Class Of June 2015 Pt4
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Mebut... Congrats on day 43. Bet the work and course is a lot easier and enjoyable with a clear head. Thanks for checking in.
Feeling a bit shagged out to be honest right now. I'm up working again at midnight on a Saturday, yet we still have the usual month-end cash flow crisis.
I'm annoyed because I know everything is in place for teh business position to improve ( it already is improving, but we wont see any cash till next week ).
I also know that my focus on getting and staying sober is fundamental and more important than anything else I do.
The problem is I feel I have been neglecting my wife and young family - and more importantly they cannot 'see' the effort I am putting in, nor have any way of judging my confidence in a brighter future just around the corner.
It is debilitating, and although I can't imagine it happening, there is a definite need to 'release' and the way I used to do that was to get hammered.
I have a chest infection now, so exercise is out of the question. This is annoying me too, as I had just got back into playing football.
My head says I should work about twelve hours tomorrow too, to just get ahead of the game and ensure that we are completely OK for August / September.
My heart says, take a day off and do something nice with the family. They will appreciate that and it will take the pressure off and we will all feel happier.
If I do this though, I will be unprepared fora couple of big meetings next week which I need to secure future income. Also quotes will be delayed by a couple of days.
Its a tough choice. I think I'm just a bit annoyed that sobriety hasn't delivered a wonderful blissful new life to me yet, which I know is an idiotic thought.
I have posted before that sobriety has given me 'time' I never had. Perhaps I have been using too much of that time beavering away on work projects and not enough being a husband and Dad.
OK - This whingeing has to end . I'm (h) A L T {not hungry, but certainly annoyed, lonely and tired }. Bed, I think. Every day cannot be a glorious success
Thanks for listening
Fradley
Feeling a bit shagged out to be honest right now. I'm up working again at midnight on a Saturday, yet we still have the usual month-end cash flow crisis.
I'm annoyed because I know everything is in place for teh business position to improve ( it already is improving, but we wont see any cash till next week ).
I also know that my focus on getting and staying sober is fundamental and more important than anything else I do.
The problem is I feel I have been neglecting my wife and young family - and more importantly they cannot 'see' the effort I am putting in, nor have any way of judging my confidence in a brighter future just around the corner.
It is debilitating, and although I can't imagine it happening, there is a definite need to 'release' and the way I used to do that was to get hammered.
I have a chest infection now, so exercise is out of the question. This is annoying me too, as I had just got back into playing football.
My head says I should work about twelve hours tomorrow too, to just get ahead of the game and ensure that we are completely OK for August / September.
My heart says, take a day off and do something nice with the family. They will appreciate that and it will take the pressure off and we will all feel happier.
If I do this though, I will be unprepared fora couple of big meetings next week which I need to secure future income. Also quotes will be delayed by a couple of days.
Its a tough choice. I think I'm just a bit annoyed that sobriety hasn't delivered a wonderful blissful new life to me yet, which I know is an idiotic thought.
I have posted before that sobriety has given me 'time' I never had. Perhaps I have been using too much of that time beavering away on work projects and not enough being a husband and Dad.
OK - This whingeing has to end . I'm (h) A L T {not hungry, but certainly annoyed, lonely and tired }. Bed, I think. Every day cannot be a glorious success
Thanks for listening
Fradley
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Hi 1Step, nothing worse than a summer cold. At least it is winter here, so mine feels appropriate. Glad your nuisance caller has eased off. You seem in control. A good feeling hey ?
After my marathon whinge just now, I stepped away from this desk and had a a glass of milk and a look up at the stars... a refreshingly different perspective.
Its also after midnight, which means it is day 50.
So that's decided then - day out with the family tomorrow - everything else can wait
After my marathon whinge just now, I stepped away from this desk and had a a glass of milk and a look up at the stars... a refreshingly different perspective.
Its also after midnight, which means it is day 50.
