rah555

Feeling so emotional right now...a 27 year old woman who went to high school and played basketball with my oldest daughter was killed in a car accident Saturday night. I hadn't seen her in many years and still her death upsets me and stirs up emotions/thoughts about life and death. The way I feel and the thoughts I have came about in October 2010 when my 24 yr old step daughter died in our home of an accident drug overdose. So traumatic. I get filled with sadness and despair. I start wondering what life is all about, why do things like that happen...etc. in 2010, that's when my alcohol abuse started. I actually remember guzzling red wine when people were at the house offering their condolences. Alcohol abuse was then reinforced when my husband started going out, probably to get out of the house bc that's where she died and to connect with her friends to keep her memory alive. Anyways, going out for dinners and partying became the norm. I started staying home after a while. One night my husband went out by himself. Woke up to find the car smashed and him with no memory of how it happened. He turned himself in to the police and got arrested. It was a big embarrassing fiasco bc he was in the public eye. He toned it down a bit after that. Anyway, things were really crazy, drinking out of hand, all judgment gone out the window. Moved to a new state, problem followed. This is why I'm here. He death of this young woman makes me feel so sad. She leaves behind 2 young boys. It's so senseless. I think about her parents, family, friends and grieve for them. This type of loss makes me feel like I need to get things right with my kids, make memories with them and my husband. Life is too short. This mindset is a drinking trigger bc I say life is short, let's have fun or I say screw it, it doesn't matter you could be gone in an instant. Not right thinking by any means. Today I will not give in. I will not drink.

Dee74

I'm sorry (((rah)))

D

Stubbs16

So sorry Rah. I know that kind of thinking myself. Stay strong!

Life is short, so we need to really live it, not just cruise thru it by self medicating, right? That's what I try to tell myself, when my mind convinces me otherwise.

Soberwolf

My Condolences Rah

ScooterBoo

Rah, I am sorry you are going through this - like PTSD.

I believe I am the oldest of the group at 62, and my feeling now is that life is indeed short, and I want to enjoy it as much as possible and be fully aware every minute. I do not ever again want to spend a beautiful day sick and shivering with a miserable hangover; I do not want to cancel plans because I am too sick to do something.

Determined, I find myself much more relaxed in social situations; I can concentrate on conversations instead of worrying if I am drinking too fast, worrying if I am slurring my words, worrying if people can tell I had a few before the party, worrying if there is enough of my favorite drink, worrying if it will be dark enough to drink on the drive home....I am so done with that!

Today is Ten Months for me, thanks to all the wonderful members of Team August. I never thought I would make it this far; and, thanks to this group of people - those still posting, those who drifted away, those who joined another month - - ALL of you are the reason I am happy in sobriety.

pinklinzangel

Rah, massive hugs my friend, a red tender time for you. Stay in the zone, double digits today, you did that all by yourself, you are strong xxx

Scooter........10 months! So proud my friend, way to go! Simply marvellous 😊 what a difference we have seen in all of us in 10 months, how great!

London, hope you're enjoying your holiday

Grateful good to see you check in, it's so bloody annoying when a post is lost! I feel your pain!

Max! Awesome to see you! Hope you are well my lovely!

Not much news here. I'm feeling a little low for absolutely no good reason what so ever. I think maybe I am tired and need a break. I have my holiday starting June 25th and am more than ready after a busy year so far.

Good vibes and thoughts to all, with oodles of love too xx

Grateful11

Congrats on 10 months ScooterBoo! You inspire me to stay sober every day!

Stubbs16

Congrats Scooter! 10 months! |WOW, AND more WOW!

Thanks Pink, I'm in June class now. Never giving up!

Good to drop by and say hello to u all.

Peace, Max

Ultramarathoner

Sorry RAH.

Congratulations on Double digit months Scooter!

Good to hear from you Maximus!

Relentless Forward Progress All!

determined99

Happy hump day peeps!

Rah, reflecting like you are doing is helpful. Sound like you are building the vision of who you want to be. Let the past stay there and move to your goal. We can help.

