SoberLeigh

Have a wonderful time, GC. Congratulations on your foresightedness, determination and conviction.

Grilled salmon is a favorite of mine. Have you noticed that the price of fresh ocean-caught salmon has really good up????

Gonnachange

Thanks SL. I can only speak for myself and I know that if I have a plan which I articulate here it's much easier for me to make the proper decisions. Also, I think I'm a beneficiary of being of a certain age. Nobody is going to attempt any peer pressure and almost everybody is supportive, but regardless I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to do what I want.

Regarding the seafood, I haven't really noticed, but that may be because I buy most of my ocean denizens from a small seafood shop that opened up in town about six months ago and while certainly not cheap I think they're trying to drive business by keeping prices relatively stable along with great quality and customer support.

On a side note, I hope they make it because there's a lot of competition in the area from some very high end supermarkets which also sell a quality product. I have no desire to get ripped off, but am willing to spend a little bit more to support a local business that offers the two qualities I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Moving on to the weekend, I'm sure it's going to be a fine time. I've reached the point in life where I'm now at the "Friends of the Parents" table. LOL! Among this group of friends, including the woman whose house we're staying on Saturday I'm going to be the only male. I know each of these women for a long time so no matter what topic comes up I'll be comfortable, but I'm sure there will be discussions that I can't add anything. :-)

Update

After a brutal leg training session this morning with my trainer I'm almost walking normally, but stairs are still not my friend. It's all good; my wife and I go to the same person (at different times) and more than once he's commented on how we truly maximize our time with him while some of his clients just want to take the easy way and not push themselves. My position is if I'm not willing to push myself why bother paying somebody money to get me to try to do so? It's a no brainer and I know it's part of my personality to be able to dig deep and continue through physical discomfort. I've trained myself to run marathons and training for and running the race always involves a lot finding ways to overcome uncomfortableness.

Okay, I went off on a tangent. I'll end here because it's time to cook dinner.

SoberLeigh

Enjoy the grilled salmon, GC.

Gonnachange

SL and Dee thank you. Dinner was great.

SoberLeigh

Hope that you are enjoying your weekend, GC.

Gonnachange

Just a quick drop by to write that all is well. The wedding on Friday and the rest of the weekend was great; we got home around dinner time last night and although a bit weary I'll be a the gym shortly. More to follow.

Gonnachange

Despite being surrounded by alcohol all weekend I breezed through. There was one amusing situation the day after the wedding when an acquaintance came up to my wife and asked how I was feeling because I was pretty loaded at the wedding. Yes, I did a lot of dancing and yes I was very social with friends, acquaintances people I just met, but I was stone cold sober and my wife knew it so she had a little chuckle and told this person that I didn't have a drop of alcohol. Not that it matters, but she felt he didn't believe her. Whatever.

My wife and I got some walking in Friday, we danced a lot at the wedding, I ran about 3 miles on Saturday, was fairly sedentary yesterday, and lifted today. All is good.

SoberLeigh

Sounds like you had a wonderful weekend, GC.

The story about your friend is rather funny. It may take him a while to recognize that sober joy is more joyous, sober dancing is more celebratory, sober smiles are more genuine . . . .

(and just maybe - he had too much drink and was hoping that he wasn't the only one).

Gonnachange

Yeah, it was a fun weekend. I can't speak to how sober the person who spoke with my wife the morning following the wedding was at the affair, but among the 150 guests there were some alcohol fueled escapades so I'm not sure why his impression was that I was over served. When I wrote "escapades", I was referring to the fact that there were definitely some people who made poor decisions and missed out on enjoying a fantastic evening to the extent they could have. Not that I was keeping tabs, but the vast majority of people probably imbibed without any negative consequences and I'm sure there were others who were in my camp.

The woman whose house we went back to on Saturday is a fine hostess and we had a great time pretty much just hanging out and eating. Our hostess did most of the cooking, but tasked me with being her sous chef which I was more than happy to do. I got the benefit of cooking food that friends appreciated, but did not have to do any of the planning.

SoberLeigh

Happy Tuesday, GC!!!!

Gonnachange

Damn, you're so good to me.

The day is going fine. I went for a short run, which is what all my runs are of late, took the puppy on a few walks, and took care of some paper work in preparation for a busy Friday. I'll spare you and everyone the details.

Today

Dinner tonight is going to be grilled hamburgers from meat that I'm going to grind from the trimmings of a beef tenderloin I made a few weeks ago. I'm going to stuff it with jalapeno jack cheese and serve a salad as a side.

Now comes the rant portion of my post. All have been warned.

I got a call from my distraught wife telling me that she had just spoken with her brother telling her that their other brother had just quit his job that he had for five days.

I've written about my ABIL before, not that anyone should remember, but the short version is that he was fired from a job with a company he worked at for almost 25 years due to being drunk while working. He pulled some strings with friends and was offered a slightly above entry level state government job about 8 months ago, but felt that it was beneath him so he turned it down and burned a bridge with the friend who went out of his way to have him even be considered for the position. Almost concurrently he was in contact with a high school friend who owns a small business and agreed to hire him. Within weeks of being hired he decided he didn't like what he was doing and his friend was accommodative enough to find something else for him to do.

