One Year and Under Club Part 47
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Angd - Welcome! Pull up a chair, relax and share. You're sure to find someone who understands you, and someone who you understand.
Joe - I am so glad that you're re-finding activities you enjoy as a sober person.
I echo Amp, GN, Mets and Gilmer at no longer being ashamed of my recycling contents. It's cool how a small thing like that sets up a chain reaction of pride and confidence in other aspects of my life.
I find success in sobriety when I write out what hurts and share what works. It's so amazing to have been sober with my dear friends on this thread for the past 18 months!
Joe - I am so glad that you're re-finding activities you enjoy as a sober person.
I echo Amp, GN, Mets and Gilmer at no longer being ashamed of my recycling contents. It's cool how a small thing like that sets up a chain reaction of pride and confidence in other aspects of my life.
I find success in sobriety when I write out what hurts and share what works. It's so amazing to have been sober with my dear friends on this thread for the past 18 months!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: TX
Posts: 239
Thanks for the warm welcome, friends! I am in need of some prayer... so if there are some prayer warriors out there, please help a girl out. I just started back teaching today and have been dealing with stomach problems for 6 weeks now. They are only getting worse and I am trying to get my principal to allow me time off to see a GI specialist. I am just trying to get through all of this right now and I am super-stressed out ( especially since there is a history of colon cancer in my family).
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Angd, healing thoughts coming your way, I hope you get the tests done and that there is nothing to be concerned about.
KeyofC, although I wasn't the worst kind of alcoholic, my husband did go through my drinking days with me. He has also been a stalwart during my recovery. The thing is, he never chose to marry an alcoholic. I was his drinking buddy when we went on an occasional Saturday Session and on holidays. I'm sure there have been times he has felt resentful of the change in our relationship. I still accompany him to the bar on holidays, but it's not the same. Our relationship has changed, I am more mature in how I manage my emotional responses these days ( though in my early sobriety depression, PAWS and an upsurge of years of suppressed emotions caused me all sorts of issues) and the way my husband deals with me has changed. I realise looking back that he was able to manipulate me emotionally when I was drinking, something he can no longer do. We have more of a partnership these days, though it has taken a while to get to this place. I would always recommend therapy, especially in the early days of recovery. Drunks are emotionally stunted having hidden behind a bottle instead of managing emotional situations. We need to learn to mature and manage those situations instead of running from them.
Also all those times of strong emotion when we hid, are still inside us just waiting a sober moment to erupt ( I referred to it as a projectile vomit of emotion once)
And, we also need to return to those situations from which we hid, and revisit how we felt about them, and move forward.
All of this upheaval only comes to us when we first become sober, allowing ourselves - refusing to hide - finally to feel. Of course also at this time our egos are as brittle as 300 year old porcelain, we are as weak as new born lambs and our AV is screaming at us to give in and drink.
This makes us uncomfortable to be around even by our loved ones who are ecstatic that we are no longer drinking.
So, we need to get whatever help we can to talk things through, friends, therapists, Undies, PMs, whatever it takes to get us through those vulnerable emotional first months.
It is also possible our partners need someone to talk to about the changes in us and in our relationships. It is possible for them to feel resentful. Here we are getting better, getting congratulated on doing something we ought always have done; they are the ones who have taken up the strain throughout our drinking, who have always deserved the medal, and they may feel they get next to no recognition. ( friends and family threads and Al-anon can help there)
Talking to each other about the changes both within ourselves, within our relationships and about the changes in the balance in our relationships is vital.
We need the support of our loved ones, we need to ensure we don't alienate them.
I know in early recovery I spent hours here, getting the help I needed, to get me beyond previous sober records. My hubby got somewhat resentful of that time,me specially as I had never had an online community before, suddenly I had all these friends and was 'SR' this and 'Grace said' that, he felt left out. I had to find a balance.
I may have kinda gotten off track a little here on my diatribe and apologise, but I'm not going to edit as I feel it probably relevant. ( and if not you have probably quit reading before you get this far anyway!!)
