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Class of April 2015 Part 6

Old 06-26-2015, 03:47 PM
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I hope your weejkend gets better Johnny

For what it's worth I think you're right in that you need to be more proactive.
You have a lot of great ideas - you just need to implement them.

I know how hard that can be when you feel like doing nothing at all, but it really does pay dividends.

congrats to you Cee on 60 days

have a great weekend all

D
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Old 06-26-2015, 08:10 PM
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Day 60 here. Had a real bad craving for alcohol tonight. I was at the store with the intention of getting juice for my son and a few other little things. I always go the other way so I don't go past the beer section but on my way to the register I saw a bottle in the liquor section and I wanted it so badly at that moment. I had already had my craving in the car and went on the SR app and read a few posts but didn't post anything myself. I walked on by the poison. Bought a cold Lipton lemon tea and that was the end of that. I'm so glad that I didn't buy alcohol. I would be drinking now if I had and frankly that idea makes me want to cry. Onto day 61. Hope everyone has a great weekend.
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Old 06-26-2015, 08:39 PM
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Hi Angie, thank you for sharing. Great job resisting the urge - it sounded really strong. You should be very proud! For that and reaching Day 60. Major milestone Keep with it - tomorrow is another sober, hangover-free day

So I have my own "craving" story from today. During work I was checking facebook, and saw a picture of my ex with this girl that I assumed he was dating (there have been a few other pictures posted the last few weeks). The picture today just confirmed it and it really stung. Granted, I broke up with him and am a million times better without him, it still hurt. So where did my mind go when those feelings hit? Yep, right to alcohol. I felt like I was taken back to months ago when I was within the throes of alcohol and contemplating drinking on a daily basis. I recognized the craving right away and that it was because of my reaction to the picture, so I pretty much shut it down right away. But it came back a few times as the afternoon wore on. No where near strong enough to act on but stronger than I've had in weeks. Eh. Made me think about the strength you all have had to resist drinking during the last two months. It inspired me to be strong as well.

On a positive note, I went to the gym for the first time in almost two weeks and it felt so good. It always feels good! I need to remind myself of that when I feel too lazy to go.

I hope everyone's weekend is off to a great start.
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Old 06-26-2015, 09:33 PM
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I'm really glad you guys got through those cravings - great stuff

congrats on 60 Angie

D
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Old 06-26-2015, 10:10 PM
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Congratulations on 60 days Angie!!
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Old 06-26-2015, 11:35 PM
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Congrats on the big 60 Angie! Cravings, eh? I hit 2 months last weekend and was assailed by a pretty bad bunch of cravings, but that also goes to show how far we've come. Rewind 6 weeks and there was practically nothing but cravings here. Now we talk about our partners, ex partners, kids, camping trips, problems and solutions...

As far as the cravings go, I think it's all in the wiring. You might have heard of a behaviourist psychologist called Skinner? He managed all sorts of weird stuff like getting pigeons to play the piano, etc.

He would basically reward certain behaviour and a treat would be forthcoming. Once the brain was "programmed", removing the treat did not remove the behaviour patterns. Pretty simple meat and bones psychology but I think that one problem with drinking for years and years is that you programme your brain which then expects specific results. Remove the treat and the brain says "wtf!!??!" and produces a craving or strong desire to be given that treat. We are rewiring our heads in a lot of ways these days and cravings are becoming rarer (though often very strong when they do occur). We will continue to encounter situations that trigger cravings. Personally I have had to put my music career on hold as the associations with music and drink are too strong. Others have given up jobs in which they need to serve alcohol or stop seeing certain friends or frequenting certain environments.

We need to begin by evading potentially complicated situation till we can get this rewiring job done!

On that note, going to an all day barbecue today. Overheard a couple of the guys who are going talking about how loaded they intend to get. Glad that's not me but not looking forward to testing the new wiring too much. It's a bit of a social obligation so I can't just make a sharp exit but will disappear with some excuse if it gets heavy and return later.

