tokidoki

Hello ZB,
Gutter-snipe lady here...
Just want to send you my best wishes. I am one of the back-row slackers in the class of April '15. Did about 5 or 6 weeks but have been on the on-and-off relapse wheel for awhile. Anyway, am still hanging on to the ultimate goal, and want you to know that you are an inspiration to me.

ZaBoozer

Ta amp, a new day.

ZaBoozer

Ta TD, much appreciated.

Glad to hear that you are still fighting the fight. No-one said it would be easy. Hang in there, it does get better. I promise.

Cheers,

ZAB

ZaBoozer

Good morning all,

It is the start of day sixty four. The sun is on the horizon and it looks like it is going to be a clear day. It is cold outside and there is no sign of it letting up soon. Business first.

Physically I am good. I do not have a headache today. I slept ok and sleep was not elusive. This is a good sign. I am famished.

Mentally I am ok. I have quite a bit of work to do today. I need to focus on it and get it out of the way. My mind is unfortunately racing all over the place.

Emotionally I am fair.

I will expand on this post this evening.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers,

ZAB

ZaBoozer

Good evening all,

It is the end of day sixty four for me. Another one down. Our cold front is supposed to start in earnest from sometime early tomorrow morning. No worries, the cats and I are prepared. Business first.

Physically I am great. I had a headache around lunchtime, but it has since faded. I did have to take something for it. I am tired, so I am going to try for an early evening. I hope that I don't have the RLS problem.

Mentally I am much better than this morning. My mind is focused and not jumping all around the place anymore. I even managed to do all my work and then some in just this afternoon alone.

Emotionally I am much more stable than the past few days.

I will explain why my mental and emotional states have been so stuffed the past few days in tomorrow mornings post. I just need to get it straight in my own mind.

So, I got the prices for the kitchen cupboards today. Not bad at all. I am even getting a few of those insert things (the ones that you put trays or wine bottles in) for free. That is quite a nice touch. I don't drink wine at all so it will be nice to put my collectors bottles in the racks.

The kitchen counter people are coming this weekend to do their thing and then I can get all the cupboards done. At last - one thing will be complete. This is great as I can start packing all my plates and stuff back. This will free up my rooms so that I can start getting into them. Progress at last.

My other new toy arrived today. The new toy is for my NA beer. It allows me to do stepped mashes etc. In simple language, it allows me to control the amount of fermentable sugar available to the yeast. Just what I am looking for.

Well the fire is roaring along. The cats are snoring and I am sober. I still have no physical cravings for alcohol. The AV does pop out now and then, but this is mental and not physical. It is nothing like the first few days. It was particularly strong this afternoon - sort of like a reward for my behaviour. I just went for a smoke and then went home instead.

Well, I am off to bed. Well, I am going to fight with the cats for a space on the bed.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers,

ZAB

ZaBoozer

Good morning all,

Today is the start of day sixty five. It is cold out, but it looks like it is going to be a clear day. I am watching the sun come up from my office window here in the JHB CBD. I am sipping on one of those filter coffee things. Nowhere near as nice as my own coffee. Business first.

Physically I am good. I am very tired though. I had the night from hell last night trying to get to sleep. The RLS was particularly bad. It is not consistent and only appears intermittently. I am definitely going to get myself a magnesium supplement this morning. It is not painful, it is just damn uncomfortable. I had a headache this morning, but this is from lack of sleep. I took something and it has faded already. I am not too happy with taking headache powders.

Mentally I am good. I am actually excited about the things I have to do today. That includes work. My mind is focussed and clear. I am happy about this.

Emotionally I am good. I cannot control what I am feeling, but at least it is not ripping my heart out anymore.

So I guess I need to elaborate on why I have been a bit down recently. Well there is not a short simple answer to this, but I will try my best to be partial.

The L from HALT really rides me on weekends. It is difficult being in this situation of separation from my wife where she is supposed to be sorting her priorities out. We are not supposed to go out and meet someone new and carry on. I am a fair man, hard but fair. We have degenerated to the stage where we behaving like kids. I don't message or call her and the same from her side. She wanted the space after all. She has given me no time frame, so I have decided on my own. Regardless of what I feel for her - I will stick to this timeframe.

So anyway, I forgot some work equipment in her car before this whole separation thing. Yes my own fault. I urgently needed this stuff on Monday to deliver to a client. I had forgotten that it was in her car and turned the house upside down. Eventually I had to message her to ask if she had it. I did this around lunchtime. I only got a response late that evening. I then messaged again asking if I could pick it up. No response. I have no idea where she is staying so you can understand the frustration. Yesterday morning I had to message again to ask if I could please meet and get the equipment. Her response - "I am sick". Really? It wasn't possible to tell me this before?

