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Class of May 2015 Part 6

Old 07-02-2015, 03:02 PM
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Class of May 2015 Part 6

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-5-a-20.html

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Old 07-02-2015, 06:00 PM
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Part 6! Look at us go. Let's see how quickly we can fill this up and get to part 7. Who's going to help to make that happen?




We each have a unique voice. We're all needed here. (((Hugs!)))
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Old 07-02-2015, 06:44 PM
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You know I'm in.

Sunburn is feeling better. Not perfect but better. About to eat some chocolate ice cream and watch some television. I've been listening to a lot of music the last couple of days. Haven't been doing so much since sobering up this time as sitting around drinking and reading while some music plays loudly was one of my favorite ways to drink. But it's not been a trigger so far this time. Maybe this sobriety stuff is starting to stick.

Just realized that 56 days=8 weeks. Go me!

Hope everyone has had a happy and sober Thursday.
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Old 07-02-2015, 08:51 PM
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Cissy -- also meant to say earlier but lost the thought in the move to a new thread: I hope you change your mind about the vaping. I just don't see the upside of it. It could be a gateway back to smoking cigarettes or pot or even back to drinking. And I don't get the whole reasoning of, "I have to have at least one bad habit." Seems to me you've already jumped such a huge hurdle in quitting cigarettes in the first place, don't know why you'd go back in that direction.

But we've had this discussion before. You're a grown woman and I promise I won't say anything else about it. I just didn't feel right not mentioning it one more time. Wishing you the best with whichever decision you make.

Getting ready for bed now. Sweet dreams everyone!

Just watched a decent documentary called "My Name Was Bette: The Life and Death of an Alcoholic." It was a pretty touching film made by a woman whose mother was a lifelong drinker who died a recluse in 2007. Some of you might get a lot out of it if you ever get the chance to see it. I don't highly recommend it but certainly thought it was worth watching overall.
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Old 07-02-2015, 10:16 PM
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Thanks, Dee!

Just catching up, I will post in a bit...
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Old 07-03-2015, 12:36 AM
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I'll get it over with now, I drank tonight, a lot more than I wanted. If I didn't have the folks on sr though I don't know where I'd be, probably a lot worse off. I'm trying to do better, but for now thanks for being there
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Old 07-03-2015, 01:01 AM
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Have you checked out the recovery plan link at all nmd?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
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Old 07-03-2015, 04:33 AM
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I've read through much of it, but I'll look at it again. That will be my lunchtime plan.

What happened: girlfriend bought me beer, I drank it (maybe 7 beers, enough to mess up my sleep and get my heart racing). She did nothing wrong, I've been back and forth in my decision to drink. I seem to have lost my x and y, how to quit the first week or two, while worrying about the long term. I remember how many false starts I had last time, but I didn't expect it to be just as difficult. It is. :-/ sorry for the drama
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Old 07-03-2015, 08:54 AM
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In lighter news, here's a picture of my hens. Lunch time now, time to work out a plan

20150703_085202.jpg
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Old 07-03-2015, 09:06 AM
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Well, there's the problem, nmd. You haven't decided you want to quit. If you had, your girlfriend would know never to bring you alcohol. I understand being on the fence. I truly do, nmd. What are your reasons for wanting to quit? What are your reasons for wanting to continue to drink?

Write them all out. How do you feel after a day or two or 10 of drinking vs how you feel after those same number of days sober? I notice that when I'm drinking, it's a crap shoot how it will make me feel. Sometimes it lightens the mood a bit and makes things a little rosier and other times it makes it feel like there's really nothing left to live for.

I've noticed that my lowest times ever were days when I'd been drinking. And the lowest of all was when I had mixed what I was drinking, like wine and then switched to vodka or something. But the alcohol was always a major factor in those darkest moments.

Please do this for yourself. Make up your mind. One way or the other, decide what you want and then venture down that chosen road. See where it leads you. We're here for you and always will be. But if you choose sobriety, you have to tell your girlfriend that she can't be doing things of that nature any more. If she's the type that will always be trying to draw you back in, maybe you need a new girlfriend. Keep your eyes open and see how things go.

