Blogs


Notices

Class of March 2015 Part 5

Old 04-28-2015, 11:55 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
One day at a time.
 
SpiritOfDjinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Bobcat17 View Post

Definitely some darkness in there, but probably a lot of truth too. Life isn't always sunny as we all know....

You should put together a book of your poetry if you haven't already.
Sadly, I haven't amassed enough of it to fill a book. I used to have quite the collection going but then I got torn down a couple times and told that I just wasn't any good. It put me in a dark place and while I was there I literally burnt my entire binder to ash... So, I'm back to square one.
SpiritOfDjinn is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SpiritOfDjinn For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 11:59 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
One day at a time.
 
SpiritOfDjinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post

Congratulations on 6 weeks Mystified and day 59 Bobcat! I really love this thread as I feel like I have people to be accountable to. I know I have my family and myself but it's helpful for me to say, "hey so and so made it to Day XX, so can I!" And I don't want to do anything to jeopardize getting kicked out of the March class because you all have been so much help, I can't even express my gratitude to you all individually because there are too many people who have helped me get this far!
It's good to see you here Kafka. You've got the right attitude that's for sure!
SpiritOfDjinn is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to SpiritOfDjinn For This Useful Post:
Bmac (04-28-2015), Dee74 (04-28-2015), Kafkaesque (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 02:03 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
It's good to see you here Kafka. You've got the right attitude that's for sure!
Thanks Spirit!

Today marks 51 days sober for me and I know that I wouldn't have made it through many of them without this thread. Some weeks I go into hiding so to speak, but even then I'm still reading all of everyone's posts here.

How is everyone doing today? Has anyone heard from Needtostop or Secretary lately?
Kafkaesque is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Kafkaesque For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 02:07 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
It's good to see you here Kafka. You've got the right attitude that's for sure!
By the way, how have you been doing lately? Have you always written poetry or has that been something you recently discovered with your sober plan? I read them both and truly enjoyed them. It's amazing how poetry can reach such a wide audience and on such a thought-provoking level. Definitely keep posting them as you write them and are comfortable doing so!
Kafkaesque is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Kafkaesque For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015), SpiritOfDjinn (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 03:13 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
Member
 
Pouncer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,211
Blog Entries: 2
Hi Marchers,

I am having a really rough time. My husband has repeatedly not sought out help for a serious porn addiction. He lies about it, is secretive (just like an alcoholic). We have gone through therapy, SA, the whole nine yards...I confronted him yet again last night - I couldn't take being silent anymore. He denied it for at least an hour - then said he was 'sober' for three weeks and that was the longest he has abstained for years.

So, in typical Pouncer fashion, I texted him a bunch of porn images and told him to never, ever touch me again. I do not blame him for my irresponsible addiction-I don't. It is so hard to say this, but his addiction was a massive trigger for me.

I know I acted immature today...this was the last time and I never, ever want to give him another chance again. I am so hurt.

He has really let himself go and honestly, I am not attracted to him anymore -- mostly because of his constant lying and deceptions. I don't believe in divorce and I don't want to do anything drastic during early recovery - I just do not want to be dealt another blow. I don't know what to do. I was furious about his deflection when I confronted him. This is all my fault, I am overreacting...

His last therapist actually made it worse. I am sick right now. I am stalwart in my sobriety and I am on the lookout for the AV.
Pouncer is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Pouncer For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 03:47 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
Member
 
NikTes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 687
(((Pouncer))))

I send warmth and wish I could send you some ease. Make sure to take some time and space for yourself tonight or today. Being furious sounds like a reasonable emotion to me -- if there was a way to transform that into a form of peace, if only for a moment... wish I knew how. You're not alone. (My husband is an alcoholic and we have our struggles.) From what I know of you here, your heart and passion, you are fantastic.
NikTes is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to NikTes For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), Pouncer (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 03:51 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
Member
 
NikTes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 687
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
Sadly, I haven't amassed enough of it to fill a book. I used to have quite the collection going but then I got torn down a couple times and told that I just wasn't any good. It put me in a dark place and while I was there I literally burnt my entire binder to ash... So, I'm back to square one.
Djinn, sometimes people can be jerks. I'm sorry that person left you feeling torn down. Remember, you have your readers -- keep them and their positivity close.
NikTes is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to NikTes For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), Pouncer (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015), SpiritOfDjinn (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 03:53 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
Member
 
Pouncer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,211
Blog Entries: 2
Thanks, Nik...Unfortunately, I really said some hurtful things to him. The worst part is that I don't fell bad about it (yet).

