Class Of June 2015 Pt4
Humanoid thing
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 87
Oh Noolan! I had to face palm the fact you nearly did some mdma - well done you for thinking better of it, I can't imagine how you would have felt the next day.
Day 20 for me and I keep getting waves of feeing like there are cracks somewhere, that it would be a cheerful experience to have a drink. Afterall, what could go wrong, I feel so clean at the moment and unbreakable, thinking that a drink wouldn't change that feeling, would it?
This is completely clashing with me coming to terms that I am recovering from 23 years of alcoholism. Being the person whose drinking would always delay arrival at the dinner table or reward myself with a tipple after the most insignificant event. Slope off for a quick drink whilst out with family..
Got some pretty neat distractions I am going to get my head around, learning new technologies which, when I was at school wouldn't have been a problem but from my late teens onwards I think my levels of focus were destroyed so above all that is what I need to work on.. my focus. I want to get that child like fascination back where I'd be locked away in my room for hours on end concentrating 100% on lego or whatever else.
End of day here, going to sleep well and starting to quite enjoy morning runs (morning wobbles if I'm honest)
Day 20 for me and I keep getting waves of feeing like there are cracks somewhere, that it would be a cheerful experience to have a drink. Afterall, what could go wrong, I feel so clean at the moment and unbreakable, thinking that a drink wouldn't change that feeling, would it?
This is completely clashing with me coming to terms that I am recovering from 23 years of alcoholism. Being the person whose drinking would always delay arrival at the dinner table or reward myself with a tipple after the most insignificant event. Slope off for a quick drink whilst out with family..
Got some pretty neat distractions I am going to get my head around, learning new technologies which, when I was at school wouldn't have been a problem but from my late teens onwards I think my levels of focus were destroyed so above all that is what I need to work on.. my focus. I want to get that child like fascination back where I'd be locked away in my room for hours on end concentrating 100% on lego or whatever else.
End of day here, going to sleep well and starting to quite enjoy morning runs (morning wobbles if I'm honest)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Canberra Australia
Posts: 191
I'm at 16 days and feeling really good. I'm rediscovering the joys of my family and rediscovering my previous favorite activity: sleeping.
Also, at work I'm a different person; the most focussed I've been in five years and starting to get my confidence back.
Although the Antabuse is to thank, it's helped my remove the option of drinking and concentrate of changing my ways. Plus, the AV has almost given up. Poor bastard's exhausted!
Also, at work I'm a different person; the most focussed I've been in five years and starting to get my confidence back.
Although the Antabuse is to thank, it's helped my remove the option of drinking and concentrate of changing my ways. Plus, the AV has almost given up. Poor bastard's exhausted!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Day 13.
Some huge storms in the UK last night. Never seen so much lightening.
Feeling very positive today. I can feel my old self coming back. In the office I'm joking around and talking to people instead of hiding, hungover and ashamed behind my monitor.
Long may this continue
Some huge storms in the UK last night. Never seen so much lightening.
Feeling very positive today. I can feel my old self coming back. In the office I'm joking around and talking to people instead of hiding, hungover and ashamed behind my monitor.
Long may this continue
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Day 11 here, so good to see people getting stronger and more confident as the sober days mount up. Started raining yesterday not long after I'd started painting the fence so had to wait until today to try again. Noticing my patience with trivial things like this is improving, if I was in a drink or recovering I'd have gone crazy thinking the world is against me etc.
Spoke to my sponsor before and have arranged to get to an evening meeting later. Grown a goatee type beard, I haven't shaved it since I quit so its officially my sobriety beard!!! Not sure how long I'm going to keep growing it, but for now its an association with the 'new me' !
Have a great sober day everyone.
Spoke to my sponsor before and have arranged to get to an evening meeting later. Grown a goatee type beard, I haven't shaved it since I quit so its officially my sobriety beard!!! Not sure how long I'm going to keep growing it, but for now its an association with the 'new me' !
Have a great sober day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Hello all,
Feeling much better 2day, the blues have let up a bit. Still sober, and think I'm approaching 1 week 2morrw? I lost count because of my few slips back in June. That's ok, I'm sober 2day, and plan on staying that way.
Noticed we lost a few of our June members to the class of July. I'm staying here in June, no matter what. I've class hopped many times here, and although being in a starter class with pple with about the same # of sober days makes sense, I value everyones support and input. I hope all those that have moved on check back here from time to time. We are all in this together.
