Class of March 2015 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Hi Bmac, I've never had a Monster drink. What are they like? Kinda like Red Bull? (Which I had once... never again.) I've rediscovered boring ol' tea... but I'm actually looking forward to have a cup every afternoon. Yep, "Ahh...relax and unwind".
Originally Posted by Bmac 
Just sitting here enjoying my evening Monster energy drink. Somehow, Monster drinks are my new "Ahh...relax and unwind" beverage of choice. Go figure. I suppose there are worse choices.
Hope you are doing well Pouncer. You could always pick up a few copies of Playgirl and leave them in conspicuous locations. Just sayin.....
It sucks that some of the ladies here have issues with their SO's. If it's any consolation, I would give my left thumb to be in a relationship so it kinda irks me when these men don't realize what they have or how good they have it.
Hang in there Djinn & myst, roller coaster emotions are actually the norm for this phase in sobriety. Treat them like water on a duck's back. They pass as do all things in this cyclical experience we call life.
Love you guys and gals!
Hope you are doing well Pouncer. You could always pick up a few copies of Playgirl and leave them in conspicuous locations. Just sayin.....
It sucks that some of the ladies here have issues with their SO's. If it's any consolation, I would give my left thumb to be in a relationship so it kinda irks me when these men don't realize what they have or how good they have it.
Hang in there Djinn & myst, roller coaster emotions are actually the norm for this phase in sobriety. Treat them like water on a duck's back. They pass as do all things in this cyclical experience we call life.
Love you guys and gals!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Arizona
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn
Especially when I have to put on my happy face and prance around like the world is all rainbows and unicorns.
Maybe looking forward to your writing can get you through those times. I enjoy journaling and it helps to get my thoughts on paper (or on the computer) sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Arizona
Posts: 111
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque
Now I just feel miserable and depressed for no reason at all and I wish I could drink just to numb myself.
I know you are right behind me with the number of sober days, so let's keep going
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque
I feel the same. Husband is out tonight and I suddenly had the thought of drinking because there was no one to stop me. I didn't and I'm on here instead. I had been feeling so great last week, even earlier this week with the AV remaining mostly silent. Now I just feel miserable and depressed for no reason at all and I wish I could drink just to numb myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
It's really unsettling to feel those kinds of feelings. We spent a lot of years trying to run from them.
But they're not inherently bad...they're just states of mind....and they pass
Stick with us Kafkaesque
D
But they're not inherently bad...they're just states of mind....and they pass
Stick with us Kafkaesque
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
so sorry so many are struggling right now! very glad we have this place to say those things though, and can relate to each other and not feel quite so alone
i'm a bit of a mess myself, unexpected drama with that ex that i thought was finally resolved etc, sigh
but as long as we don't drink on it, i know we'll all be ok in time hugs to you all
i'm a bit of a mess myself, unexpected drama with that ex that i thought was finally resolved etc, sigh
but as long as we don't drink on it, i know we'll all be ok in time
hugs to you all
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
I well understand the recent thread on bad days.
For me, bad days, bad months, bad years, and bad decisions follow from anxiety. Anxiety marring even the good times. The years of making a project out of treating it, the lost effort on failed cures.
To think on my anxious history is a major trigger for me. In very bad moments, I think of my life as wasted due to anxiety. But I also have reasons for feeling grateful, reasons for looking to the future. And so the internal battle goes.
Mel
For me, bad days, bad months, bad years, and bad decisions follow from anxiety. Anxiety marring even the good times. The years of making a project out of treating it, the lost effort on failed cures.
To think on my anxious history is a major trigger for me. In very bad moments, I think of my life as wasted due to anxiety. But I also have reasons for feeling grateful, reasons for looking to the future. And so the internal battle goes.
Mel
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by Mel12
I well understand the recent thread on bad days.
For me, bad days, bad months, bad years, and bad decisions follow from anxiety. Anxiety marring even the good times. The years of making a project out of treating it, the lost effort on failed cures.
To think on my anxious history is a major trigger for me. In very bad moments, I think of my life as wasted due to anxiety. But I also have reasons for feeling grateful, reasons for looking to the future. And so the internal battle goes.
Mel
For me, bad days, bad months, bad years, and bad decisions follow from anxiety. Anxiety marring even the good times. The years of making a project out of treating it, the lost effort on failed cures.
To think on my anxious history is a major trigger for me. In very bad moments, I think of my life as wasted due to anxiety. But I also have reasons for feeling grateful, reasons for looking to the future. And so the internal battle goes.
Mel
A revelation for me last week was that I have to be ok with the new person I'm becoming. That if I don't think I can head out to a gathering or event or whatever without feeling that debilitating anxiety or without thinking I'll succumb to drinking, then I don't have to go. I can be the person that doesn't go out to group settings. Or whatever the trigger is. Unfortunately, for me, and maybe many others on this thread, our anxiety was triggered, is triggered, by countless things.