So that's decided then - day out with the family tomorrow - everything else can wait
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 94
Fradley - good decision: life-work balance is important - you don't want to have nice positive cash flow in a couple of years and nobody else to enjoy it with. Keep your family close always. I know how difficult it can be to flick the 'off' switch for work, when it feels like very minute is of the essence and particularly when your company is going through an existensial crisis or even just a difficult patch.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Well done on day 50 Fradley!
Had a good day, feel better health wise but the weather was lousy- raining all day.. Had a good time with my girls though and made the best of it with them.
Went to a big city AA meeting tonight and I felt nervous and self conscious, out of my comfort zone I suppose and thus I didn't share. Will do at some point though and I did hear some really inspiring stuff by just listening to others.
5weeks sober at midnight tonight which is 50mins away. Hope all is well with everyone.
Had a good day, feel better health wise but the weather was lousy- raining all day.. Had a good time with my girls though and made the best of it with them.
Went to a big city AA meeting tonight and I felt nervous and self conscious, out of my comfort zone I suppose and thus I didn't share. Will do at some point though and I did hear some really inspiring stuff by just listening to others.
5weeks sober at midnight tonight which is 50mins away. Hope all is well with everyone.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Hi Joe, 1Step,
Thanks for the support, it really helps.
1Step - Its after midnight in the UK as I write, so you are definitely into your sixth week - Congratulations !
For personal reasons I'm going to dip out of posting on SR for a while, but will still check in to see whats happening, so go well everyone.
This time next week it will be August - which in anyone's book is a significant distance away from June !
Thanks for the support, it really helps.
1Step - Its after midnight in the UK as I write, so you are definitely into your sixth week - Congratulations !
For personal reasons I'm going to dip out of posting on SR for a while, but will still check in to see whats happening, so go well everyone.
This time next week it will be August - which in anyone's book is a significant distance away from June !
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Fradley--hope you're OK, and also hope you change your mind about stepping away from here. Recovery is an ongoing process and I think your participation here has been a key part of your recovery.
EDIT: Just saw your post on the one year and under thread. So sorry about your loss. We're here for you if you just need to talk or even vent about it. You're in my thoughts and prayers...
EDIT: Just saw your post on the one year and under thread. So sorry about your loss. We're here for you if you just need to talk or even vent about it. You're in my thoughts and prayers...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
I apologize for being so late on this post. No excuses I have just had too much going on.
Casey, thank you for your thoughts & prayers for my mom, and also for your encouragement
1stepup – I am glad you had a good time with your girls despite the weather. It is kind of a literal interpretation but when I read your post, I thought of the saying "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain". I love that saying and it seems like just what you did Thanks for your thoughts & prayers. Super job on 5 weeks!
Rufftime – I am glad your insomnia seems to be getting better. I have never had a problem with that until recently and it is amazing how much lack of sleep can affect so much of your life. I hope you sleep well tonight
Joe –thanks for your posts and exercise updates. They are motivating for me and make me want to do well with my new meal & exercise plan.
Mebutmuchbetter, thanks for your prayers. I hope your work and the course you are taking are going well.
Noolan – I hope you are doing okay.
Day 54.
I am still sober. I really wanted to drink last night but drank some coke instead. I have not been drinking pop but I needed something other than tea or water. No cravings today, and I am back to drinking my normal tea.
While my mom has been in the hospital for her leg, we found out her cancer is inoperable due to the location. She will be starting radiation soon and then will get a low dose of chemo with the radiation. She will need to be on the chemo for the rest of her life. The doctor told her she will lose her hair and she & I are making plans for fun stuff to do with her caps or wigs or both, whatever she decides to use. It is a bad situation and I am trying to be as positive as I can. We can't change it, so if there is any way to add humor or make something fun (like her caps/wigs), I think it will make it easier for all of us
(And thanks again for letting me continue to post about my mom. It makes it a little easier for some reason so thank you again)
I hope everyone is doing well & has a great new week!
