SwimKim12

Thank you

CeeFarro

Good morning everyone. Getting ready to make my daily trip up the mountain and into town to run errands and work out. Amp, I have never been out of the U.S..just Mexico. Tangiers sounds fabulous. I always think of The Stranger when I try and picture it. Glad everyone is doing well. I've been more productive lately and have really been thinking a lot. Trying to change my routine a bit. What I really should do is get a job..I'm sure my husband agrees. I know I can't go back to bartending even though I really did love it in a way. I've watched a few good documentaries lately. One on Ginger Baker and one on Levon Helm. They made me think of my dad but at this point everything does..Hope everyone has a great day. I'm going to try and make the most of it. Remember..don't drink. No matter what

OMD

Hi all,
Welcome Stargazer! As you'll have gathered we all have slightly different versions of a very similar story which ends (or starts) in April of this year with a desperation to escape alcohol's gradual destruction of our lives. One way or another we are all lucky even to be here, and I certainly feel very lucky to be part of this group. Would I have made it this far without everyone? Highly unlikely, frankly. The daily support and experience sharing has been utterly invaluable.

Have a great day everyone!

Best wishes
OMD

CeeFarro

Welcome Stargazer

Incontrol15

I'm fighting Friday night urges a little bit. Been a while. Funny thing is, I'm still working. Ain't exactly The weekend yet!

Been coming in waves. Short. Not much to worry about. But I keep feeling like some beers and a steak would hit the spot. I don't have the cash for either. That wouldn't stop me before.

I've decided I'm gonna join tonight's chat meeting. Been a while since I've joined those. They'll put me back on track!

SwimKim12

Good idea, Inc! Way to recognize the cravings and do something to combat them. You will thank yourself tomorrow morning!

Incontrol15

Tonight's chat meeting was good. Topic was priorities.

Good reminder that our #1 priority is ourselves.
Also got me thinking I need to prioritize better. I am juggling a lot. Becomes very stressful. At times of stress, I am constantly trying to find ways to eliminate it. Booze was obviously my go to for years. Now I play with meditation, supplementation, diet, etc.

I'm always trying to find ways to take away the stressful feelings. But at the end of the day, I can prioritize better and get some things taken care of that is causing my stress.

Another topic brought up was visualizing the future. That's important too. Today is way better then 4 months ago, but currently hoping 4 months from now I'll be able to say the same. Visualizing the future is very important. We're trying to change who we've been. It's easier to do that and far more impactful if we have in mind who we really want to be.

OMD

Thanks IC. I appreciate the post. I am going to think about this for a bit because I always thought my main motivation for this was other people, mainly my kids, but maybe it is myself.

I am not sure that in all honestly I could genuinely have visualised myself where I am today, 4 months ago, or even that I would have wanted to visualise myself here, but I ultimately like it! So I am going to try and visualise what I want to be like in 4 months.

What I do strongly believe however is that sometimes we stress too much by trying simultaneously to solve all the things that we recognise are deficient in our lives. So the visualisation has to be realistic over a given time frame otherwise we set ourselves up for disappointment. Like at work, sometimes it's good to take things one at a time, and recognise that things do take time. I am trying to live by that example with my swimming progress. I am not going to bore you on this, but I am very happy with my progress . Small steps.

Kim, sorry for the late reaction but I bet you enjoyed the beach at Santa Barbara. The beach down the road off Santa Claus is great too, and even a bit less gritty.

Have a great Saturday everyone. None for me. I am choosing to be sober today because I am happier that way.

OMD

amp123

Morning all!

Wow! Never realised there was a beach called Santa Claus! I really dig that!

I'm feeling kind of good right now. My dad has been visiting and I just dropped him at the airport. We used to drink a lot together. Now he still drinks wine and I drink tea. Our relationship, which I feared in part was built around us drinking turns out to be just fine. In the past we would only get to talking after a few drinks but it was really no problem. I now realise that my dad drinks quite a lot for a guy in his seventies (bottle of wine and some and a couple of beers) but, as I was always a bigger hitter I never much noticed before. There's always been a lot of drinking in my family. Anyway, I digress! I was saying I'm feeling pretty good because I was able to hang out with my Dad with him drinking and me not for a week and not be too worried about it.

Now when the beer or wine comes out it's something else on the table that I like but I know it's not good for me so I have something else. That's it. No big deal.

Today we had to get up early for the flight and we'd stayed up late talking till after 2 so we were tired. I was so glad I didn't have that bottle and a half of wine feeling on top of it and really felt sorry for my Dad. He's had a really chilled out, relaxing break that he really needed for some quite serious reasons and I felt bad that he was now flying back hungover and tired.

And I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore.

When I got back just now my wife asked how I'd been without the drink and I told her what I just said. She started crying and said how proud she was of me! I wanted her to stop crying and I asked if she was OK (she's still quite messed up over her Dad's death and gets a bit emotional) but she just said it was because she was so happy for me and for all of us.

So guys, it's for us and all of them and just a better way and yeah, I feel good!