Have a great day all! Thanks for putting up with my attempts at amateur psychology (I know I over think just about everything!! )!!!
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Old 06-26-2015, 11:39 PM
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Stay true to yourself amp

D
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Old 06-27-2015, 12:12 AM
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Good morning all, catch up laggers
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Old 06-27-2015, 08:29 AM
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Great post, Amp. I totally agree.

Another sober Saturday here Getting ready to hit the gym and then meet my friend for wedding dress shopping (her wedding dress). May spend some time wandering around downtown after we are done. Hope you all have a great day!
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Old 06-27-2015, 08:49 AM
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Congrats on day 60 Angie

Great post Amp
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Old 06-27-2015, 10:02 AM
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Hello everyone! Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I plan on kicking around my property today. No plans. I have no close friends here and do not feel 100% about being around drinking..so I have been spending a lot of time alone. That's ok for now but I know I need to find some human contact that feels safe and that I trust. My husband is working out of state per usual.

I had a close call a few days ago on my 60 days and was very close to drinking.

My dad has melanoma and has been moved to hospice 2 weeks ago in California. I think about him all of the time and it kills me that I am not there. Even though he was a bad alcoholic that put my sisters and I in some pretty ****** situations. I forgave him a long time ago and even though my childhood was "interesting" to say the least I have always idolized him in a way. I think when you mix alcohol and drugs with large amounts of money things get weird. My sisters and I were exposed to stuff that kids shouldn't be and had to grow up pretty fast..but at the same time had this strange respect for him. To watch someone that I always thought of as a John Wayne of sorts be reduced to lying in a crappy hospital bed not able to eat is just the worst thing I have ever felt. I think about it all day everyday. so..I wanted some reprieve from that and to get absolutely loaded a few days ago. But I didn't.

One of the reasons I quit drinking is that I don't want to be a mess when he passes. I need to be together and strong. If I go down in flames I might not come back from it and I know this. I used to not care..but I do now. I already see it happening to my sisters who are pretty much wasted everyday when they call.

So I am just ratting myself out I guess..Maybe to take the power out of it. The thought of sitting in a dark bar Bukowski style with the shades drawn sounded very appealing to me but what popped into my head next was the reality. Would I wake up at a strangers house or jail? What if my dad passed away that night and I was blacked out/passed out? I never know what will happen when I drink and there is such a freedom in not having to worry about that anymore...So instead of stopping at the bar I kept driving. I didn't succumb to that crap and I got the heck out of town back to my little sanctuary out here in the woods.

And by the grace of the Universe, God or whatever I am sober another day..
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Old 06-27-2015, 10:34 AM
  # 332 (permalink)  
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Cee! Don't have time to write a proper reply right now. Just to say that you're amazing! Despite so many hostile factors you've stayed so strong. Hats off to you. Simply inspirational!
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Old 06-27-2015, 10:50 AM
  # 333 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Angie247 View Post
Day 60 here. Had a real bad craving for alcohol tonight. I was at the store with the intention of getting juice for my son and a few other little things. I always go the other way so I don't go past the beer section but on my way to the register I saw a bottle in the liquor section and I wanted it so badly at that moment. I had already had my craving in the car and went on the SR app and read a few posts but didn't post anything myself. I walked on by the poison. Bought a cold Lipton lemon tea and that was the end of that. I'm so glad that I didn't buy alcohol. I would be drinking now if I had and frankly that idea makes me want to cry. Onto day 61. Hope everyone has a great weekend.
I just heard myself say effing right on!
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Old 06-27-2015, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by CeeFarro View Post

One of the reasons I quit drinking is that I don't want to be a mess when he passes. I need to be together and strong. If I go down in flames I might not come back from it and I know this. I used to not care..but I do now. I already see it happening to my sisters who are pretty much wasted everyday when they call.