Small steps. New tactics, new strategies.
I'm grateful now, for instance, that I no longer have to be tanked to open my email. It's a stupidly small shift in self, and email is a small issue (compared to say drinking because of job loss), but the shift does point to progress. I'll hang on to this small change, and acknowledge it. The bigger shifts will happen in time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Originally Posted by Dee74
It's really unsettling to feel those kinds of feelings. We spent a lot of years trying to run from them. But they're not inherently bad...they're just states of mind....and they pass Stick with us Kafkaesque D
Stick with us Kafkaesque DThank you Dee, Spirit, Bobcat, and everyone else for making me feel better. I didn't drink. I like that phrase everyone uses "it's not easy but it is simple." Today is better. I still am in some sort of mood, but the AV has been silenced for now.
Today marks 54 days sober and I am happy for that. I've been on the lookout because (according to my journal) I usually relapsed after ~60 days of sobriety. The AV argues that "if I made it that long, I'm not an alcoholic and look at how easy it has been!" When in reality, those 60 days were brutal and it was only recently that it started to get easier. I'm not letting the AV win anymore arguments anymore. I think I'm at the turning point because I really want to get better at all costs; before I wanted to get sober and still relapse because it was 'part of getting sober'. Silly AV.
Do the urges to drink ever completely go away? Will there ever be a time where I can be around people drinking and my brain doesn't run rampant? I can deal with rough days and even weeks, but at some point does the AV ever completely go away?
Btw, Pouncer if you are around - how have things been? I know you were having a difficult week. I hope you enjoyed being able to sleep in those few days and things have improved for you and your husband!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque
Do the urges to drink ever completely go away? Will there ever be a time where I can be around people drinking and my brain doesn't run rampant? I can deal with rough days and even weeks, but at some point does the AV ever completely go away?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
Around 7pm last night, i was just finishing up my shift and i started getting angry, degrading slurring texts from my AH. (slurring texting-got to love it)
He's been stonewalling the issues and tiptoeing around me for days, hoping the issues will 'poof' and go away with the silent game, (worked in the past so why not now) but last night in his stupor, i was an object of disdain and of course, everything was all my fault. All I do is sit on my lazy ass... I doubt he sees my detachment from his drinking is going to work out for him in the long run.
When i got home, the back doors were open, dogs running crazy but somehow AH managed to crawl into bed, totally oblivious to the world.
Well, anyhoo, his nearly empty vodka bottle was sitting on the kitchen counter, had enough for a stiff drink (tumbler full), which is not out of the ordinary. This is usually what's left over. The old me would have finished the bottle or get my Gin out.
But, I boiled some water and made peppermint tea. (very tummy soothing) Went upstairs and read a book. No hangover today!!!!!!!
Got the day off and going to daughters.
He's been stonewalling the issues and tiptoeing around me for days, hoping the issues will 'poof' and go away with the silent game, (worked in the past so why not now) but last night in his stupor, i was an object of disdain and of course, everything was all my fault. All I do is sit on my lazy ass... I doubt he sees my detachment from his drinking is going to work out for him in the long run.
When i got home, the back doors were open, dogs running crazy but somehow AH managed to crawl into bed, totally oblivious to the world.
Well, anyhoo, his nearly empty vodka bottle was sitting on the kitchen counter, had enough for a stiff drink (tumbler full), which is not out of the ordinary. This is usually what's left over. The old me would have finished the bottle or get my Gin out.
But, I boiled some water and made peppermint tea. (very tummy soothing) Went upstairs and read a book. No hangover today!!!!!!!
Got the day off and going to daughters.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by Dee74
The really good thing about recovery is bad days are just that - not bad weeks or months....hope tomorrow is a better day for all those struggling today 
D
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by Mel12
Wow, alcohol is terrible for your liver. It was finally revealed that a famous musician died of alcoholic cirrhosis instead of from spider-bite complications, as was generally thought. I wonder how many cases of celebrity alcohol death are hidden from the public by means of cover stories. - Mel
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque
Thank you Dee, Spirit, Bobcat, and everyone else for making me feel better. I didn't drink. I like that phrase everyone uses "it's not easy but it is simple." Today is better. I still am in some sort of mood, but the AV has been silenced for now.
Today marks 54 days sober and I am happy for that. I've been on the lookout because (according to my journal) I usually relapsed after ~60 days of sobriety. The AV argues that "if I made it that long, I'm not an alcoholic and look at how easy it has been!" When in reality, those 60 days were brutal and it was only recently that it started to get easier. I'm not letting the AV win anymore arguments anymore. I think I'm at the turning point because I really want to get better at all costs; before I wanted to get sober and still relapse because it was 'part of getting sober'. Silly AV.
Do the urges to drink ever completely go away? Will there ever be a time where I can be around people drinking and my brain doesn't run rampant? I can deal with rough days and even weeks, but at some point does the AV ever completely go away?
