Viperidae

Martina, you don't have to be chipper and uplifting all the time or at all. We are here for support . I'm sorry about your husband. That is a complex and difficult situation. Stay strong. Hang in there!

OMD

I realised afterwards that my reply probably didn't come across that well, sorry. I agree with you of course that it's not helpful at all. But - and I haven't read the posts so I don't know if the guy was testing himself in reality or not - people try to deal with that problem all the time one way or another. It's been a full 3 days since I last thought about this subject in considerable depth, so I consider myself an expert! That was part of what I alluded to when I said it's a bit complicated to sign up to your challenge. The bit I still haven't worked out as a matter of principle is why, if I can stop for over 2 months, can't I stop and start when I want to. I am not yearning after a drink but that bit doesn't make sense to me. Is it the sheer amount of willpower that would be needed on each occasion or what? I am probably just being stupid....

Anyway, I didn't mean to insult your post. My response was I realise a response to myself.

OMD

OMD

Martina you're doing great, really great. Focus on what you've achieved and what you stand to lose. Take a moment and appreciate what you really have got going here. Whether your lawyer is giving you good tactical advice or not, sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. I am a big fan (as you will all by now know) of not rushing too many things. Focus on not drinking for now (even if you think you have no desire to drink right now) and many good things will come from that alone, just watch.

Wishing you well in your difficult times.

OMD

amp123

OMD! Don't worry, please, you're absolutely right. The best thing to do with ignorance is either educate or ignore it. Please don't think I ccould be offended! Absolutely not!

Martina, your situation sounds very stressful but, as we always say, probably wouldn't be improved by drinking. Look after yourself. Enjoy a relaxing bath. The cravings pass. They always do. You need to make your sobriety your number 1 priority as it's what will help you get through this, much more than drink. Imagine waking up in the morning with that hangover and regret?!? You know you don't want that!

Stay strong!!!

SwimKim12

Martina, hang in there. Johnny is right; you don't have to feel happy all the time. Given your situation it is totally okay to feel upset and unhappy. I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time. I'm thinking about you!

Things are going well here. Finishing up with my conference and traveling home tomorrow. Some of my colleagues have been drinking often; in fact, just stopped by the bar (4pm here) and there was a group already on their second round and preparing to go to an appetizers/drinks event later. No thanks. I know where that would lead. I went to dinner with a group last night and heard that a few of them skipped out on the sessions that day because they were so hungover. That would have easily been me if I was still drinking. I think I'm just going to do my own thing tonight and get to bed early (last few nights it's been after midnight which is way beyond my normal bedtime). Hope you all are doing well out there.

Incontrol15

Gotta check out the moderation dude. Sounds like a real winner. My take on it....Why put myself in a situation where I would have to moderate. That's me. Takes work to moderate. It's easier to just not drink.

Sure....maybe I could get drunk for one night and not have to get drunk the next night or the next night. But then comes the next opportunity and I won't pass on it. Then comes a moment I want to celebrate then the moment I'll want to drink because it was a stressful day.....on and on it goes.

Forget the fact, at least for me, that I know if I drank I would want to drink till I got drunk. Then comes the hangover. And for me that's anxiety and depression. And not just for one day. Maybe one day that type of hangover will go away in years, but I doubt it. I've learned enough through reading and experience that it doesn't. Our brains have been wired and trained for life. Maybe I'm wrong. I look at it like an on/off switch, which is why I love my avatar. It's a constant reminder for me. There's no dimmer switch.

Any way....
Tonight was a parade followed by a fair with food, rides, live music. My home town does it every year. Just to celebrate the town. I wanted to get blasted for it. As I obviously did in the past. Didn't think I was going to have fun if I didn't. Caught myself looking at the future and expecting not to have fun! Glad I did. I talked to myself for a bit at how silly that thought was. I can have fun if I want to have fun. Sheesh. Everyone else gets to have fun and they're not all drunk! I relaxed and enjoyed each moment. Minute by minute. Kinda like during early withdrawals. RIGHT NOW, I'm doing something. Is it enjoyable? Sure it is! So enjoy it!

Nice night. Good times. Nothing beats fair food and live music.

SwimKim12

Glad you had fun, Incontrol. I've had the same thing happen - I don't want to go to an event where I would have gotten drunk in the past b/c I didn't think I would have fun if I wasn't drinking. But I go anyways and have fun and when its over feel great - not guilty/upset because I drank again.

Dee74

If you see any posts that upset you - guys please report them, or send me a PM with a link

D.

Lily123

Martina- that must be hard to deal with. I'm glad you are here with us.

I love fairs! Glad you had fun. Ditto on your response to moderation. It has never worked for me so why bother. Its not fun obsessing over the next drink.