Unfortunately not only was he ill suited for the new position, but circumstances beyond my ABIL's control led to a dead end. As that was happening his boss, the owner of the company, got into an alcohol fueled bar fight that he wound up on the wrong end of and was no longer able to drive so he employed my ABIL as his chauffeur. All is okay until ABIL loses his drivers license because of multiple DUI's.

He applied for local jobs and got one working at place he can walk to, but after the aforementioned five days quit because they don't give him a definitive time when he can leave. Really? WTF are you thinking? So, he's now unemployed again, continues to live and be supported by my inlaws who are 79 and 83 and should be just enjoying life instead of having deal with all this crap. That's what makes me the maddest; my inlaws are the classic American immigrant story. They came here with nothing, worked hard, and built a wonderful life for the children growing and themselves. It's been time for them to cash in on their brave decision to emigrate and everything that followed, but instead they are saddled with a 48 year old son who has positioned himself as the caretaker they don't need so he can justify staying in their house.

Okay, I'm getting into a lather. Time to take my frustration out on grinding the meat for tonight's dinner.

SoberLeigh

Dear heavens, GC. I feel so very badly for your wife's parents.

it's very hard to justify your BIL's actions or understand his thinking.

Rant away; we are here for you.

Gonnachange

Thanks for your input and compassion. It's a bad situation, but my MIL is not willing to kick him out of the house because he would essentially be homeless.

Time to walk the puppy and then find my pillow.

Good night SR!

SoberLeigh

Goodnight, GC.

Gonnachange

Cruising through the day, but my knee is bothering me so I decided not to run. This is getting mighty old. I don't have any definitive plans after dinner, but l know I'll be home, take a walk with my wife and the puppy, and not make it a late night. I'll fill in the gaps somehow.

My wife's family is still abuzz about the incomprehensible decision that my ABIL made. There's no rational answer to his actions and it's hard to even remotely fathom what his long term plan is. My inlaws live in a 4 bedroom single family home on a half acre and at some point I know they're going to want to downsize to cut their expenses and work load. How do I know? Because there's already been mention of it, but I would hate for their decision to be colored or delayed by the fact that they have to provide for my ABIL. Ugh!

SoberLeigh

Sorry about your knee, GC. So many people suffer with knee issues; I have issues with one of mine now and then. Rest seems to be the only solution.

The situation with your ABIL is very frustrating and worrisome; I really feel for your in-laws.

Gonnachange

Up until very recently I've never had any knee issues and since I haven't been doing much running of late I think this may be stemming from my squat work at the gym.

I took the puppy on a two mile walk earlier and I was almost 100% while walking, but anytime I tried to increase the pace I could feel it. Same with stairs and chairs.

Thanks SL. This is truly a situation where the A has to be the one who wants to change. The family has done everything we can think of including an intervention, rehab, counseling, dry parties, sober solidarity, etc. and it's all been to no avail. In fact, he believes he's the victim. To wit: he got fired from his job of almost 25 years because his boss didn't like him and not because he would show up drunk for work, his friend who extended himself to get my ABIL the government job screwed him because it wasn't a management position even though ABIL had no relevant experience, his high school friend who hired him and allowed him to change his responsibilities twice in his small company is a jerk and jealous of my ABIL because he knew that ABIL is smarter and would show him up so he was not given a proper opportunity, and lastly his managers at the job he quit weren't sensitive enough to his needs by keeping him working a hour or two longer than he anticipated when he showed up. Dude, you have nothing else going on and are extremely limited in your employment options so what's the problem with possibly working a little overtime at time and a half? I can't make this stuff up.

Like you, I feel for my inlaws and at this point nobody knows what the resolution is going to be. He really has no options because none of his siblings want to introduce his craziness into their homes, including my wife, and he can't afford to rent an apartment and support himself. As far as I know none of his friends have offered to house him and given the manner in which he's treated the two who helped him with his job search it's easy to understand why nobody else is reaching out.

Just a sad situation that shows no sign of abating.

SoberLeigh

Truly very sad and so unfair to your in-laws.

Has your BIL ever been homeless?

Gonnachange

No, he's always been able to support himself, has had some very nice apartments, and was thinking of buying a condominium before he lost his job. In this case, his procrastination with regard to finding a place to buy was beneficial.

Gonnachange

My wife just finished a phone conversation with one of her sisters about you know what and the sister, who at one point offered my ABIL a room in her house, has now washed her hands of the whole situation. Another possible avenue that is now closed.

Nobody has any additional answers; we've been living with this and thinking about remedies for years and if he chooses to continue to descend into this horrible vortex then we're basically impotent. What's chillingly frightening is that he's such a nice and smart guy, but it's obvious that his judgment skills have eroded and the frequency of his poor decisions is increasing. Regarding his personality, the funny upbeat guy I've known for over 30 years is now a sullen angry man.

I apologize for writing so much about this periodically, but it's not something I care to talk about with friends in real life and when my wife and I have discussions about it I'm the one who is giving support because she's just devastated. The SR community is the only outlet, aside from my wife, that I feel comfortable being totally honest with.

On a much lighter note, dinner tonight is going to be smoked chicken thighs served with a side of sautéed spinach. I'm still not sure what my after dinner activities will be aside from walking the puppy.