Gonnachange

Thanks SL. It's looking like a walk with my wife and the puppy.

SoberLeigh

Enjoy!!!!

Gonnachange

Thanks and the same to you!

Gonnachange

Back from the walk with my wife and puppy. Came across some dear, wild turkeys, and smaller animals and it was enjoyable. We were in a county park that I've camped in many times, but have never brought any of my dogs to and toward the end of our hike a ranger came by to inform us that dogs were not allowed in the park. We wound up getting into a very polite and informative conversation about the park and at the end he thanked us for being so understanding about the rules. While I don't agree with the restriction, me and my wife knew that he wasn't the one who established it, it was clearly stated on signs that we did not read, he was polite and professional, and the conversation about the park from his perspective was very interesting.

So we cut our hike short and went home. We weren't out as long as I had hoped given it's such a nice day, but it was long enough to somewhat tire out the puppy and give us a nice appetite for what I'm sure will be a very nice dinner tonight.

I have another torture session with my trainer tomorrow morning and depending upon how I feel I'd like to go for a run in the afternoon. The afternoon may also see us going to my inlaws; my ABIL was supposed to get out of jail last night and while I don't have any current info on that, I know it's very upsetting to my inlaws and a calm visit by us and possibly my daughter would be good for all of us. As I've stated many times before, they don't need this crap.

Gonnachange

Last night's b'day dinner for my wife was great. Small place with great food and service, but not terribly pricey, owned and operated by a family with a restaurant history in Tuscany, Italy. We ate well, lingered for over two hours, and had all of a two mile drive home. My wife had a glass of wine, but I wasn't tempted so all is good there.

Despite getting a good night's sleep, my cold has not gotten better and the only reason I got through my training session this morning was because I believe he cut me some slack. This afternoon I took a five mile walk with my wife and puppy. It was tougher than it should have been, which is one more indication that I may have to defer my marathon on Saturday. As each day passes my wife is more strongly advocating her position that I do so.

Tonight's going to be a quiet one at home with plans to once again get a good night's sleep.

SoberLeigh

I am sorry that your cold has not improved, GC.

If a five mile walk was harder than it should have been, I am leaning towards agreeing with your wife about the marathon; it's a rigorous endeavor even in good health.

Glad that you enjoyed the birthday dinner!

Gonnachange

SL, it's not only perplexing because up until recently I very rarely got sick, but the few times I did I was back to normal in a shorter time frame than I am going through now.

Thanks about the dinner.

Update

I haven't pulled the trigger on cancellation yet, but the odds of me doing so are high. It's like I'm living someone else's life, but we all have to go through firsts at some point. I've run the coldest Philadelphia Marathon on record; a Marine Corp Marathon that someone I met told me was the coldest he ever ran and he had participated in over 30 over them; I've run the hottest NJ Marathon on record as well as the hottest Burlington, VT (technically Key Bank Vermont City Marathon) on record. A few years ago my wife and I ran a half marathon in Connecticut and the conditions were so hot that all area medical response were overwhelmed. No more ambulances to take people to local hospitals and the triage area at the race was well over capacity, that sort of stuff. The police drove the course to inform us and in no uncertain terms told us to stop running because should we have a physical event there would be nobody properly trained who could assist us in a timely manner. We kept running. Lastly, days before the race two years ago I was advised by my general practitioner and physical therapist to not run the NYC Marathon because I would absolutely reinjure a training injury; that's a special race and I went against professional advice. They were right; I started hurting around mile 5, but stuck with it for another 21 miles and finished. It took me a couple of months to recover, but it was worth it.

My point of the above is that, while not happy, I'm willing to subject myself to very uncomfortable conditions in order to once again feel the drug of crossing the finish line and to bow out before the race even starts is mind boggling to me. Additionally, while I don't want to future trip, it's hard for me to not give some thought to the fact that that my last big race is behind me and that's bumming me out.

Since this is SR, I will also emphatically state that I even I do cancel I will not drink over this. Perspective. I'm 57 and even being able to entertain the concept of running 26.2 miles is something that very few of the people I know can do so while I may have to make some personal adjustments I have nothing to truly complain about.

To all who read, thank you.

Gonnachange

I'm feeling a lot better today so my cold may be a thing of the past and, to nobody's surprise, my breathing is relatively okay. All that's good. I've still not decided about running the marathon on Saturday, but as the day gets closer I'm leaning more to the side of reason, cancelling, and hopefully get myself in shape to run another one in the future. The distance is so damn taxing that I'm concerned with having my compromised respiratory system take another hit as we head into the cold weather part of the year.

I recognize that it's odd writing about this on a site dedicated to helping people recover from alcoholism and substance abuse, but I justify it with the reasoning that my having a focus on such activities helps me keep a proper perspective and not drink. Furthermore, it's my journal and I'm not writing anything contrary to any SR rules and nobody is forced to read what's written. Hmmm, I think that may come across harsher than I intended, which was to not be harsh at all. Please interpret as I intended.

My sober plan for tonight is to have dinner with my wife, walk the puppy, and get a good night's sleep. I'd like to watch some of the Democratic debate, and likely will, but I'm sure I won't watch it all. It's early in the race and me getting healthy is more important.

SoberLeigh

Thank goodness that your cold may be behind you, GC.

I don't find it odd at all that you talk about running and exercise; there is so much more to recovery than simply not drinking.

Gonnachange

Thanks for the good thoughts about my cold, which I hope I didn't come across as whining about. Also thanks for the validation that being sober is so much more expansive than just not drinking and that it's okay to write about it here. We're people right? And I refuse to be defined by sobriety because I am so much more than that, as are others on this site.

