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Class of April 2015 Part 3

Old 04-24-2015, 03:41 PM
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Welcome calypso!

Way to go on taking the step of posting.
There's a chat group tonight if you're looking for something to do. Friday night chat. Be there or be square.

Speaking of TV night, I'm continuing the Lord of the Rings marathon with my youngest son this weekend. This weekend will be "Return of the King". Really can't wait for next weekend for The Hobbit. I haven't see that yet.

Its a fun activity. We did the top 10 horror movies, the top 10 war movies, all the SAW movies, and now LOR.
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Old 04-24-2015, 06:30 PM
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Hi

I joined SR (and this group) earlier this month but - to use a good old English phrase - made a pigs ear of things and am in a worse place than I was when I joined.

If truth be told I'm feeling very emotional and tearful at the moment. I am risking screwing my life up totally if I don't get this sorted. How many more times can I expect my son to be supportive and non judgemental?

I hate alcohol, I hate myself for drinking, I don't like 'me' if truth be told. I am feeling very alone right now. I've always kept people at arms length and have absolutely nobody to turn to in my 'real' life.

Sorry for this 'self pity party'. I just don't know who to talk to
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Old 04-24-2015, 06:45 PM
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You can talk to us Virginia
Really plug yourself in here - post as much as you need to...take note of what other people re doing to stay sober.

whatever's happened in the past is over...make this time different

D
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Old 04-24-2015, 10:47 PM
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Hi Virginia,
I have no one to turn to either Virginia, and I agree it's hard to do everything on your own but ... you are now amongst friends on here and you have done the right thing by reaching out. I am on Day 15 of being sober now and for me, this is quite something! I couldn't have done this with regular comments and feedback from my buddies soon here!
We can all make the step if we do things the right way. What that way is may vary from on person to another, but it will be there for you. Coming on here may help you find it.
Best Wishes
C
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Old 04-24-2015, 11:21 PM
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Welcome to Calypso and Virginia. Good to have you here. Hopefully we can all help each other find our personal ways out of this labyrinth. Apparently, the grass really is greener on the other side!!

Have a good weekend all and be strong!
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Old 04-25-2015, 01:09 AM
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Morning all, Start of day nineteen for me and the start of my third weekend sober. Nice day outside. Sun is out. Be safe and be strong. Cheers, ZAB
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Old 04-25-2015, 01:10 AM
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Welcome to Calypso and Virginia....I can totally understand where you are Virginia.

I hit the self destruct button when my AH walked out on me and my children. I drank so much that I really hated myself and what I was doing to me and my children. With the help of SR though I am gradually sorting myself out. I have found keeping a journal really helpful as well. Sometimes I write heart warming phrases etc things which keep me going, sometimes just how I am feeling. I find it really helpful to look back at the journey I'm on and it propels me to keep going...

Day 14 today..2 weeks
Hope everyone has a good day...we can do this..
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Old 04-25-2015, 02:10 AM
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Wow! Nearly started crying listening to Stumbling Through the Dark by the Jayhawks at 11am!!! What is wrong with me!!??
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Old 04-25-2015, 02:17 AM
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Strange emotional responses to things these days... Day 6... Hope this starts to even out....
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Old 04-25-2015, 03:00 AM
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Originally Posted by amp123 View Post
Wow! Nearly started crying listening to Stumbling Through the Dark by the Jayhawks at 11am!!! What is wrong with me!!??
That is exactly what happened to me Amp. I had it with Rush's Spirit of Radio. Not sure why.
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Old 04-25-2015, 03:04 AM
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Originally Posted by amp123 View Post
Strange emotional responses to things these days... Day 6... Hope this starts to even out....
I saw this as a positive but yeah it's odd. Had a similar tear-jerking moment while I was watching a TV programme about a famous waterfall we have in England. It's called High Force. No idea where the feeling came from either. Just started welling up as I saw this stunning natural feature. Crikey.
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Old 04-25-2015, 03:05 AM
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Good to know it's not only me Chadders! Now I know what you were getting at last week!
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Old 04-25-2015, 03:11 AM
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Good morning (again)

Feeling so much more positive that I did - partly through sobering up and partly through the support here.

Chadders, that was my nickname when I first started work as being an East London/Essex girl the area I grew up in began 'Chad'. The other girls I worked with were nicknamed Bark and Ching.