If you want to, just decide that you won't drink for all of July. Take it one day at a time but set July as the goal, not "forever." Get to the end of July and see how you feel. Then decide how to spend August. (((Hugs)))

Casey, I went on youtube to see if I could find that documentary and I found a trailer for it. How horrifying how her age progression accelerated in the last 20 years of her life. What a sad situation. They should have been able to call and have her removed from that house. She might have known what day it was and who the President of the United States was but she was mad.

The guy is coming to look at and hopefully buy the step bench around 1:30. Hope it goes cause then I'll be rid of one more thing and I'll have money to help me get through the next month. I have to renew my nursing license in August and I think my car registration must be coming up for renewal this year. I hope not but it's been a while.

Casey, I hear you on the vaping thing and it might not be the right way to say it; "needing one bad habit." I don't need one bad habit, I'd settle for only one bad habit. I need to lose weight. Like, a lot of weight. My life is better when I don't drink. I eat mostly unhealthy, crappy junk foods and fast foods. I would never go back to smoking cigarettes. They're disgusting AND ridiculously expensive. And I will never return to smoking weed either. That's more addictive to me than alcohol is.

I just need "something." And I think that could be the thing to help me stop the madness regarding my food choices and how late I eat. Last night I had to make myself vomit because my stomach was full and my digestion apparently decided it was time to rest for the night. I have to remember that digestion slows down considerably late at night and I should stop eating but that's my favorite time to chow down.

No, I'm not a bulimic. I ate 2 Tums and that didn't fix the problem and I was having an episode of terrible gastric reflux so I went that route. It solved the problem and I was able to get some sleep without risking aspirating while I slept.

So, I'm going to do it. I plan to have chosen one by the end of next week. I'm looking forward to it, actually.

Have a wonderful Friday/Saturday! Have a sober 4th of July weekend and if you're an American (or someone who likes to celebrate the holidays in another country), bring your non-alcoholic beverages of choice with you to wherever you may find yourself this weekend. It can be done. God bless us all. Independence is a beautiful thing.

((((((((Hugs))))))))
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Old 07-03-2015, 09:31 AM
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Starting day 57 here in sunny West Texas. Sunburn is still there but is better. It didn't give me any trouble while I slept. And, boy, did I sleep. I definitely got my nine plus hours last night, emphasis on the plus. Guess I needed it.

Back to work this evening. It'll probably be slow this weekend as people head out of this hot, dry town for a holiday somewhere with some water. But maybe I'll be surprised and will make hundreds and hundreds of dollars a night.

nmd -- glad you're here today. Wish you'd come here yesterday instead of drinking that beer. Will your girlfriend support you if you do decide to quit permanently? I don't remember you mentioning her before though you probably have.

Cissy -- hope your digestive issues are better today. I'm blessed with a pretty good metabolism (though not quite as good as it was at age twenty, of course) so wasn't real overweight because of my drinking/poor eating. But though I haven't weighed myself this time as I don't own a scale, I most definitely have lost weight. I'm guessing somewhere between 10-12 pounds in the last 57 days. The only place I'm really noticing the difference is in my face. My jaw line is MUCH better defined right now. My skin and eyes also look much better. I was looking in the mirror a couple of days ago and realized that I was looking pretty darn good.

So it looks like yesterday site1Q84, Cissy, myself, Copper, 4thekidz, and nmd were the only Mayflowers to check in here. I also talked to a couple of other class members via private message.

For old time's sake, here's that list of May class members I was keeping and posting during May. It's not 100% complete because I stopped compiling it when I went on vacation on May 27 or 28. But I would love to hear from anyone who is on this list who hasn't checked in lately. We're here for you whether you're on day one or day 64!

