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Class of March 2015 Part 5

Old 05-06-2015, 06:31 AM
  # 181 (permalink)  
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Good morning everyone. Hope you all have a good sober day.
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Old 05-06-2015, 01:09 PM
  # 182 (permalink)  
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Hi Sisterbobby, all the best to your new beginning! Making an independent decision is for me unfamiliar; I feel invisible threads of others's expectations pulling me in various directions. I could use some of that so-called "assertiveness training."

Hi Bobcat, I understand your message well, since my decision involves work. Just getting to the point of choosing change took me long enough. Now it is a matter of working out the details without getting sidetracked by the "failure message" that bouts of depression whisper. In all objectivity, I am in a strong position to make this change--if I can just keep my head together long enough to work it out.

Hi Immri, congratulations both on finishing studies and on starting anew. I believe SR is a good decision for me, paving the way to other choices.

Hi Dee, I am hesitant to put a plan in stone as my mind continues to jump from one option to another, lending my decision-making process an unsettled character. Thanks for the good advice!
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Old 05-07-2015, 05:50 PM
  # 183 (permalink)  
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Just checking in, hope everyone's doing well

I've had an emotional week - graduation, a job opportunity, had a very honest and clear conversation with my ex (and after I have to see him today regarding work we will then have no contact), had a bit of a huge freakout about my future and considered drinking for the third time this week, and now I'm having to dramatically change my diet (I eat quite well I thought but apparently I have some intolerance to a lot of what I consume, so big overhaul!)

Im learning a lot about myself lately. I think I'm definitely finding myself more likely to drink/wanting to drink when I get good news rather than bad - with the job opportunity it was too overwhelming and exciting that I thought I should drink to calm myself down. Not even to celebrate, just that too happy or excited freaks me out a bit. Maybe I'm afraid I'll be disappointed so I try to calm myself down before I crash? I'm not sure. All I know is I've been doing that since I was 14 so I'm realising I've never really experienced normal highs and lows

I've also been getting better at telling people my honest needs and not putting up with being manipulated and pushed around, which is a big change. I still have a long way to go though.

Anyway, I find it really helpful to check in with this stuff here, thanks for being here guys
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Old 05-08-2015, 06:31 AM
  # 184 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by immri View Post
Just checking in, hope everyone's doing well I've had an emotional week - graduation, a job opportunity, had a very honest and clear conversation with my ex (and after I have to see him today regarding work we will then have no contact), had a bit of a huge freakout about my future and considered drinking for the third time this week, and now I'm having to dramatically change my diet (I eat quite well I thought but apparently I have some intolerance to a lot of what I consume, so big overhaul!) Im learning a lot about myself lately. I think I'm definitely finding myself more likely to drink/wanting to drink when I get good news rather than bad - with the job opportunity it was too overwhelming and exciting that I thought I should drink to calm myself down. Not even to celebrate, just that too happy or excited freaks me out a bit. Maybe I'm afraid I'll be disappointed so I try to calm myself down before I crash? I'm not sure. All I know is I've been doing that since I was 14 so I'm realising I've never really experienced normal highs and lows I've also been getting better at telling people my honest needs and not putting up with being manipulated and pushed around, which is a big change. I still have a long way to go though. Anyway, I find it really helpful to check in with this stuff here, thanks for being here guys
Hi Immri, Congrats on all the good news! Are you taking the new job? I hope that you can keep your AV at bay and not drink. Maybe exercise to get out all that excess energy? How are you having to change your diet? I have celiac disease so I know it can be hard to cut out a lot of favorite foods. Take care of yourself!!!
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Old 05-08-2015, 07:21 AM
  # 185 (permalink)  
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Well Marchers, not a great day for this guy. Thought I had everything lined up to go home early this year. Looking like that's about to fall apart... Why can't anything ever just be easy? You know what they say "the best laid plans of mice and men" and all that. I'm screaming inside and smiling outside... Yesterday AV struck hard and fast. I resisted but, if this assault continues, I just don't know how I'll deal with it. Hope everyone else is having a good day. Thanks for listening guys!
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Old 05-08-2015, 10:09 AM
  # 186 (permalink)  
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Djinn, sorry to hear this about your going home plan. Is your trip delayed or totally off the table now? I hope the ducks do get into their row. Good on ya for saying no to the AV. Hang in there.
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Old 05-08-2015, 11:17 AM
  # 187 (permalink)  
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Hang in there Djinn you have us to lean on
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Old 05-08-2015, 11:45 AM
  # 188 (permalink)  
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Thanks you guys. I really appreciate all the support. The trip isn't fully off the table yet. I'm trying to pull some strings and work some magic. I should have a better idea of how it's all gonna go in about a week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying my heart out.
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:09 PM
  # 189 (permalink)  
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There's nothing a drink can't make worse Djinn.
Stay true

