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Class of May 2015 Part 6

Old 07-09-2015, 05:08 PM
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Ginamarie and Dharma, that's great on 59 and 56 days! !
Sagittarius, glad you had a nice day with your daughter. It sure stormed here. Glad I biked earlier.
nmd, will need to check out the vids.
Casey and Cissy, always great to see your posts.
Have a great evening and night, and wonderful day tomorrow (Agag--today).
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:14 PM
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congrats AGAG Dharma Casey and gina on your milestones - as well as any folks I've missed

D
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:21 PM
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Thanks everyone. Had an extremely stressful horrible day today and I'm about 5 minutes from getting a bottle of wine. I know it will just make everything worse but christ almighty it sounds good right now. I will white knuckle it for a while. Agggghhhh.
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:29 PM
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Are you on this thread right now, Gina? I'm here. We can go to chat, if you want.
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:31 PM
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Hi guys, glad to see you are all doing well. Busy day at work today as usual.

I haven't had a chance to look at the AVRT stuff yet. I don't have a free second all day these days.

I was thinking today that I am so grateful for my life. Even though I have made bad decisions and been a binge drinking alcoholic for all of my adult life, somehow I have managed to finish college, have a great job, buy my own house when I was 32 and raise a great daughter. Somehow, even after all of the jacked up things I have been through in my life, I came out ok.

Parents divorced when I was 17, Grandma alcoholic, mom alcoholic, Grandpa died, Grandma died, heroin addict ex-boyfriend (kid's dad), another boyfriend who intentionally OD'd on heroin and pills in my house and I found him dead in my basement...

I survived all of that. I realized today that with all of that going on, if I could still manage to become a successful adult who is able to provide for this family, then I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

I have felt weak for so so long because the alcohol beat me down but I never lost sight of what was in front of me.

Then I realized

How is this goal any different?

I have never been good at failing at anything. In fact I don't fail at much besides sobriety. I am good at my job, I am a good mom, I am a good wife. Sobriety only makes me better at those things. I need to learn to use my strength for this purpose.

I'm rambling...sorry about that.
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:33 PM
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Sorry you had a bad day at work GinaMarie! You're right though. Drinking won't make anything better. I'm on here now too if you want to talk..
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:33 PM
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That bottle would just make a bad day that much worse, ginamarie.

we're here to listen

D
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:38 PM
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I'm on chat but nobody else is. I'm hoping Gina notices there's someone in the chat room. I'll hang out there a while longer in case she shows up.

AK, sounds like you've got a tremendous amount going for you. Use those strengths to succeed in sobriety too. Sorry for all the past difficulties and losses. Horrible.
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:39 PM
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Ginamarie, no matter how awful the day, you know it'll be worse if you drink and you'll feel really awful tomorrow. Maybe just get away, take a walk, watch funny vids (Seinfeld bloopers make me laugh or that faux meditation video nmd posted today might be quite cathartic--it's funny but you could mean it), drink tea or seltzer. If distracting yourself works, just do anything else and it will go away.

I have my own way of fighting cravings (I posted it in July today), but I know what it's like to be in the moment like that.

Be strong. We care. Hang in there.
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:43 PM
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What's your way, KG?

And I agree. Gina, watch and listen to that "guided meditation" video clip. It will make you laugh.
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:47 PM
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I'm here but can't go into chat. I need some plug-in or something. Thanks everyone....I know it will just make everything worse and I'll feel awful. I'm so glad this forum is here so I can vent.

Still dealing with work computer issues and now that laptop won't boot at all! Looks like I'll need someone to recover the data, AND get a new laptop; plus I'm broke until the 15th, so I feel helpless that I can't do anything! Just feel paralyzed.

Thanks again everyone....I will hang in there. Just keep reminding myself how devastated I'd be if I picked up again. My problems are not the end of the world, it just feels that way right now. Things have been going well, I've been busy, and now this. I guess I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to how "things are going," and one little glitch in the matrix and I'm ready to go off the deep end!
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:48 PM
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Thanks Cissy. Yes, I need to find a way to use my strength and my desire to succeed for this too. I never really realized that it was such a huge contradiction within myself! Until today...
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:50 PM
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Good job GinaMarie. Think through to tomorrow. How will you feel if you drink and how will you feel if you don't? Better in a million ways if you don't.
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:53 PM
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And there's a god-awful sounding bird outside that is just incessant. It literally sounds like a squeaky wheel constantly shreaking. It's the worst bird noise I've ever heard, and this SOB bird has been at it since I moved here in December.
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Old 07-09-2015, 06:53 PM
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I've had that, too, so aggravating! I'm so glad you're hanging in there.
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Old 07-09-2015, 07:08 PM
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OMG! It just booted up finally! Ha! I think it was you guys that did it. Now I'm afraid to turn the damn thing off! Does anyone know about crap like this? Like if I leave it on all night/day.....will I start a fire? Going to back up work files now just in case but should I just leave it on?
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Old 07-09-2015, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Ginamarie323 View Post
And there's a god-awful sounding bird outside that is just incessant. It literally sounds like a squeaky wheel constantly shreaking. It's the worst bird noise I've ever heard, and this SOB bird has been at it since I moved here in December.
Oh that's maddening! Where is it? Can you see it?
At my parent's home (I was grown and married at the time), a cardinal kept attacking one of the windows with a vengeance--crash, fall to the ground (it must have seen its reflection as another bird). That went on for a few months until my dad thought to put up dark screening over the window.
A friend of mine was tormented by a woodpecker constantly fruitlessly pecking at the gutter of her house. They moved (they were moving anyway lol).
An old neighbor shot and killed a woodpecker that wouldn't stop pecking on their tree (not that I recommend that).
These were rather deranged birds. Obsessed, addicted (hope that brings a laugh).
I hope there can be a solution to this problem for you. Maybe it has a nest somewhere.
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Old 07-09-2015, 07:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Ginamarie323 View Post
OMG! It just booted up finally! Ha! I think it was you guys that did it. Now I'm afraid to turn the damn thing off! Does anyone know about crap like this? Like if I leave it on all night/day.....will I start a fire? Going to back up work files now just in case but should I just leave it on?
Yay! Yes, leave it on. I always leave mine on. It won't start a fire.
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Old 07-09-2015, 07:14 PM
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No, I can't see the bird. When I first moved here I thought it was something mechanical. The weirdest thing ever.
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Old 07-09-2015, 07:16 PM
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Thanks, Kale! It always runs pretty hot (it's an older one that I only use for work), maybe I'll prop it up on something.
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