Casey, thank you for your thoughts & prayers for my mom, and also for your encouragement
1stepup – I am glad you had a good time with your girls despite the weather. It is kind of a literal interpretation but when I read your post, I thought of the saying "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain". I love that saying and it seems like just what you did
Thanks for your thoughts & prayers. Super job on 5 weeks!Rufftime – I am glad your insomnia seems to be getting better. I have never had a problem with that until recently and it is amazing how much lack of sleep can affect so much of your life. I hope you sleep well tonight
Joe –thanks for your posts and exercise updates. They are motivating for me and make me want to do well with my new meal & exercise plan.
Mebutmuchbetter, thanks for your prayers. I hope your work and the course you are taking are going well.
Noolan – I hope you are doing okay.
Day 54.
I am still sober. I really wanted to drink last night but drank some coke instead. I have not been drinking pop but I needed something other than tea or water. No cravings today, and I am back to drinking my normal tea.
While my mom has been in the hospital for her leg, we found out her cancer is inoperable due to the location. She will be starting radiation soon and then will get a low dose of chemo with the radiation. She will need to be on the chemo for the rest of her life. The doctor told her she will lose her hair and she & I are making plans for fun stuff to do with her caps or wigs or both, whatever she decides to use. It is a bad situation and I am trying to be as positive as I can. We can't change it, so if there is any way to add humor or make something fun (like her caps/wigs), I think it will make it easier for all of us
(And thanks again for letting me continue to post about my mom. It makes it a little easier for some reason so thank you again)
I hope everyone is doing well & has a great new week!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 515
Fradley - don't dip out too long. I love your posts!
Emme - you and your family are in my prayers. Your poor mom. Chemo the rest of her life. I've never heard of that. I lost my mom to ovarian C. What a sad battle. Hope your mom does well. It's hard on everybody for sure. So my aunt was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. She passed the breathing test (meaning surgery might be an option). Waiting for doc to call. Thought he'd call Fri but he hasn't called yet. Stay close to mom. She's gonna need it! So sorry it's inoperable too.
Olivia
Emme - you and your family are in my prayers. Your poor mom. Chemo the rest of her life. I've never heard of that. I lost my mom to ovarian C. What a sad battle. Hope your mom does well. It's hard on everybody for sure. So my aunt was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. She passed the breathing test (meaning surgery might be an option). Waiting for doc to call. Thought he'd call Fri but he hasn't called yet. Stay close to mom. She's gonna need it! So sorry it's inoperable too.
Olivia
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Botswana
Posts: 384
Hello everyone,
Just checking in on s cold rainy winters night in July.
I went to get takeaway pizzas this evening. Their phone wasn't working so I just drive their anyway and thought I would wait while they cooked them.
But of course, what's s man to do hen waiting for pizza in s restaurant? Exactly, I was quite unprepared and wondered if I was going to go through some sort of AV nightmare for 15 minutes or so.
But as it was, I just sat there, did a bit of messaging, watched cricket in the TV and the time passed without incident.
In fact, no waiter arrived to enquire if I wNted anything to drink.
It occurred to me as I left that my former modus operandi would be to order a large glass of Shiraz as I ordered the pizzas.
Normal people don't do this, I now realise. Normal people ( like new me) can cope for the few minutes it takes to melt chews and roast salami in a wood fired oven without needing to quickly top up their blood alcohol level.
I like the idea of getting slightly more normal every day.
Thanks for the warm support throughout July everyone. Let's ride across the line together, wherever we are with our journeys
Fradley
Just checking in on s cold rainy winters night in July.
I went to get takeaway pizzas this evening. Their phone wasn't working so I just drive their anyway and thought I would wait while they cooked them.
But of course, what's s man to do hen waiting for pizza in s restaurant? Exactly, I was quite unprepared and wondered if I was going to go through some sort of AV nightmare for 15 minutes or so.
But as it was, I just sat there, did a bit of messaging, watched cricket in the TV and the time passed without incident.
In fact, no waiter arrived to enquire if I wNted anything to drink.
It occurred to me as I left that my former modus operandi would be to order a large glass of Shiraz as I ordered the pizzas.
