KaleGrrl

Ginamarie and Dharma, that's great on 59 and 56 days! !
Sagittarius, glad you had a nice day with your daughter. It sure stormed here. Glad I biked earlier.
nmd, will need to check out the vids.
Casey and Cissy, always great to see your posts.
Have a great evening and night, and wonderful day tomorrow (Agag--today).

Dee74

congrats AGAG Dharma Casey and gina on your milestones - as well as any folks I've missed

D

Ginamarie323

Thanks everyone. Had an extremely stressful horrible day today and I'm about 5 minutes from getting a bottle of wine. I know it will just make everything worse but christ almighty it sounds good right now. I will white knuckle it for a while. Agggghhhh.

Cissy

Are you on this thread right now, Gina? I'm here. We can go to chat, if you want.

AllieKat

Hi guys, glad to see you are all doing well. Busy day at work today as usual.

I haven't had a chance to look at the AVRT stuff yet. I don't have a free second all day these days.

I was thinking today that I am so grateful for my life. Even though I have made bad decisions and been a binge drinking alcoholic for all of my adult life, somehow I have managed to finish college, have a great job, buy my own house when I was 32 and raise a great daughter. Somehow, even after all of the jacked up things I have been through in my life, I came out ok.

Parents divorced when I was 17, Grandma alcoholic, mom alcoholic, Grandpa died, Grandma died, heroin addict ex-boyfriend (kid's dad), another boyfriend who intentionally OD'd on heroin and pills in my house and I found him dead in my basement...

I survived all of that. I realized today that with all of that going on, if I could still manage to become a successful adult who is able to provide for this family, then I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

I have felt weak for so so long because the alcohol beat me down but I never lost sight of what was in front of me.

Then I realized

How is this goal any different?

I have never been good at failing at anything. In fact I don't fail at much besides sobriety. I am good at my job, I am a good mom, I am a good wife. Sobriety only makes me better at those things. I need to learn to use my strength for this purpose.

I'm rambling...sorry about that.

AllieKat

Sorry you had a bad day at work GinaMarie! You're right though. Drinking won't make anything better. I'm on here now too if you want to talk..

Dee74

That bottle would just make a bad day that much worse, ginamarie.

we're here to listen

D

Cissy

I'm on chat but nobody else is. I'm hoping Gina notices there's someone in the chat room. I'll hang out there a while longer in case she shows up.

AK, sounds like you've got a tremendous amount going for you. Use those strengths to succeed in sobriety too. Sorry for all the past difficulties and losses. Horrible.

KaleGrrl

Ginamarie, no matter how awful the day, you know it'll be worse if you drink and you'll feel really awful tomorrow. Maybe just get away, take a walk, watch funny vids (Seinfeld bloopers make me laugh or that faux meditation video nmd posted today might be quite cathartic--it's funny but you could mean it), drink tea or seltzer. If distracting yourself works, just do anything else and it will go away.

I have my own way of fighting cravings (I posted it in July today), but I know what it's like to be in the moment like that.

Be strong. We care. Hang in there.

Cissy

What's your way, KG?

And I agree. Gina, watch and listen to that "guided meditation" video clip. It will make you laugh.

Ginamarie323

I'm here but can't go into chat. I need some plug-in or something. Thanks everyone....I know it will just make everything worse and I'll feel awful. I'm so glad this forum is here so I can vent.

Still dealing with work computer issues and now that laptop won't boot at all! Looks like I'll need someone to recover the data, AND get a new laptop; plus I'm broke until the 15th, so I feel helpless that I can't do anything! Just feel paralyzed.

Thanks again everyone....I will hang in there. Just keep reminding myself how devastated I'd be if I picked up again. My problems are not the end of the world, it just feels that way right now. Things have been going well, I've been busy, and now this. I guess I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to how "things are going," and one little glitch in the matrix and I'm ready to go off the deep end!

AllieKat

Thanks Cissy. Yes, I need to find a way to use my strength and my desire to succeed for this too. I never really realized that it was such a huge contradiction within myself! Until today...

AllieKat

Good job GinaMarie. Think through to tomorrow. How will you feel if you drink and how will you feel if you don't? Better in a million ways if you don't.

Ginamarie323

And there's a god-awful sounding bird outside that is just incessant. It literally sounds like a squeaky wheel constantly shreaking. It's the worst bird noise I've ever heard, and this SOB bird has been at it since I moved here in December.

KaleGrrl

I've had that, too, so aggravating! I'm so glad you're hanging in there.

Ginamarie323

OMG! It just booted up finally! Ha! I think it was you guys that did it. Now I'm afraid to turn the damn thing off! Does anyone know about crap like this? Like if I leave it on all night/day.....will I start a fire? Going to back up work files now just in case but should I just leave it on?

KaleGrrl

Oh that's maddening! Where is it? Can you see it?
At my parent's home (I was grown and married at the time), a cardinal kept attacking one of the windows with a vengeance--crash, fall to the ground (it must have seen its reflection as another bird). That went on for a few months until my dad thought to put up dark screening over the window.
A friend of mine was tormented by a woodpecker constantly fruitlessly pecking at the gutter of her house. They moved (they were moving anyway lol).
An old neighbor shot and killed a woodpecker that wouldn't stop pecking on their tree (not that I recommend that).
These were rather deranged birds. Obsessed, addicted (hope that brings a laugh).
I hope there can be a solution to this problem for you. Maybe it has a nest somewhere.

KaleGrrl

Yay! Yes, leave it on. I always leave mine on. It won't start a fire.

Ginamarie323

No, I can't see the bird. When I first moved here I thought it was something mechanical. The weirdest thing ever.

Ginamarie323

Thanks, Kale! It always runs pretty hot (it's an older one that I only use for work), maybe I'll prop it up on something.