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Class of May 2015 Part 6

Old 07-07-2015, 10:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Cissy View Post
I want to add something about the e-cig. I found that I was using it much the same way I would use pot if I had some. Even when I wasn't particularly in the mood, I'd grab it, turn it on and start puffing. Just because it was there! Just like any other thing I abuse, like booze, chewing gum or food. Just because it's there.

My problem isn't necessarily alcohol, it is literally with everything of that nature. I have no internal switch that says I've had enough, or that thing others must have that says that something is available but I don't feel like having any right now. What is that? Anyone else think they have this sort of issue?
compulsive behavior? obsessive thoughts? I think they go along with the territory of alcohol addiction and I think it makes sense that it might carry over into other addictions. People talk casually about having an addictive personality, but I personally think it's a nebulous term that doesn't really help, it's just another label. Is it the cause, or the effect of alcohol abuse?

That being said, I definitely fall into the compulsive/impulsive camp and maybe there's something to it. When I was young, it was video games and TV that took up way too much of my time, and I eventually just gave them up completely, but it's easy to get "sucked in " by something. (One of the reasons I said I gave up cigars very quickly)

I imagine some of that will wane with time along with recovery from drinking. My approach is to fix what I know is broken, and for now my drinking is broken. I was hardly perfect before I started drinking, so I'm sure being sober won't fix everything, but I'm hoping to be at least better off. Maybe the next step is some counseling to look at the compulsive behaviors?
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Old 07-07-2015, 10:50 AM
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Hi Kalegirl, great to see you back! My June was a wash as well

Great job on 60 days 4the kidz!
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Old 07-07-2015, 11:49 AM
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Originally Posted by 4thekidz View Post
Casey, we do have the same date but I guess I figured I need to get thru yesterday, which I barely did.

I am now a three-time graduate of day 60.
Barely counts just as much as sprinting. Recovery is not a race or competition. One day at a time is all we have. Congrats on 60 days! I believe the hundreds and hundreds of active long-term recovering addicts on these forums that say it gets easier with time and work. And I believe in my own experience that drinking doesn't get any better the more I do it. Hang in there, we're on the right track.

Ginamarie -- I'm sure you are doing so already but keep all those important files backed up somewhere else if you think your laptop is going to die. I lost an important hard drive last year that I'm still trying to recover stuff from.

Cissy -- Tornadoes are pretty scary stuff for exactly the reason you say--they can come up so fast. It's been a long time since I've been in one--last one I can think of was Memorial Day 1995 but that one was the worst. I was actually sitting across town in a movie theater when I heard there was a bad tornado coming. I decided to speed across town in my beautiful old 1967 Mustang (man, I want another hot rod) to get home before it hit. Should have stayed in the theater as that side of town didn't get anything but rain and my neighborhood was right in the path of the tornado. My house was OK except for a lot of hail damage to the roof and a few broken windows but there were two buildings less than a block away that were completely leveled. And my beautiful car got some hail damage too.

If your sister doesn't want the e-cig, just throw it away. It's like having a bottle of booze around--completely unnecessary risk.

You seem to like to really plan things out--maybe completely plan your meals for the next few days and see if you can stick to that? I don't know much about eating problems. I don't have the best diet in the world but don't have the worst either but am blessed with a pretty good metabolism and a lot of folks who lived to a very old age on both sides of my family. Though my mom did die at age 58 but she had a lot of weird health and mental issues so who knows with her.

nmd -- I just got back from an AA meeting and one of the guys there with seven or eight years sober had a good talk about that addictive need for perfectionism and obsession. Reminded me of what you had to say just now.

AllieK -- enjoy your pizza!

Nap time now. Talk to you all later.
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Old 07-07-2015, 12:49 PM
  # 104 (permalink)  
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Welcome back Kale! There are a few of us who have a rough time staying sober lately. What can we learn from it? I feel kind of lost again right now...

The pizza was delicious. The one and only St. Louis Imo's Pizza. So good!
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Old 07-07-2015, 12:50 PM
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Wow. I love weather phenomenon and my late hubby and I liked to be like amateur storm chasers but tornadoes are terrible things. You're in west Texas, right? Like, way out west? In the no-man's land part or the Panhandle?

I won't keep the e-cig. I'll post it on Freecycle if my sis doesn't want it but I'll make it clear that it's only going to an adult. I won't toss it cause it might help someone to quit smoking and then I'd feel better about the whole thing.

I do like planning when it comes to some things, but meals isn't one of those things. I tend to wing it. I made meatloaf again the other day so I'll be eating that for days. I love leftovers that are easy to reheat. I even microwave potatoes. I've got that down to a science, practically. Beats cooking in an oven for an hour.

I just realized it's almost 4 pm and I haven't finished this mug of coffee. Need to dump it or down it or it will interfere with my sleep tonight. Going to try to down it. Bbl.
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Old 07-07-2015, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Cissy View Post
Wow. I love weather phenomenon and my late hubby and I liked to be like amateur storm chasers but tornadoes are terrible things. You're in west Texas, right? Like, way out west? In the no-man's land part or the Panhandle?
I'm in the middle of West Texas. Not El Paso but not the panhandle either.
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Old 07-07-2015, 01:12 PM
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AGAG- sounds like all is well! I have to say I love it when you check in with all your trekking stories and such. I've been to Thailand twice and that whole are is just incredible, so I get really nice mental images from your stories.

AK- birthday pizza! YUM. Man I love pizza.

Casey, it's actually not been too bad. A few little cravings but I always check right in on here. I think it's actually good because a lot of my bad habit crutches re non-existent, like Starbucks and fast food. I can't even keep ice cream around! I'm actually losing some weight here, it's awesome! I was eating healthier before I left but I was eating a TON haha. Mostly I've been so busy over here I haven't had time to think about drinking.