So I am just ratting myself out I guess..Maybe to take the power out of it. The thought of sitting in a dark bar Bukowski style with the shades drawn sounded very appealing to me but what popped into my head next was the reality. Would I wake up at a strangers house or jail? What if my dad passed away that night and I was blacked out/passed out? I never know what will happen when I drink and there is such a freedom in not having to worry about that anymore...So instead of stopping at the bar I kept driving. I didn't succumb to that crap and I got the heck out of town back to my little sanctuary out here in the woods.

And by the grace of the Universe, God or whatever I am sober another day..
We are the same person Cee. I am just shaking now, close to tears because I totally get what you are saying. My father was diagnosed with an untreatable disease. I idolize this man, and he is dying. I understand your need to be sober, to have a clear head to deal with this. I need to be sober now, because I too know that I will fall very very hard when the time comes to say goodbye if I am not sober. You are inspiring. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Old 06-27-2015, 11:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Cauliflower View Post
We are the same person Cee. I am just shaking now, close to tears because I totally get what you are saying. My father was diagnosed with an untreatable disease. I idolize this man, and he is dying. I understand your need to be sober, to have a clear head to deal with this. I need to be sober now, because I too know that I will fall very very hard when the time comes to say goodbye if I am not sober. You are inspiring. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am in a similar position as well...my mother has a degenerative neurological disorder very similar to MND. Its awful and I totally understand. I am lucky in that I still have my father who is her main carer but he is not in the best of health himself. I am trying my best to look after my children and work and shuttle back and forth to my parents (they live 30 miles away). Guilt weighs heavily that I am not doing very well at any of this and I know that drinking would make things a million times worse.

Sending lots of positive hugs all round to everyone...

m
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Old 06-27-2015, 12:16 PM
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Quick post again. Been running in circles. Not a good thing. Working again today. Will have more to post tonight or tomorrow.

Just had to say two things...

1. I love you guys. Thank you for sharing. Life can be a bitch for sure. If there's one thing I've learned so far...being a drunk does not make it easier. I truly and honestly believe dealing with life's curve balls with a clear mind and actually dealing with them in a normal, healthy way is the only way to go. Keep up the great work.

2. None for me today.
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Old 06-27-2015, 12:26 PM
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Just checking in
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Old 06-27-2015, 01:23 PM
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I just finished reading Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety by Sacha Z. Scoblic and it gets a 10 out of 10 from me. It's a well written memoir, and I really appreciate her honesty. It also gives validation to my sometimes crazy sober thoughts. She joined a twelve step program and found her support through the group and from some true blue friends. She called them her wolfpack, and says she would not have 5 years of sobriety without them. As a recovering addict, she could not make sound decisions, because in the past, her decision making was based on her selfish need to continue drinking, and thinking that she was entitled to drink more and more and more. She found she had to bounce things off her wolfpack, even the simplest of things to make sense of the new found sober world. And it made perfect sense. We are not alone guys, we are doing this together, in every sense, this group has become my wolfpack.

There was so much I gleened from the book, but one point from the book that I am coming to terms with is that she is not fighting daily with only sheer willpower, she eventually chose sobriety. Making the choice to be sober was her turning point in maintaining her sobriety.
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Old 06-27-2015, 02:07 PM
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Hi. Hanging in there. I have that desperate feeling where I am exhausted and hopeless, but I'm just going with it. I have 100 complaints, I'm tense, worried, etc etc, but why even talk about it? I just have to ride this.

I'm going to go for the Gold.

SoberWolf, I love that John Locke quote.

Thanks guys. All you with 60 days!!! Wow!!
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Old 06-27-2015, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by johnny555 View Post
Hi. Hanging in there. I have that desperate feeling where I am exhausted and hopeless, but I'm just going with it. I have 100 complaints, I'm tense, worried, etc etc, but why even talk about it? I just have to ride this.

I'm going to go for the Gold.

SoberWolf, I love that John Locke quote.

Thanks guys. All you with 60 days!!! Wow!!
Well done, Johnny, you sound very decided! You can do this!
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