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Class of January 2015 Part 7

Old 08-18-2015, 06:45 AM
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Lol. Neighbors wireless is very cheap.

This week all the kids are at a sleep away camp so I'm re-caulking the bathrooms and steam cleaning the carpets. I actually really like fixing things around the house so it's a good week for me.
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Old 08-18-2015, 10:46 AM
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Back to work today, feels like I was never away. Is that good or bad?

I have to recall the bottom tiles in my shower every few months, really regret choosing them

Hope you're enjoying the Lakeside retreat Jojo
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Old 08-18-2015, 03:24 PM
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Remember there is always support here OMW

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Old 08-19-2015, 09:02 AM
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Finished caulking yesterday - the bathrooms look so much better. Now we're onto steam cleaning my daughters bedroom and then we'll probably stop and put the house back together for the kids coming home on Friday.

Then believe it or not I'm going to a Chris Brown concert because my daughter's cheer team is and she wants to go but I'm not letting her go alone. God help me.
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Old 08-19-2015, 09:54 AM
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Hear him on the radio OMW and he is pretty good and your daughter is not really old enough to remember the Rhianna beating. Not certain but I think my eldest has seen him (possibly at an Usher concert)
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Old 08-20-2015, 09:25 AM
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Evening everyone,

Not much news, baby Cyra had a temperature but is fine now

Last night I was stalked by a huge spider, biggest i've seen this century outside of the zoo. It kept creeping out but every time I would get close it would disappear behind the radiator. Eventually - gone midnight it was far enough away for me to trap it with my trusty glass/coaster combo and threw him/her over the balconey. Wide awake for another hour or so afterwards
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Old 08-20-2015, 09:29 PM
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I hate spiders! I can deal with little ones but ones that hang out behind radiators.

I had a very productive day. Getting myself bedded down. Small house but it's doable for now. I need to be with people right now.

Went downtown this afternoon to a farmers market and took a walk along the river. Made the best grilled vegetables ever.
Going over to the big house tomorrow, yard guy and handyman meeting me there to get it ready to sell. AH wants nothing to do with it, he may have to take out a small loan to pay me off and he is not happy. Well , you all know what he can do with his happy.

Just checking in. Sorry I have been absent. Will check in more often.
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Old 08-21-2015, 05:54 AM
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Hi all. TGIF. Our Aupair went home yesterday.

She was great with the kids and a good person for me to be able to talk to - I'm going to miss her. So yesterday had to go and see if I could get out of these 2 leased vehicles. I'm going to be able to trade them both in and get a new van (Burgundy - which is what I always wanted) with only a bit of a penalty.
We also divided our bank accounts so things are moving along. Not sure if we'll stay living together - she still thinks i'm going to spontaneously fall back in love with her - weird. Until then I keep pulling apart little by little.

So tonight Chris Brown. Tomorrow hanging around the house and playing with the kids and then on Sunday I leave for a business trip to Germany. A place about 2 hours train ride from Frankfurt. Never been to this site so it should be fun.
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Old 08-21-2015, 05:57 AM
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I hope everyone has a good weekend

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Old 08-21-2015, 12:14 PM
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Hey hey!

lol Oh Saoutchik you just crack me up!! The neighbours internet and the spider. HAHAHA! Oh my gosh! The note in the bottle is sure cool!!

No lake retreat yet, in 3 weeks and I'm counting it down. COUNTING THE DAYS!

I'm back 100% committed to my fitness again. Enough screwing around. I quit smoking and milked that for all it was worth to eat crap. lol But now I'm doing 45 minutes of cardio on an elliptical and doing a workout with weights or I have a dance work out I do in the afternoon. My freaking arse and legs hurt. lol But no pain no gain.

Glad to read everyones posts!

Much love to all!
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Old 08-21-2015, 11:59 PM
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Hey Jojo, don't be too hard on yourself, I ate more when I quit smoking and so do most people. Well done on working out though

I lived in Dusseldorf which is not far from Frankfurt for 6 months in the early 1980's when it was called West Germany
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Old 08-23-2015, 04:53 AM
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yes, still fighting insomnia, going to call doctor and get different sleeping aid.

OMW-I too have decided to stop depressants, but I am weaning my self off properly. LOL I have a great PC and don't want to **** her off. She may stop giving me ativan, wonderful drug for anxiety. I started a small dose of depressants for the IBS??? ( never did find out what my GI problem is yet, need to make F/U visit) but increased the dose for emotional issues caused by the divorce. With the higher dose, i was in a don't give a craps a** state. Weird feeling.
Bought myself a ford ranger, (2011) who needs a hubby when they have a ranger. LOL AH will not let me use our truck, When the going gets tough the tough get going.
Jojo, i quit smoking years ago and i still get cravings, but do not get discouraged , I seldom get them know. I guess its like anything else. I am on day 6 again. Had a few glasses of wine over several hours with sisters. didnt get drunk, sisters very supportive.