Love you guys! Couldn't have done it without you!!

stargazer016

I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go!

Have a great day everyone!

"Tell me why I don't like Mondays..." Boomtown Rats

Incontrol15

That's Awesome Amp. Thanks for sharing. How cool is that! In just a short few months. Would you have thought it would go so well a month ago or more!

Just got off my PT job. Feeling beat up physically, but much better emotionally. I realized last night I haven't been taking my vitamins and I haven't been eating well. Skipping breakfast altogether.

My stress is high, my sleep is erratic and not very restful, I ache, and all I want to do is nap.

I haven't been taking my Wellbutrin either. It's now wonder I had drinking on my mind yesterday!! Sheesh!!

OMD

Great news Amp! I felt sorry for you before when you posted that your wife said you weren't fun any more now that you are not drinking. I remember thinking or maybe even writing that we all say things we don't mean, so it must feel pretty good to have that from your wife, and to be able to spend time like that with your dad is just great! My dad was an alcoholic and I know he'd be proud of me now if he was here.

I had one of those nights last night when a whole bunch of stuff went wrong but unlike the old days I just fixed what I could, and this morning things didn't seem too bad when I woke up fresh and able to take on the rest.

Right, am going swimming

Best wishes
OMD

OMD

IC - breakfast is the most important meal of the day Sir! Skip any others if you have to,

Cheers
OMD

SwimKim12

Amp, thank you for sharing that. I am so happy for you! It must feel wonderful to share the happiness of your sobriety with your wife. And I'm glad to hear that the relationship with your dad hasn't been affected negatively by your sobriety. My dad is an alcoholic as well (sober almost 20 years). Now I join him as a non-drinker

Inc, I hope you are able to get some rest soon. I know you're juggling a lot right now and working very hard, but don't forget about your health!

OMD, hope you have a great swim

Hope everyone else is doing well! No alcohol for me today because it doesn't make my life better; sobriety does.

stargazer016

Just got home from work and naturally the family is sound asleep. This is when I used to pound the rum while sitting in front of the computer until the wee hours of the morning. I found that working nights was a huge trigger for me because I could flat out drink and not worry about trying to conceal how much I was throwing down my throat. Glad to be able to enjoy time in front of the computer and actually read what is in front of my eyes!

stargazer016

Congrats Amp.
I too have a drinking relationship with my Dad, and I really didn't get to know him until we were able to hang at bars together. I haven't told him yet that I quit, ironically, because I think he will feel disappointed in me. I was raised with a "work hard,party hard" mindset. Paradoxically, his father was a miserable ,abusive, stone cold alcoholic. Life is funny sometimes.

Incontrol15

Stargazer...man, did you just paint a vivid picture for me. I got divorced 3 years ago. When I was married, I really enjoyed the late night computer time for that reason as well. I was always psyched when I came home and everyone was in bed. Drink, porn, poker. That was me.

When questioned by my wife, I stated that some alone time is important to me. As a district manager for a major retail store, I was always "on". Always interacting with managers, employees, and customers. I needed time away from everybody.

When it came to the weekend, my alone time at night was still a priority for me. Or my alone time in my shop. Those took priority over my time with my family. Man...simply breaks my heart thinking about it.

It turns out what I really needed was time to drink and do drugs. Sure, having some alone time is important to me. Especially now that I sell life insurance door to door. But I've found I don't need even a sliver of the time I took before.

stargazer016

Incontrol, retail is full of barely functioning or non functioning alcoholics, as you certainly know! Are you sure you want to jump back in, lol? I certainly value family time now, and don't look at it as an obstacle to my drinking time. So sad how alcohol warps our priorities over the most important things in our lives. It is heartbreaking to think about all the wasted time, put I am forcing myself to try to live in the present. There is nothing I can do to change my actions and consequences of things I had previously done but to accept them for what they were and live a better, more grounded life each and every day. It's a fresh 24 every day, like one thread said.

Incontrol15

Nailed it!
Depressing to think of...yes. But now I find I just shake my head and tell myself how stupid that was and just don't do it again. Took a while for me to get over that. In general...the regret from alcoholism was very strong. Now I have more pride than regret. Time cures all.

OMD

Couldn't agree more, gents. Once my head had cleared after about about a month I began to deeply regret every missed opportunity with my family because of booze, let alone all the other stupid and dangerous stuff and hurt caused etc. Then I realised I couldn't do much about all that except try to repair where I could, and that's what I am doing, day by day. And it's working, even where I never would have thought it possible.

One thing I hadn't really appreciated until yesterday when I spoke with my oldest mate who drinks like I used to - all my pains have literally gone - kidney, belly, back ache, even knees. He's still got all that, just like I used to have. Remove booze. Add water. Simple.

I could now happily do without booze for ever, I can see that already. I am seeing it like I eventually saw cigarettes when I gave those up over 15 years ago. No desire now to smoke, ever. My only real problem going forward is that booze is an integral part of doing business and the old saying goes never trust a man who doesn't drink. People still believe that ****. I am still working on this aspect.

Best wishes
OMD