Gonnachange

Best laid plans....Yesterday I wrote that I was not going to join my friends to watch Monday Night Football and I gave some reasons why. Well, I didn't. I stayed home, had a healthy dinner, watched some football, and was in bed early-ish. And woke up feeling meh. Actually I would have had to feel a good bit better than I was to feel meh.

I thought about cancelling my breakfast plans, but went through with them and since returning home have spent the hours lying low and hydrating. I'm just now starting to feel normal, but I'm not going to tax my body by going for the run I originally wanted to do this morning. My plan is for tonight to be similar to last night (sans football or any TV) and hopefully be in fine shape to go throw some iron around in the morning.

SoberLeigh

I am sorry that you aren't feeling well, GC. Sound like a good idea to lay low for a bit.

Feel better.

Gonnachange

Thanks SL. While a PIA, I was more surprised than anything because I felt fine going to sleep and felt that I had a decent quality sleep. That I'm already feeling better than I was is an indication to me that I won't be getting sick, which is something that rarely happens.

Gonnachange

Now that I'm feeling almost normal I'm really resisting the urge to go for a short run. Yeah, I know not exactly a world class problem, but even as I've gotten older I still have to fight the knowledge gained through experience that my body takes longer to recover.

I should also write that one of the reasons I want to run is to relieve stress because my ABIL, after numerous postponements, has another court date tomorrow for his DUI's. My understanding is that he will not be able to once again defer his day in court and while it's a certainty that he's going to lose his license, possibly for 2 years, there is also the possibility of jail time, along with various fines, community service, court mandated rehab, and probably some other things that I'm not aware of. How much leeway the judge has is something I'm not sure of, but regardless of what happens tomorrow it could have been much worse.

Firstly, because he never injured himself or anyone else and secondly, because he was caught one additional time A DAY AFTER his first arrest, but the police officer and he are good friends since high school and he was let go with a speeding ticket. A third offense in the space of a few weeks would have made things exponentially worse tomorrow. For the record, as much as my ABIL is loved, nobody in the family believes that the officer did him a favor.

Gonnachange

I'm feeling significantly better than yesterday and it showed at the gym. Yesterday I probably would have struggled lifting a Twinkie, but today I was in my expected range. Mainly upper body stuff because I hit my legs hard on Monday and I also want to run tomorrow AM.

My plan for tonight is just to make it an ordinary Wednesday evening at home. A healthy dinner, some reading and/or listening to music, and get in bed early enough to get a good night's sleep.

Gonnachange

Because it came on the heels of something a SR member wrote yesterday about getting pushback from friends for not wanting to drink alcohol, a conversation I had this afternoon with my daughter made me want to come here and write about it.

A couple of her friends want to go out drinking tonight, but dear daughter doesn't want to. Not because she has a problem with alcohol, but because she's trying to lose a few pounds. Her friends were giving her some grief and when I told her that she shouldn't care what they thought and just state what her reasons were she reminded me the difference between being 22/23 and 57. Nobody, okay one person, has given me anything less than total acceptance when I told them I wasn't going to consume alcohol. At my age there are many reasons why someone would make that choice. For folks 35 years younger it's far rarer for someone to totally abstain and for my daughter to tell her two friends her reasoning would not have resonated with them because she's a very good athlete who is in really good shape while her friends who have been mentioned in this post can't lay claim to either of those two descriptions. To her credit she's sticking to her convictions and is going to hang at home tonight.

Frankly I don't think she needs to lose any weight, but I didn't broach that subject with her.

Gonnachange

As an update to my previous post, my daughter agreed to meet her friends for dinner at one of their homes, but will not be going out afterward.

Another update is that I do not have any information about what happened when my ABIL was in court today.

Lastly, I'm hanging with my wife and our energetic, to say the least, puppy and we'll shortly be taking her out for a walk.

Beverages of choice tonight have been ginger infused water and my usual go to of club soda.

Rock on SR!