Normal people don't do this, I now realise. Normal people ( like new me) can cope for the few minutes it takes to melt chews and roast salami in a wood fired oven without needing to quickly top up their blood alcohol level.
I like the idea of getting slightly more normal every day.
Thanks for the warm support throughout July everyone. Let's ride across the line together, wherever we are with our journeys
Fradley
Last edited by nyala; 07-30-2015 at 12:01 PM. Reason: Stupid phone
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
What a nice word picture of a quiet but meaningful personal revelation, Fradley.
Cold, winter, and rainy are all words that don't go together with July for me. It's 97 degrees F here right now with not a cloud in the sky. Always a wake up call to realize just how global this problem of addiction is.
Hope all you Junebugs are having a nice sober day today.
Cold, winter, and rainy are all words that don't go together with July for me. It's 97 degrees F here right now with not a cloud in the sky. Always a wake up call to realize just how global this problem of addiction is.
Hope all you Junebugs are having a nice sober day today.
Humanoid thing
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 87
Hi all, soz for the tardy posting of late - I have been trying to wrap my sober little head around the course I am doing whilst still reminding myself that I have to work to pay the bills.
Unwittingly I have realised that I may have picked up a mentor over the last year or two and now I am sober, I am finding that I am sucking a lot of academic energy/learning hunger from this person. Don't get me wrong, I am still in a phase where I am learning how to learn again but I am making progress and I think that the person I catch up with frequently really is doing great things for me. I have supported him in the past through work troubles but haven't really realised how helpful that was. . and by the way he doesn't drink at all - he's more of a hardcore software engineer/geek type that would rather spend time picking up new programming languages or tools, which is beginning to rub off on me
In other news, I think I have shed about 1.5 kilos since day 1 - partly also because I have been jogging (wobbling) a few mornings a week.
Not all roses though, I am on day 49 today but mid week I did something pretty naughty which was to plan a pub crawl in my head whilst I was in the city, I actually walked into one pub at 11am to have a look as I thought that would be a good place to start.. I had time to kill before a meeting so not sure what I was up to there.. the sobriety is still intact though.
Emme, sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis but it's great to hear that you'll be prescribing a regular does of the best medicine, laughter - tough times ahead but I think your attitude in the face of adversity will have a deep impact on how you cope there so will be thinking about you and cybersupporting you.
Unwittingly I have realised that I may have picked up a mentor over the last year or two and now I am sober, I am finding that I am sucking a lot of academic energy/learning hunger from this person. Don't get me wrong, I am still in a phase where I am learning how to learn again but I am making progress and I think that the person I catch up with frequently really is doing great things for me. I have supported him in the past through work troubles but haven't really realised how helpful that was. . and by the way he doesn't drink at all - he's more of a hardcore software engineer/geek type that would rather spend time picking up new programming languages or tools, which is beginning to rub off on me
In other news, I think I have shed about 1.5 kilos since day 1 - partly also because I have been jogging (wobbling) a few mornings a week.
Not all roses though, I am on day 49 today but mid week I did something pretty naughty which was to plan a pub crawl in my head whilst I was in the city, I actually walked into one pub at 11am to have a look as I thought that would be a good place to start.. I had time to kill before a meeting so not sure what I was up to there.. the sobriety is still intact though.
Emme, sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis but it's great to hear that you'll be prescribing a regular does of the best medicine, laughter - tough times ahead but I think your attitude in the face of adversity will have a deep impact on how you cope there so will be thinking about you and cybersupporting you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Hi all, day 39 coming to an end here (well its past midnight so I guess technically Im on day 40), cold went but came back today for some reason and it was a day I was looking forward to as I had my girls- made the best of it though and they've nursed me through it!! Getting prepared for my eldest girls birthday a week tomorrow and doing it in co-operation with my ex which is nice and civilised!
Relate so much Fradley to your post regarding waiting for a takeaway and 'needing' to have a drink in the waiting time to keep the alcohol levels up in blood. I remember only too well that feeling in a local Chinese praying for them to take longer so as I could drink more and feeling normal doing it- looking back it shows me now how insane I was and how much the craving had taken hold of my whole being and senses.....
