Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

Day 11 and hoping today is a little better than yesterday. Yesterday started out great, but by late afternoon I felt so tired and cranky, again. My AV started up, again, around 4ish. I'm so sick if that little creep. I know what it's trying to do so why do I even entertain it? It is just emotionally exhausting trying to fight with it, but I know what will happen if I give in so I will keep fighting. Not giving it the satisfaction. Anyone else feel like a crazy person sometimes talking about the AV?

Welcome to all the newcomers. This place is a lifesaver. Looking forward to reading everyone's posts. Baby is cranky so have to run, but will be checking in all day. Have a great bad sober day friends!

DitzyDandelion

Ladybug better to talk about it and feel crazy than give in to it . We can all be crazy and sober together.

Incontrol15

Congrats LB!

I didnt feel crazy talking about mine. In fact, I would have conversations with them and some times I would post the dialog.

If you haven't already, read up on urge surfing. It helped me with those times the AV wouldn't shut up.

I've found it to be very true that the more I try to ignore my AV, the louder and more annoying it gets. If I focused on it, the more it calmed down and it would go away much quicker.

A huge tip I got from my counselor was to write my thoughts down. The goal was to write a minimum of 3 pages. What ever was on my mind. It didn't need to make sense. Even it was "I want a drink" 50 times in a row, or "I don't know what to write". Just keep writing. It takes a few minutes to fill 3 pages, but when done, what ever was bugging me the most would be gone. My thoughts would be replaced with the more productive and positive thoughts that were taking 2nd seat. Very powerful.

PennyLane76

Morning all! Tough next couple of days, which means wanting to "reward" myself with wine at the end. it's hard to be an introvert wearing an extroverts clothes for work and having my boss with me observing usually gets AV shouting. So Im posting this to remain accountable. Day 7, personal best since getting serious and don't want to start over.

BB and James, doing great on vacation! Keep it going!


Welcome tooshabby!

PennyLane76

Ladybug, yes I thought talking about/to AV was a little weird at first but it's turned out to be a great tool . I figure it will appear less often the more it's pummelled into submission although we both know it's a glutton for punishment and persistent. Also it sneaks it during those BHALT moments so it's been helpful to be aware of those. I don't know what yours looks like, but they all must go to same school to learn tricks. Jerks!

forabetterlife

Ladybug, you didn't give in and that's what matters. I'm sure you woke up this morning so very grateful for that. Like you, I am mostly a solo drinker and on normal days that's my witching hour as well. Today we are going to my stepmoms and she has a friend there who I know will be drinking. That isn't nearly as tempting to me as the thought of driving to the store in a bit, buying a bottle of wine, and taking secret sips all day/night. Anyway, glad you got through yesterday and 11 days is fantastic!
I have been reading all of your posts but I have to admit I have been hesitant to post. Just tired of sounding like I have my act together after a few sober days and then blowing it all anyway. I hate that I don't trust myself. There is so much in my life that I can't control, this is one thing that I can. And I have proven time and time again to myself, that everything improves for me once I remove alcohol. Physically, mentally, relationships, attitude, sleep- and it happens quickly.
I have things in my life that hurt deeply, disappointments, loss, regrets- but I also have so very much to be grateful for. Why focus on the negative and let it pull me into that dark, drinking place- when I know how good the alternative is? Seems so simple, so why do I make it so hard for myself?
I am putting myself out there. I usually journal all this stuff but it gets me nowhere and I know that so many of you will understand.

angd1978

You are doing great Sadie! That is exactly what sends me back to the drink everytime ( being an introvert wearing an extrovert's clothes for work). I paint a happy face on and since I work with children, I am always on stage trying to stuff down the "bad emotions" all day long. My assistant principal observing me or even talking to me was always another trigger last school year. She is gone now, so maybe that will make next school year easier. Congrats on day 7 and have a great week! You can do this!

Willow3

Day 10 here. My Friday night danger time came and went. I did think about having wine after the drama of putting kids to bed. But it was just the habit thought. Without dwelling on it I went and made tea for myself and hubbie and sat down to watch a movie . Didn't even think of it sat night.

Dee1971

Hello glad to join you all on this journey :-)

Ladybug2

Thanks, FABL. I know exactly what you mean about your entire post. I feel like I have sounded like a broken record for the last 2 years, but at least we aren't giving up. I'd like to think we are going to make it stick one of these times. But, I have to agree with Dee and others, just doing the same thing over and over is not going to give us different results. I've realized I need more of a plan than just sheer willpower and my recent hangover to keep me from taking that first drink. It is so very frustrating, I know. Why is it so damn hard to do this when we know how much we like sobriety? I keep thinking of my girls and how I want to be able to say (to myself) that I was 100% sober when they were 7 mos & 5 1/2. I know I have had some decent sober stints since joining 2 years ago, but it's not the same. I want this obsession and constant distraction to be over for good, if that really ever happens ....

