Sisterbobby

OMW,
I really don't know what to say.
Why do you think everyone will hate you?
Separating from someone would be easy if it was just that, but it is much more complicated. I think you need to be a little selfish here. I do not think the kids will ever hate you. Maybe a little confused and mad in the beginning, but hate...no! I can not tell you what to do, you need to figure that out for yourself. You are a big girl. You can do this. Make your life better for you and things will fall into place sooner or later. Sooner i hope then later.

i'm glad the pain pills are gone.

Go get your life back.

OnMyWay7

Hi All,

I believe I'm over the little nervous breakdown I had this weekend. The emotions were so strong sometimes it feels like I just need them to go away or I'm not going to survive. Now I know they're only emotions and they can't kill but at times it sure does feel like it. Anyway my goal now is to stay away from all drugs with the exception of my anti-depressants (which for some reason I don't like to take - lol) and really try to be clean. I was for so many months and then the pills were right there and they make you feel soooo good for a few days and then it's just like alcohol - worrying where you're going to get them - how many you have left etc.

My other goal is to try and not be so hateful towards myself. I honestly am doing the best I can.

saoutchik

Nothing is forever OnMyWay, your children are close to the age at which they start to understand (I think - mid teens?). Sometimes a bit of "thinking of yourself" can be the best thing all round. It can break a cycle where no one is particularly happy. As Sisterbobby says you will have to figure out what is best

I'm glad you are feeling somewhat better today

Long day for me today, over 12 hours not including commute. Have ordered take away food (Indian, Vegetable Rogon)

Dee74

I didn't like myself much either OMW - but being sober I could really work on the parts I didn't like and accept the rest.

For someone whose self loathing was there for decades, not hating myself was a massive change

D

Sisterbobby

I really never disliked me, kinda sorta liked me most of my life. Thought i was cool most of the time, just wish everyone else thought that way. LOL
You make your own choices, good or bad, you live your life and survive, i guess.

OMW, maybe you can try living apart for awhile, if your finances allow it. Sometimes people do not see the obvious until it is gone. Many people stay in a relationship because of finances, i am lucky, money really is not an issue in my case now. It could be if I was reckless, but that i am not. I was always good at hoarding money.
At one time, my kids and i lived in poverty, many years ago, that will never happen again. My first marriage ended when my children were young. I lost my business and hubby took all money from bank accounts and kicked me and the kids out two days before Xmas. Yes, he was pissed. Had to go on welfare and collect child support through the state. I went back to school and got a great job. It was a blessing in disguise. Kids are fine, i believe with kids, the main thing parents need to watch are their peers and grades. Get in a wrong crowd, watch out.
OMW, just do your best, that is all you can do. But, you must decide what you need to do. Do not use your kids as a crutch. Your kids only need your love and you got that covered.

Sisterbobby

we here in the USA order "take out food"

Dee74

As long as it's not coming with a smack to the head, it's all good, Sis

D

saoutchik

Smack to the head costs extra

Congratulations on the rugby Dee

Dee74

Did we win something? LOL
I am the least sports mad man in Oz, saoutchick

D

saoutchik

Some rugby match I believe Dee

Bet you all thought I was joking about the smack to the head. I was but only just

Dee74

Tough room Sao

D

Sisterbobby

signed the papers yesterday, will be divorced in two weeks.

saoutchik

Good work Sis

OnMyWay7

I'm glad you're moving forward Sis.

Tomorrow I leave to go up to my Mom's to get ready for her wedding on Friday - I'm really happy for her and hope everything goes well. Can't see a bunch of 65-80 year olds partying it up so I think I'll be ok for the reception

Sisterbobby

Sounds like a blast. Have a great time.

Sisterbobby

My next focus is finding a Al-anon and a local church to join. Taking care of yourself is a never ending job.

saoutchik

Worth it though Sis

Have fun OnMyWay

OnMyWay7

Hello,

Well the wedding was a success - both sides of the family behaved and I now have a step-Dad (and my kids an official Grandpa). It was nice to be with my family again and I have to say was fine not drinking. There was regular fruit punch and champagne punch but I stuck with water. My partner came up with my older kids for the wedding (the younger ones were in it as flower girls as was I - in it that is). It was okay to have her there as she and my sister haven't spoken for about 10 years they were both behaved. She left about an hour into the reception for a planned night out with friends. I woke up this morning and her car is in the driveway (not the garage) and she's on the couch fully clothed. Apparently got very drunk and had a friend drive her home and is now sleeping it off up stairs. It's weird being the sober one and she really looks like hell this morning. Odd being the sober one but at least I feel good and got my son off to school (he has Sat classes) and am taking care of my middle daughter who is sick.

Anyway - just weird that I stop drinking and she starts.

Today is really nice out and after I do some cleaning am going to try to get a walk in. My son has a game at 12:30 (soccer) and then basketball at 5 so one of us will be doing that while the other has the girls. I hoping for the girls so maybe we can stop by a pumpkin patch and get some for carving.

Hope you all have a good Saturday.
TB

saoutchik

Glad it went well OnMyWay. Maybe when you were drinking you didn't notice that you partner drank as well, just maybe not as much

I have had a really busy week. The boss asked me out for a beer on Friday (he must have forgot that I don't anymore) He never does that with anyone. I had a 7up during which he thanked me for my efforts - that is a first, maybe he is getting old lol!

saoutchik

Spent all day working on the Lancia as ever. It is coming along I guess. Looking forward to it all being done next year