Class of March 2015 Part 5
Since you all have been so supportive enjoyed my poems, I've decided to share my Wattpad profile. I have been away from it for awhile so it doesn't have all of my work but it has my latest ones. Please give it a look if you're interested.
http://w.tt/1PUwlkQ
http://w.tt/1PUwlkQ
Since you all have been so supportive enjoyed my poems, I've decided to share my Wattpad profile. I have been away from it for awhile so it doesn't have all of my work but it has my latest ones. Please give it a look if you're interested.
Wattpad
Wattpad
Pouncer - so sorry you're struggling with all that!! Wow I can really relate to a lot of what you wrote and I feel for you, feeling unwanted and self conscious due to a partners porn addiction - oh boy do I relate to that, it's an awful place to be.
My ex was constantly lying about everything too, it crushed me and left me totally confused about everything in my life. I can't imagine how much harder it'd be in a marriage where walking away is not so simple. I hope you make your wellbeing and health a priority though..
I'm sorry you're dealing with all this, I hope you keep checking in here and looking after yourself, you're amazing and I'd hate to see your husbands actions drag you down!
My ex was constantly lying about everything too, it crushed me and left me totally confused about everything in my life. I can't imagine how much harder it'd be in a marriage where walking away is not so simple. I hope you make your wellbeing and health a priority though..
I'm sorry you're dealing with all this, I hope you keep checking in here and looking after yourself, you're amazing and I'd hate to see your husbands actions drag you down!
Porn, i am so over it. I no longer get pissed about it. My AH and his friends, co-workers, not all, exchange porn pictures, graphic (like the stuff you find on the internet).
I have asked my AH why he and his friends send porn to each other and i told him it makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't remember exactly what he said, but 'he didn't do it.' whatever....
My AH has not grown up and I can not control what my H and his 'weird' friends do. If they want to act like kids and show each other 'a video of a hot chick....man she's hot', blah blah blah..., I have more important things to occupy my time with.
Now granted, 'guys will be guys' in the aspect of sending each other porn/links, but there has to be a limit. Pouncer, it sounds like your H crossed that line. Sorry you are feeling hurt. Don't do anything haste in your early sobriety. Hair sounds interesting... very good you did not drink.
I have asked my AH why he and his friends send porn to each other and i told him it makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't remember exactly what he said, but 'he didn't do it.' whatever....
My AH has not grown up and I can not control what my H and his 'weird' friends do. If they want to act like kids and show each other 'a video of a hot chick....man she's hot', blah blah blah..., I have more important things to occupy my time with.
Now granted, 'guys will be guys' in the aspect of sending each other porn/links, but there has to be a limit. Pouncer, it sounds like your H crossed that line. Sorry you are feeling hurt. Don't do anything haste in your early sobriety. Hair sounds interesting... very good you did not drink.
He might be secretive about it bc he knows how you feel about it. If you love your h and want to be part of it, maybe join in...?
I do not know your situation but do not let porn ruin your marriage, if that is 'what it is', give him his own space and put all the porn in his space and tell him to get it on. "
go for it you sexy ********. See what he does...
I do not know your situation but do not let porn ruin your marriage, if that is 'what it is', give him his own space and put all the porn in his space and tell him to get it on. "
go for it you sexy ********. See what he does...
Pouncer, keep your chin up. By deciding not to drink you've not only taken the reins, you're keeping them. I remember that in an earlier post you mentioned that you had said some hurtful things to your husband. I wonder if next time you talk to him you could make it clearer to him that you're hurt by the things he does just the same. I'm not saying that you were necessarily justified in purposely hurting his feelings. However, maybe it can drive the point home for him that he's caused you pain too.
cool! i'll definitely check this out when i have some time. thanks for sharing! I love to see everyones creative outlets. I work in the arts and am constantly inspired reading, seeing, touching, hearing all the amazing things people create. good on you for getting back into it again, seems like your writing would really be a great way for you to process your feelings and express yourself now that you've ditched the booze
He might be secretive about it bc he knows how you feel about it. If you love your h and want to be part of it, maybe join in...?
I do not know your situation but do not let porn ruin your marriage, if that is 'what it is', give him his own space and put all the porn in his space and tell him to get it on. "
go for it you sexy ********. See what he does...
