whiteturtle

Sansa, I'm sorry. Do you know what triggered it? That's great that you stopped at two, though!

CaseyW

Sorry to hear this, SansaS.

So what's the plan? I assume if you're back here that you're still wanting to stop. I don't remember if you were in the Class of May yet when we were talking about "finding our z," ie "I've tried x and y before and they helped but were not enough, now I need to find my z."

What's your z, Sansa?

You're in my thoughts and prayers today.

Caramel

Thoughts, as they occur:
We're here for you, SansaS.
The 2 liquor stores I used will be missing me. I began to realise I was overdoing things a bit a few weeks ago when I bought more than usual and was asked if I was having a party. *blush*
It seems to take some days to find equilibrium of mood, to look forward, to get above the low feelings and tearfulness. (I'm ok today, by the way)
It's remarkable how clarity of thinking returns, and disconcerting to realise how it had slipped away unnoticed...
And, I like the sense of being present again, instead of feeling "absent".
Good health in every way, everyone. Thinking of you all xxx

sleepie

Sansa just keep going again and a new day. Never give up. Don't look back.
Whiteturtle glad you checked in, sorry you're feeling bad. Don't give me too much credit yet... I am only 4 days in.

lovehoops

Hi all,
Yes it's 3:37am and I'm wide awake. Can't sleep at All! I'm never a great sleeper anyway but now I am dealing with all of those horrible emotions of day 2...so much regret and frustration and all of that crap. I really have to stay close to SR and post often. I felt so much better when I did that in jNuary.
I need to make connections with this class. I'm sick and tired of this. I hurt too many people every time. I don't want to do this again but I have to get sober. I know my life is better when I'm not drinking. Just getting there sux!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent. I'll check in later.

SansaS

I don't really know what to say. I'm not sure how I feel. I went out to dinner and I really wanted a glass of red. I enjoyed it, moved on, and didn't feel like drinking today. Feeling confused.

SansaS

Hope you're ok lovehoops

DitzyDandelion

SansaS be careful please. Over the years I have had weeks sometimes months where I felt in control and could have a glass or two then leave it. The danger is when you hit a rough spot it is then so much easier to turn to it in un unhealthy way as it is still a part of your life. There is no big barrier to just one more in that situation and you are only here as you feel you have a tendency to slip into an unhealthy relationship with drink.

Whiteturtle. I feel for you. I think perhaps the early resolve and determination has tired you out a bit. Your perhaps forgetting all the wonderful advantages of being where you are now and instead grieving for the old and familiar. It may be a good idea to sit and think through how you would actually be if you were still drinking. Dwell on the hangovers or the lost memories. Think carefully about how your body feels now in comparison. I think you will find if you can push through a little longer the empty feeling will pass. What have you got to loose by trying.

DitzyDandelion

Thank you for the kind words Sleepie and Dee. Actually being around them is great it's more just when I am alone and think about the actual situation. My life sometimes goes a bit soap opera on me even though personally I avoid any drama and sillyness. Every once in a while the world conspires to throw crazy situations at me.

Day 3 getting started here. Looking bright and shiney so far.

lovehoops

Thank you sansaS. I am still awake and still on SR. Catching up with my old January class! Anyway, I have to get out of this emotional funk. I hate that feeling of being so disappointed in myself. My 22 year old daughter is furious with me. She is traveling for work but my sons called her when I was drunk the other day. She told my husband she has no patience for me "messing up" over and over. She won't bring friends here anymore. I haven't heard from her. I'm so mad at myself for drinking. It's not like I didn't know this would be the result of my bad choice....just sux!!!!!

JamesAdams

Yes, absolutely. When I did my 6 months of sobriety, I went through the following stages: initial physical withdrawal symptoms, a period of euphoria, a dark period (I think it was PAWS), and then I was normal again.

From the reading I have done, everybody has different body chemistry, reacts differently, depends on how long and how much you drank, so there is no way to know how long each stage will be for you, or if you will even have the same stages as I did.

