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Class of October 2014 Part 17

Old 07-19-2015, 05:58 PM
  # 281 (permalink)  
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But you know it is not going to be "a drink." Right? It would be a bottle of wine for me, and then a beer or two. I imagine a drink will feel good, but it feels like nothing, based on my last few relapses.
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Old 07-19-2015, 06:09 PM
  # 282 (permalink)  
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Hope you feel better today V.

D
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Old 07-19-2015, 07:00 PM
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02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
 
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I know. For me drinking is a state of being, not an event. I feel confident I can resist today.
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Old 07-19-2015, 07:25 PM
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Glad to hear that Briar.

I am tired and bored tonight. Turning in early. Came up with the kids! Goodnight all.
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Old 07-19-2015, 07:44 PM
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Glad to hear your confidence is up, Briar. You know drinking doesn't actually work. That's power right there. Luv ya, lady. Stay strong.
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Old 07-19-2015, 08:24 PM
  # 286 (permalink)  
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
 
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Okay, seriously this room was spotless an hour ago:





And the kitchen floor is coated with purple paint.

How does this happen?!

A four year old. That's how.
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Old 07-19-2015, 09:22 PM
  # 287 (permalink)  
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LOL...I see a bit of a mess that you can fix Briar love. It won't take long.
But the mess we could make by picking up that drink? Lordy..not so easy to fix.
I am one of the people who loved every single drink I poured down my throat. Alcohol never stopped working for me. So I get it. I still want to drink often. I fought my way through the supermarket before...two of them actually, because there was no bread. Or food for little V. I made it though.

Got home and looked at myself in the mirror...proud.
Because not only can I not afford any alcohol, I cannot afford to go down that path again. I won't make it. I will lose my mind, or my liver, or my kidneys. I will be done.

And I think that at some stage the lesson that we are alcoholics truly kicks in.
For me, there is no guarantee that I could ever stop again. None.
I have just watched a very close friend who had almost two years (and relapsed) struggle to get those first sober days under her belt. She went through a really hard time, and thank God she is doing well now. But there are no guarantees. None.

There are a few friends from the 24-hour thread who have disappeared. We have tried to reach them. Nothing. Just pouf, gone.

OK...diatribe over.

I am fine...it was one day. It is every month for me, but with some hormonal problems right now, it is more often than that. The women here might understand...it was a day in hell. But I worked today, and it was great.
I recover fast now...definitely a benefit of my sober life.

Love to all of you. ♥♥♥
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Old 07-19-2015, 09:31 PM
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My thoughts and best wishes go out to you Briar lol

D
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Old 07-19-2015, 10:20 PM
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02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
 
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Ha! Thanks Dee. She's like a tornado. No sense in cleaning up until she's asleep.

I know you're right V. In rehab they often referenced "the relapse you don't come back from." That was pretty ominous. My mind just gets wild sometimes when I'm not stable. I hope this will all pass soon. I do feel improved today. Clearer-headed.

I totally understand what you were dealing with yesterday. It can be so horrendous physically and mentally. I'm glad you're feeling better.

'Night you guys.
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Old 07-20-2015, 04:07 AM
  # 290 (permalink)  
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It's really hot and gross here. Happy to be off to work in my air conditioned office.
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Old 07-20-2015, 04:14 AM
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Hope you can all stay cool. s
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Old 07-20-2015, 04:57 AM
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Happy Monday gang. Up and at 'em back in reality. Mostly hibernated in yesterday.. Today will be 'catch up' day at work and getting my head back in the game. Having said that.....time to roll.

Have a great day everyone!
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Old 07-20-2015, 06:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Briar View Post
Okay, seriously this room was spotless an hour ago:





And the kitchen floor is coated with purple paint.

How does this happen?!

A four year old. That's how.
It's no better with my 16 and 10 year old girls.....not one bit!
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Old 07-20-2015, 07:03 AM
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You should see my house Briar. The shear amount of trucks this boy has is more than anyone could play with. And now with a second boy I can't even imagine what's to become of the house that was once mine!
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Old 07-20-2015, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Briar View Post
Okay, seriously this room was spotless an hour ago:





And the kitchen floor is coated with purple paint.

How does this happen?!