Praying for the rain to stop, again. This has been one of the worst rainy summers here in quite some time. Have outside stuff to do, that grass just won't stop growing!
No holiday plans, but do hope to have a visit with gkids. I hope everyone is doing well, staying sober, and having a great day.
Feeling much better 2day, the blues have let up a bit. Still sober, and think I'm approaching 1 week 2morrw? I lost count because of my few slips back in June. That's ok, I'm sober 2day, and plan on staying that way.
Noticed we lost a few of our June members to the class of July. I'm staying here in June, no matter what. I've class hopped many times here, and although being in a starter class with pple with about the same # of sober days makes sense, I value everyones support and input. I hope all those that have moved on check back here from time to time. We are all in this together.
Praying for the rain to stop, again. This has been one of the worst rainy summers here in quite some time. Have outside stuff to do, that grass just won't stop growing!
No holiday plans, but do hope to have a visit with gkids. I hope everyone is doing well, staying sober, and having a great day.
Last edited by Stubbs16; 07-02-2015 at 11:14 AM. Reason: spelling error
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy 
Thank for the support all. Body is shaky today. Mind is not in a very good place, just depressed. If I'd just get up and do something I'd feel better.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
blackbird, you are in my thoughts. I hope you feel better soon.
I had a hard day yesterday as far as cravings. I came here to post a few times but ended up just reading instead. I had cravings from 6pm until I went to bed at 1:00am. I have been under a lot of stress and I worry about everything as it is and just needed some relief from everything. I almost went to the store to get wine at 12:30 but decided against it. Not keeping alcohol here is good for me as I would have probably drank for sure had there been alcohol here. I am hoping the rest of the weekend goes better.
I hope everyone is doing well and has a great holiday weekend
I had a hard day yesterday as far as cravings. I came here to post a few times but ended up just reading instead. I had cravings from 6pm until I went to bed at 1:00am. I have been under a lot of stress and I worry about everything as it is and just needed some relief from everything. I almost went to the store to get wine at 12:30 but decided against it. Not keeping alcohol here is good for me as I would have probably drank for sure had there been alcohol here. I am hoping the rest of the weekend goes better.
I hope everyone is doing well and has a great holiday weekend
Last edited by emme99; 07-02-2015 at 12:55 PM. Reason: correct spelling
Humanoid thing
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by emme99
blackbird, you are in my thoughts. I hope you feel better soon.
I had a hard day yesterday as far as cravings. I came here to post a few times but ended up just reading instead. I had cravings from 6pm until I went to bed at 1:00am. I have been under a lot of stress and I worry about everything as it is and just needed some relief from everything. I almost went to the store to get wine at 12:30 but decided against it. Not keeping alcohol here is good for me as I would have probably drank for sure had there been alcohol here. I am hoping the rest of the weekend goes better.
I hope everyone is doing well and has a great holiday weekend
I had a hard day yesterday as far as cravings. I came here to post a few times but ended up just reading instead. I had cravings from 6pm until I went to bed at 1:00am. I have been under a lot of stress and I worry about everything as it is and just needed some relief from everything. I almost went to the store to get wine at 12:30 but decided against it. Not keeping alcohol here is good for me as I would have probably drank for sure had there been alcohol here. I am hoping the rest of the weekend goes better.
I hope everyone is doing well and has a great holiday weekend
I think you probably know alcohol won't make that better so well done for not caving in!
I have found with SR there are two types of reading here -
1. The day to day reading of posts and how people are getting on which is a lighter read but obviously makes one feel connected to people going through the same.
2. Threads or posts that I have read in the past and bookmarked/remembered which have had a much deeper impact on reminding me why I am sober and why I can't drink. Very useful for stamping out the cravings instantly.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Blackbird, thinking good juju towards you!
I'm barely a juner still, but I think I'll stay here too. It's a fight, but I'm here for whoever needs it. I get hope from you all.
Didn't feel much until last year when I started posting on here.
I'm barely a juner still, but I think I'll stay here too. It's a fight, but I'm here for whoever needs it. I get hope from you all.
Didn't feel much until last year when I started posting on here.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Not good right now.
Not enough sleep over the last few days, and too tired to do the preparation properly that I should do for this meeting tomorrow. There will be booze there and I will be making excuses.