SoberLeigh

Ginger infused water - hmm, that's something I need to look into.

Glad to hear that you are feeling better, GC.

Gonnachange

Thanks SL.

I'm definitely going to be taking some ginger everyday and see if it makes a difference. Coincidental or not, my breathing is about normal today and I went for an easy 3 mile run as planned. I'll be lifting tomorrow and running either Saturday or Sunday, probably about 8 miles.

My ABIL

My wife spoke with him this morning and things went about as expected. There are some things the judge had a range of possibilities with and other things that were mandatory. With the former, such as jail time, he handed out the minimum allowable sentence, 2 days, but the skewed thinking of my BIL has him rip roaring mad that he got any time. I'm sure his lawyer explained the situation to him and even a cursory reading of the applicable statutes would have shown him that the judge could have made it longer, but could not have made it less so while I don't envy him having to be incarcerated at all I think his anger is without merit.

We/he won't know the full ramifications of this for a while. The fines, insurance surcharges, and lawyer fees are going to total well over $10,000 US, he's lost his license for two years and once it's reinstated he has to have an alcohol monitoring ignition lock on his car for another 2 years. There's also a community service requirement and outpatient rehab that he has to attend. If all that isn't enough, he may also lose his job.

Hopefully the last consequence does not happen and I truly hope that as difficult as the near term future is going to be he's able to finally get his act together, sober up, and if he does continue to drink never get behind the steering wheel of a car while intoxicated.

SoberLeigh

Good to hear that your breathing is normal today, GC; hope that continues!

Hope that your BIL stops drinking completely and, yes, that he never gets behind the wheel of a car while impaired.

Gonnachange

Thanks SL. It's been so rare to have a normal breathing day that I've almost forgotten what it was like.

Regarding my BIL, the entire family wants the same as what you wrote and while we've done everything we can possibly think of and spent a lot of time and $$ to help him at the end of the day he's a grown man, just shy of 50, and the impetus for change has to come from him.

Unfortunately he's still drinking and there are very noticeable differences in his behavior and attitude with each passing month. From where I stand all that has happened to him is a consequence of decisions he's made, but he takes almost a mirror image view and he's becoming increasingly angry with the world. One example that comes to mind because it came up when I saw him on Saturday is that he's really mad at his boss, who owns and started the company, because he believes he's smarter than him and should be the successful one. As my ABIL was describing his frustrations his tone went from conversational to almost hysteria. I've never met his boss, but adding a dose of context and reality to the situation would show that this person has built a successful company AND after my ABIL was out of work for two years because he got fired for drinking on the job, this guy, who is a friend from high school, hired him. Furthermore, after a short while my ABIL decided he didn't want to do the job he was hired for and his friend/boss gave him another job in the company. Somehow he's the victim once again. Geez, I'm getting myself into a lather. Sorry for the semi rant.

Getting back on point, I hope that the recent events are a wake up call that will inspire my ABIL to make significant changes in his life.

Gonnachange

Rant Alert

About to let off some steam.

When our kids were young we spent years hiding the issues that my ABIL was having, but as they came of age it became apparent to them that there were problems. Now that they are young adults they're fully informed and were aware of yesterday's court session. After getting the information from my wife I had the task of talking with the kids about what the decisions were and, to the extent I'm able, explain what the implications are going forward.

As is the case with most of his nieces and nephews, my kids love him, but don't like him. That saddens me, but their respective positions about this have been formed by years of having to deal with his drunk behavior, sometimes when they were too young to fully understand. And now what was once a very promising and fun filled relationship between an uncle and his nieces and nephews has been soiled and there's really we as parents can do. This is a family wide issue that is consistent among all of us.