I am a little worried about tonight though as in the early days I also tend to get emotional. I am going with my son to a pantomime (in April !!) and can see myself getting far too over emotional watching it
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Old 04-25-2015, 04:15 AM
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The Jayhawks can still move me to tears and I'm 8 years sober

Early recovery is a time of some pretty volatile emotions. We drank to suppress our feelings for so long...and now the dam's broken...but you will find your emotional water level again soon, I promise.

Things will settle

D
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Old 04-25-2015, 04:45 AM
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Good morning ya'll.
Attended Friday night chat meeting. That was powerful. Wish it were longer.

Last night was the first Friday night I wasn't drunk or high in I don't know how many years. There's a very good possibility that was the first in 30yrs. If not the first, it was only one of a few. Feeling good about it too.

Its good to be in control.
Made it through two promises yesterday.
- Made it through one hour
- Did not drink for one day

I'm going to make a new promise today.
None for me. I will not drink.
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Old 04-25-2015, 04:52 AM
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I had a nice full night of sleep. (If you read my posts, sleep seems to be a frequent topic - it is!) A few months ago, I started tracking my drinking and sleeping patterns and I found it was just about impossible to get a full night of sleep after a night I drank - even with relatively small amounts. If I stop drinking then the sleep comes back! With sleep comes clearer thinking and better moods, and a better life. I love it.

I find a big struggle in early days is the desire to get back to "normal" when I start feeling strange from my brain healing or overwhelmed by emotions. I have to remind myself that I am having those feeling because I drank too much, not because I am currently not drinking. By staying sober, I am defining a new normal which is not always very comfortable. I am keeping the faith that it will be worth it; the old way definitely wasn't.

I will never drink again no matter what, and I will never change my mind!
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:03 AM
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Welcome Calypso and VirginiaWolf. I would like to share the "Dragon Parable." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6haX7K55TKo Perhaps you will see the Dragon as Drunkenness as I do. And just how destructive the drunkenness can be. How the dragon is deceiving in satisfaction. The dragon can hold us in bondage and how we effect the lives of others. I have fallen many times over. The Dragon had me in a death grip with his talons. Never, ever give up! If not for the forgiveness of my wife, the many good people here and God. I may not have made it to Day 21 this time around. There is a surprising Grace in "The Kings" Glory.
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:37 AM
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I don't know that I belong in this group anymore. I don't want to bring anyone down. It's 5 a.m. and I've been awake for two hours because I can't sleep. I went out to dinner with my husband last night. I really struggled ahead of time thinking about having a drink with dinner. Then I thought, what if I only drink when I go out. We go out every two or three weeks. (I think I've got a handle on not drinking at home since I poured that last bottle out.) Well, after one margarita, came another, and another. Now I can't sleep. I'm disappointed, confused, and disgusted. I'm disappointed that I didn't stick with my commitment to myself. I'm confused as to why I'm not sticking with it. Generally, I am happy with my life - good marriage, great kids, I like my job, I am usually successful at what I start out to do. And, I'm disgusted with myself for messing up again. I went 14 days this month, and then 10 days. I'm not sure what I need to do different. Maybe not go out until I'm further along. I don't want to be this pathetic.
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:45 AM
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This thread is for people struggling every bit as it is for those who are going well, Firefly.

You're not bringing anyone down - support is what this group is all about.

You're not the first person ever to make bargains either.

I made hundreds - but however good my intent was it evaporated when I took that first drink.

I changed - and so did my priorities

Thats why I think it's vital to remember - it's the first drink that gets us...not the last.

D
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Old 04-25-2015, 05:53 AM
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Originally Posted by firefly789 View Post
I don't know that I belong in this group anymore. I don't want to bring anyone down. ...Then I thought, what if I only drink when I go out. ...I don't want to be this pathetic.
I have decades of failed experiments, resolutions and promises. I never resolved the ambivalence I had between wanting to get healthy and wanting to be a normal drinker. One path had plenty of reality based evidence and one path was based on fantasy and my perception of social norms. Focus on what you want from the consequences of your actions.

It is not pathetic! I really had to work to not let that become the voice in my head - that it was always going to be this way, and I was simply a loser. You do deserve to be sober, healthy and happy. You can do this! I find that if I make a decision to stay sober and my actions follow that decision, then I stay sober (actually not drinking is a non action, but...)
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