win and you stay away from watching them in a bar, you'll be fine.

I'm of two minds in telling parents - what's really the point of making them worry? Parents worry about their kids no matter how old you are. Your brother makes more sense to me. On the other hand, I DO think you should go to that meeting on Monday. I understand the nerves, I have them all the time too. I just have this feeling like you will be so happy when you go and realize all that you'll get out of it. Every time I went to a new AA meeting I was a wreck, feeling self conscious and out of place, but I was always glad afterwards that I did. That said, I haven't gone in quite a while - AA is an odd dynamic and I run hot and cold on it.

Clay Buchholz, huh - well let's hope. He's a great pitcher and I would love for him to stay healthy for longer than half a season. Maybe this year. Big Papi - on of my faves! I can't wait for baseball season to start up. Dad and I are already slated for the minor league Sox game in early April.

Have a great Easter with your family - relax and enjoy. I actually have a three day weekend - we're off tomorrow due to no market on Good Friday.

Stay strong!

nymets86

I'm at home now getting ready to watch the game. Did get invited to a friend's apartment where I believe it's possible people will be drinking and just decided not to place myself in that situation today. None of my friends going are heavy drinkers at all, but again, didn't feel up to it.

As expected, I was distracted all day at work today. I just get so nervous before these games. I sort of wish it had been as hectic today as yesterday.

Anyway, almost game time, hopefully Duke wins tonight and moves on to the Elite 8 on Saturday

Dee74

Happy Easter guys

D

nymets86

That was a stinker of a game. Was a very fun season though. Super young team and some very memorable wins. Didn't have the talent of last year's National Champions, but overall, I'm satisfied with that season. After winning the Championship, this year was really just playing with house money.

I'm getting packed for the weekend now. Looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend watching basketball and being with family.

And Monday night I really need to get up the courage to get to that meeting.

ReadyOrNot123

Have a good weekend Mets. I'm waiting for my expedited passport to be delivered so I'm sort of a prisoner in the house. Husband is doing the taxes. So kind of a dud of a day off, but since I slept until 10:30 (!!), I'm moving slow anyway. I'm not one of those quick waker uppers....especially after sleeping for 11 hours straight.

Sorry about Duke Mets. I suspect Wisconsin will suffer a similar fate. Go Badgers!

Dee74

enjoy the break guys

D

nymets86

Tough loss for Wisconsin last night. I can't say I'm shocked to see Duke and Wisconsin out in the Sweet 16 this year, both lost so many big pieces from the squads that faced off for the National Championship in 2015.

I was hoping for some outdoor activity today, but it's much colder than I'd anticipated, so tennis isn't going to happen.

There's more great college hoops today though (just not my favorite team) and I like following college hockey too, so that's today as well. Might be a day on the couch hanging out with family. Tomorrow looks to be quite a bit warmer and we're thinking of doing a short hike in the AM before the extended family arrives for Easter festivities. Good thing with a Sunday afternoon holiday is that there won't be much drinking going on (hopefully none). Either way, I've told my dad that I plan to drive back to the train station tomorrow evening since I want to test out his new car (my brother picked me up yesterday, but dad is bringing me back tomorrow).

Hopefully that passport comes soon Ready!

ReadyOrNot123

I got my passport - so I can officially go to Dublin! Not that I was really concerned, but it definitely makes the trip more real now. Next time I won't be so lax about renewing it and save myself some cash.

Yes, Wisconsin is out by what a close game, and I couldn't believe my eyes when the W kid got stripped in the last minute. I still thought they'd pull it out, but no. My nephew doesn't seem crushed, so all is good. He and his sister/parents were planning on going to the Bernie rally in Madison today - how's that for a family event.

Anyway back at the home front - nothing major to report. Have fun with your family weekend Mets - the weather here is nice this afternoon after a gloomy/wet morning. I bet tomorrow is a nice day for a hike.

Happy Easter!

nymets86

Was a pleasant weekend and there wasn't any temptation or desire to drink.

My stomach is still in knots about going to this meeting tonight. My brain is throwing excuses is me left and right. Logically, I know it's worth trying at the very least. If I get nothing out of it, I don't have to go back.

Hope your Easter was nice Ready.

Dee74

Let us know how you get on Mets

D

nymets86

Thanks for checking in Dee. I'm not happy to say it, but I did not go.

I finally had a one on one talk in person today with my boss and there was zero mention of last Friday other than to say that's the last day she felt good before getting sick. I was nervous again going in to work, which in and of itself is a telling sign and when she called me into her office, I feared the worst. Turns out she was having computer problems since there was a software update company wide last weekend and she had been out, so it didn't go through properly. After I fixed that for her, she thanked me again for picking up slack while she was out and then asked me why the bracket advice I gave her for the NCAAs was so terrible (she was joking).

I will say that I then was very much at ease the rest of the day at work and when 5:30PM rolled around, I knew I needed to leave to get to the meeting. I just sat at my desk and kept working and am just getting home now.

Right now, I sort of feel like I did in 2012 when my drinking was bad and I stopped seeing a therapist for several years. It took a very bad wake up call to get me back into therapy and I'm now happy I am back and have some support. Obviously, SR and therapist are great tools, but I need to explore other options like meetings. I know there were no lasting negative career consequences from last Friday, but that doesn't change how irresponsible I was.