D
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:11 PM
  # 190 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SpiritOfDjinn View Post
Thanks you guys. I really appreciate all the support. The trip isn't fully off the table yet. I'm trying to pull some strings and work some magic. I should have a better idea of how it's all gonna go in about a week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying my heart out.
Spirit, I hope you're able to work some magic! I know how discouraging it is when something you're so excited about falls through and more to that same point, how much of a reward that trip can be to you after working so hard to stay sober. No matter what we are here for you!

I'm really struggling today. I couldn't wait to post about how proud I was for hitting 60 days yesterday but I didn't have the energy to even post and felt depressed all day yesterday for some reason. Then today, I was feeling pretty down too and I'm now sitting on the train watching everyone relax with glasses of wine and beer. I can't help but feel like a failure - I haven't given in, I'm here posting and not drinking but I feel like after 61 days I shouldn't be on the verge of a breakdown just because it's been a long day (more like long week) and I can't take the edge off with a drink. I won't drink, I swear I won't but I still feel like a failure. :/
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:55 PM
  # 191 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by immri View Post
Just checking in, hope everyone's doing well I've had an emotional week - graduation, a job opportunity, had a very honest and clear conversation with my ex (and after I have to see him today regarding work we will then have no contact), had a bit of a huge freakout about my future and considered drinking for the third time this week, and now I'm having to dramatically change my diet (I eat quite well I thought but apparently I have some intolerance to a lot of what I consume, so big overhaul!) Im learning a lot about myself lately. I think I'm definitely finding myself more likely to drink/wanting to drink when I get good news rather than bad - with the job opportunity it was too overwhelming and exciting that I thought I should drink to calm myself down. Not even to celebrate, just that too happy or excited freaks me out a bit. Maybe I'm afraid I'll be disappointed so I try to calm myself down before I crash? I'm not sure. All I know is I've been doing that since I was 14 so I'm realising I've never really experienced normal highs and lows I've also been getting better at telling people my honest needs and not putting up with being manipulated and pushed around, which is a big change. I still have a long way to go though. Anyway, I find it really helpful to check in with this stuff here, thanks for being here guys
Immri, that's great you posted on here instead of drinking! I know what you mean about not normally experiencing highs and lows. I was thinking yesterday how a bad day for me is when nothing good happens, but a good day should actually be when nothing bad happens. Alcohol took some our emotions away simultaneously as it intensified others. I think we got so used to the roller coaster, now that we are off of it we are still feeling a bit shaky. But just like how we choose to post on here rather than drink because the resisting alcohol in general is getting easier(not easy but easier lol) I have a feeling (or at least hope) that our emotional responses to life in general will stabilize. Congratulations on graduation and the job offer!!! What an exciting here for you
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Old 05-08-2015, 05:10 PM
  # 192 (permalink)  
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No one here is a failure.
We've all given up drinking poison, destroying our lives and making ourselves unhappy.

That a positive thing, yeah?

D
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Old 05-08-2015, 05:51 PM
  # 193 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
No one here is a failure. We've all given up drinking poison, destroying our lives and making ourselves unhappy. That a positive thing, yeah? D
Yes definitely positive but I feel like sometimes I'm still obsessing over the drink. Like I'll try to live vicariously through others' drinking. And then I'll contemplate setting a new set of rules where I'll consider having one beer once a week that's it. I know having one drink EVER will lead to destructive behavior and after one drink, I'd stop caring about limiting the number of drinks. And so all of that obsessing makes me feel like I'm a dry drunk. Some days I don't think about drinking at all or for more than a few minutes. But the rest of the time I worry. I don't want to be a dry drunk. I genuinely want to recover.
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Old 05-08-2015, 06:06 PM
  # 194 (permalink)  
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Thats a very common thing, especially at the stage though Kafkaesque

We drank, and obsessed about drinking, for years - it's gonna take a little time for that to break up.