Pink, hope you are feeling better today. Some days do feel like walking through quicksand, but as silly as it sounds, look around and do a quick inventory of all the good stuff. This wave will pass.

Scooter, glad you are feeling the same in social situations. It simply does get better. Congrats on ten months!

Great to see you grateful! And a big high five to max, ultra and London.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." Maria Robinson

Love

Dee74

Congratulations on 10 months ScooterBoo

D

Choobie

Alright, Scooter!!

Sorry, Rah, I know how everything can come back like it just happened. Stay strong and close. As we stay sober, things start to work themselves out. It's not always easy, but it's the less painful option in the end!

Good to see all of your posts!

I agree, Determined. Yoga beats the cork hands down. And I like your quote this morning.

pinklinzangel

Had a really bad day at work today, finished very late, was dreading cooking so nipped into the spar to grab a cold pizza to cook at home. Standing in the queue which weaved through the wine aisle. Major anxiety attack had. Ffs. Paid for pizza, drove home very shook up. Paced up and down watering the garden with the hosepipe. Cooked dinner. Paced a bit more. I need to De stress and I don't know how to. First time this has happened, normally I can find one way or another to relax, but man am I on edge tonight. Hate feeling this way, this isn't me! Have tried green tea, listening to enya, a hot shower, a candle, a hit of reading, a walk outside, I still feel so bloody stressed. I'm just so anxious about work tomorrow, which again is not me. So flipping frustrated, apologies for the rant
, but at the moment my mind has two tracks. One on wine, one on cigarettes. I gave both up the same day. I will not succumb to this! Argh!

Thanks for listening, needed to say it our loud, and nobody to say it too xx

ScooterBoo

Pink, is there anywhere nearby that you can swim? what about a long bubble bath? a silly old comedy on television? a massage? meditation?

Thanks, everyone, for all the congratulations.

I am off to book club tonight...........

Dee74

It's not long to the 25th Pink

D

determined99

Pink, let's go to your zen place. Immediately. Try to still your mind, breathe. Truly look inside and put this in perspective. What is the worst thing that could happen at work? Can you handle that? Yes. Then go from there and work back into a space of gratitude and laughter. Easier said than done, but faced with adversity and difficulties, Buddha would simply say, this too... This too...

It's all good. You got this, sober muscles pumping.

Ultramarathoner

Channel that inner Buddha, Pink! We are pulling for you.

I love your recognition that this is atypical ("this isn't me"). That's a subtle and powerful acknowledgement of your evolution over the past handful of months.

You are going to get through this.

pinklinzangel

Guys, thank you thank you thank you. I have woken up, had a hot shower, listened to an entire enya album, and have channelled my inner buddha with a few candles lit whilst reading a couple of passages. I feel more zen already! I'm not dreading today as much as I was because I have prepared myself mentally, and actually feel quite peaceful this morning. I will wear my beads to remind me of that later today! And breathe!

Thank you, you were there when I needed you! I will go for a swim after work to rid myself of any extra negative energy this evening, I don't want to bring that home again I need to be 'me' at home.

Thanks again guys, so much love for you xxxx

sthlondonab

Hey all

I didn't post yesterday as I was travelling home. I had a great time. I also brought sunny weather back to the UK with me which is a bonus! I am on the train on the way into work, but only a two day week lucky me.

Scooter - that's fantastic 10 months woo-hoo

Pink - I relate to those stressed evenings when you bring work home and can't calm down. Major reason for my drinking. Hoping you feel much better this morning. Do anything you need to to protect the sobriety you have now.

Hi to everyone else. I am in need of a coffee this morning!

determined99

Weekend in the sight line kids!

Great work pink! Perspective man, perspective. We are only as big as what bothers us.

Having some absolute brutal times at work myself. Funny, how much nonsense is preventable if we simply dropped our egos and treated others with respect. Money is really not worth selling people out. I choose to be kind and ethical, even if that is abnormal.

"The temptation to quit will be the greatest just before you are about to succeed."

Rise above.