Saoutchik- hope your hand is healing well, and you are having fun with that new grandbaby.
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Old 08-23-2015, 07:31 AM
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Hi guys. I've been having some real issues with my AV. I feel like I'm so boring without drinking - I'm sure it's still just depression. Our Aupair went home on Thursday (I really miss her - she was the one I talked to daily and I really miss her). But I feel like I'm just boring and a nothing and if I could just drink again I'd be fun and want to be around people. I went back on my antidepressants because I was just getting so blue and why am I here kind of stupid thoughts.

Anyway - back on the stair master huh Jojo. I've started walking more figured I'd take it slow.

Sister - good for you getting a new truck - I wish I were you and starting a new life - I just can't figure out how to do it without really messing up the kids and all. And please - PLEASE. Stop drinking. I'm afraid you're going to slowly go back and you don't want that in your new life.

Take care guys.
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Old 08-23-2015, 03:57 PM
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ONW - I think boring is in the eye of the beholder

Is there really anything stopping you from doing whatever you like or becoming who you want to be?

D
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Old 08-23-2015, 04:20 PM
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Is there really anything stopping you from doing whatever you like or becoming who you want to be?
I can't seem to figure out who that is... nor what I would like to do... it's a very annoying feeling. Being depressed, knowing you can probably do something about it but not knowing what or having the energy to do it and the AV in your ear.

I was such a fun drunk that everyone liked having me around. Probably some of that was entertainment factor (which I'm not proud of) but now I don't feel fun. And I don't feel "deep" or "thoughtful" or especially "caring" either - just kind of here. Guess I'm going to have to start trying some things.

It's really frustrating - I want to feel better - want to enjoy this sobriety - just still taking it one day at a time. Very proud I didn't get a drink at the lounge today. Once I get on the flight I'll start movies which helps me. Just a bit lost I guess

Thanks for the response Dee
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Old 08-23-2015, 06:24 PM
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OMW- i know, i feel stupid for drinking, didn't even enjoy it. Just drank it because it was there. stupid.
I think you are in the waiting zone in your life. You know you need to do something, and it's not what you're doing right now. You have a big life change that needs to be challenged. Kids are smarter then you think, they feed off your vibes. If you are sad, you are raising sad kids. You are a great mother and a smart professional lady, you will know when the time is right. You have already done the mental separation, divided bank accounts, etc... now you need to get it on paper. That waiting zone is a very horrible place to be. It is natural to feel down and lost, minutes turn into hours. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's natural to feel like crap during a separation. It is one of the top stressor in our life.

Your kids will be fine, especially with you as their mother, a sober mother.

Also, never stop taking antidepressants cold turkey, bad bad bad. not good, people have done horrible things doing that.

Take care> i will never drink again and you keep kicking av to the curb.

Getting my truck was the best thing for me, now I can get things done instead of funning around in circles.
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Old 08-24-2015, 07:56 AM
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i woke up early again this morning, however, I woke up with AH's mother looking over me. ( she spent the last few months of her life in this house on hospice, I was her nurse.) This is the third time this has happened to me. The first two times she was standing over AH when we still shared a bed. All three times, I totally wake up and I see her image, i shake the sleep out of me, she just hangs around for a bit and then she walks/fades away. She was a very sweet lady, just spooks the heck out of me.
I took all of her personal things/odds and ends over to her grandson's yesterday, why didn't she hitch a ride .
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Old 08-24-2015, 08:44 AM
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SB that's freaky - I'd bring all of her stuff to other people's homes. Surprised she followed you there.

I'm in Germany - just arrived tonight - the flight and train ride was fine. Working and getting ready for tomorrow's meetings. I'll check in later.

Still sober.
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Old 08-24-2015, 09:59 AM
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she (???) is still in the house i am moving out of,, the house she died in. Sometimes I spend the night in the house i am moving out of. Maybe no more. I moved all her stuff yesterday to her grandsons.
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Old 08-24-2015, 10:08 AM
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So glad you resisted that AV OnMyWay. I can't add anything to Sisterbobbys excellently worded post on separation.

I am also glad that you are still determined to quit Sis. I became an alcoholic after my divorce, stupid, stupid, stupid.

Torrential rain today, flood warnings for some parts of England
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