MariahGayle

Thanks Up....read some passages from the book "The Language of Letting Go" tonight & thought about you....would be a really good book for you I thing....God knows I need it. I will post one in the am.....Goodnight��

rockstonic

Ouch Mariah! I'm so sorry to hear about your foot but glad you got to keep all your toes and none of the kids were hurt. Hope everyone has a good night! I'm endlessly studying right now and so bored. Went and took the dogs for a walk and the streets are full of drunk drivers. I thought I was so slick driving after a few drinks but walking around these days, clear eyed I realize how many people on a Saturday night are driving faster, less carefully and not signaling. I may be bored, but I'm glad not to be a part of that melee....

MariahGayle

Try & pamper yourself Rocks, especially when your bored...your an inspiration & I am proud of you!

Passage from "Language of Letting Go":

Today, God, help me not judge or limit my future by my past. Help me be open to all the exciting possibilities for change, both within & around me.

Upward2Enlightenment

Don't burn yourself out rocks and stay safe on those weekend nights. It's amazing how we easily dismiss the dangers of drinking and driving when we drink. I know that I've done my fair share of it in the past and thankfully never had to pay the consequences.

Sometimes I feel like I just can't win. I was sitting here watching a movie and started feeling depressed so I decided to go outside and cut the grass since it could use it. I get most of the way through cutting and got a flat on my mower. UGH! At least the fresh air and smell of the fresh cut grass must have done it's job because I'm not happy about the flat but oh well, getting upset won't fix it. I am happy that I don't have allergies because I love the smell of fresh cut grass.

I hope everyone is having a good day.

obosob

Morning Fools,
7.45am,
at the desk....

Hope all are well!

Mariah: Hope the foot heals up quickly, with not too much pain. I hate stitches.

Up: I love fresh cut grass, it's good to grow some mint around the lawn, then you really get a kick when you're mowing..

Monday is always hard here. But we're really looking forward to moving home in less than a year. Full change of life from living here.

Rocks: I agree it's good to be out of the melee.....

Dee: howdy!

crossing off the days here...................

stay tuned......................

Dee74

here's to another sober week , guys

D

MariahGayle

Goodnight/Morning All - I will wake with 6 days tomorrow. Just back from a good, outside meeting. You may be an alcoholic if you run into people you know at an AA meeting��

I'm imagining Freein, lounging around a pool somewhere with non-alcohol umbrella drinks....touring beautiful garden, snorkeling & maybe even hang gliding��

obosob

GREAT WORK MARIAH...!!!!

Awesome stuff, I know how hard it is to get back on the wagon and string a few days together.



I just went for a walk for lunch. Out the back of the school here there are monkeys, snakes and cows. It's a great walk.

I was thinking of when I first got here. I couldn't stop drinking then. I would have a fight with myself all day then go to the supermarket and buy a bottle of beam, the chinese staff would just laugh! Then I'd but small bottles of coke and mix them up, stash it all in my school bag and then walk home drinking a buddy bottle of coke...
Get smashed listening to rock music, urinating in the sink, spitting on the floor, smoking inside the house, music thumping through the house.
My father had cancer, I was in a toxic relationship, and when I look back now I can see I was in hell.
Anxiety and depression in an all day cycle.....
That was 2008-2010....
This was the pinnacle of my self sabotaging..... I was playing A grade.

Mind you I'd been drinking hard since 1995....

I couldn't get out of the loop.
I tried AA, counselling, doctors, mentors, yogis, meditators...etc...
Nothing, nada, zip.....

What was all that....
What happened....

How did I end up in such a state, so out of touch with the reality I have now.
The reality now is I couldn't even imagine drinking a bottle of beam a night.....

It was blocking out the truth is what it was.

I have to live very close to the truth , of my true self, otherwise I have to drown the voices out......To be sober and free I have to be myself...!!!

Something like that anyway......

stay tuned................

Upward2Enlightenment

That's great Mariah, keep it up.

Monkeys, snakes and cows ... that's a strange mix obo.
It's good that you have come to that realization.

Good night everyone.

MariahGayle

2:00am & can't sleep...I was bragging how my foot really didn't hurt at all & now it does. Just took 1/2 a hydrocodone & thought I would read here a bit till it kicks in.

Thank you for sharing that Obo....you have come along way from that life....it is a brutal cycle, like a dog chasing its tail. Such a small world to live in. I'm so happy you are living the sober life!

I started a book this week-end that I bought at used book store..."What About the Big Stuff" by Richard Carlson...same Author that wrote "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"....I'm reading this & thinking God may have had a hand in me picking that book up....insight into dealing with what life throw at us.

Up.....are you gearing up for winter there? I know you said you live in rural area...do you have wood heat? You guys had a brutal winter last year. We have been 105 degrees the last few days & looking forward to cooler temps this week so our tired fire fighters might catch a break on the wildfires....devastating fires now in N. California.

Thank you all for being here & your encouragement...means a lot to me. Happy Monday Peeps

MariahGayle

Reading from "Language of Letting Go":

God, help me own my power to love & appreciate myself. Help me give myself validity instead of looking to others to do that.