KeyofC, although I wasn't the worst kind of alcoholic, my husband did go through my drinking days with me. He has also been a stalwart during my recovery. The thing is, he never chose to marry an alcoholic. I was his drinking buddy when we went on an occasional Saturday Session and on holidays. I'm sure there have been times he has felt resentful of the change in our relationship. I still accompany him to the bar on holidays, but it's not the same. Our relationship has changed, I am more mature in how I manage my emotional responses these days ( though in my early sobriety depression, PAWS and an upsurge of years of suppressed emotions caused me all sorts of issues) and the way my husband deals with me has changed. I realise looking back that he was able to manipulate me emotionally when I was drinking, something he can no longer do. We have more of a partnership these days, though it has taken a while to get to this place. I would always recommend therapy, especially in the early days of recovery. Drunks are emotionally stunted having hidden behind a bottle instead of managing emotional situations. We need to learn to mature and manage those situations instead of running from them.
Also all those times of strong emotion when we hid, are still inside us just waiting a sober moment to erupt ( I referred to it as a projectile vomit of emotion once)
And, we also need to return to those situations from which we hid, and revisit how we felt about them, and move forward.
All of this upheaval only comes to us when we first become sober, allowing ourselves - refusing to hide - finally to feel. Of course also at this time our egos are as brittle as 300 year old porcelain, we are as weak as new born lambs and our AV is screaming at us to give in and drink.
This makes us uncomfortable to be around even by our loved ones who are ecstatic that we are no longer drinking.
So, we need to get whatever help we can to talk things through, friends, therapists, Undies, PMs, whatever it takes to get us through those vulnerable emotional first months.
It is also possible our partners need someone to talk to about the changes in us and in our relationships. It is possible for them to feel resentful. Here we are getting better, getting congratulated on doing something we ought always have done; they are the ones who have taken up the strain throughout our drinking, who have always deserved the medal, and they may feel they get next to no recognition. ( friends and family threads and Al-anon can help there)
Talking to each other about the changes both within ourselves, within our relationships and about the changes in the balance in our relationships is vital.
We need the support of our loved ones, we need to ensure we don't alienate them.
I know in early recovery I spent hours here, getting the help I needed, to get me beyond previous sober records. My hubby got somewhat resentful of that time,me specially as I had never had an online community before, suddenly I had all these friends and was 'SR' this and 'Grace said' that, he felt left out. I had to find a balance.
I may have kinda gotten off track a little here on my diatribe and apologise, but I'm not going to edit as I feel it probably relevant. ( and if not you have probably quit reading before you get this far anyway!!)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Angd, prayers coming your way!
Glee, I always feel uplifted reading your posts.
Toots, thanks so much for sharing your very personal experiences. Although I don't have a significant other, I do find that my relationships have undergone some shifts. In my still rather new living situation, for the first time in my life I am feeling socially comfortable. My only remaining discomfort is in dealing with difficult people though I am having times where even that has become easier. I also am finding that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't seek out social interactions. Looking back, I don't think this big change in my life would have gone well if I were still drinking!
Glee, I always feel uplifted reading your posts.
Toots, thanks so much for sharing your very personal experiences. Although I don't have a significant other, I do find that my relationships have undergone some shifts. In my still rather new living situation, for the first time in my life I am feeling socially comfortable. My only remaining discomfort is in dealing with difficult people though I am having times where even that has become easier. I also am finding that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't seek out social interactions. Looking back, I don't think this big change in my life would have gone well if I were still drinking!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
tootsl!
Thank you for that! I had this huge reply and hit submit and it had timed out on me so I lost it. Two things I think I am searching for is forgiveness (which I may never fully get) and understanding (me understanding the why?) All of what you said I can relate to and it sheds some light onto my situation. I am trying to see this from his point of view as well. There's not only been alcoholism in our lives, but infidelities as well. My AV talks to me terribly. I think I also deal with depression. I have talked to my husband about me going to therapy. I think if I go then at some point he would go to. If not that's ok too, but for my own sanity I think I need to go. I need to learn to deal with all these feelings. I need to learn to forgive myself. I need to dig in and find out why on earth I ever felt like this loving man didn't love me. He has told me he forgives me. He has told me to look forward and quit looking back. I desperately want to look forward and NEVER look back but the "back" keeps appearing in my every day life and I think I forgive myself but apparently I am having issues moving on from that as well.
Your words have given me some things to think about. Thank you!