I'm not thinking straight - I'm fannying around achieving nothing - I could be sleeping now - There is complex analytical work to do and also creative writing ( its a web thing ), but I can't engage either part of my brain that is good at this stuff.
And anyway it is way, way too late - this stuff should have been done and dusted weeks ago . AV is telling me if I hadn't made 70+ posts on SR, I would have had this stuff licked by now, so its my fault.
And that is true, - I have done some of my best work deep into the night, whilst work nipping away at the wine, and then bossed a client meeting the next day with only a mini hangover, coming away with good feedback and security of further income.
I need to remind myself that whatever happens, I am not going to drink.
The objective is to be sober and happy two years from now... by which time this little crisis on a Thursday night in July 2015 will certainly be seen less siginificant ( if it is remembered at all ) than it appears now.
In reality, in terms of my whole enterprise, I am so close to being up to date and on top of things generally. Another two weeks or so of hard slog will get me to where I need to be. And I have also seen a lot more potential customers than I normally would have done.
The point is there, is I could never have said that when I was drinking. There may have been occasional flashes of brilliance, but they were always within a wider losing battle, that was going to see me at best running a business that existed merely to keep me in wine.
Fortunately, there is no booze in the house, so I'm not going to drink - but I'm concerned that I certainly would have done tonight if it was available ...
Given what I have just written, how on earth would drinking have made this situation better ?
I should either go to bed and set alarms for a few hours time - or have a pint of strong coffee and crack on for a couple of hours.
But I'm stuck in this bizzare tussle with my AV, inner critic and other voices speculating on what tomorrow may bring and imagining myself being humiliated in a variety of manners, drowning in mineral water whilst everyone else cackles into their wine.
It is a complete waste of my time, and is in danger of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.
I genuinely have no idea why I seem to sabotage myself like this. It is as if I have to f*ck things up on purpose just for the thrill of finding creative ways to extricate myself from the turmoil.
Sorry ( again ) for the me, me me-ness of this
Thanks for listening
Fradley
Blackbird, Emme - sounds like you are having to tough it out again - I'm sorry to hear that. It's kind of easy not to drink, but not so easy to shut down the associated noise or despondency sometimes, hey? . Just remember what you know from experience, every day is different and tomorrow is almost certainly going to be brighter than today.
Mr Sulu - I used the word "enterprise" back there. That was for you
Not enough sleep over the last few days, and too tired to do the preparation properly that I should do for this meeting tomorrow. There will be booze there and I will be making excuses.
I'm not thinking straight - I'm fannying around achieving nothing - I could be sleeping now - There is complex analytical work to do and also creative writing ( its a web thing ), but I can't engage either part of my brain that is good at this stuff.
And anyway it is way, way too late - this stuff should have been done and dusted weeks ago . AV is telling me if I hadn't made 70+ posts on SR, I would have had this stuff licked by now, so its my fault.
And that is true, - I have done some of my best work deep into the night, whilst work nipping away at the wine, and then bossed a client meeting the next day with only a mini hangover, coming away with good feedback and security of further income.
I need to remind myself that whatever happens, I am not going to drink.
The objective is to be sober and happy two years from now... by which time this little crisis on a Thursday night in July 2015 will certainly be seen less siginificant ( if it is remembered at all ) than it appears now.
In reality, in terms of my whole enterprise, I am so close to being up to date and on top of things generally. Another two weeks or so of hard slog will get me to where I need to be. And I have also seen a lot more potential customers than I normally would have done.
The point is there, is I could never have said that when I was drinking. There may have been occasional flashes of brilliance, but they were always within a wider losing battle, that was going to see me at best running a business that existed merely to keep me in wine.
Fortunately, there is no booze in the house, so I'm not going to drink - but I'm concerned that I certainly would have done tonight if it was available ...
Given what I have just written, how on earth would drinking have made this situation better ?
I should either go to bed and set alarms for a few hours time - or have a pint of strong coffee and crack on for a couple of hours.
But I'm stuck in this bizzare tussle with my AV, inner critic and other voices speculating on what tomorrow may bring and imagining myself being humiliated in a variety of manners, drowning in mineral water whilst everyone else cackles into their wine.
It is a complete waste of my time, and is in danger of becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.