Kale! Glad to see you back here! Sorry to hear about your struggles but happy you made not alright. I think it's true that it gets a little harder to recover each time. I hope you'll keep checking in! Saw you on the 24hr thread- I love that thread. I check in first thing every morning and it gets my mind right.

Cissy, I made it part way through your post my reading on this phone gives me a headache so I'll finish up yours and the others tomorrow! I used to be terrified of tornadoes when I was little. I used to have a box I carried around that was full of all my special items in case of a tornado haha. Now that in older I love storms. I missed casey's post about weather- I'll have to go back and check it out!


Hopefully off to bed shortly. I've had the beginnings of a headache all day and this tiny phone screen isn't helping, so I'll finish catching up tomorrow

Have a lovely Tuesday everyone!
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Old 07-07-2015, 01:32 PM
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Good afternoon.

We could certainly use some rain here - not because of water shortage but because its so grossly muggy - it needs to go away. I love storms also.

I don't have much going on but I wanted to say hi again. Was just catching up on this conversation.

I'm thinking about a big bowl of ice cream tonight with lots of yummy chocolate and whip cream on top!

Hope you all have a great night!
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Old 07-07-2015, 02:20 PM
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That's what I meant by "no man's land," Casey. Only time I've been there was when driving through, wishing to God it would end soon. If there is a longer, more tedious drive, I'm not sure where it is. Although I have heard driving from here to Indianapolis sucks too. Never did that trip, though.

Alliekat, it was a birthday pizza? Who's birthday? I missed that post or that part of your post.

Site, you poor thing, trying to read all this stuff on your phone! Don't you take a laptop with you when you're on the road all over the globe, or are you just out and about? Hope your headache eases up and you get some good, solid sleep.

Hi, sag. It's wicked muggy here too. The rain comes in waves. We just had a thunder cell pass through but we got mostly just the rain. This time the dog didn't even get panicky which is very VERY unusual. It could have been much worse, from the radar I was keeping an eye on.

4, I guess we all have that addictive nature to our personality. Whether it stems from alcoholism and branches out or if it is just plane "being an addict" in general, I don't know. For me it feels like I'm an addict and alcohol is only one of the things I get carried away with and obsessive about.

What drugs to they prescribe for people who have OCD? I wonder if those drugs would help alcoholics. Interesting thought.
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Old 07-07-2015, 04:37 PM
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I came up with a new acronym. I think it fits me better than HALT.

BITES: bored, irritable, tense, empty (exasperated), sad

Not sure about the "e" but it can be either/or.
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Old 07-07-2015, 07:33 PM
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Cissy, you bring up an interesting point. I don't think that HALT applies to everyone. Mine would be Bored, Lonely, Excited, Happy or BLEH. Lol.

HALT implies that only negative feelings are triggers and in my case that isn't true at all. Positive feelings are triggers for me as well.
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:15 PM
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In other words, it's always a good time to drink! LOL! I know exactly what you mean though, Alliekat. I was just trying to come up with some things that would make an acronym. When I'm feeling any one of those ways and I can't drink, it BITES.

It's quiet here tonight. I checked in here hoping those in other time zones might be active but alas, it's just you and me, AK. Glad to see you! Have a lovely evening and great night's sleep.
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:22 PM
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Yeah it bites for sure. I was trying to come up with BLOWS but there aren't a lot of feelings that start with O. Lol.

Time for bed! Sleep well.
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:28 PM
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Ornery?
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Old 07-07-2015, 08:30 PM
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You're leaving me?
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Old 07-07-2015, 09:16 PM
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Ending day 61. Good meeting at noon today on the difference between a demand and a request. Got an awesome new pair of wireless bluetooth earbuds in the mail from Amazon today. They'll make bicycling much more enjoyable. I always end up breaking regular headphones because I'll snag the wires on something at some point. Work was busier than it had been the past couple of days. I'm home now. Tired. Off the next two days. I thought I'd signed up to work a shift tomorrow night but apparently I didn't. I'm OK with that for now. I'll take the day off. Just going to take it easy tomorrow besides going to a noon meeting again. I'll get my two month chip tomorrow!

I like your acronyms, Cissy. AllieK, I don't think the point of HALT is that only negative feelings are triggers, it's just that those are four feelings that are common triggers for almost everyone. We all have our own triggers. Boredom is definitely one of me, but I think that can usually be linked to loneliness in my case so HALT still covers it.

Hope everyone had a safe and sober night. Talk to you tomorrow. It's bedtime for Bonzo here.
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Old 07-07-2015, 10:06 PM
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Just checking in sober, hope all is well Cissy and tomorrow doesn't bite
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:49 AM
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Sorry cissy, had to be up early for work. I get up at 6:00 so I was already up past my bedtime. :-)
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:59 AM
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Cissy I thought of ornery too but it didn't fit. The only other word I could think of was ostentatious and I'm not even sure I know what that means. Haha!
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Old 07-08-2015, 06:05 AM
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Hello, I am enjoying everyone's posts even if I don't comment a lot.

The problem with taking a benzodiazepine like xanax or valium is that, in an attempt to ameliorate and minimize the symptoms of Post Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome ("PAWS"), they to a certain degree mimic the feelings of intoxication- mild euphoria and relaxation mainly. But I think they may just be prolonging the long-term detox symptoms.

They say PAWS can drag on for months up to TWO years, which I hope I am on the shorter end of. Certainly open to anyone else's experience with PAWS, xanax, or longer-term anti-anxiety meds like Paxil.

Good luck to all,

4
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