Dee74

Last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-20-a-21.html

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kittycat3

yeah!

Creekryder

I get the middle. (Don't have to open the gate.)

kittycat3

Thanks Dee. I do need to revisit my recovery plan. I also know I am my own worst enemy, since I chose to go out and have that beer....then of course I had 2 more, came home and had wine, then went to bar in my n'hood.....whatever. Its the same old story!!!!! I am so tired of it. And I'm scared. And frustrated.

Creekryder

Copper, I've sobered up, fallen down, gave up the craythur again, fell on my face, etc., etc., etc. And after 130+ days, I'm still doing the battle. Sometimes I get to the point where I don't want the battle anymore and come close to the edge. Then somehow, somewhere inside, I hear myself ask, "Do you really want to go through the sh*t again. Really?" It's enough to bring me back to my senses and realize that I don't want to do it all again. The nights of anguish for drinking too much, the health issues that were manifesting, the loss trust from my family—hardly a great trade off for a bottle of faux enjoyment. I indeed, as I found out this weekend, do miss the "party on" recreation of having multiple beers with friends. That is because I have not rewired my brain fully to replace that desire. I had relied upon that method of entertainment for decades, the change doesn't come quickly or easily. But to falter only delays that rewiring process. This keeps me going, I think.

brynn

Kitty...you're in my thoughts and I echo what the others have said....don't dwell on it....move forward, add to your sober plan, and never give up! I can't remember but have you considered going to meetings at all? Just know we are all supporting you and cheering you on. ❤️

I was wondering where you were, creek! It's really good to see you! I'm hoping our re-wiring process speeds up a little....although I see big changes in myself and I know you see the changes in you, too.

Creekryder

Thx, Brynn, I will be around as much as I can. Things are disintegrating quickly around here. Mom is really slipping. BP is extremely erratic and heart rate is way too fast. Doctors don't seem to be able to do much on account of her age. We have to be vigilant in watching her closely. I feel that the end will be within a month. Very stressful for both my wife and I. I really don't know how I could have done this while drinking. Thankful I remain sober, although the AV tells me a reprieve would be nice. I'm able to ignore so far.

Dee74

I'm really sorry to hear that Creek.

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brynn

I know you're in a very trying situation, creek. Guard yourself and don't get complacent or a hard situation will just get harder. You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sending you tons of strength and support!
Xoxo

BBQBiker

Creek it's so good to see you and know you are keeping the boat afloat. Tough stuff you and your wife are dealing with. Your words to Kitty really were well spoken and resonated. Brynn and I are 144 days. I have to look up the number to remind ourselves that we are doing this.
Life is so improved. I don't have cravings and I have not been to the edge but I know it's there, just one slip away. Each day we are sober is stronger and empowering.
Kitty you can do this. You can rework your plan and use resources to strengthen your resolve.
Copper - day three is awesome. Are you making music again yet? I haven't really played my guitar much later and I miss it so much that I daydream about it.
Copper and Creek you are both part of my love of the guitar.

BBQBiker

Long but good day today. Outside for most of the day teaching new dogs and their handlers. Sunny and 60. It really felt great.
Out for dinner with hubby and friends to celebrate a friend's birthday. I ate too much and loved every bite. Chopped salad and coconut shrimp.
I'm making it an early night.
Love you all.
Hold down the fort.

Creekryder

B, that guitar sits like a faithful dog waiting for your return. It'll be there when you need it. That is a good thing guitars do well.

BBQBiker

So true Creek. I am glad to have it and I love learning even though it's frustrating at times. I visualize a day when it comes easy.

Creekryder

Frustration dissipates quickly when a song comes out sweet.

brynn

You're day sounds awesome, Sis B! I'm constantly amazed at how much I can get done in a day now that I'm sober! Pretty neat, eh?!?! get back to that guitar, sister......Coppers got a new song we gotta get going on! Woohoo!
Xoxo

MariahGayle

Hope you get some good rest tonight Kitty & glad you are here & ready to continue with your sobriety,,,,,I know the cycle all too well & it's a vicious one for sure. Be kind to yourself Hun.

Yes, Creek......much to re-wire when this has been our pattern for so long. So many of you all going through some really difficult stuff & remaining sober....truly inspiring. Thoughts of strength & Love to you All.

Another good day at the new job.......always stressful starting out, but I can see that it will be a much less stressful environment with some strong management, up to date technology & the work load not overwhelming to the point you feel like your being stretched to the max every minute of everyday. People are hungry here.....my teen Son is suffering terribly from allergies despite taking claritin, flonase & using his inhaler. Somehow it doesn't affect his appetite.

I've been flippin around with maintaining my sobriety for awhile now....I have a lot to loose & know without a doubt that it could happen if I keep playing with the fire. Winding down in day 4 & want this more than anything. Have been talking to my sponsor & going to do some step work tonight.

Love to you friends. I am putting ingredients for Brynn's guacamole on a list & will make some this week-end.

BBQBiker

Creek I know you are right - as soon as that happens you will hear my screams of joy.
Brynn - I'll get on it cuz you are right about Copper and you know she will lead our litter band. Did we ever decide on a name?
Brynn, how are the back spasms? Easing I hope.

brynn

((Mary))...I hope your fire-playing days are over.
I'm really glad you're liking your job and that it's a good fit for you! Makes getting up in the morning a heck of a lot easier!
Xoxo

Della1968

Meowmix pick yourself up and start over..that's all you can do. What's done is done.

Creek sorry things are getting worse. It's always darkest before the dawn. I know this from all my nights waking up at 3 am after drinking. You seem to be a good man and I am glad you're wife has you.

Brynn did you make a decision on the in-house PT? I haven't been around much and sorry if I missed it.

Colonel thanks for checking on me I am fine just not feeling very cheerful lately and don't want to drag anyone down.

B and Middie I shouldn't have read this now I want chopped salad and guacamole. I am a single woman who lives alone and not a sign of the ingredients for either here.

brynn

My back is better today and I've even been sitting up a few times the past few hours....I think I'm on the road!

Not sure what the bands name is....suggestions sis B?