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Class of March 2015 Part 5

Old 04-27-2015, 09:39 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Reading over the posts a bit, definitely get the social anxiety stuff! (Obviously haha) it's a frustrating thing I agree

And love that spirit
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:10 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
I hear ya Nik. Social anxiety is something I struggle with too. It's never pretty but it can be managed. As I try to move forward with my writing I worry about attending events and such myself. I guess for now, I've resolved to crossing that bridge when I come to it. I hope you feel better.
Thanks for this, Djinn. The good news for you is when that bridge does arrive, you'll have heaps of sober time under your belt and will be able to manage the public setting. I was already deep into drinking, binging, before I started doing the public events. I do think the best route for me right now is to not do them. And I have to be ok with not doing them in the future. I'm lowering my expectations of myself -- and trying to accept them. We do what we can. I'll leave the public face to someone else.

Great new poem!
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:12 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Mel12 View Post
While driving I had a "get a martini" attack but managed to shake it off. It came out of nowhere and hit hard. Close call! - Mel
You did it, Mel! And you can remember that decision next time the AV pops up.
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:13 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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How did it go, immri? 30 days is fantastic.

And congrats, kafka! And everyone!

Originally Posted by immri View Post
Hi guys, havent read over everything yet just wanted to quickly check in to stop myself acting on this urge - friend coming over to pick up some stuff/hang out a little and I'm so used to dealing with everyone while drunk that I'm really fighting the compulsion to go buy a bottle of wine before gets here. Total insanity, especially as today is 30 days sober for me and I'm generally feeling as if I'm making real progress

I'm almost having to sit on my hands to stop me from reaching for my purse and running to the bottle shop - really caught me off guard to feel this way!

Anyway was kinda hoping they'd get here while I was typing so I'd be forced to deal with it without booze but no luck, still 20 mins away (coincidently would take me 15 mins to get there and back so 'perfect' if I did want a drink)
Agh
Still hanging in there
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:40 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post
Today marks 50 days sober for me.
Congratulations on that--I am on Day 59 today, also my longest ever. I have also found other things to do and realize that drinking takes up a lot of time and doesn't really accomplish anything.
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Old 04-28-2015, 06:06 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NikTes View Post
Awful night last night, anxiety-wise -- work related. I had to host an event, my worst trigger for panic.
Social anxiety is very real for those of us who are introverted. I have to give presentations sometimes at my job and I hate it, but I get through it. I try to prepare as much as I can and "lean into my fear", which does help a little.

I don't like having the spotlight on me--whether it is meeting with my boss, public speaking, a job interview, whatever.

If public speaking is something you must do for your job, I know there are resources such as toastmasters, etc...that can help with that.

To get out of my comfort zone, I try to strike up conversations with people when I am out in public or make a comment during our group meetings at work. But at the end of the day, I am still an introvert and always will be.

For me, drinking was a nice escape from the anxiety of social interactions, most of which leave me feeling empty anyway. But dealing with other people is obviously a part of life and I am trying to get better at it.
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Old 04-28-2015, 06:17 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
Well Marchers, since I got such a great response last time, I have another poem I'd like to share. It's a little darker but it deals with struggle just the same. I've been told that it's pretty good. Hope you all enjoy. It's called "Painting."


The steadily bleeding soul of a poet
Trapped behind the ineffectual hands
Of an unimportant and faceless layman
Slowly being buried beneath the sands of time.

Is this crucifix mine alone to bare
Its crushing weight upon my shoulders
Its jagged splinters invading my skin
As I trudge across the desert of eternity.

Stinging sweat seeps into my wounds
Creating a vile mixture with a crimson hue
That carves new paths along my filthy skin
Seeking counsel with the earth below.

I lift my eyes to the vast expanse of blue above
Only to be assaulted by the harshness of the sun
Baring down with its cruel rays of judgement
Condemning me to this hellish existence.

The days go by, neither marked nor counted
Their passing is simply inconsequential
One foot in front of the other, step by step
Seeking the end of this maddening landscape.
Definitely some darkness in there, but probably a lot of truth too. Life isn't always sunny as we all know....

You should put together a book of your poetry if you haven't already.
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Old 04-28-2015, 06:20 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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6 weeks.
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:13 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Good advice -- thanks Bobcat!

Spotlight. The anxiety from that. That's the feeling exactly. I can't even manage the spotlight when it comes to simple conversation with acquaintances and friends. If they ask even a simple question like, how's it going? -- I sputter and stumble! I'm the type in conversation who tends to ask others questions rather than talk about myself or what I've been up to. I'm envious of talkers!

Originally Posted by Bobcat17 View Post
Social anxiety is very real for those of us who are introverted. I have to give presentations sometimes at my job and I hate it, but I get through it. I try to prepare as much as I can and "lean into my fear", which does help a little.

I don't like having the spotlight on me--whether it is meeting with my boss, public speaking, a job interview, whatever.

If public speaking is something you must do for your job, I know there are resources such as toastmasters, etc...that can help with that.

To get out of my comfort zone, I try to strike up conversations with people when I am out in public or make a comment during our group meetings at work. But at the end of the day, I am still an introvert and always will be.