0520Hamilton
4thekidz
60andbeyond
aajajen
AGAGONNHOJ
AllieKat
amandamarie
amitranjan04
anattaboy
ANewDayNYC
AutumnWillow
bdj
Betha
boombox
Carrie1974
CaseyW
Cbf123
chanty
ChickChick
Cissy
ClearLight
Copper442
Cursed00
DariaM
Delfin
Delilah1
Dharma33
donenow
donone
Eliasson
FacingFuture
FarToGo
Free2B84
Freedom1982
Ginamarie323
Hope2014
HOPELESSAMY
hugsandcupcakes
Ice
Jack16
JaneLane
Jartsober
jazzfish
JD4010
Jimbob01
Jimuk
JJ9
JL2014
julesonya
Justbreathe1980
KaleGrrl
kgr
knb02
Lady3
laska23
lesly
LiberatedStorm
Littlebear
Lscotty1
lunar
Marcellina
Maykay
Michtizz
neednewpath
nmd
Odisnow
Plenny
PrincessP
QBVII
QuitForSon
Rainbug
realE
Rivelino
RussC
sagittarius714
SandyO
SansaS
ScarletWitch
site1Q84
Soberella66
Sparkledust
StAnthonysFire
stime
strongandsober
Summerrain
tahrga
Talz
TENtx
Timeforchange18
TroyW
Tryingtoheal87
Vainstraw
Vinomama
VirginiaWolfe
Willow3
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Old 07-03-2015, 10:13 AM
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Thank you for your honest reply. I don't want to parse words, so I won't disagree with your point on indecision, my behavior clearly reflects it. My girlfriend has been supportive of me in the past, not buying alcohol I would want, if I had stated I was trying be sober. I've just spared her the ever couple day "I'm never going to drink again" ultimatum BS. I want some solid footing before opening up about it again, she would support me and doesn't say anything if I'm not drinking. I wish there was a black and white moment where I knew was ready and could tell the world, but it just hasn't been that easy.

I kind of feel like right now I'm back to learning to ride a bike, or an infant learning to walk. I want to do it, but I keep falling down. The infuriating part is I had 3 months sober and went back drinking. The bicycle metaphor doesn't quite apply because it's not as easy to jump back on and ride again, it's harder than before. Babies don't give up trying to walk after falling 2 times, or 5 times or 10 times, they keep trying until they walk. That's where I feel I am. I don't want to fall down 10 times then just give up and decide to drink. I want to get up 11 times and stay up.

Here's my pro/con list:

Reasons to quit

health
-acid reflux (I was on prilisec)
-problems with past blood work (low iron, high triglycerides liver enzymes)
-weight loss
-drinking interferes with exercise
-risk of hurting myself falling or driving
-elevated blood pressure
my brain
-my memory is slipping
-blackouts from drinking
-anxiety
-Iím less patient even when sober when Iím drinking
hangovers
drinking makes me tired
money
time - drinking and brewing are giant time sucks
relationships with my children and my GFhave suffered from drinking
I drive when I shouldnít
I'm not there to care for my family in an emergency if Iím passed out

Reasons to drink

the buzz, I enjoy drinking (for the first two drinks anyways)
Habit
Anxiety
I donít want people to know I canít drink
Iím afraid of drinking again anyways and tired to dealing with the unexpected
I might get sick and die from something anyways so I might as well enjoy myself and not worry about it

Originally Posted by Cissy View Post
Well, there's the problem, nmd. You haven't decided you want to quit. If you had, your girlfriend would know never to bring you alcohol. I understand being on the fence. I truly do, nmd. What are your reasons for wanting to quit? What are your reasons for wanting to continue to drink?

Write them all out. How do you feel after a day or two or 10 of drinking vs how you feel after those same number of days sober? I notice that when I'm drinking, it's a crap shoot how it will make me feel. Sometimes it lightens the mood a bit and makes things a little rosier and other times it makes it feel like there's really nothing left to live for.
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Old 07-03-2015, 10:17 AM
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nmd -- maybe instead of worrying about sparing your girlfriend that "I'm never drinking again BS", spare her the actual BS associated with drinking instead. She sounds like a good woman, give her a chance to know a better you.

Oh, and I like your picture of your hens. Man, chickens are dumb animals, aren't they?
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Old 07-03-2015, 10:18 AM
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I hear you on the something. I drink coffee like a fiend, no way no how I'm giving up caffeine or coffee. The jury is still out on the safety of vaping and what chemicals they put out, but there are certainly worse things. French fries have pretty nasty chemicals in them generated by the heat of deep frying. Make sure you get extra wicks, the vapor gets pretty acrid tasting/smelling once they start getting dirty. (Like burnt rubber)

Originally Posted by Cissy View Post
Casey, I hear you on the vaping thing and it might not be the right way to say it; "needing one bad habit." I don't need one bad habit, I'd settle for only one bad habit. I need to lose weight. Like, a lot of weight. My life is better when I don't drink. I eat mostly unhealthy, crappy junk foods and fast foods. I would never go back to smoking cigarettes. They're disgusting AND ridiculously expensive. And I will never return to smoking weed either. That's more addictive to me than alcohol is.