I got my haircut this morning. I was tired of him dictating how my hair should be. I got it cut shorter, shaved a teensy bit on one side and a bit of pink under layers. I feel like myself, finally. I just felt like I had to do something to make me feel better about who I am.
Pouncer is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Pouncer For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015), SpiritOfDjinn (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 03:57 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
Member
 
NikTes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 687
I love the sound of your new hair cut! And the change signifies fortitude and fiestiness, yes? We're all becoming the people we want to be. True selves. And! I got mine cut two days ago! Ha... No pink. Though once, several years ago, I tried to turn my brown hair blue... and ended up with green.
NikTes is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to NikTes For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), Pouncer (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:00 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
Member
 
Pouncer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,211
Blog Entries: 2
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
Sadly, I haven't amassed enough of it to fill a book. I used to have quite the collection going but then I got torn down a couple times and told that I just wasn't any good. It put me in a dark place and while I was there I literally burnt my entire binder to ash... So, I'm back to square one.
Don't do that to yourself, Djinn. I am a writer and I used to do impulsive stuff like that all the time. Now I just rewrite, edit, rewrite, edit...

Just a small bit of advice...as fiction writers, our job is not in creating a reflection of our lives. Our lives are boring - our job is to tell the truth in a lie (or vice versa). Develop characters and/or poetry outside of yourself. Give them/it a history and dimensions that makes them irrepressible and so real that they breathe on the page.

Most of all, don't be too harsh on yourself. Do your best and keep working at it. Writing well is a skill - you have to work at it. Writers have to have thick skin to survive and to make money. Use critiques as an opportunity to improve your resilience.

Write on and rock on, Djinn!
Pouncer is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Pouncer For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015), SpiritOfDjinn (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:06 PM
  # 51 (permalink)  
Stingy athlete recovery method
 
Mel12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Go Djinn go! Your creativity rocks louder than any naysayer (IMHO). It's already doing its magic on SR. - Mel
Mel12 is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Mel12 For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Pouncer (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:16 PM
  # 52 (permalink)  
One day at a time.
 
SpiritOfDjinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post

Thanks Spirit!

Today marks 51 days sober for me and I know that I wouldn't have made it through many of them without this thread. Some weeks I go into hiding so to speak, but even then I'm still reading all of everyone's posts here.

How is everyone doing today? Has anyone heard from Needtostop or Secretary lately?
51 days? Wow! That's awesome!
SpiritOfDjinn is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SpiritOfDjinn For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:19 PM
  # 53 (permalink)  
One day at a time.
 
SpiritOfDjinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post

By the way, how have you been doing lately? Have you always written poetry or has that been something you recently discovered with your sober plan? I read them both and truly enjoyed them. It's amazing how poetry can reach such a wide audience and on such a thought-provoking level. Definitely keep posting them as you write them and are comfortable doing so!
I've been well lately. Not a lot of chatter from AV. I've been focusing on my writing and it seems to help a lot. I've been writing poetry for many many years but just recently started to share it here. These last two I thought were relatable to folks here.
SpiritOfDjinn is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SpiritOfDjinn For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:26 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
One day at a time.
 
SpiritOfDjinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Pouncer View Post
Hi Marchers,

I am having a really rough time. My husband has repeatedly not sought out help for a serious porn addiction. He lies about it, is secretive (just like an alcoholic). We have gone through therapy, SA, the whole nine yards...I confronted him yet again last night - I couldn't take being silent anymore. He denied it for at least an hour - then said he was 'sober' for three weeks and that was the longest he has abstained for years.

So, in typical Pouncer fashion, I texted him a bunch of porn images and told him to never, ever touch me again. I do not blame him for my irresponsible addiction-I don't. It is so hard to say this, but his addiction was a massive trigger for me.

I know I acted immature today...this was the last time and I never, ever want to give him another chance again. I am so hurt.

He has really let himself go and honestly, I am not attracted to him anymore -- mostly because of his constant lying and deceptions. I don't believe in divorce and I don't want to do anything drastic during early recovery - I just do not want to be dealt another blow. I don't know what to do. I was furious about his deflection when I confronted him. This is all my fault, I am overreacting...

