KeryJames

"IF" this is in response to what I wrote, you've misconsrued what I wrote and based your response on your own misunderstanding. It's not your fault.

It says "never put TOO much trust in friends". It doesn't say going through life having no trust in anyone else, which you have written. Along with the barbed comment 'seems like a miserable way to live'. I'm talking about being prudent. Hell, even AA people talk about being prudent with your shares....

I suppose each situation is different. For me I'm not 'hiding sobriety'. In fact, I would say more hiding the drinking and the other "things". I do not have a family to confide in. I do have family in a different country but to tell them of problems would worry them. I'm a big boy and I don't need the burden of burdening them. Everyone that knows me where I am, knows me as someone fit, healthy, confident and assertive. They don't know the extent of my secret drink and drug binges. What use would it be to let them in on that dark side that I'm very much leaving behind now? What use would it be to go up to people that know me and say 'oh by the way I've been secretly going on mental drink and drug binges. I'm not anymore, but I just thought I should let you know"?

It's not about trust (which I think is a made up concept anyway), it's about judgement. I'm making a judgement call, which will not risk my reputation.

If you're happy with your identity that you put out there: be it recovering alcoholic, then so be it. I'm happy for you.

Me? I prefer to embrace the identity that I'm teetotal. That identity certainly doesn't mean I'm running back to the drink as you alluded to, quite the opposite.

And if you think nobody cares, you're deluding yourself. People love to gossip. I know a girl that was five years sober and she got into an argument with a "friend" whom she had told everything. Well that friend turned nasty and to justify herself and come out looking the better person she let everyone know "sure she's only an alcoholic, she was probably drunk when she said it". yes her "friend".

I say you've lived a pretty sheltered life if you've never been burned before. Good for you.

What I'm talking about is impression management. Reputation is everything, guard it with your life.

DariaM

We're going over to our friends' house tonight for dinner. They are BIG drinkers... I'm going to just say thanks, but no thanks. * gulp*

A little part of me is like, "I should have reappeared on the forum after this dinner." lol And it's not even that I WANT to drink, I just don't want people asking why I'm not drinking.

ETA: This dinner was scheduled over the weekend before I got fed up with myself again.

DitzyDandelion

You can do it Daria.

DariaM

What if I take a drink, carry it around, and do the dump it down the toilet trick? "Oh hey, me and my wine just need to use the restroom again... nothing weird going on here." lol

Free2B84

So I went to the a psychiatrist for the 1st time today on day 16. Poured my heart out & even invites me roommate in to express an putter point of view. (she's been seeing this psychiatrist for years) He is having me try wellbutrin 150 mg twice a day after taking it once a day for the 1st 7 days. He said it not for helping me stop drinking. Its for the depression and anxiety that pushes me to drink. Anyone have any experience with this?

DitzyDandelion

Daria personally I would just say I am not drinking at the moment. You could say it clashes with your meds or as mentioned before that your just taking a month off. It is whatever you are most comfortable with at the end of the day though.

Free it is quite common for drinking to be an issue due to someone self medicating whether they know they are doing it a not. I reckon give it a go and see if it helps.

CaseyW

I think you're just joking here, but if not, I wouldn't go down this road. Be honest to yourself tonight. Carrying around a loaded weapon is a bad idea. There's no safety switch on the side of a wine glass.

You don't have to go into any detail with your friends, just say "No thanks, I'm not drinking." Keep a glass of water in your hands at all times, or bring your own non-alcoholic drink of choice with you.

We've got a little bit of a history together on these forums, Daria, and if I remember correctly, dinners like this have been a point of relapse for you in the past. Have an exit strategy in place if necessary and put your sobriety first tonight please. I hope you'll check in here when you can. Wishing you the best...

TroyW

@Free2B84

Not wellbutrin specifically, but I was on Trazadone for about 6 months back in 2008. I don't know, I don't know you, so can't really say anything and can only talk from my personal standpoint.

The SSRI was good in the fact it took the bad emotions away (depression, loneliness, etc.), but bad in the fact it also took the good emotions away (ambition, creativity, excitement, etc.). It was great in the way I was never sad or depressed, but at the same time, was never happy either. I was basically a walking zombie.

I don't know, but that's just my personal experience with an SSRI, and again, we don't know each other so I can't say anything about your personal circumstances.

CaseyW

KeryJames, we have very different outlooks on many things, but the important thing is we both have sobriety today in common. Keep doing whatever is working for you, and I wish you the best in your recovery.

KaleGrrl

With my crowd, I just say no thanks and they're used to it (they think I'm a health nut anyway).
You could always say you're on Zantac for heartburn and can't have it with alcohol (makes your heart race and you feel nauseous as a result). Something like that. I can't imagine anyone pushing it on you after that.