Thinking of you and hoping you'll post more, especially when you are struggling. Hugs!!

Free2B84

Checking in on day 14 no cravings for alcohol but I do crave the attention & the people/atmosphere a lot. I live with a good friend as roommates and we see each other 24 hours a day rite now. We work together, live together & not having a license means she is my way out. I find myself being very short and picking at things she says. There is no way to get time apart really, so there is no solution I can seem to come up with. Thank god that school starts back in 3 weeks! I try holding my tounge and not commenting on everything she says that is usually nonsense. But that only makes it worse when I do eventually say something. Any advice on how to handle this in a better way? I really enjoy reading and seeing everyone doing well and talking about there issues. This site is truley a huge help 4 me.

TroyW

Congrats Ladybug, you're doing awesome. Keep it up! One thing I've noticed that works for me is I've ingrained some scenes from the documentaries into my mind. When the AV pops up, I just replay a couple of those scenes in my head of people having seizures in a hospital bed, while their spouse and kids cry. That usually does the job.

Free2B84, if you value your friendship with her, I would honestly suggest trying to get some alone time. Go for long walks, hang out at coffee shops, go swimming / gym, join a group / club, or whatever. I lost my best childhood friend due to the same thing. Best friends since about 8 years old, and hung out every day. When we were 19 ended up living together (plus his GF), and we also worked at the same landscaping company -- just the two of us were the maintenance crew.

So we were together 24x7 for about 6 months. 80 - 100+ hour work weeks laboring away, then go home together, wake up and go back to work. It was fine for the first few months, but then completely fell apart. For whatever reason, he just started being a total jerk towards me, and that was the end of that.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I'm assuming that would be the insomnia talking.

DitzyDandelion

Well done everyone for sticking with it even though we are all struggling a bit and have our tougher days.

Three cheers for class of July. hip hip Horay Hip hip Horay Hip hip horay.

Scram

Hi Everyone -

I was scheduled for my initial intake/evaluation at the Outpatient Rehab Clinic this morning but it was moved to 9AM tomorrow. (Not by me, just fyi). The program I am looking at getting into - if they agree it's the right fit - would be Monday, Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Point is... I was sorta hoping they would accept me on the spot and I would be starting tonight. Probably wishful thinking.

Suddenly my concern has shifted to, "Wait... what am I supposed to do with myself tonight?". The answer is so obvious and simple yet so, so daunting. Go for a run? Look into a meeting, even though I haven't had tremendous success in the past? Lock myself in a room? This is serious enough locking myself in a room isn't totally a joke.

My "toolbox" is pretty empty. I have very little real skills in dealing with this. Just ranting, I'll check in later.

Dee1971

How long should I let myself rest? meaning I feel very tired and know my body needs to adjust to the lack of sugar but Im worried I may become lazy.

I wanted to work on my writing (I am working on a novel) this past weekend, I figured it would be a good distraction to take up writing something I have always wanted to do more of but would always be a little too drunk to follow through. Anyways I just felt so tired and napped and was listeless all weekend (I am now on day 7) ... just wondering when I will feel some real energy, the last time I quit for 6 months by day 5 I was very energetic.

I make myself go to the gym and workout 4 times a week normally and i continued to do so, I always feel good after but its short lived now within an hour or two I felt l like i could go back to sleep.

Incontrol15

Hi Dee. I'm sure you'll get plenty of responses, but wanted to add my experience. You may already know them, but it's what worked for me.

- Exercise: check. Good job!!!
- Water. Drink plenty!
- Vitamin B complex. Makes a big difference as alcohol depletes vitamin B.
- Eating 5 smaller meals to level out glucose levels made a huge difference for me.
- dark chocolate was a savior for me as well. Especially early on as our bodies are used high caloric intake when we drink.

Overall, you're probably really close to breaking free. If you don't see a change soon, you may want to see a doctor. Generally, each time we quit, it gets harder. You can probably expect a slightly different time table this time.

Sounds like your doing a great job. Follow all those bullet points above and you may see a big swing on your energy levels.

DitzyDandelion

Dee I just put up a thread about motivation. I am on day 6 and also want to get back into my writing among many other things but feel rather tired and lacking get up and go.

No advice just wanted you to know I feel the same.

brighterlife

Hi gang! Posted in the newcomners thread yesterday. Happy to join this month. Will read back and catch up and post again tomo xx

lovehoops

Hi all,
Ladybug and FABL, I can so relate. I never really get rattled being out when people drink. I haven't had a drink in public for 10 years. It's that sneaky sip I like all day/night or even thinking about it!
It's the bewitching hour by me and the AV IS calling. I'm so glad I read all of your posts. It's very helpful. I'll do some housework and start dinner and watch the news..
Thanks for all of your support.

KaleGrrl

Welcome, Brighterlife! Looking forward to hearing from you. You'll get really great advice and support here.