I genuinely have no idea why I seem to sabotage myself like this. It is as if I have to f*ck things up on purpose just for the thrill of finding creative ways to extricate myself from the turmoil.
Sorry ( again ) for the me, me me-ness of this
Thanks for listening
Fradley
Blackbird, Emme - sounds like you are having to tough it out again - I'm sorry to hear that. It's kind of easy not to drink, but not so easy to shut down the associated noise or despondency sometimes, hey? . Just remember what you know from experience, every day is different and tomorrow is almost certainly going to be brighter than today.
Mr Sulu - I used the word "enterprise" back there. That was for you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
mebutmuchbetter, I can't figure out how to quote on here but in response to your question, I worry about everything. I always have and don't know how to stop it. Right now I am worried about my mom's biopsy results, we won't hear back until Monday. I took today off work and we are closed tomorrow but yesterday everyone gave me stuff to do shortly before I left and I am worried about things that I have to get done at work. I am worried about the 4th of July as I have some social anxiety and I don't want to drink. I typically go to my boss's house during the day and I don't really want to this year but feel like I have to. There will be a lot of alcohol there and I am stressed and worried about that, especially after the cravings I had yesterday. I look forward to these long weekends but I have some depression and when I have multiple days off it is easy for me to sink deeper into depression and I feel it starting already. I need to put together a schedule of things to do and then do them otherwise I am afraid I will be a mess at the end of the weekend.
I agree about the two types of reading here. Yesterday I just read the current comments about what people are going through now. I do have a cravings thread bookmarked and I probably should have read that one yesterday instead. I will remember that one next time.
Thanks for your response and sorry for the long post.
JL- Thank You!
I agree about the two types of reading here. Yesterday I just read the current comments about what people are going through now. I do have a cravings thread bookmarked and I probably should have read that one yesterday instead. I will remember that one next time.
Thanks for your response and sorry for the long post.
JL- Thank You!
Humanoid thing
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by emme99
mebutmuchbetter, I can't figure out how to quote on here but in response to your question, I worry about everything. I always have and don't know how to stop it. Right now I am worried about my mom's biopsy results, we won't hear back until Monday. I took today off work and we are closed tomorrow but yesterday everyone gave me stuff to do shortly before I left and I am worried about things that I have to get done at work. I am worried about the 4th of July as I have some social anxiety and I don't want to drink. I typically go to my boss's house during the day and I don't really want to this year but feel like I have to. There will be a lot of alcohol there and I am stressed and worried about that, especially after the cravings I had yesterday. I look forward to these long weekends but I have some depression and when I have multiple days off it is easy for me to sink deeper into depression and I feel it starting already. I need to put together a schedule of things to do and then do them otherwise I am afraid I will be a mess at the end of the weekend.
I agree about the two types of reading here. Yesterday I just read the current comments about what people are going through now. I do have a cravings thread bookmarked and I probably should have read that one yesterday instead. I will remember that one next time.
Thanks for your response and sorry for the long post.
JL- Thank You!
I agree about the two types of reading here. Yesterday I just read the current comments about what people are going through now. I do have a cravings thread bookmarked and I probably should have read that one yesterday instead. I will remember that one next time.
Thanks for your response and sorry for the long post.
JL- Thank You!
I have my fingers crossed for your mother's biopsy results, try and remain strong.
In regards to the social anxiety, it definitely made me drink more over the years. The only solution I can offer for your bosses party is to be open about not wanting a drink if you anyone asks, I am having a drink free July or you could say you are under the weather and just drink water or coffee.
The few times I have done that in the past it has always surprised me how much people don't care yet in my head I always think it's weirder for me not to be drinking than anyone else does.
I know 4th July is a big day in the States but imagine how great you'd feel with that win under your belt of being able to come home in the evening and not have had a drink, and even better the following morning
Also, again, sorry if I am going on too much but I have found exercise has really lifted my mood the last three weeks. I am a little overweight (a long way to go before I qualify for the olympics) but even light exercise, walk, jog has done me the world of good.
Fresh air and water should help lift the mood and hopefully curb the depression but nothing beats waking up without a hangover
Try and enjoy the next few days, smile and remember
Humanoid thing
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 87
I'm just realizing reading all the posts that this weekend may be a tough one for those in the US with Independence Day.
I just want to give encouragement to everybody in America and say stay strong, remember that Independence for you all will mean saying no to the drink.