What really gets my blood pressure going is that he is stealing the golden years from my inlaws. They're in their 80's and worked extremely hard to provide for and raise a family with strong values. Now is the time when they should be able to kick back and enjoy their kids and grandkids, but they're overwhelmed with having my BIL living in their basement and having to deal with his unpredictableness. There have been family discussions about one of us having him live in one our homes, but as much as we abhor the burden he's placing on his parents there's only one sibling who offered to have him live with her and he refused. For the record, that sibling was not my wife and I'm fully on board.

We've given him monetary and emotional support, as have all of his siblings and his parents, but to date he's not made the decision to turn his life around and we (my wife and I) are not willing to bring his chaos to our home.

I know a post like this should be in the F&F area, but I want to keep my personal posts in as few journals as possible for easy future recall.

Dee74

I'm sorry for that situation GC.

Speaking as someone who was once almost that guy (I didn't live with my folks but I lived in a property they owned) getting the guy out of your folks basement and into a situation where he has to get his shizz together and pay rent etc would be the best option...

but it doesn't sound likely based on what you've written.

Gonnachange

Thanks for your input Dee. There's a family consensus that what you're suggesting would be the ideal, but up until he recently got a job it would have meant that my inlaws would have had to literally kick him out of their house and he would essentially become homeless because he couldn't afford rent and due to his behaviors he wouldn't be able to find someone, friend or family, to give him shelter. That's a tough situation to force upon someone, especially your own son, so I can understand why my inlaws backed away from doing so no matter how frustrated they were.

Three years ago there was a family intervention and afterward he was immediately whisked away to a rehab facility about 1200 miles/2000 kms from home. At that point he had already lost his job of almost 20 years and he had to give up the very nice apartment he was living in. The thinking at the time was that when he came home from rehab he would stay with my inlaws only until he sorted his life out and became employed again. Unfortunately, his drinking got worse, his job skills eroded so he was unemployed for over two years, and now he's about to lose his current job at the company that his long time friend owns. Obviously, a difficult situation which has no easy remedies.

SoberLeigh

I am very sorry for this situation, GC, for all concerned.

Gonnachange

Thanks SL. It's a sad situation for sure. I'd love to be able to write that things are taking a turn for the better, but they're not.

Me

I usually like to get to the gym in the morning. This way it's done and life can't get in the way of me going. That didn't happen today, but as the clock approaches 12:30 PM I'm about to head leave to push around some iron.

SoberLeigh

Have a good workout, GC.

Gonnachange

It was a fine one SL and I left the gym feeling good about my experience.

The Weekend

I may go out with my wife and a neighbor to listen to a band tonight and if that does occur there will be some dancing involved. As of right now I'm leaning toward staying home, but that may change.

Tomorrow night we're going to a fund raising concert in town; some of my neighbors will also be attending and we've invited them to come to our house before the show. Alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks will be served and I will be sticking with club soda. Having nothing to do with tomorrow night's gathering at our house, I've never been a fan of getting drunk before and/or during a concert. I'm there to enjoy the music and while I'm not going to write that I've never had a beer or two before or during a show I've never understood drinking to the point that my senses are dimmed when I'm paying good money to enjoy my experience to the fullest. For the record, everyone coming over tomorrow is of the same mind.

Possibly tomorrow, but probably Sunday, I'll be going on a taper run for my marathon in two weeks. My intended distance is nine miles. I haven't trained as much as I would have liked and I'm also carrying a few extra pounds than I care to so there are likely going to be more gut check times during the run than there normally are, but I've done almost all of my big runs so I can write with confidence that I guarantee you that barring a bad injury I will cross that finish line. I've never not finished a race and I'm not going to break that streak on October 17th.

Gonnachange

To SoberLeigh: As my marathon draws closer the words in your signature, which is a great credo on how to deal with life, take on a more specific meaning for me because while I don't have the ability to fly and have never crawled during a race, sometimes the best I can do is just keep moving forward. It's not always pretty, but the desired outcome is achieved. You can be sure that I'll be thinking of those words, and possibly saying them out loud to myself more than once on race day.

SoberLeigh

What a nice thing to say, GC. Thank you.