It's also still very common to do some internal bargaining as well - maybe if I did this, I'd...'

Recovery and change are processes rather than events.

I was like a yo yo for 3 months or so. Then thiongs started to settle and I got some traction...

don;t leave before the miracle happens , as they say in AA.

Right now you could be right where you need to be

D
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Old 05-08-2015, 11:35 PM
  # 195 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post
I'm really struggling today. I couldn't wait to post about how proud I was for hitting 60 days yesterday but I didn't have the energy to even post and felt depressed all day yesterday for some reason. Then today, I was feeling pretty down too and I'm now sitting on the train watching everyone relax with glasses of wine and beer. I can't help but feel like a failure - I haven't given in, I'm here posting and not drinking but I feel like after 61 days I shouldn't be on the verge of a breakdown just because it's been a long day (more like long week) and I can't take the edge off with a drink. I won't drink, I swear I won't but I still feel like a failure. :/
I am so there with you Kafka. For me it's like the novelty has worn off and constantly reminding myself that I don't drink any more is getting boring.

Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Thats a very common thing, especially at the stage though Kafkaesque

We drank, and obsessed about drinking, for years - it's gonna take a little time for that to break up.

It's also still very common to do some internal bargaining as well - maybe if I did this, I'd...'

Recovery and change are processes rather than events.

I was like a yo yo for 3 months or so. Then thiongs started to settle and I got some traction...

don;t leave before the miracle happens , as they say in AA.

Right now you could be right where you need to be

D
Thank you Dee.

Right now I'm operating on pure faith.

Just gotta keep picking 'em up and putting 'em down.
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Old 05-09-2015, 08:06 AM
  # 196 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by immri View Post
I've had an emotional week - graduation, a job opportunity,
Congratulation!!!
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Old 05-09-2015, 08:19 AM
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Day 70. Shared with one of my best friends that I'm not drinking anymore and he was really supportive. I was happy about that.

Djinn....hope your plans worked out.
Kafka...how did the happy hour go ?? I haven't looked at the other thread.
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Old 05-09-2015, 08:31 AM
  # 198 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post
Spirit, I hope you're able to work some magic! I know how discouraging it is when something you're so excited about falls through and more to that same point, how much of a reward that trip can be to you after working so hard to stay sober. No matter what we are here for you!

I'm really struggling today. I couldn't wait to post about how proud I was for hitting 60 days yesterday but I didn't have the energy to even post and felt depressed all day yesterday for some reason. Then today, I was feeling pretty down too and I'm now sitting on the train watching everyone relax with glasses of wine and beer. I can't help but feel like a failure - I haven't given in, I'm here posting and not drinking but I feel like after 61 days I shouldn't be on the verge of a breakdown just because it's been a long day (more like long week) and I can't take the edge off with a drink. I won't drink, I swear I won't but I still feel like a failure. :/
Congrats on 61 days, that is a HUGE accomplishment!! But I certainly know what you mean about the depression. It has been a long week and I hope you have a great weekend! You are doing great!
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Old 05-09-2015, 08:32 AM
  # 199 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post
Then today, I was feeling pretty down too and I'm now sitting on the train watching everyone relax with glasses of wine and beer. I can't help but feel like a failure
First-good job on not drinking.
Second-You used the word everyone, next time please try to concentrate on everyone without a glass of wine. Realize there are probably more people who do not drink. ( My kids use to come home from school and say, "but mom, everyone is..." and I would quickly correct them that there are no 'everyones or absolutes.'
And you are not a failure...
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Old 05-09-2015, 08:33 AM
  # 200 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Kafkaesque View Post
Yes definitely positive but I feel like sometimes I'm still obsessing over the drink. Like I'll try to live vicariously through others' drinking. And then I'll contemplate setting a new set of rules where I'll consider having one beer once a week that's it. I know having one drink EVER will lead to destructive behavior and after one drink, I'd stop caring about limiting the number of drinks. And so all of that obsessing makes me feel like I'm a dry drunk. Some days I don't think about drinking at all or for more than a few minutes. But the rest of the time I worry. I don't want to be a dry drunk. I genuinely want to recover.
Ah, yes, one beer a week! We all know how well that works! ;-)))
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