I just need "something." And I think that could be the thing to help me stop the madness regarding my food choices and how late I eat. Last night I had to make myself vomit because my stomach was full and my digestion apparently decided it was time to rest for the night. I have to remember that digestion slows down considerably late at night and I should stop eating but that's my favorite time to chow down.
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Old 07-03-2015, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by nmd View Post
I've read through much of it, but I'll look at it again. That will be my lunchtime plan.

What happened: girlfriend bought me beer, I drank it (maybe 7 beers, enough to mess up my sleep and get my heart racing). She did nothing wrong, I've been back and forth in my decision to drink. I seem to have lost my x and y, how to quit the first week or two, while worrying about the long term. I remember how many false starts I had last time, but I didn't expect it to be just as difficult. It is. :-/ sorry for the drama
Maybe tell your girlfriend that whether or not your drinking she shouldn't bring you anything? I also think looking too far into the future may mess you up. That really gets to me, too. One day at a time. One minute at a time, if you have to. It really does work.
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Old 07-03-2015, 10:49 AM
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Originally Posted by CaseyW View Post
nmd -- maybe instead of worrying about sparing your girlfriend that "I'm never drinking again BS", spare her the actual BS associated with drinking instead. She sounds like a good woman, give her a chance to know a better you.

Oh, and I like your picture of your hens. Man, chickens are dumb animals, aren't they?
Started work on my recovery plan during lunch. My pro con list response to Cissy will be part of it and so will be telling my GF.

Chickens certainly aren't the brightest beasts. ;-) I was pretty naive about them when I started out this spring. I had no idea they were omnivores, how well they could fly, or what happened to the male chicks when you buy female sex linked pullets, among other things. I must have beginners luck though because so far all of my six chicks have grown into six beautiful (I think) healthy hens. They should start laying in a few weeks.
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Old 07-03-2015, 10:56 AM
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Howdy folks....Day 53 and am finally able to do nothing today. Ahhhhh. Sorry about your slip NMD, but keep your chin up...you know you can do this. Love the chickens.

Have been browsing cars online. It's so tedious but a necessary evil. Will check in later, but hope everyone is hanging in there
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Old 07-03-2015, 11:07 AM
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Finally caught up! Out internet was broken in the office for most of the day, so I wasn't on as much as normal. Plus I went out for a lovely afternoon walk. It's about 90-something here, not too humid, but it's definitely in the air. Supposed to be a little cooler tomorrow. It's the 4th, but I'm in France so they don't care. Looking forward to a day off Monday...

Cissy, why don't you make exercise your new thing? It doesn't have to be a full on workout, but maybe find little 5-10 minute things you can do when you're feeling the craving for something. Kill two birds with one stone! Hope the guy came and got that bench. Happy 4th to you as well!

Casey, glad you posted that list! I hope some people check in. It sure would be nice to hear from everyone!

nmd- I like the list you made. In the end we all know it's your decision, but I'm glad you keep trying. Looks like to cons of drinking are out-weighing the pros. I understand your not being 100% sure about quitting, but the fact that you keep trying and coming on here makes me think it's just your AV talking, and you really do want to quit. Either way, I hope it works out. Gorgeous hens by the way! I just love chickens. Hearing their weird little sounds when I go to give them treats makes me so happy for some reason haha
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Old 07-03-2015, 11:47 AM
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Originally Posted by site1Q84 View Post
nmd- I like the list you made. In the end we all know it's your decision, but I'm glad you keep trying. Looks like to cons of drinking are out-weighing the pros.
The interesting thing is how it breaks down almost completely into a long term vs short term list. Reasons to drink are short term, only a few of the reasons to stay sober are short term, most are long term. That's the challenge I guess, fighting our wiring for immediate pleasure, and probably where I need to work on the breathing exercises/urge surfing/etc to slow things down.
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Old 07-03-2015, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted by CaseyW View Post
nmd -- glad you're here today. Wish you'd come here yesterday instead of drinking that beer. Will your girlfriend support you if you do decide to quit permanently? I don't remember you mentioning her before though you probably have.
I probably haven't mentioned it in this class, but yes she would support that decision. It was a little rough getting there last year because of fears/insecurities, but I'm not worried about that at this point. We've been together for 4 years and have a relationship that has grown with time, it's not like we are just drinking partners.
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