I'm first and foremost dedicated to my wife, children, and other family members. I'm a successful business owner and while I can be self deprecating those are the two subjects that I will not tolerate anyone mocking. Do not make fun of my family or my business. I, however, am on the table and will laugh along with you and likely add something to further the fun.

Many of my friends are the same, but what distinguishes me from most of them is the physical activity. Honestly, it's almost always the first question I'm asked when meeting someone. Not so much with lifting because I'm not a big guy and also because people who don't lift can't relate to what moving a certain amount of weight means unless it's truly big numbers, but definitely with cycling and running. "When's your next race? What are you training for now?" type stuff. Few know what squatting 1.5 times body weight 10 times means, but everyone knows that running 26.2 miles or cycling 100 miles is a long way. Other stuff like my passion for photography, reading, and reading I rarely mention because I don't see them being relevant to being sober.

Oooops, another long winded post.

My plans for the evening have not changed and in the last hour I've spoken with both of my kids. Yay!

Assuming I don't have a cold relapse I'll be a the gym tomorrow morning doing an upper body workout because I'm still giving consideration to the marathon. Yeah, I'm strong willed, but as each hour passes I'm getting closer to the making a decision to not run.

Beyond my wife, I've spoken to my doctor and friends who are endurance athletes and everyone has been of the mind that I should not run because the respiratory issues are too great. As I wrote yesterday, I went against all that advice a couple of years ago for a special race, but this is not of that caliber and the stakes are much higher if I do screw up my breathing.

Thanks for reading.

Gonnachange

I was able to get to the gym for a decent workout so the day got off to a good start.

Later today I will make my final decision about Saturday's marathon; truth be told for all intents and purposes I've made up my mind, but I can't get myself to pull the trigger.

Gonnachange

I'm officially not running the marathon. I have to eat the race fee because the deadline to defer passed, but I was able to cancel my hotel reservation without penalty. As race day crept closer I knew this was a possibility, but I kept hoping that there would be a last minute turn around in my condition. Unfortunately, there wasn't. I told my wife, who has felt for a long time that I should not run, called my son, and will tell my daughter after she's done with work. Obviously I'm disappointed, but this is a first world problem that pales in comparison to what a true life problem is. Still, it's thrown me for a bit of a loop.

I'm not willing to concede that I've participated in my last race and once my mental dust settles I'll start looking toward races in the spring, possibly a half marathon with my wife and another full one for me.

Gonnachange

Many of my friends and family knew that I was training to run a marathon on Saturday. Some knew there was the possibility that I would have to back out, but I didn't call anyone yesterday to tell them I did, so the good luck calls started today because we were supposed to leave tomorrow. It's bad enough having to deal with dropping out and while I know that everyone calling only has sincerely good thoughts and I'm thankful that they've thought of me, I'm getting tired of having to explain the situation. If history is any guide, I'll get some calls tonight and tomorrow and then some after the race to see how it went from those who aren't informed.

This too shall pass.

SoberLeigh

I am really sorry to hear about the race, GC. I can feel your disappointment.

I do think that you made a wise decision, though.

Gonnachange

Thanks SL. Yes, I am disappointed, but I know I made the right decision. Thanks again for agreeing to be with me for mile 18. :-)

Gonnachange

The day started off with another good workout at the gym. It's especially gratifying since I was feeling lousy at the beginning of the week.

Not sure what our revised weekend plans are going to be.

Gonnachange

Since I seem to do better when I write out a plan, here we go.

My weekend is here. My plan for tonight is to have dinner at home and then hang with my wife and daughter, probably listening to music. For dinner I'm going to be lightly smoking an eye round roast on my lump charcoal grill and roasting cauliflower with some EVOO in the oven.

No definitive plans have been made for tomorrow, but I'm planning on going on a run in the morning. Not the 26.2 miles I hoped I would be doing , but something around 6 miles. I'm pretty sure my wife will join me. After that, because the weather is supposed to be nice I'd like to do some hiking or other type of outdoor activity.

We'll likely go out to dinner tomorrow; if so the venue will be decided once we figure out what we want to eat. My town is known as a regional restaurant destination town and there are offerings of almost every imaginable cuisine and price point, some of which we can walk to. It's one of the many things I love about living here.

So that's the beginning of a revised weekend plan. I should also add, that alcohol is not part of my plan.

Thanks SR!

SoberLeigh

Have a fantastic weekend, GC.

I suspect that there will be more Mile 18s in your future.

Gonnachange

You have a great weekend also.

Regarding another marathon, I hope so, but I'm not going to make a decision about that for months. I'm at peace with missing tomorrow's race and I'm not going to extrapolate what's gone on during this training cycle to what may occur in the future. It happened, but it doesn't mean it has to be this way going forward. Time will tell. I have another CT scan of my lungs in about a month and hopefully the news is positive, obviously, but I know I can look at myself in the mirror with the knowledge that I'm doing all that I can to stay healthy and given what my pulmonologist sees on the scans she's amazed that I'm able to be as active as I am means to me that I have a solid fitness foundation that I can draw upon. Translation = hope for the future.

The anger I was feeling is gone; I've accepted that I won't be enjoying a long weekend away with my family nor at the starting line tomorrow. Ditto about running mile 18 with you.

Thanks for your continuing support and perspective.

This Weekend

Nothing more about plans for what may or may not be going on, but I have to give a big shout out to my wife for helping me keep my head on straight as the somewhat inevitable decision to not run became more of a reality. To not acknowledge her support and calming influence would be doing her a great disservice. So, to my best friend, thanks for keeping me sane.

Dee74

Take care of yourself GC - have a good weekend

D