Class of April 2014 Part 20
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Obo, sobriety is our new "normal". When baby Obo is born, your life will have a different and beautiful focus. I think it's to be expected that the anticipation of something new might trigger thoughts of relapse, but I have every faith in you! baby Obo's daddy will be loving, clear headed and sober. It's going to be amazing, I'm so excited for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Morning Fools,
8.30am,
back at the desk....
The urge has dropped off now. I was sitting on the balcony last night, smoking cigarettes and thinking back over my drinking days. There were so many things that went wrong over the years....
Car accidents
Fights (facial scar)
break ups
arrested twice
court twice
emotionally distant in relationships
bad skin, teeth, health
lying
hiding alcohol in garden
driving drunk
theft (I've forgiven myself for that now..!)
disrespecting my family
anger
depression
and hideous, shocking anxiety in the last years!
Why would anyone risk that!
BECAUSE BLOODY OBO IS AN ALCOHOLIC.....!!!!!!!!
AND A BAD ONE AT THAT!
Thanks for the support rocks, freein, stormi, mariah and of course Dee, pointing me towards my first post was a stroke of genius.
I never want to go back there....
I hope all are well!
Up huge congrats on a year mate. You got there, you did it!!!!!
stay tuned......................
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
I just have to share my "alcohol" song. Maybe that's strange but in some weird way it found me a while back and became "my song" just like couples have "our song".
I'm not a die hard Weezer or anything but I like them a lot and they play a lot on the Pandora stations I listen to. I'm sure you've all heard the song. Say it Ain't So. I always liked the song but never even listened to the lyrics. Now I FEEL this song SO intensely it sometimes makes my eyes well up, like just a minute ago when it came on as I'm on the treadmill and what a fierceness I felt as I ran. I just had to stop when it was over and share.
If you have time, can I recommend listening to Weezer's Say it Ain't So, preferably with earphones and/or loud.
Okay I know it's lame of me just to come on and talk about a song and nothing else. Sorry I haven't been on lately and I also need to catch up on past posts.
Basically what's been going on with me in a nutshell: depressed, anxious, crazy, really depressed, still too scared to call and make appointments for physical and mental health. I have been exercising a lot and eating healthy and organizing everything. Insomnia.
I really thought that I'd see an improvement by now at 103 days. I'm sure it's probably helping physically. But my mind is a seesaw of simultaneous combustion and implosion.
I'm not a die hard Weezer or anything but I like them a lot and they play a lot on the Pandora stations I listen to. I'm sure you've all heard the song. Say it Ain't So. I always liked the song but never even listened to the lyrics. Now I FEEL this song SO intensely it sometimes makes my eyes well up, like just a minute ago when it came on as I'm on the treadmill and what a fierceness I felt as I ran. I just had to stop when it was over and share.
If you have time, can I recommend listening to Weezer's Say it Ain't So, preferably with earphones and/or loud.
Okay I know it's lame of me just to come on and talk about a song and nothing else. Sorry I haven't been on lately and I also need to catch up on past posts.
Basically what's been going on with me in a nutshell: depressed, anxious, crazy, really depressed, still too scared to call and make appointments for physical and mental health. I have been exercising a lot and eating healthy and organizing everything. Insomnia.
I really thought that I'd see an improvement by now at 103 days. I'm sure it's probably helping physically. But my mind is a seesaw of simultaneous combustion and implosion.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Morning Fools,
11.56am,
at the desk!
Say it aint so Sol, Rivers is a very very clever muso!
Anxiety here too!
Strong anxiety coming from deep within. It's hard to get a handle on it. It's not peaking as with panic attacks I started experiencing towards the end, it's blunt and constant. Sleep is hard to come by. I'm using all the tools in the shed to try and balance out and to some extent they're working.
But I must say this, there is no escape, all being briefly, that getting drunk gives you. This escape it seems is exactly why Obo became a problem drinker. The answers to many of my issues have only appeared in the last few days whilst I seriously contemplated having a few drinks.
The other reality is what I miss is actually getting drunk, not having a few drinks.
Obo liked to get hammered.
One drink now, opening the gates would inevitably lead to me getting drunk at some stage.
It's a work in progress Fools....