I have this same meeting in my calendar for next Monday and am trying to convince myself to go before something bad happens. I have school tomorrow night, a study group meeting Wednesday and an exam Thursday night, so I can't really make another meeting (I am going to my parents house next weekend). Monday's at 6PM fit my schedule nicely and while a bit ticked off that I took the easy way out tonight rather than facing my admittedly unfounded fears, I'm at peace with the fact that I'm back on track so to speak and didn't let that relapse become full blown. Now I just need to keep adding to my tool set to make sure I'm prepared for a lot more than a simple Friday happy hour.

ReadyOrNot123

I wish you had gone Mets, but there's always next Monday. I once found a meeting (didn't have a gps at the time and I'm horrible with directions so this was actually a feat for me), drove into the parking lot about a half hour early, waiting 20 minutes, saw my first car pull in, and left in a panic. I never did go back to that one, but I did go to others. It's hard to pull the trigger and go in, but within minutes you realize it's worth it, or at the very least, not worth panic.

I'm glad you're feeling better and the meeting with your boss was good. Stay vigilant.

All good here - the weather stinks but it's Monday so what the heck.

nymets86

Thanks for sharing that Ready.

By nature, I'm a very talkative person, and in high school my parents found out about my drinking and sent me to a rehab clinic. I was at least 10 years younger than anyone there and it was a horribly embarrassing experience. They went around with a brethalyzer in the beginning and would take aside people that failed. In hindsight, I've never seen any of those people ever again, but I remember being mad that I was there and thinking down upon the adults there who had DUIs, arrests, lost jobs, etc. Flash forward 12 years and here I am as someone who is afraid of drinking causing me problems at work.

I got through that program and didn't drink for maybe 5 or 6 months, but I never intended to stay sober once I got to college. I just didn't drink since I wanted my allowance, car, and credit card. I know I sound like a spoiled brat, but that's my experience with group therapy and rehab.

I've had an OK evening since missing that meeting. I watched all of the UConn /Texas women's hoops game and wow, I've heard how good UConn is, but I had no idea they were this great. Breanna Stewart could easily play for a D1 men's team.

Anyway, I joined a book club this week as another sober activity to add to my schedule and I'm going to start the reading now.

Have a nice night.

ReadyOrNot123

I'm rethinking my advice about not worrying your parents. Sounds like they "know" even if you haven't told them. That does change things and I think you should tell them that the struggle has continued but this time you're the one who wants to change.

Aside from that, I can relate. The first time I was serious about doing something to quit I did an outpatient thing with my health provider. The groups were conceptually the same as AA but not AA - just a group share type thing. I remember once this guy sitting next to me shared about the murder he committed. Pollyanna here tried to keep my face straight, not sure how well I did. Since then I've come to realize that everyone has a story and there are some situations where you feel you can relate and others not so much. BTW, I stayed sober for over 6 years but then gently eased right back in. I regret it but you can't rewrite history.

Stay strong, you can do this.

What's the book?

nymets86

The book is The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle.

And yes, I do think my parents generally are aware that I'm struggling and after my hospitalization last February I went home several weekends in a row to get my head straight and am doing the same now. It seems they have some idea and are supportive, but we've just never had the direct discussion.

I really can't imagine how I'd have done with someone explaining a murder. The most vivid memory I have is of a mother who had gotten multiple DUIs with her young children in the car. My uncle got a DUI the year before I ever drank and I had to pick him up and drop him off at work since it was near my school. That scared me senseless into not drinking and driving, too bad not scaring me into not drinking at all.

As you said though, you can't rewrite history.

ReadyOrNot123

Drinking makes people behave in ways they regret, seems to be the consistent theme.

Let's see, nothing much happening here although maybe that's not really true as I seem to be juggling quite a bit both at work and home. For work, we're moving locations in a couple of weeks, for home I've got quite a few family obligations coming up in April. I got the Lonely Planet Dublin book yesterday and I love it! Good recommendation Mets. Can't wait for the trip.

I started this to divert my attention from a client call that was just awful. I wasn't really involved in the nuts/bolts but the infighting between two people was so uncomfortable. One woman incredibly condescending and the other kind of not-getting-it, which made it worse. Ugh, but it's over. So back to work I go.

ReadyOrNot123

Nostalgia and sentimentality alert - my cousin's daughter's birthday is today - she's 23. We have an incredibly small family - I have two first cousins and they have the three of us as their first cousins. So she's more of a niece than a second cousin - anyway, she's the first of the next generation. Love that girl - she's such an activist politically and really puts herself and her opinions out there - and she's whip smart. The media would have you believe that her generation is useless, but that is far from the truth.

Anyway, it's Friday morning, I have a full work plate and I overslept. Meetings start in 20 minutes so I thought I'd pop in here - I'm surprisingly upbeat given the way the day started, but it's April which means Spring is most definitely here - even though there is snow in the forecast. Daffodils are in bloom, yesterday was nice and warm, so it's definitely a new season.

Mets, how are you doing?