A four year old. That's how.
Hard to believe but, someday, you will miss this. The silence will be deafening and the organization almost bizarre.
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Old 07-20-2015, 07:10 AM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
LOL...I see a bit of a mess that you can fix Briar love. It won't take long.
But the mess we could make by picking up that drink? Lordy..not so easy to fix.
I am one of the people who loved every single drink I poured down my throat. Alcohol never stopped working for me. So I get it. I still want to drink often. I fought my way through the supermarket before...two of them actually, because there was no bread. Or food for little V. I made it though.

Got home and looked at myself in the mirror...proud.
Because not only can I not afford any alcohol, I cannot afford to go down that path again. I won't make it. I will lose my mind, or my liver, or my kidneys. I will be done.

And I think that at some stage the lesson that we are alcoholics truly kicks in.
For me, there is no guarantee that I could ever stop again. None.
I have just watched a very close friend who had almost two years (and relapsed) struggle to get those first sober days under her belt. She went through a really hard time, and thank God she is doing well now. But there are no guarantees. None.

There are a few friends from the 24-hour thread who have disappeared. We have tried to reach them. Nothing. Just pouf, gone.

OK...diatribe over.

I am fine...it was one day. It is every month for me, but with some hormonal problems right now, it is more often than that. The women here might understand...it was a day in hell. But I worked today, and it was great.
I recover fast now...definitely a benefit of my sober life.

Love to all of you. ♥♥♥
Many wise words here; thanks, venuscat.
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Old 07-20-2015, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Briar View Post
To be honest, I am obsessing over having a drink right now. It's going through my head over and over.

It would be so easy to get. It would make me feel better for a little while. Nearly five months of sobriety, and its promises are not delivered. I don't care about the long-term consequences. It wasn't that bad. I know how to quit again. No one has to know. It's no big deal. I just want to feel better.

Thinking of a drink sparks a little jolt of hope and pleasure. Feeling otherwise emotionless and dead makes it hard to fear the consequences.

I think I'm okay, but that's what's on my crazy mind today.
Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of her . . . She has, largely, faded from my vivid memory but, occasionally, she slips back in . . . . The sight of her sends shivers down my spine - SoullessLeigh - so I dig deep for the courage to face her, look into the nothingness of her eyes, her emptiness, and remind her that she will forever remain my past.

Just one drink and she could again, and forever, become my reality.

Face what you feel today, sweetest Briar, with the belief that better days await you. I promise you, they do.
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Old 07-20-2015, 10:15 AM
  # 298 (permalink)  
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
 
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Thank you Leigh. It's so true, I was a horrible shell of a person when I was drinking. Somewhere inside I know I care about sobriety, I know it matters.

I feel for you guys with multiple kids. I know I will miss it one day.

I'm not feeling very good today. I actually cried this morning simply because I was so bummed out to be awake. It's embarrassing to be around people because I say terribly negative things without even realizing I'm doing it. I complain about things that aren't bad, I rip on my husband when he doesn't deserve it, I exaggerate things to make them seem worse than they are. I mean, I tell what happened like it was awful, then I think back and realize it didn't really happen like that. I do it unconsciously because my perspective is so skewed. When I've been really sick before, I've had delusions where I totally believed someone was mistreating me when they weren't. This is a mild version of that. I catch myself and know it's all in my head, but it makes me want to isolate because I don't want to cause any trouble by saying something wrong or accidentally talking crap about someone who doesn't deserve it. My therapist tells me to just go hang out with people and talk about normal stuff, but sometimes I can't do that. I'm a total jerk. I just want to hide.

I'm supposed to start that dialectical behavioral therapy class tomorrow, but I don't think I'm going to do it. I'm just feeling too tired and crazy to learn stuff right now. My therapist will be pissed, but oh well.

That's my rant for today.
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Old 07-20-2015, 10:31 AM
  # 299 (permalink)  
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
 
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And my Fitbit friends have gone from taunting me to expressing concern because my weekly steps have plummeted. I told them something's wrong with my battery.
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Old 07-20-2015, 03:04 PM
  # 300 (permalink)  
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Good morning guys. ♥

Sending love Briar.
I hope this very hard time passes for you.
Huge hugs.
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