His last therapist actually made it worse. I am sick right now. I am stalwart in my sobriety and I am on the lookout for the AV.
Man... This ^^^ sounds terrible, but I admire your commitment to your marriage. Not many people can make it through things like this. I hope that eventually you can get through to him. We are always here for you to lean on.
SpiritOfDjinn is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SpiritOfDjinn For This Useful Post:
Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Pouncer (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:26 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 189,065
Blog Entries: 1
I'm sorry Pouncer.

Congrats to you Chewy on 30 days and to everyone else hitting some great milestones today

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:27 PM
  # 56 (permalink)  
One day at a time.
 
SpiritOfDjinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by NikTes View Post

Djinn, sometimes people can be jerks. I'm sorry that person left you feeling torn down. Remember, you have your readers -- keep them and their positivity close.
That's the plan!
SpiritOfDjinn is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SpiritOfDjinn For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:38 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
One day at a time.
 
SpiritOfDjinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Pouncer View Post

Don't do that to yourself, Djinn. I am a writer and I used to do impulsive stuff like that all the time. Now I just rewrite, edit, rewrite, edit...

Just a small bit of advice...as fiction writers, our job is not in creating a reflection of our lives. Our lives are boring - our job is to tell the truth in a lie (or vice versa). Develop characters and/or poetry outside of yourself. Give them/it a history and dimensions that makes them irrepressible and so real that they breathe on the page.

Most of all, don't be too harsh on yourself. Do your best and keep working at it. Writing well is a skill - you have to work at it. Writers have to have thick skin to survive and to make money. Use critiques as an opportunity to improve your resilience.

Write on and rock on, Djinn!
Thanks for the support Pouncer. I have a long way to go in developing a thicker skin but that's all part of the game. I have been much more focused lately than before. I have decided, for certain, that I WILL publish a novel AND a collection of poetry. I haven't yet set a time limit on that though. Maybe a deadline would help?
SpiritOfDjinn is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to SpiritOfDjinn For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Pouncer (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:43 PM
  # 58 (permalink)  
Member
 
Pouncer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,211
Blog Entries: 2
Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
Man... This ^^^ sounds terrible, but I admire your commitment to your marriage. Not many people can make it through things like this. I hope that eventually you can get through to him.

I can tell you this, I got wrapped up in the porn scene once myself. My wife just told me flat out, "your use of this crap makes me feel ugly and unwanted and that hurts, deeply." It was a huge wake up call for me. I love her more than anything and was mortified that I'd made her feel that way.

I hope he comes around.
Djinn,

I have gone through what you describe at least 4 times. Of course it makes me feel ugly. And unwanted. And self-conscious. Do you mean you actually stopped? SA has such a low rate of recovery, lower than alcohol or heroin addition.

We have been in crisis mode at least 4 times. I am tired of it. I am going to take some time to think about it, but right now, I am looking at legal separation.
Pouncer is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Pouncer For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 04:48 PM
  # 59 (permalink)  
Court jester
 
Bmac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Hi all. Checking in on day 43. Feeling much more content in my sobriety. Started exercising again and am feeling better about that as well.

Pouncer, you're beautiful inside and out. The new hair sounds fab! So sorry to hear about what you are going through, yet encouraged to hear your committment to sobriety in lieu of it.

When I was in college, one of my dear friends was living with her BF. She was drop dead gorgeous yet her BF hid porn mags all over the apartment (this was pre internet days). Lucky for me she finally dumped him and I got to date her for a short time. I never understood how a guy could be in a committed relationship yet turn to porn. Perhaps it is an addiction in some ways similar to ours. Who knows. Either way, it's not cool that you have to get hurt by it. Hugs to you.
Bmac is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Bmac For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-28-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Pouncer (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)
Old 04-28-2015, 06:40 PM
  # 60 (permalink)  
One day at a time.
 
SpiritOfDjinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Pouncer View Post

Djinn,

I have gone through what you describe at least 4 times. Of course it makes me feel ugly. And unwanted. And self-conscious. Do you mean you actually stopped? SA has such a low rate of recovery, lower than alcohol or heroin addition.

We have been in crisis mode at least 4 times. I am tired of it. I am going to take some time to think about it, but right now, I am looking at legal separation.
Well, in all honesty, it's a lot like alcohol. I avoid is as much as humanly possible. Of course I still slip but it doesn't rule my life. And one day I want to put it completely behind me and never look back.
SpiritOfDjinn is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to SpiritOfDjinn For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (04-28-2015), Mel12 (04-29-2015), Mvngon (04-28-2015), mystified (04-28-2015), NikTes (04-29-2015), Pouncer (04-28-2015), Sisterbobby (04-28-2015)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:48 AM.