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Class of April 2015 Part 3

Old 04-29-2015, 09:08 AM
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My youngest daughter has an awards banquet tonight. Her knowledge team for FFA did very well this year so they are being honored. My ex-MIL is going; I'm riding with her (erggghhh!!).

We do not get along. My ex-h said she promises to be civil. That is a bad sign when she's promising ahead of time to be nice. That means that for some reason or another, she's back to hating me.

I have a plan in place: keep my head down and avoid eye contact.

I really do not want to go but I'm having to refocus my thoughts to adult thinking: This isn't about ME and what I want, it's about my daughter and what she needs. She needs me there. She wants me to share this with her so I need to get over myself and suck it up. I mean, my MIL may show herself. That's her issue, not mine. At the end of the night, I can know that i was there for my daughter.

But seriously, I divorced her son years ago. I've proven myself a good mom. I leave her alone. At some point, she needs to LET IT GO (cue the song).

other than that, doing well. I have a busy day planned and I've already been productive. It's also beautiful out.

But yes, I may vent later. UGH. Or maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised and tonight will be awesome. Again . . . it's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me.
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Old 04-29-2015, 09:14 AM
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WTG Lilly. Sometimes those battles with our AV are tough. The hard part was, at first, I was emotionally drained afterwards. After a few more battles, I started feeling energized and proud of myself afterwards. Had a spring to my step and a smile! That was my breakthrough.

Now I know I'll be HAPPY afterwards. Not only that, but I found myself learning from each one and better equipped for the next.

Looking back, it all happened fast. Didn't seem like it at the time, I'll admit that. But man...you just wait!!
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Old 04-29-2015, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Incontrol15 View Post
The sun shines bright.
I didn't realize how dim alcohol filled eyes views the world.
Funny you should mention that today.
I am feeling very clear minded today, and while I was sitting on the front step a little bird landed a nearby tree. Have you ever really noticed a bird in flight? Amazing!
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Old 04-29-2015, 10:32 AM
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Day 2 for me classmates! I slept badly last night because of nightmares, but I know that it will pass soon.

I just wanted to share a bit.... This is my hundredth? millionth? time trying to quit drinking. I've never felt this committed, at least in my head, but I'm concerned that maybe I felt like this the first couple of days every time. Which was it? Was I ready but hit a hurdle and gave up? Or was I not ready? I guess probably not ready, because I gave up so easily - I think my longest time sober, aside from when I was pregnant, was about 21 days in the last 17 years. (Wow, that's horrendous.) For those of you that are in the same 'repeat offender' boat as I am, what are you planning on doing to do differently? Meetings, exercise, yoga, meditation? Or even some new interesting hobbies? I need to expand beyond sitting at home and watching TV all the time - that clearly doesn't get me where I need to be!
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Old 04-29-2015, 10:42 AM
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Yeah amp, you are a very kind person to want to help. Glad you can be there. I'd just let him guide how you might help. You can't get him sober, he has to want to make changes. It's hard to say but it sounds like you should proceed w caution. Not sure how things are in Spain but here in U.S. Privacy is such a concern and even just driving to someone's house might be a little overstepping of bounds. Just be careful you don't get too involved....
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:08 AM
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Originally Posted by amp123 View Post
Welcome to newcomers and congratulations to all on milestones and those who have bravely fought off their AVs!

Had my in-laws round for dinner last night. I'm having problems at work and yesterday I put in an 11 hour shift. I'm feeling exhausted most of the time anyway as I'm not sleeping well. There was wine at the meal but I didn't struggle too much to get by without it. By the end of the evening I was exhausted, only to be told by my wife, "Well, you're not much fun to be around right now". What does she want? A marching band? Man, that was a real downer. Not sure she gets that this is really hard.

Day 9 here...
Sometimes we have to cut our loved ones the most slack when we feel they deserve it the least.

Congratulations on your sober evening!
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:15 AM
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Tennant, things are easier for me when I think about my children instead of me. Last night, I had to go to a middle school event right after a 12 hour day at work....and I literally had to yell at myself in the car "suck it UP Lillian!" just like you said in your post.

You have probably thought of this but, do you HAVE to ride with evil ex-MIL? Can you meet them there? I'm all about sucking it up for my kids, but there are times I do a "workaround."

If you do have to ride with her ~ bring a cross and some garlic!
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:23 AM
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Originally Posted by LillianGish View Post
Tennant, things are easier for me when I think about my children instead of me. Last night, I had to go to a middle school event right after a 12 hour day at work....and I literally had to yell at myself in the car "suck it UP Lillian!" just like you said in your post.

You have probably thought of this but, do you HAVE to ride with evil ex-MIL? Can you meet them there? I'm all about sucking it up for my kids, but there are times I do a "workaround."

If you do have to ride with her ~ bring a cross and some garlic!
I wish I had a work around, lol. My daughters and I share a care and their father doesn't want them driving it that far since it just got out of the shop. I'll just suck it up and remember it's not about me.
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:36 AM
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Originally Posted by kittycat3 View Post
Yeah amp, you are a very kind person to want to help. Glad you can be there. I'd just let him guide how you might help. You can't get him sober, he has to want to make changes. It's hard to say but it sounds like you should proceed w caution. Not sure how things are in Spain but here in U.S. Privacy is such a concern and even just driving to someone's house might be a little overstepping of bounds. Just be careful you don't get too involved....
Thanks for the feedback, Kitty. I'm totally with you on the privacy thing but we were worried that maybe he was really sick or had a heart attack or something which is why I went round in the end. I like you're idea of letting him lead things and also Cauliflower's advice about setting clear boundaries. I was talking to a friend in social services and she's going to try and find out about different options in the local area. Maybe she'll come up with something constructive.