Re reading old posts helped a huge amount with fighting desire. There is still shame and guilt in me for all that happened over twenty years. It wasn't earth shatteringly bad actions, but they were wrong and have hurt my soul.
My ego is still too large and deceptive. I think I'm further in front of where I actually am.
It's hard looking at yourself in the mirror with absolute honesty.
Bloody being Obo isn't easy!
Scans last week. The baby is BIG, well for here anyway.We're at week 38, baby Obo is 8 pounds. Big head.......very healthy.
The doctors here are considering inducing the birth at the end of week 39 if little Obo hasn't arrived.
Now just praying for a healthy birth, I'd be happy with a boy or girl.
It's going to be a girl isn't it.....just to really take it up a notch!
Hope all are well!
stay tuned.......
11.56am,
at the desk!
Say it aint so Sol, Rivers is a very very clever muso!
Anxiety here too!
Strong anxiety coming from deep within. It's hard to get a handle on it. It's not peaking as with panic attacks I started experiencing towards the end, it's blunt and constant. Sleep is hard to come by. I'm using all the tools in the shed to try and balance out and to some extent they're working.
But I must say this, there is no escape, all being briefly, that getting drunk gives you. This escape it seems is exactly why Obo became a problem drinker. The answers to many of my issues have only appeared in the last few days whilst I seriously contemplated having a few drinks.
The other reality is what I miss is actually getting drunk, not having a few drinks.
Obo liked to get hammered.
One drink now, opening the gates would inevitably lead to me getting drunk at some stage.
It's a work in progress Fools....
Re reading old posts helped a huge amount with fighting desire. There is still shame and guilt in me for all that happened over twenty years. It wasn't earth shatteringly bad actions, but they were wrong and have hurt my soul.
My ego is still too large and deceptive. I think I'm further in front of where I actually am.
It's hard looking at yourself in the mirror with absolute honesty.
Bloody being Obo isn't easy!
Scans last week. The baby is BIG, well for here anyway.We're at week 38, baby Obo is 8 pounds. Big head.......very healthy.
The doctors here are considering inducing the birth at the end of week 39 if little Obo hasn't arrived.
Now just praying for a healthy birth, I'd be happy with a boy or girl.
It's going to be a girl isn't it.....just to really take it up a notch!
Hope all are well!
stay tuned.......
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
He or She will be beautiful either way Obo & you shall fall in love
Not another gift in the world more precious than seeing your child come into the world. Keep using all the tools for dealing with your anxiety.....hoping that it levels out for you soon, I know how overwhelming that is.....sucks really.
Great going Solilo on 103 days!! that is fabulous.I really hope things improve for you & that you will make those calls & find some people you can talk with....you have been through so much this last year & would be good for you to talk to someone.
I just got an Iphone today & loving the tunes...I will listen to that song for sure. As I have been "playing" with my new phone, I am exhausted & checking out for the night. I have had an anxiety riddled day myself.
Not another gift in the world more precious than seeing your child come into the world. Keep using all the tools for dealing with your anxiety.....hoping that it levels out for you soon, I know how overwhelming that is.....sucks really. Great going Solilo on 103 days!! that is fabulous.I really hope things improve for you & that you will make those calls & find some people you can talk with....you have been through so much this last year & would be good for you to talk to someone.
I just got an Iphone today & loving the tunes...I will listen to that song for sure. As I have been "playing" with my new phone, I am exhausted & checking out for the night. I have had an anxiety riddled day myself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Great to hear you Solil. Typing whilst on a treadmill sounds tricky!
Obo, I've heard that anxiety and excitement are physiologically the same thing, it's often our interpretation of these sensations which labels them good or bad. Just a thought. Of course, you won't have time to feel anxious after baby is born, so bare with it just a little longer.
Please keep us posted if you can, this baby already has an international fan club!
It's a beautiful day here today, summer is almost with us.
Obo, I've heard that anxiety and excitement are physiologically the same thing, it's often our interpretation of these sensations which labels them good or bad. Just a thought. Of course, you won't have time to feel anxious after baby is born
, so bare with it just a little longer.Please keep us posted if you can, this baby already has an international fan club!
It's a beautiful day here today, summer is almost with us.
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