CaseyW

I do have to cross one fairly busy street but otherwise my ride to work is a short one thru a residential neighborhood. Only takes me like ten minutes from my front door to work. I do have lights on the front and back of my bike for nighttime though.

And I'm always glad when you post in here, Olivia. Wishing you the best on your road to recovery!

Olivia2011

Thanks Casey!

Copper442

Hope you all had a nice sober 4th.

CaseyW

Starting day 59. More of the same today--off this morning and work tonight. I think I'm going to go to a noon AA meeting. No other plans. Sunburn is bothering me this morning. It'd been OK for the most part for the past couple of days. About to put some aloe vera on it.

How are you doing, Copper?

Hope everyone has a safe and sober Sunday.

Ginamarie323

Hi Mayflowers....starting day 55. Can't believe I'm up so early because the nonsense went on until 2 am. It literally sounded like a war zone last night for hours. It's hysterical that fireworks are "illegal" here (the home kind).

Stumbled upon Clockwork Orange last night and watched that again. Love Stanley Kubrick films.

No plans today, maybe get a little work done. I just realized I haven't seen Allie post in a while. Hope she's okay.

Have a good Sunday everyone

AllieKat

Hey guys! I'm back. Sorry I've been away. I had a plan in my head for a week or so that I was going to drink on July 4th and felt hypocritical posting in here. And since I was off work it turned into more of a 2 day binge before the 4th and on the holiday I was so sick I didn't do much of anything. I did manage to go watch the fireworks last night though.

I'm gonna catch up on your posts now. I missed you guys!

site1Q84

Busy day here so not caught up... Just saying hi!

Glad you're back Allie!

AllieKat

I'm glad I'm back too. I thought about you guys every day. But you know how it is. Once my mind was made up, it was made up. Sad excuse I know...

It's ok though. I'm not beating myself up about it. I drank twice in 2 months. That is still a pretty good record for me. It wasn't the best decision I ever made but it wasn't the worst either. I could have continued to drink last night too but I didn't. I'm glad I didn't because the hangover is behind me and I would still be sitting here sick if I did.

I do need to get some things straight in my head though... I have some thinking to do.

Cissy

One thing I have discovered in all my back and forths with drinking and sobriety (since really trying to kick it in February), you get to see the stark contrasts of how you feel sober and then how it feels to be buzzed (or worse; crocked.) I found that it wasn't nearly as fun or as tasty as I had grown to believe it was over years and years of chronic use.

Then when I went back to not drinking, it didn't seem so much like punishment or something to be sad about, it felt like plain old intelligence. Exercising my free will to do what truly makes me the happiest and makes the most sense. Makes me feel like a grownup.

I'll be checking in all day and evening cause it's just an ordinary day for me. Going to be pretty hot and the sun's blazing. Landlady just mowed the lawn. I'm hiding in here where it's cool. My big plan is to water the tomato plant later on and give the stalks some shaking. I don't know what's helping but something is! It's beginning to thrive. I even saw one tiny little 'mater! Like the size of a dime, but that gives me hope.

Hope is good! ((((((Hugs)))))) Have an awesome sober Sunday/Monday. Love ya's!

AllieKat

You guys are all doing an amazing job! I am so proud of you!

If you want the honest story, my slip was completely planned. I needed to know if anything would be different this time. And it wasn't. I got a tattoo Thursday night, (yes I had a sober driver), blew off my mom for lunch on Friday because I hadn't been to bed yet, slept for 4 hours on Friday, got up, got beer in order to feel like a human again, went to the pool and started all over again, stayed up until 2:30 Friday night. Sick as a dog all day yesterday. So I pretty much lost 3 days of my 4 day vacation because of drinking. Oh and I didn't eat any food for over 48 hours. So no it wasn't different, it was the same as every other time. Uncontrollable...

I wish now that I hadn't done it.

AllieKat

I agree with this Cissy. Free will is an important part of this for me. I don't like feeling restricted. It is much easier when I know that I am making the choice to do the right thing rather than forcing myself to do something because I am supposed to.

CaseyW

Glad you're OK today and that you checked in, AllieK. I was worried about you. Sorry you decided to drink and didn't feel you could confide in us re: your thoughts and planning. So what's the plan moving forward?

AllieKat

Hey Casey, it wasn't that I didn't feel that I could confide in you guys. I always know I can do that. That's what I should have done. I don't know why I didn't. I don't think I wanted to be talked out of it. I was pretty determined to drink.

Going forward I choose to not drink. I can do it, I have done it. I made the mistake of becoming lazy and not trying to fill my time with other things. My goal for this week is to go to the gym every day and get my healthy eating back in line.

CaseyW

Well, I hope the next time you're determined to drink that you'll remember this past weekend and will give yourself and us the chance to talk you down. That's what we're here for. Like I said, glad you're ok today and that you decided to check in. We need you and everyone else in this class. There's a lot of power in "we" vs. "I".

CaseyW

We can't keep you from drinking but we might can help you decide not to take that first one.

How's everyone else doing this weekend? Still in France, site? Haven't heard from nmd in a couple of days either.

AllieKat

Thanks Casey! Hopefully there isn't a next time. Cravings get less and less frequent over time. I can fight them ok. This wasn't like that. In some twisted way I had to remind myself that I can choose to drink or choose not to drink with the latter being the right choice. It's hard to explain. I was rebelling against myself and I'm done now. I'm angry at myself for doing it.

Dee74

I completely get it Allie...but those times when you don;t want to be talked out of it are the times you need to call for help.

We simply can;t let the AV run the show cos it'll use us up if we let it.

D

AllieKat

Thanks Dee. You're absolutely right.

site1Q84

Still on France! Long few days but I'm off tomorrow and SO looking forward to it. Just waiting for some coworkers to finish up so I can head to bed... It's nearing 2am! Too late for my taste.

I caught up but I'm on my phone and too tired to respond... Looking forward to catching up some more in the morning!

CaseyW

Glad you checked in, site. Enjoy your day off!