OMD, yes, you are right! Of course I need to cut her more slack...it's not like she hasn't put up with stuff from me!!!
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:41 AM
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Hi all,
Some great posts and amazing resolve shown on here today. Fantastic job everyone! We all have our challenges and although some of them may be similar they never appear on the same day so it's great to learn from and be inspired by each other.

You really all are amazing in what you're achieving and I'm very grateful to be part of this shared journey, so thank you.

Day 23 here and I'm about to enter my usual witching hours but after reading today's posts they will be far easier to get through. I realised today that physically I'm over the worst - sleep is good now, no big headaches, no shakes, feeling sick etc. so now what's left is mental and a whole new set of challenges.

On the good news side, I saw that a few of you exercise so here's something that I wanted to share. My fitness level has improved since I stopped drinking, with no increase in exercise. I'll spare you the detail but I have actual heart rate and pace measurements to back this up. I used to kid myself that exercising was undoing the damage but of course it didn't - and running with a hangover the whole time was truly grim. Hangover free running is awesome!

Best wishes all!

OMD
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by amp123 View Post

OMD, yes, you are right! Of course I need to cut her more slack...it's not like she hasn't put up with stuff from me!!!
You got my message then 😄

Sounds like you're doing really great in the circumstances and perhaps a brief moment of self-congratulation is called for!

OMD
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:51 AM
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Originally Posted by TennantSmith View Post
I wish I had a work around, lol. My daughters and I share a care and their father doesn't want them driving it that far since it just got out of the shop. I'll just suck it up and remember it's not about me.
Right, and that this situation will not be improved in any way by drinking. On the contrary, you'll be clear headed and find it far easier to do the right thing. On this basis you'll have 2 things to celebrate later!

Good luck,

OMD
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Old 04-29-2015, 12:25 PM
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Good afternoon to all of you!! Just wanted to say thanks for welcoming me to your group yesterday and last night wasn't easy but I made it to today.

I enjoy exercise!! Over the last few months I've been telling myself I've been lazy but really I. Just feel like garbage because I'm dehydrated and hung over. Going for a jog later and hopefully start back up with a weight routine soon.

Hope everyone makes it through today with ease.
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Old 04-29-2015, 12:40 PM
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Evening Everyone! Checking in as usual - although I think I missed yesterday. Great to see all the familiar faces on here and some new ones too! Welcome to everyone else joining our class. We can do this together!
Tonight on the way home from work was a bit tricky for me though. I knew I was going to be home alone, the sun was shining and I got the 'no one will know' feeling - I could sneak a couple of crafty cans in easy. Of course I would know and thankfully after reminding myself how much was at stake, the feeling passed. Just headed straight home, cracked open the Appetiser and started cooking. Now I'm looking forward to lying on my bed and reading, preparing for a good sleep and another clear-headed morning! They are really something to look forward to. Just the thought of waking up with a hangover these days makes me feel ill. Some people around me are actually starting to realise that I'm serious about this and their feedback is becoming more positive now than skeptical. In the early days it would have been easy to cave in and join them; be welcomed back into the fold. Now I detect a hint of admiration and it really helps. Day 18 today for me - really unheard of!
:-)
Best Wishes to everyone on our shared journey from the murk into the light!

C
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Old 04-29-2015, 01:28 PM
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Morning aprilians....this class seems to have really taken off the last couple of weeks and now we're storming towards the first finish line...end of the month. Great to see so many familiar names here this morning.....

Day 30. Few hours till a month. Pleased to be here, tho don't feel physically as good as hoped. Still have some sort of weird hay fever thing...itching, especially legs and congested head which makes breathing hard at night. So sleep still broken. Thought the itching was alcohol related but still got it a month on.....hate it.

on the upside? There's still casual drinking going on most nights in the house but its not too much of a temptation. Kinda gotten used to it. Bigger problem is the late afternoon beer cravings. Yesterday quite intense, but fades quickly once I get home and into something else.

Anyway.

Will check in later to wrap up this thread with you tonite.
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Old 04-29-2015, 01:40 PM
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Finished up my 2nd session with a therapist just now. He's gonna treat me with Rational Emotional Thinking (Ret). I think it's gonna help me BIG time!
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Old 04-29-2015, 01:42 PM
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Ok im posting here, confused how to keep up with everything though.
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Old 04-29-2015, 01:58 PM
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Welcome Drummer - it's still April - you're now one of the gang!
:-)
We do this together!
Best Wishes
C
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Old 04-29-2015, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Drummer5000 View Post
Ok im posting here, confused how to keep up with everything though.
Welcome Drummer, don't worry. Take baby steps. You will soon get the hang of it it b
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Old 04-29-2015, 02:12 PM
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Welcome drummer!!
We all posted day 1 in the month of April. There's plenty of people here that are going through what you are. Read your post earlier today and was gonna ask you to join us later! Stop by and say what you want when you want. You can also keep the other post going that you started too.

There's an awesome group of people here.
We are the class of April 2015 and proud of it.

Lots of good things happening here. Glad your part of the team!!
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