Thank you for that! I had this huge reply and hit submit and it had timed out on me so I lost it. Two things I think I am searching for is forgiveness (which I may never fully get) and understanding (me understanding the why?) All of what you said I can relate to and it sheds some light onto my situation. I am trying to see this from his point of view as well. There's not only been alcoholism in our lives, but infidelities as well. My AV talks to me terribly. I think I also deal with depression. I have talked to my husband about me going to therapy. I think if I go then at some point he would go to. If not that's ok too, but for my own sanity I think I need to go. I need to learn to deal with all these feelings. I need to learn to forgive myself. I need to dig in and find out why on earth I ever felt like this loving man didn't love me. He has told me he forgives me. He has told me to look forward and quit looking back. I desperately want to look forward and NEVER look back but the "back" keeps appearing in my every day life and I think I forgive myself but apparently I am having issues moving on from that as well.
Your words have given me some things to think about. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Hi KeyofC. Early sobriety is a hugely emotional time. The first 2 or 3 months were an emotional rollercoaster for me and my wife didn't really understand though she was generally supportive.
Now I'm at 4 months and things are levelling out. I'm forgiving myself for stuff I've done. I think I was very unwell and now I'm getting better. I know that's kind of simplistic but it all stems from there. I've thought about therapy and so on but right now I feel I'm slowly getting better on my own. I would drink to offset anxiety. Turns out drink was a major stimulant for the anxiety in the first place. It's like I've broken a vicious circle. I may consider external help in the future but right now I feel I am healing and so are my relationships.
Good luck with what you decide.
Angd - sending you positive thoughts which is about as close as us non-religious folks get to praying
Take care
Now I'm at 4 months and things are levelling out. I'm forgiving myself for stuff I've done. I think I was very unwell and now I'm getting better. I know that's kind of simplistic but it all stems from there. I've thought about therapy and so on but right now I feel I'm slowly getting better on my own. I would drink to offset anxiety. Turns out drink was a major stimulant for the anxiety in the first place. It's like I've broken a vicious circle. I may consider external help in the future but right now I feel I am healing and so are my relationships.
Good luck with what you decide.
Angd - sending you positive thoughts which is about as close as us non-religious folks get to praying
Take care
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
amp123
Thank you! I am just thinking about it for now. My husband has also said he feels I should wait a little longer and give myself time to allow myself to feel things out literally. Of course he (like you guys) want me to do what I need to do to make myself ok, but I'll give it a little longer and maybe I'll start to even out too..
I appreciate the input!
Thank you! I am just thinking about it for now. My husband has also said he feels I should wait a little longer and give myself time to allow myself to feel things out literally. Of course he (like you guys) want me to do what I need to do to make myself ok, but I'll give it a little longer and maybe I'll start to even out too..
I appreciate the input!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Hello all,
Just checking in to record that I have made it past my previous sober record of 77 days.
It has been a tricky, edgy, nervous week, shot through with fear that anything could trigger me to go and seek a drink. I'm surprised what a hurdle this has turned out to be.
Day 80 is now coming to an end and I feel I am the other side of something. It has taken 15 months and 7 attempts to get me here.
I'm OK.
I feel I can breathe a little more freely now.
x
Just checking in to record that I have made it past my previous sober record of 77 days.
It has been a tricky, edgy, nervous week, shot through with fear that anything could trigger me to go and seek a drink. I'm surprised what a hurdle this has turned out to be.
Day 80 is now coming to an end and I feel I am the other side of something. It has taken 15 months and 7 attempts to get me here.
I'm OK.
I feel I can breathe a little more freely now.
x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Toots - Great post, straight from the heart. I agree that the newfound capacity for growth in sobriety has surprised the people around me!
KeyofC - I think stopping drinking allowed me to dig deeper to the root of my issues. It's as good a time as any to examine what's been holding you back.
Fradley - I absolutely love the way you frame how long it took you to make it 80 days sober. Congratulations!
Amp, Casey, Bfree, Dee, and all the popovers - have a great sober day!!
KeyofC - I think stopping drinking allowed me to dig deeper to the root of my issues. It's as good a time as any to examine what's been holding you back.
Fradley - I absolutely love the way you frame how long it took you to make it 80 days sober. Congratulations!
Amp, Casey, Bfree, Dee, and all the popovers - have a great sober day!!
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