Briar

Hi guys, alive over here but definitely in a difficult spot and not improving. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin and feeling trapped. Everything seems very negative and hopeless. I'm panicking a little because I've had some very bad episodes start like this. The meds seemed to be working well, but now this.

Trying not to consider alcohol an option, but it's hard when it's quite literally painful to be conscious. I'd love to blunt out some of my awareness, and the meds don't do that while lifting my spirits for a while like alcohol does. I've self medicated this problem for a long time, and old habits die hard, especially when nothing else seems to help. I know alcohol would give me some relief in the short term, but I also know that would be out of the frying pan and into the fire.

But I'm doing what I can, maintaining my normal routines as much as possible, keeping in touch with my therapist and psychiatrist, I'll be getting a blood test next week to look for other medical problems that could be contributing. Hopefully We can turn it around before it gets bad. I really hate this.

Anyway, best to you guys.

Arbor

Briar. Any voice that suggests drinking is a lie. Short term relief? We know very well there isn't such a thing. I know it may be hard to distinguish with everything else that medically may be going on, but take it from me drinking isn't an option. I'm not sure what else to say. I hope the docs can get you what you need. It shouldn't be this hard. I care about you.

Arbor

Also, I don't know if this will help, but I keep getting signs like this. Had some Chinese tonight and this was my fortune:



image-1658585757.jpg



It's so fitting right about now.

Arbor

Stay safe tonight friends. I'm on my way out for the night. A familiar situation but risky as well.

phoebe64

Ho, Briar. Sorry it is a rough time for you. We are here to listen. I hope you find relief from this episode. You are so amazing and smart and strong. You can do this.

SoberLeigh

We are here fr you, v, if and when you want to talk about it.

Dee74

Try and stay calm and focused Briar - and try to challenge the idea that you can't handle the pain sober.

I think that's an AV lie.

I hope you can find a solution too V.

Hugs for you both

D

SoberLeigh

Sweet briar; please don't let your AV convince you that alcohol is any kind of a solution. Any kind of reprieve that alcohol would offer is a false reprieve; anxiety, self-disappointment, self-loathing, hangovers, etc. quickly follow with the very real possibility (for us - more like probability) of a prolonged and painful relapse. And, of course, the demons we were trying to escape are still there and seem even scarier.

I am so sorry that you are struggling.

Sending love.

BrighterDayz

Such a sweet picture Mark. My DD had a blankie that grew into a twin sized cotton thermal blanket named Fluff. The chapter "Fluff Goes To College" has not been written, although Fluff does faithfully wait on DD's bed at home for some snuggling during breaks. Cherish the moments with your little one.

Briar and V, sorry you are having rough times, will think good thoughts for you.

Briar

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your support. Sometimes having a mental illness makes me feel like an outsider, and I worry it will freak people out if they find out I'm bipolar and what that's like. I appreciate you guys being so accepting.

I'm home from a reasonably productive day at work and am curled up in a blanket on the couch. I have no plans to move from this spot. I've got it pretty safe right now. Room is clean, my daughter has a show and snacks, my husband will be home soon, I've got some tea (decaf - no messing with the nervous system!). Things are under control. I should go for a walk, but that sounds totally overwhelming. My whole body kind of aches anyway.

Anyway, I'm just glad it's Friday. My daughter's big girl bed is coming tomorrow. She's looking forward to that. Hopefully the transition will go smoothly.

phoebe64

Glad you are doing better, Briar. No shame in being bipolar. You cannot help it. I try to teach my daughter to just deal with her mental health like her dental health. We just do it . Regularly. No stigma. Love and hugs to you.

SoberLeigh

Wise words, dear phoebe.

Conquest

You may be on the couch for the night, but you're fighting like a warrior, Briar. Big hugs your way

Powerful advice, Arbor and Phoebe.

And such a precious pic of Mark's princess!

I'm officially exhausted. TGIF, friends!

Dee74

I don't think you're very different than us Briar - any more than I think people without cerebral palsy are that much different from me.

There's a lot of common ground and understanding

D

Mark1014

Hey Briar....so proud of you and your determination.....and such good words of support and caring from the team! A big ol' hug from me to you!!!

Just arrived in New Orleans and exhausted. Interstate was diverted due to an accident and traffic was awful.

venuscat

I missed the pic.

Hope you enjoy the trip Mark.

venuscat

Sending you more love Briar...and I really echo what Dee said.
We may have different issues that we have to deal with, but there is a lot of common ground and understanding here. And a great deal of compassion.

Depression is a mental illness as well, and quite a few of us have dealt with that. And all it means is that it is our brain that is the organ being affected. Which I know you know, as you mentioned it again the other day. We shouldn't have to feel guilty if there is something in our brains that is not working correctly. Hey, I have made two bone tumors. Something in my body does this...it's not my fault.

Yes, this is a very hard time for you, but as Conquest said you are a warrior.
You are fighting hard to get past this bad point, and I have faith that you will.

Love that fortune Arbor!!! Very apt.

No one can help me with what is going on with me...but it really DOES help that you all care. I love you, and I need you. ♥

Mark1014

Here you go V.

venuscat

Oh! Thank you so much Mark....just adorable. ♥

Mark1014

Good night V, I've got to get up in 4 hours and 15 minutes! Very off schedule, but to be expected.