Relate so much Fradley to your post regarding waiting for a takeaway and 'needing' to have a drink in the waiting time to keep the alcohol levels up in blood. I remember only too well that feeling in a local Chinese praying for them to take longer so as I could drink more and feeling normal doing it- looking back it shows me now how insane I was and how much the craving had taken hold of my whole being and senses.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 94
Fradley that comment about 'needing' a drink while waiting for pizza is so on target - used to be modus operandi for me too, heck I could handle a beer while a hamburger was being made... :-)
Have been at a tour operator/travel conference in Washington D.C. since yesterday & until Saturday with lots and lots of heavy drinking going on around me both last night and tonight. No issues with that, quite happy with my diet Coke and lime. And nobody cares, didn't have to 'explain' anything. Woke up this morning without an alarm clock, felt like a million bucks all day and will be feeling mighty sorry for the heavy party-ers dragging their sorry carcases into the meeting room tomorrow! There is something great to be said for the sober life.
Have been at a tour operator/travel conference in Washington D.C. since yesterday & until Saturday with lots and lots of heavy drinking going on around me both last night and tonight. No issues with that, quite happy with my diet Coke and lime. And nobody cares, didn't have to 'explain' anything. Woke up this morning without an alarm clock, felt like a million bucks all day and will be feeling mighty sorry for the heavy party-ers dragging their sorry carcases into the meeting room tomorrow! There is something great to be said for the sober life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Hi all, pretty quiet here, so its a start of a new month and a whole July sober feels good. Not feeling great though, hip is hurting everyday now and its getting worse so have to bite the bullet and visit a doctor Monday, just hope it improves, on top of that I woke up the other night in agony with a stomach ache and nearly fainted, went white as a sheet and had cold sweats-haven't felt that ill since the withdrawal of alcohol and it scared me, hoping it was just a bug as I'm feeling better now touch wood.
So, physically not great, went to a good city AA meeting last night and that perked me up but then had another text from stalker woman using a different number, its the first sent in a week so was hoping that it had fizzled out but no... ignored it again but after receiving another text today saying some strange stuff I have to seriously consider changing numbers, its hassle as I have loads of people I'll have to tell as well as business companies etc, but I've had enough.....
The only silver lining to a bad few days was that I had my girls today but even that was tarnished- after getting on with my ex well lately she dropped them off with her brother and strangely asked me to put a carrier bag of rubbish in my bin which contained an empty can of lager, when my girls got in my eldest asked if I'd seen the red car behind her mums brothers and I said no, turned out they'd been out today with my ex, her brother and his mate who I have serious history with, he assaulted me and nearly blinded me in a pub toilet about 4yrs ago among other stuff, I was angry inside as I had asked ex never to have my girls in his presence and I feel totally let down by her.....
So, physically not great, went to a good city AA meeting last night and that perked me up but then had another text from stalker woman using a different number, its the first sent in a week so was hoping that it had fizzled out but no... ignored it again but after receiving another text today saying some strange stuff I have to seriously consider changing numbers, its hassle as I have loads of people I'll have to tell as well as business companies etc, but I've had enough.....
The only silver lining to a bad few days was that I had my girls today but even that was tarnished- after getting on with my ex well lately she dropped them off with her brother and strangely asked me to put a carrier bag of rubbish in my bin which contained an empty can of lager, when my girls got in my eldest asked if I'd seen the red car behind her mums brothers and I said no, turned out they'd been out today with my ex, her brother and his mate who I have serious history with, he assaulted me and nearly blinded me in a pub toilet about 4yrs ago among other stuff, I was angry inside as I had asked ex never to have my girls in his presence and I feel totally let down by her.....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
Hi everyone,
Glad to hear you were able to get through the pizza situation without incident Fradley
mebutmuchbetter, I am glad you made it through the pub incident and are still sober. Congrats also on your exercise and weight loss. I am hoping sometime here in the near future I can follow in your footsteps
1stepup, sorry you haven't been feeling well. I hope you get better soon.