Hey Zab you up yet

Dee74

I looked at the thread, replied and left a note for the forums moderator.

I don't agree with every post here on SR, but I think anyone reading on SR for any length of time will inevitably realise what the best way for them to go forward is

D

Angie247

Hi all. I'm doing very well. Just tired from work and I've been watching movies since I got home from work, the movies were American sniper and The Words. It has been a Bradley Cooper night, I guess. I had a dream that I had accidentally taken a drink of alcohol and then figured what the heck and drank more. I was very glad to wake up from that. I pick up my son from his dad tomorrow so I'm very happy about that. Hope everyone is doing great.

OMD

Morning all!
IC - great post. Totally right. I should hang that up. Everyone seems to get it except me. There's no dimmer switch - it's me who's dimmer.

Well done Kim - seems like you got through your conference nicely

Glad you're doing ok Angie...

Have a great day everyone!
OMD

ZaBoozer

Good morning all.

amp123

Morning Zab!

Thanks Dee, maybe I should have reported that post but I guess it's a valid opinion. Just didn't seem right on this site.

I also went to an event last night. Here in Spain we welcome in the summer. Figurines are burned in the squares and then we each write something negative that we want out of our lives on a paper and burn them at midnight. This is supposed to eradicate them from your life (I burned alcohol and depression). It's the sort of social event where I'd get "pleasantly" tanked up. I am still getting to grips with sober me and sober me does not prosper particularly in social drinking situations and wishes that he was drinking along with everyone else (who, of course really weren't drinking all that much if at all). I think it's going to take time for me to feel good in these situations if I ever do, but that's ok. Just a bit of a grind. The wife and kids enjoyed it and there was a good firework display. I miss the idea of drinking but I know I don't really miss it at all. Just a psychological trap. Very transparent and easy to work around but like I say, not sure I'm going to enjoy this kind of stuff anymore.

One thing that worries me a little is that I feel I'm withdrawing from the world. I put most of my music gear up for sale yesterday and have dropped out of all my projects. It used to mean everything to me and now I'm just not bothered. I'm wary that it may be a sign if depression setting in but it may also be part of recovery? Tired of second guessing myself and over analyzing....

Oh well, feel pretty good this morning so let's get up and atom!!!

ZaBoozer

Hey ,

I know exactly where you are with this. I am caught in the same conundrum. Psychologically, it is difficult. I find keeping busy helps. Anything to pass the time. Mindless TV, a good book etc. Maybe more difficult with kids. Maybe try doing some of their activities with them?

Keep the pecker up.

Cheers,

ZAB

martina12

Thanks ZaB

I am keeping busy with the kids, they are actually helping me without realising it Also busy with work etc. I am on good terms with his parents and brothers but they have not heard anything from him either.

Its very frustrating not to be able to resolve things one way or another though.
Oh well ZaB we just have to get on with things as best we can...

Have a good day all...

M

Incontrol15

Up and atom.

None for me today.

OMD

Amp - when you stopped smoking all those years ago did you think it would be difficult to imagine ever enjoying a social occasion again? I did, because drinking and smoking were yin and yang. Play the tape forward and I genuinely cannot remember a time in recent history when I have thought my evening would be better if I could smoke. In fact the thought disgusts me!! My guess is that you will feel the same way about alcohol - it just takes time. Ultimately you will probably just choose to attend the things you want to attend whether or not there is alcohol there, and if there is you may leave early as people become drunk and annoying.

I also am concerned about withdrawing from the world but I think it is not so much withdrawing more like re-emerging into the world, sober.

Best wishes
OMD

Cauliflower

Hi everyone. I am just plugging away at my work, month end is coming up. I was sitting outside this morning having my coffee and I was just so grateful for being alive, sober, and not suffering from a wretched hangover!

Thinking of you Martina, the situation with your ex is out of your control right now, so I hope you can find peace with it.

Amp, I was reading a blog a while back written by a man who quit drinking and what he learned during the first year of sobriety. One of them was that he no longer enjoyed jamming on his guitar late into the night. It was something that he thought he enjoyed, but he soon realized he only enjoyed it while drinking. Just go with it, and I'm sure you will find something that interests you. It seems part of natural recovery.

Inc, you said something that was so powerful to me. It does take more work to moderate then it does to simply not drink. This is so true. When I tried to moderate in the past, my mind was just filled with argument with myself and anxiety about not drinking more. The stress is just not worth it.

It's hump day and I set some deadlines for myself this week, so back to work I go. Stay strong everyone!

I drinking for me today!

Lily123

Morning everyone. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all of your posts and feedback. It's really helpful and comforting hope everyone has a decent day.