Btw, Pouncer if you are around - how have things been? I know you were having a difficult week. I hope you enjoyed being able to sleep in those few days and things have improved for you and your husband!
Today marks 54 days sober and I am happy for that. I've been on the lookout because (according to my journal) I usually relapsed after ~60 days of sobriety. The AV argues that "if I made it that long, I'm not an alcoholic and look at how easy it has been!" When in reality, those 60 days were brutal and it was only recently that it started to get easier. I'm not letting the AV win anymore arguments anymore. I think I'm at the turning point because I really want to get better at all costs; before I wanted to get sober and still relapse because it was 'part of getting sober'. Silly AV.
Do the urges to drink ever completely go away? Will there ever be a time where I can be around people drinking and my brain doesn't run rampant? I can deal with rough days and even weeks, but at some point does the AV ever completely go away?
Btw, Pouncer if you are around - how have things been? I know you were having a difficult week. I hope you enjoyed being able to sleep in those few days and things have improved for you and your husband!
Things are better; thanks for asking. I am okay with understanding that his process addiction is not unlike my alcohol addiction. I am going to be supportive (one last time). He started working on SMART and is starting work with a support group. I finally realized that the reason I am not very comfortable with affection is because of the way I was raised - in an emotionally and physically abusive home - which I think is common to substance abusers. I will do my part to work with him. I am just glad he dropped the defensive wall. That was infuriating.
He gave me a new wedding ring today. I am not sure how I feel about it. (I am always losing wedding rings and I didn't have one at the moment). He bought it weeks ago and had it engraved. Monday I turn 40.'
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Sisterbobby
Around 7pm last night, i was just finishing up my shift and i started getting angry, degrading slurring texts from my AH. (slurring texting-got to love it)
He's been stonewalling the issues and tiptoeing around me for days, hoping the issues will 'poof' and go away with the silent game, (worked in the past so why not now) but last night in his stupor, i was an object of disdain and of course, everything was all my fault. All I do is sit on my lazy ass... I doubt he sees my detachment from his drinking is going to work out for him in the long run.
When i got home, the back doors were open, dogs running crazy but somehow AH managed to crawl into bed, totally oblivious to the world.
Well, anyhoo, his nearly empty vodka bottle was sitting on the kitchen counter, had enough for a stiff drink (tumbler full), which is not out of the ordinary. This is usually what's left over. The old me would have finished the bottle or get my Gin out.
But, I boiled some water and made peppermint tea. (very tummy soothing) Went upstairs and read a book. No hangover today!!!!!!!
Got the day off and going to daughters.
He's been stonewalling the issues and tiptoeing around me for days, hoping the issues will 'poof' and go away with the silent game, (worked in the past so why not now) but last night in his stupor, i was an object of disdain and of course, everything was all my fault. All I do is sit on my lazy ass... I doubt he sees my detachment from his drinking is going to work out for him in the long run.
When i got home, the back doors were open, dogs running crazy but somehow AH managed to crawl into bed, totally oblivious to the world.
Well, anyhoo, his nearly empty vodka bottle was sitting on the kitchen counter, had enough for a stiff drink (tumbler full), which is not out of the ordinary. This is usually what's left over. The old me would have finished the bottle or get my Gin out.
But, I boiled some water and made peppermint tea. (very tummy soothing) Went upstairs and read a book. No hangover today!!!!!!!
Got the day off and going to daughters.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn
Simply amazing. Even now I think that if I were faced with some alcohol just sitting there, I'd drink it. Purely out of compulsion. Way to go!
And Pouncer im glad you're sounding a bit better, and I'm glad your husband is trying to get some help. I've been thinking about you and I'm glad things are looking up a little
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn
Simply amazing. Even now I think that if I were faced with some alcohol just sitting there, I'd drink it. Purely out of compulsion. Way to go!
Also, Hangover was not on today's agenda.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Arizona
Posts: 111
Pouncer--hope you got some rest after your long week.
Kafka--way to go not drinking last night
Sisterbobby--what amazing self-control you have
I'm up to Day 62 and had a pretty good day today. No real cravings. But the month of May will present two challenges--visiting with family on Mother's Day (will be a little stressful and depressing) and a camping trip at the end of the month (one of my favorite drinking times around the campfire). Thankfully, the people I will be camping with don't drink that much, so that should help.
I'm glad that our little group is staying together and keeps posting in this class.
Kafka--way to go not drinking last night
Sisterbobby--what amazing self-control you have
I'm up to Day 62 and had a pretty good day today. No real cravings. But the month of May will present two challenges--visiting with family on Mother's Day (will be a little stressful and depressing) and a camping trip at the end of the month (one of my favorite drinking times around the campfire). Thankfully, the people I will be camping with don't drink that much, so that should help.
I'm glad that our little group is staying together and keeps posting in this class.
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