For me, drinking was a nice escape from the anxiety of social interactions, most of which leave me feeling empty anyway. But dealing with other people is obviously a part of life and I am trying to get better at it.
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:27 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mystified View Post
6 weeks.
Originally Posted by Bobcat17 View Post
Congratulations on that--I am on Day 59 today, also my longest ever. I have also found other things to do and realize that drinking takes up a lot of time and doesn't really accomplish anything.
Congratulations on 6 weeks Mystified and day 59 Bobcat! I really love this thread as I feel like I have people to be accountable to. I know I have my family and myself but it's helpful for me to say, "hey so and so made it to Day XX, so can I!" And I don't want to do anything to jeopardize getting kicked out of the March class because you all have been so much help, I can't even express my gratitude to you all individually because there are too many people who have helped me get this far!
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:33 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Bobcat17 View Post
Social anxiety is very real for those of us who are introverted. I have to give presentations sometimes at my job and I hate it, but I get through it. I try to prepare as much as I can and "lean into my fear", which does help a little. I don't like having the spotlight on me--whether it is meeting with my boss, public speaking, a job interview, whatever. If public speaking is something you must do for your job, I know there are resources such as toastmasters, etc...that can help with that. To get out of my comfort zone, I try to strike up conversations with people when I am out in public or make a comment during our group meetings at work. But at the end of the day, I am still an introvert and always will be. For me, drinking was a nice escape from the anxiety of social interactions, most of which leave me feeling empty anyway. But dealing with other people is obviously a part of life and I am trying to get better at it.
I completely agree with all of you who have said they have social anxiety. We are having friends over this weekend to watch the big fight and my mind instantly went to buying wine to prepare myself. I've been hiding away for the last 2 months since social anxiety has been a huge trigger for my drinking, but I'm making small efforts to put myself out there while sober. Small get-togethers, intimate family dinners, occasionally lunch with coworkers.

I'm trying to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin even if I'm not saying anything just learning how to be present and be myself without *feeling* awkward. I mean, look at how many of us have social anxiety! It seems like at least 1 out of every 2 feels this way. But when you are out with people, don't you feel like you are the only one out of place, saying the wrong thing, tensing up? I guess what I'm trying to say is it's comforting knowing that my awkwardness isn't even probably noticeable because everyone is too focused on their own behavior. (At least I hope...!)
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:34 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NikTes View Post
Good advice -- thanks Bobcat!

Spotlight. The anxiety from that. That's the feeling exactly. I can't even manage the spotlight when it comes to simple conversation with acquaintances and friends. If they ask even a simple question like, how's it going? -- I sputter and stumble! I'm the type in conversation who tends to ask others questions rather than talk about myself or what I've been up to. I'm envious of talkers!
We put forth many dreams in our younger years, as we mature, we need to downscale and go for the dreams that are doable.

You are still in the early days of recovery, give yourself time. Rome wasn't built in a day.
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:37 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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One more post and then I promise I'll stop monopolizing the conversation - even though the anxiety leading up to and during the social event is awful, I'm found some peace knowing that once the event is over that's it no more stressing. But when I used to drink to become more social, I'd end up getting smashed and spending the next day(s) trying to figure out what I had said/done and trying to make amends with any I offended. Social anxiety is easier to deal with than the anxiety that comes with a blackout, IMHO.

Thanks for listening to me ramble! Have a great day everybody
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:57 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post
But when you are out with people, don't you feel like you are the only one out of place, saying the wrong thing, tensing up? I guess what I'm trying to say is it's comforting knowing that my awkwardness isn't even probably noticeable because everyone is too focused on their own behavior. (At least I hope...!)
So very true. Yes, we humans are very self absorbed beings and in saying that, it's difficult to remove yourself from that absorbance. We would be surprised how little they actually know about us.
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Old 04-28-2015, 09:14 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post
Congratulations on 6 weeks Mystified and day 59 Bobcat! I really love this thread as I feel like I have people to be accountable to. I know I have my family and myself but it's helpful for me to say, "hey so and so made it to Day XX, so can I!" And I don't want to do anything to jeopardize getting kicked out of the March class because you all have been so much help, I can't even express my gratitude to you all individually because there are too many people who have helped me get this far!
35 days for me. I first joined the class of january but found one of my AH hidden bottles in garage on my 69th day and finished it. (There was enough for one tumbler drink.)
Anyhoo, i still do frequent visits and post daily to january class... there are no rules. the more the merrier
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:07 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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30 days sober here! Feels damn good

Starting biking to work, 15km each way. Also feels good and saves a ton of money on parking.
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Chewy88 View Post
30 days sober here! Feels damn good

Starting biking to work, 15km each way. Also feels good and saves a ton of money on parking.
30 days, thats wonderful.
i bought a roadmaster sports? MT 18 speed at a garage sale for 40 dollars saturday. Did my first three miles bike ride lastnight. yeah
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:50 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Congrats Guys
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:51 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NikTes View Post

Thanks for this, Djinn. The good news for you is when that bridge does arrive, you'll have heaps of sober time under your belt and will be able to manage the public setting. I was already deep into drinking, binging, before I started doing the public events. I do think the best route for me right now is to not do them. And I have to be ok with not doing them in the future. I'm lowering my expectations of myself -- and trying to accept them. We do what we can. I'll leave the public face to someone else.

Great new poem!
Do you feel like not attending those events will be detrimental to your career? Is that a true possibility for you? If so, then it sounds like a solid game plan.

Thanks for the compliment!
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:51 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by immri View Post
Reading over the posts a bit, definitely get the social anxiety stuff! (Obviously haha) it's a frustrating thing I agree

And love that spirit
Thank you!
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