Hopefully this thought may help you through the weekend and you can celebrate a challenging but fulfilling weekend on Monday morning.
Good luck and enjoy 4th July
I just want to give encouragement to everybody in America and say stay strong, remember that Independence for you all will mean saying no to the drink.
Hopefully this thought may help you through the weekend and you can celebrate a challenging but fulfilling weekend on Monday morning.
Good luck and enjoy 4th July
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Fradley you'll get through the meeting just fine - stay true.
My advice is to not engage with your addict voice - it's got nothing beneficial to say - it's like a toddler screaming.
Your lights off so I hope you decided to get a little rest
I was a big worrier too Emme. I've gotten better over the years.
One of the things that really helped me was to weed out the problems that weren't really mine to worry about.
I find life is a lot easier now I'm not the General Manager Of The Universe
I dunno if you've seen this but there are some good ideas on Stress here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html
My advice is to not engage with your addict voice - it's got nothing beneficial to say - it's like a toddler screaming.
Your lights off so I hope you decided to get a little rest
I was a big worrier too Emme. I've gotten better over the years.
One of the things that really helped me was to weed out the problems that weren't really mine to worry about.
I find life is a lot easier now I'm not the General Manager Of The Universe
I dunno if you've seen this but there are some good ideas on Stress here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Omaha,NE
Posts: 372
mebutmuchbetter- Agreed, MDMA would have been a terrible decision. No shame though; just another reminder I am an alcoholic/addict. I slipped last time because I didn't want the stigma of saying that. I'm doing the opposite now and wearing it like a badge
maximus97- I agree with remaining with the class. June just happens to be the month we decided to collectively address our issues, so I hope we all continue this fight together. I also understand the appeal of starting fresh in a new class, so whatever gets people to a sober place, I support.
Day 30.
I never mentioned this prior, but my internet was down the last two weeks, so it's nice to post to SR from a computer again. Autocorrect can suck it!
Anyways, I have a 3 day weekend ahead of me and the AV is trying to use that and the holiday as an excuse to use. Nothing too powerful yet, but I am sure it will rear it's ugly head.
It's crazy how much can change in a month; rewind 28 days and I was in the midst of the worse withdrawals of my life. I didn't share too much at that point, because I was physically wrecked, shaking, depressed, and fighting an AV that only told me I was forever going to be in that state. I'm thankful I had the 9 months to draw on and tell my AV to go to hell. Had my first time been like this, I'm not sure I would have mustered the courage to give hope a chance. SO thankful I did.
It's nice to be back to the "month club", but I got to tell you, I feel no more proud of day 30 than day 2. I'm proud that right here, right now, I'm sober. The only measurement that matters is the standard in which I hold myself to. It's nice to day dream about someday having a year or years sober, but future tripping even on positive items detracts from the present. So I'm proud of being here sober, and thankful for all of you and your support. Daily participation via SR was something I did not do previously and I know now how much easier it would have made my first run. Much love, Nolan.
maximus97- I agree with remaining with the class. June just happens to be the month we decided to collectively address our issues, so I hope we all continue this fight together. I also understand the appeal of starting fresh in a new class, so whatever gets people to a sober place, I support.
Day 30.
I never mentioned this prior, but my internet was down the last two weeks, so it's nice to post to SR from a computer again. Autocorrect can suck it!
Anyways, I have a 3 day weekend ahead of me and the AV is trying to use that and the holiday as an excuse to use. Nothing too powerful yet, but I am sure it will rear it's ugly head.
It's crazy how much can change in a month; rewind 28 days and I was in the midst of the worse withdrawals of my life. I didn't share too much at that point, because I was physically wrecked, shaking, depressed, and fighting an AV that only told me I was forever going to be in that state. I'm thankful I had the 9 months to draw on and tell my AV to go to hell. Had my first time been like this, I'm not sure I would have mustered the courage to give hope a chance. SO thankful I did.
It's nice to be back to the "month club", but I got to tell you, I feel no more proud of day 30 than day 2. I'm proud that right here, right now, I'm sober. The only measurement that matters is the standard in which I hold myself to. It's nice to day dream about someday having a year or years sober, but future tripping even on positive items detracts from the present. So I'm proud of being here sober, and thankful for all of you and your support. Daily participation via SR was something I did not do previously and I know now how much easier it would have made my first run. Much love, Nolan.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