When I started drinking at 21 & took a job working as a cocktail waitress, then bartender, I took on a "tough girl" attitude, "I don't care what anyone thinks of me" attitude for years......only the last couple of years do I see, I care way too much what everyone thinks of me. Thought the above reading was fitting concerning that.

Upward2Enlightenment

Good afternoon everyone.

I hope you got some good sleep Mariah.
I have electric heat, it is so expensive, but I do have a fireplace that I need to start using, I have plenty of wood here.
I hope you guys out west get some cooler and rainy weather to help with those fires.
You aren't alone in caring too much what others think of you. I've always acted like I don't care what others think but have come to realize that may be a big part of me not liking myself. For me it's easier said than done breaking that habit.

Just got back from the doctor, have to have the sonic blasting of my kidney stones. Had it done 2 weeks ago but there are still some stones in there. Not looking forward to that next month, the stones haven't been bothering me, they are just sitting in the kidney for now but if I wait thet may cause problems later. They put you under for the procedure but when the anesthesia wears off ... omg ... felt like someone beat me in the kidney with a baseball bat.
Also got tires on my truck, they were getting worn out and I didn't want to risk getting a flat after getting the flat on my mower yesterday. Now it seems like the 4 wheel drive is acting up. If it isn't one thing it's another.

Have a great day everyone.

MariahGayle

Up, it is much easier said than done for sure.....I'm to a point though that I really, really need to like/love myself just as I am......trying to figure out who that is. Funny after I posted that this am, I went to an AA meeting where the topic was "How were we an actress"....I just listened & the tears poured down my face & cried like that all the way home. Hard to feel that pain, but I do know this is long overdue & I am ready to learn to feel the pain so that I can get past it.

It feels like fall outside (wonderful after this last heat wave) , so I am now home with the fireplace on, heat turned up & a warming blanket over my lap.......I think I will just find something funny to watch & chill for awhile.

Did you get your well situation resolved Up? Do you live near a library?

Obo.....this year will go by fast & you will be home before you know it....Little Anna walking & you with another sober year!! Your doing great!

Upward2Enlightenment

No, still don't have running water but I'm making due. There are people in worse situations then I'm in and I'm trusting god to get me through it.
There is a library a couple miles away ... I'm not really into reading though.
I bet that feels chilly going from a 100+ heat wave to a cool fall day.

The important thing is to learn a healthy way to deal with the pain. We've all tried numbing it with alcohol or drugs and that doesn't work, sometimes makes things worse.

MariahGayle

It feels wonderful! We have had 0 snow fall in the mountains the last 2 winters, so really hoping for that this winter.

You should check the library out.....they may have movies you can check out too...ours does. Good place to go hang out & check things out.

Upward2Enlightenment

Ugh, I just lost everything I typed.

Anyway ... all Delaware libraries are linked so you can have something sent to your local library. Of course Delaware is a small state.
My library is usually pretty vacant except for people using the computers.
I used to get movies from there but now I usually find movies online ... shhhh, don't tell.

We usually don't get much snow here, it usually warms up when the storms come through then it gets cold again.

obosob

Afternoon all,

I've been thinking about Up's 'healthy way to deal with the pain'...

The answer for me, which I'm not as of yet practicing, is forgiveness.

For my trespasses and those that trespass against me..... that's it really.

When I'm not engaged in being me, I can see what's wrong with people. I need to forgive everyone, for everything. No one really knows what they're doing, what's life's about, what the point of it all is....... and everyone has their story, most of which seem to stem from childhood. When you have a good look around, you can see how many people are unhappy, what with war, disease, famine, addiction, immigration....etc.... It's not easy to keep a positive mind frame when the reality of life hits you.... That's why I need to forgive, and forgive myself too....

Mum's in town looking after the baby....My mother with her ways and ways of talking and ways of being, can drive me up the wall. I mean sometimes she's just an idiot. That being said I love her very much.

I need to forgive my mother for being an idiot. She can't help it.

Mariah: There's an aussie comedian called Dave Hughes, check out some of his stand up...... or
THE GREAT CHINESE TAKE AWAY.... a doco with Barry Humphries acting as Sir Les PAtterson in Hong Kong for the hand over...... very funny and interesting too...



stay tuned.................

MariahGayle

I'll check that out Obo. I week sober today - a start.

Upward2Enlightenment

I know that I am trying to practice forgiveness obo, I'm doing ok but in all honesty I have a long way to go. I try to but sometimes it is fake, I can feel the hate in my heart but I refuse to fan that flame. If I cannot forgive how can I expect to be forgiven. Hopefully one day I will be able to forgive everyone in my heart, until then I will do the best that I can.

Congrats on the week Mariah, keep up the good work. You can beat this.

MariahGayle

Hi Kids......Hope everyone is doing well. I'm having a pretty good day & headed off to a meeting here in a bit, although I don't feel like it....first rainy fall day & I would be content to just stay home.