Joe, great job staying sober at your conference
Today is day 59.
I haven't been home much and have taken to drinking pop as a matter of convenience. I really liked drinking tea a lot better and need to get back to that as I don't feel as good drinking pop.
Lately, I have had dreams where I am drinking a bottle of wine and then when I wake up, I really want wine. I don't know what that is about but hopefully those dreams stop soon. I don't need any extra temptation right now.
My mom's situation is not good and her doctor told me on Monday that if we haven't talked about her wishes now would be the time to do so. I was the only one there at the time and I don't know how I am supposed to tell that to my dad. He is not taking this well at all as it is. He knows it is serious and I am just going to leave it at that. My mom really wants to live and is still fighting so until something changes, I don't see what good telling my dad will do.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to check in here. I enjoy reading your posts and following along on your journeys
Have a happy Sunday everyone.
Glad to hear you were able to get through the pizza situation without incident Fradley
mebutmuchbetter, I am glad you made it through the pub incident and are still sober. Congrats also on your exercise and weight loss. I am hoping sometime here in the near future I can follow in your footsteps
1stepup, sorry you haven't been feeling well. I hope you get better soon.
Joe, great job staying sober at your conference
Today is day 59.
I haven't been home much and have taken to drinking pop as a matter of convenience. I really liked drinking tea a lot better and need to get back to that as I don't feel as good drinking pop.
Lately, I have had dreams where I am drinking a bottle of wine and then when I wake up, I really want wine. I don't know what that is about but hopefully those dreams stop soon. I don't need any extra temptation right now.
My mom's situation is not good and her doctor told me on Monday that if we haven't talked about her wishes now would be the time to do so. I was the only one there at the time and I don't know how I am supposed to tell that to my dad. He is not taking this well at all as it is. He knows it is serious and I am just going to leave it at that. My mom really wants to live and is still fighting so until something changes, I don't see what good telling my dad will do.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to check in here. I enjoy reading your posts and following along on your journeys
Have a happy Sunday everyone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Houston TX
Posts: 94
Here's the scenario: I am on my own in Washington D.C. the evening after the conference had ended at about 4:30 pm that afternoon. Nothing to do, no appointments, no dinners, no meetings. And no accountability to anyone - with a flight back to Houston not until 1:00pm the next day.
What crossed my mind? That I could walk down Connecticut Ave. to Au Coin, a nice French restaurant where I had dined on a previous trip to D.C. With a good chablis or Bordeaux to compliment the food. I could do it without any repercussions or issues; no driving involved, nobody to go home to, it would be like it never happened. Right?
Wrong, of course. I would be negating more than a month of sobriety and would be setting myself up for repeated failure and eventual regression into daily - heavy - drinking. I am happy to report that I ended up getting some take-away chicken from Nando's (my South African heritage had something to do with that), and swung by CVS for a bar of chocolate and some Coke Zero.
Mini-crisis averted. I will say that one of the factors in the decision was that I would have to 'fess up on SR that I had relapsed. I did not relish that prospect. So thanks for helping me stay on the right path!
What crossed my mind? That I could walk down Connecticut Ave. to Au Coin, a nice French restaurant where I had dined on a previous trip to D.C. With a good chablis or Bordeaux to compliment the food. I could do it without any repercussions or issues; no driving involved, nobody to go home to, it would be like it never happened. Right?
Wrong, of course. I would be negating more than a month of sobriety and would be setting myself up for repeated failure and eventual regression into daily - heavy - drinking. I am happy to report that I ended up getting some take-away chicken from Nando's (my South African heritage had something to do with that), and swung by CVS for a bar of chocolate and some Coke Zero.
Mini-crisis averted. I will say that one of the factors in the decision was that I would have to 'fess up on SR that I had relapsed. I did not relish that prospect. So thanks for helping me stay on the right path!
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