I do not know your situation but do not let porn ruin your marriage, if that is 'what it is', give him his own space and put all the porn in his space and tell him to get it on. "
go for it you sexy ********. See what he does...
This goes beyond occasional use. It used to be so bad that he would stand over me at night to check if I was asleep and do his thing elsewhere. It creeped me out...and he had a very unnatural approach to intimacy - sorry, I am trying to be discreet. He did it at work, he went nearly a year at SA Anonymous and things were much, much better. I could always tell when he was faltering. He stops touching or pursuing me. It goes way beyond harmless use. I sound stupid when I say this, but I never consciously dealt with it or recognized it. I just kept denying and drinking. And drinking. It would get to the point where he could no longer deny it, get on his hands and knees and promise to stop.
The thing that really bothers me about this subject is if there is an implication is that I am a prude. Minimizing p*rn use for him is the same thing as telling an alcoholic, 'Go ahead and moderate. Everyone drinks. Your wife needs to lighten up. Get her to drink with you, then you guys can have fun together.' He cannot moderate p*rn and just like a chemical addiction, it rewires a person's neurology. The internet is always there, always ready, always sexy, is a shapeshifter -- it becomes whoever he wants it to be -- and I cannot compete with that.
Anyway, my .02 is already known. I just wish I was somewhere else right now. I am really tired of treating everything like a crisis. Just like any addict this is up to him, not me.
I remember that in an earlier post you mentioned that you had said some hurtful things to your husband. I wonder if next time you talk to him you could make it clearer to him that you're hurt by the things he does just the same. I'm not saying that you were necessarily justified in purposely hurting his feelings. However, maybe it can drive the point home for him that he's caused you pain too.
In all other ways, he is a terrific husband and father. This has been THE issue. He has promised to stop forever. He bought (yet another) SA/PA book, decided to join his own forum since he sees how much SR has helped me. I need to stop myself going any further, because nothing I say will help straighten him out and I am in an ugly mood.
Thank you all for the well wishes. I wish I was in a better mood and more of a team player today.
((((Pouncer)))) I am so sorry>
You are a team player, we are a team and we are here for you. Try to get a good night sleep and hope tomorrow is better. Stay close.
Didn't beat yourself up, we all say things we shouldn't say. hang in there.
You are a team player, we are a team and we are here for you. Try to get a good night sleep and hope tomorrow is better. Stay close.
Didn't beat yourself up, we all say things we shouldn't say. hang in there.
A lot of posts on secrecy these days and it's got me thinking and acknowledging. All my dark secrets are related to my drinking. For me secrecy is tethered to shame. I doubt I'll ever admit the terrible things the drunk me has done, but thinking about this now is a good wake up call for me in that it will keep me from returning to the booze. Going forward, I want to feel proud of my decisions and actions, and not need (want?) to hide them. The booze is monstrous for me.
Pouncer, how are you feeling today?
And thanks for the link, Djinn!
Pouncer, how are you feeling today?
And thanks for the link, Djinn!
Sorry to hear about your situation Pouncer. Porn is bad for men because it's not reality, it's just an escape from reality (kind of like drinking). Unfortunately, it is becoming a lot more mainstream, which is a bad development for society. People have easier access to it than ever before with smartphones. It's good that you called him out on it--no one should tolerate intolerable behavior like that, especially in your own house.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
If he doesn't want to get sober with his SA though, obviously that's a different story. I also understand what you mean when you say his addiction was a trigger for your drinking, but if I were you I'd try to separate the two because it sounds like the AV talking trying to find justification for drinking again. I'm not saying drinking doesn't make it easier for you to deal with his addiction (I am sure it does) I am just more concerned with your well-being is all, as I am sure this is taking a toll on you mentally and emotionally.
I really hope things get better for you, Pouncer. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I'll be thinking about you today so please keep us updated if you can. (((Hugs)))
Yes, i would prefer a mature grown-up man. (is the grass really greener on the other side???)
But, right now this is what I have and i have come to a realization, love it or leave it, and right now it's leaning towards the later.
time will tell, not to worried about it, i think I have accepted the reality of my shituation=****** situation
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