To cut a long story short, she dropped the equipment off at home while I was at work. The relief when I got home last night is indescribable. The equipment is now sitting on my office floor and I feel so much relief it is not funny.

The issue with my wife, well I have to be the bigger man and ride it out. I have to stick to my own timeframe. What will be will be, but I know that by doing this I have been more than fair. I do not want any comebacks or any rubbish sitting on my conscience.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers,

ZAB

Dee74

I think that kind of situation would be stressful and exhausting whether you were in recovery or not.

I hope you guys can work out a way to communicate eventually ZaB

D

ZaBoozer

Ta Dee, I wouldn't know, I have never been through this type of thing sober before. So it is a whole new ball game to me.

Dee74

I've been through it once or twice...once each of you gets over the hurt, I found that communication got a lot easier

D

amp123

Wow! That sounds really tough Zab. At least if you can do this sober it will prove that you can get through almost anything!!!

martina12

Morning ZaB

I know how frustrating and exasperating and everything else it is to be in limbo land...I'm in it too.

However you are so much stronger than you were 65 days ago Time is giving you the chance to heal and you are building those 'sobriety muscles'.

'Keep on keeping on' ZaB you are doing all the right things. Things will get sorted out eventually, you just have to be patient for a little while longer

M

ZaBoozer

Good evening all,

So I have reached the end of day sixty five. I have had a busy evening, research and all that. Time has passed me by this evening without me noticing. To the business first.

Physically I am good. I am rather tired. I have taken my magnesium supplement so I am hoping that will work for me. My headache did not return. I had a good appetite today.

Mentally I am good. I spent most of my day helping colleagues our with problems. It beats having to attend to some mundane sort of rubbish.

Emotionally I am fair. It was a better day than most. So I am not complaining.

Well, it is hump day today. From here on in it is downhill to the weekend. I cannot wait for the kitchen counter tops to be in. It is going to make a huge difference.

Well, the cats are here and it is time for bed.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers,

ZAB

amp123

Sleep well! Heading that way myself...exhausting day at work, but sometimes I appreciate that (no room for distractions!!). Hasta mañana!

ZaBoozer

Ta amp, yip another day.

ZaBoozer

Good morning all,

It is the start of day sixty six for me. The sun is coming up and I am sipping on some horrible filter coffee. It is Thursday and we are fast heading towards the weekend. Business first.

Physically I am good. I did not sleep well last night. The RLS hit me, but it was nowhere near as bad as the previous nights. I guess it takes time for the magnesium to get into my system. I had the headache from hell this morning. The one where you are all groggy from lack of sleep. I have taken something and am feeling better. Surprisingly, this does not affect my appetite.

Mentally I am good. I have a few design review meetings today. My boss has been like a cat on a hot tin roof. This should make for interesting meetings. Our reviews are peer reviews combined. I actually enjoy these sessions with him as he knows which buttons to press. A more polite way of putting it - he knows what to ask.

Emotionally, I am good. I am keeping myself occupied and starting to practice my old hobbies. It takes a bit of forcing oneself into it, but after a while it is actually quite enjoyable.

Well, I am still smoking. I still need to find some books and have a good read. I will have to give it some serious thought and set a date.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers,

ZAB

ZaBoozer

Good evening all,

So it is the end of day sixty six. It is bitterly cold out and is drizzling. It is really miserable. Luckily - I have fire. It was so bitter at work, I even considered calling it an early day. To the business end.

Physically I am good. I am tired, but that is from last night. I am going to try an early evening and so we shall see how that goes. My headache from this morning faded a bit, but really stepped it up from lunchtime. I hope a good nights rest will sort it out.

Mentally I am fine. My meetings went ok. Nothing to write home about.

Emotionally I am fair. It has been a reasonable day for me. I am slowly getting on with things.

I drank too much filtered coffee at work. It is hard to drink cold water with this weather. Mind you, I cant wait to get home every day to drink my own coffee. I really love this Nespresso machine. I can make all of the commercial varieties and styles with just a few button presses. The only problem is that I will drink quite a few cups in an evening. I think this messes with my sleep pattern as I really like the very strong coffee's.

Well, the forecast for the weekend does not look good. It is going to get colder. I hope it wont be too cold as I really want to finish the patio this weekend.

Well the cats are on the bed. They are snuggling closer to the fire - pushing me to the other side of the bed. I don't think it is the warmth so much, but they like to watch the flames. Almost like a cat TV.

Bed time for me.

Be safe and be strong.

Cheers,

ZAB

amp123

Enjoy cat TV!

ZaBoozer

Ta amp, I will. They watch the fire and I watch them.

Soberwolf

Hi Zab

ZaBoozer

Hey there SW.