CycleMania

Passing through day 9 and I am shocked how up and down things can feel. Had a great weekend, went to a company outing, a friends house party and a wonderful Sunday BBQ - and resisted all opportunities to drink.

Woke up this morning in a funk. Could not break it no matter what. Got out of bed late (7a) dragged arse around the office and had a tough day. Then, got another text 911 bomb from my wife's sister who asks for money once a week - emergency this, urgent that, the world is ending! She has been doing this for a decade, and to try and help my wife get through her issues (that is a whole other deal) I have taken over the communication with this woman.

The end result. Sitting at my desk, staring at a few hours worth of work, and am craving a drink. Stress, depression, anxiety are all huge triggers for me. So, for the next few hours, it will be a minute to minute challenge. Still, I know I can do it, but it won't be easy.

If there are any 'spare' good vibes -- I would appreciate them being sent my way.

TroyW

Hang in there CycleMania. Just remember where that first drink ends up. We both know it's not a pretty sight.

DitzyDandelion

Sending good vibes Cycle. I am not as many days in as you but I too have had a lot of ups and downs. I think it is just our brain chemistry starting the job of balancing off and will hopefully get more steady with time. Guess we just have to remember having a drink means we have to start that process again from scratch. Better to get it done now.

DitzyDandelion

Right I am ready to go tuck myself into bed. That makes this the end of day 7 and so officially one week down.

DariaM

Casey - Yes, I was entirely being tongue in cheek about accepting a drink and then running to the restroom with it incessantly. Mostly b/c that would be even weirder than just saying no. And yes, dinners (out or in) with other people who are drinking are my weak point. B/c people know how much I like to drink, especially wine, I worry too much about what others think when I say no. I wish I had never been a drinker, and then I wouldn't worry about the reaction I get for not drinking.

KaleGrrl

Cycle, do something else after work. Get your stress out at the gym or bike or walk it off. Or just go to Starbucks and unwind a bit. The sister can wait some (she probably needs to learn to wait anyway instead trying to jerk your chain). You need to take care of you.
I find it very up and down the first few weeks, and being in a funk is difficult. But it does get better--guaranteed!

BobBFree33

I worked in the psych field for 14 years. But I'm not giving medical advice. My practical advice is to change one thing at a time, otherwise its hard to figure out which variable is helping or hurting. We know alcohol affects a number of neurotransmitters and, of course, the Lexapro affects others. So maybe get some zero alcohol time under your belt first? I do agree with the others in that I wonder about the expertise of a PCP. The psych hosp I worked in relied on PCP's to refer when they ran out of options and/or were out of their depth. We made a lot of money off those guys!

Finishing up day 18 sober. I had no urges at all today. The ocean cruise I wanted to do today was booked so its on for tomorrow.

Although I feel better about staying sober I know from the past (91 days from Feb - Apr) that I cannot relax. The insane reasoning can still come at me when I least expect it.....and that bugs me a lot. Last time I was doing a lot of self-congratulating. I know better now!

BringingBackB

Ditsy - congratulations on one week sober!

Daria - Younwill be fine at the meal, do you have an emergency get out plan just in case?

Cyclemania - Hang on in there. I hope you can find something relaxing to take your mind of things for the evening and unwind. A red hot bath usually makes me feel so much better if thats your thing. I also swear by camomile tea. Im going to start salining the stuff into me soon.

Free2 - i hope the new meds go well. Ive not had any experience with wellbutrin but i have just switched from Sertraline (which i was on for over 4 years) to simething else I honestly cant remember the name of and I am too comfy to clamber out of bed now!


Well folks that about does it for day 6 here. Meeting my addiction counsellor tomorrow, wish me luck! Night all.

letitgo

Had a better day today. Wow this threads move fast.
Olivia, sorry to hear that about your Aunt.

Sade and Troy W hope you had a good day and get some sleep.

Keepon great thoughts on moving forward.

Thanks kale girl. We were down in Florida in May. I hope you enjoy the beach and sunsets.

Welcome Bradley26, margaux1969 and DariaM.

Bobbefree hope you have a nice cruise.

DD thanks for your posts. Sorry that couldn't work out for you two. Sounds like you had a horrble relationship previoulsy I hope you are in a much safer place now.

KerryJames I would agree to be carefull who you trust and how much trust you put in them.

JL it's always one step forward and 2 steps back financially lol. Sounds like you had a rough day in the heat. I have a year old that turns on the stove. It's so darn frustrating but you have to laugh too.

Cyclemania I know how that feels. Grab some sparkling water.

Bbb good luck with the counselor.


Have a great evening and i look forward to reading your posts,

KaleGrrl

Thanks, letitgo, wishing you a good night and lovely day tomorrow. So glad it was better today. I love the sunsets, don't often get to the beach but I should. I love swimming in the water but it seems like there's a lot of shark attack news out there this year. Here's a vid on that (google That's the Shark's house -- funny! Just love this lady!)