Two things really helped me. Green tea, and thiamin (vitamin B1). Green tea has something in it (I forget exactly what, need to look it up again) that helps you feel better, and my drug & alcohol councilor said that alcohol breaks down vitamin B1 in your body, so she said many alcoholics are very deficient in it.

from: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/e...cle/002401.htm

Around my house we started calling the vitamin B1 tablets my 'happy pills' because they made that much of a difference for me.

Do your own research, talk to a doctor etc. but I found these things really helped me once before. And exercise of course, releases natural endorphin, who doesn't love a little shot of natural endorphin when they are feeling low?

JamesAdams

That sleepless stage sucks doesn't it? I hated it, I hated how I felt for the first 5 days or so after stopping, however I hated it so much I never wanted it to happen again, so that actually gave me motivation to quit and stay quit. I know, I know, I'm strange

lovehoops

Yes James...I have to remember this misery every time I want a drink...it's so emotionally draining

HMS

I am on day 6. And the regret and pain and withdrawals are real. But I'm on a mission to fix me. They say you can't fix stupid. Well I'm not trying to fix my stupidity just to subdue it and learn from it. Use it as a reminder for why I can't mix my stupidity with booze.

TroyW

Yeah, withdrawals are definitely real, and completely draining. You come about as useful as a potato. I can also see how they're capable of inducing seizures.

But I also know how amazing it feels on around day 10.

HMS

Good. Then I have an added light to my goal. Hope these ill feelings and anxiety die down sooner than later.

TroyW

Hang in there HMS, it does get oh so much better. I'm on day 1 myself (again).

I'm actually going to do it this time though. I know it, and can feel it. I can tell, I'm ready now. And I proved to myself in June I am capable of it.

I'll never have another alcoholic beverage for the rest of my life. That actually feels pretty good to say.

BobBFree33

I think anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure) is a known symptom in recovery. Not even looking at the psycho-social elements of what we are going through, our actual brains are trying to recover. B vitamins are depleted, dopamine receptors have been over-stimulated, and, disturbingly, cerebrospinal fluid has been affected. PAWS is what derailed me at 91 days last time but I know its as much my brain not being fully recovered as my behaviors not changing and adapting.

Starting day 14 sober. Other than my right knee being sore (I'm a runner) I feel semi-OK. Hang in their Sansa, jut get back on the horse.

Dee74

Some supplements can help some people.

Always good to run things past your Dr tho -even the most seemingly harmless vitamin can sometimes cause problems, especially with existing meds etc.

D

DitzyDandelion

Things I still have to be happy about.

I have my dogs with me. The two most sweet loyal old men ever. They need a lot of work and love being so old but it is so rewarding.

I am starting to feel confident enough to maybe return to writing. I used to do pretty well at it long long ago. Had some awards as a teenager.

My financial support went through for the final year of my degree. I have been doing it part time for years. It has been one thing I was doing right and for me. If I can get enough distinctions I can still get first degree honours. Seeing as I got many distinctions with drinking I have a decent chance. I am a history student with more emphasis on the classical period. I really wanted an ancient world quote about drinking for my sig but most are pro wine. Darn those Greeks and Romans.

I still have my looks. A few lines starting sooner than they should. I even got offered some modelling work again. Leaving that though as I used to do art nudes and I was always very very careful on my limits and who I worked with. Had to be artistic nothing porny looking. Very hard industry to keep your head straight in when dealing with other stuff. Nice to know I still got it though.

A friend has offered me an old motorbike he no longer uses as he has his big bike now. So if I sort my finances out and save for some gear my licence and insurance I could try out a whole new hobby that does not mix at all with being a drinker. It's a really pretty bike too and perfect for a beginner.

I finally have my own flat. Something I should have done ten years ago after I left my husband. It is a perfect little place for me to start a new life and grow as a person.

I am still in pretty good health. I could do more to get fit like exercise and hope to kick the nicotine soon too. Am using an ecig for now.

I have great family and friends.

These are all things which will in some way go wrong if I drink. This is why I am listing them. I cannot fix opportunities I messed up in the past. These things I still have so long as I stay sober.