Class of March 2015 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 137
Day 12 complete. Day 3 no smoking complete.
Checking in.
Very fatigued and a bit cranky but who cares. I'm hitting the gym daily regardless. Better than being a greasy drunk!
Hope everybody has a sweet Friday. Ok gotta try to focus on getting some work done.
Checking in.
Very fatigued and a bit cranky but who cares. I'm hitting the gym daily regardless. Better than being a greasy drunk!
Hope everybody has a sweet Friday. Ok gotta try to focus on getting some work done.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
Originally Posted by Bobcat17 
40 days and 40 nights....
day 17 here
My AH is a mess. Im trying to better myself and give his drinking no attention. His problems are not mine. It is very difficult. When I look back, its been no bed of roses for several years, I just drowned myself in a bottle of gin every once in awhile to numb myself. He is ready to pack me up "if I don't get better." Oh well, "what will be, will be"
enjoying day 17, in the back yard, listening to pandora and going to start working in the garden. We maybe selling this place soon...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Hi, all. I just wanted to say, slipping up does not have to be part of the process.
Slips are part of addiction, not part of recovery.
I know everyone wants pats on the back for getting back on the wagon, but every time the withdrawals are worse and more dangerous. Not everyone has another withdrawal in them. Recovery can be a one-off. I stopped on March 5, 2014. I logged onto this site after pleading with God to help me.
I haven't had a drink since.
Google "kindling effect". It is the phenomenon that makes each subsequent withdrawal harder and physically more dangerous.
Slips are part of addiction, not part of recovery.
I know everyone wants pats on the back for getting back on the wagon, but every time the withdrawals are worse and more dangerous. Not everyone has another withdrawal in them. Recovery can be a one-off. I stopped on March 5, 2014. I logged onto this site after pleading with God to help me.
I haven't had a drink since.
Google "kindling effect". It is the phenomenon that makes each subsequent withdrawal harder and physically more dangerous.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 919
@Bimini
Of course it doesn't have to. The point of the pats on the back (or rather I'd call them: supportive statements) is, I think, to remind people that they can look at relapse as a part of recovery. If I didn't think that way, then any relapse I had I'd just say eff it I failed, back to the drink.
But I take your point. It would be ideal not to have a slip, and we all wish that for ourselves and others. And being 100% firm in commitment is important.
I guess my philosophy would be: don't expect a slip, but if one happens, get up and keep on trucking.
Of course it doesn't have to. The point of the pats on the back (or rather I'd call them: supportive statements) is, I think, to remind people that they can look at relapse as a part of recovery. If I didn't think that way, then any relapse I had I'd just say eff it I failed, back to the drink.
But I take your point. It would be ideal not to have a slip, and we all wish that for ourselves and others. And being 100% firm in commitment is important.
I guess my philosophy would be: don't expect a slip, but if one happens, get up and keep on trucking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
kinzo - the point I am making is that relapse is NOT part of recovery, it's part of addiction. Allowing any reason to use is the essence of addiction.
We - all of us - have thousands of excuses to pick up. Daily. I battle the thoughts the same way any of you do. The problem is that by saying, "Oh, well," and giving in I break my commitment to myself, I set myself back and more importantly it could be fatal. One last drink becomes ten, I get in the car and kill a family coming home from dinner.
The "kindling effect" is a real and dangerous enemy. Did you look it up? People die from seizures, heart attacks, suffocation, drowning, all kinds of ways. Relapse is not - should not be - an option. This isn't just not partying on Friday night: it's life and death. If you go to a few AA meetings you will hear the tragedy played out over and over.
100% firm in commitment is the only way to achieve sobriety. Full stop. Slips don't "Happen." We buy it, pick it up in our own hand and pour it into our own mouth. No one else, and no outside event is to blame. It is an inside job.
We - all of us - have thousands of excuses to pick up. Daily. I battle the thoughts the same way any of you do. The problem is that by saying, "Oh, well," and giving in I break my commitment to myself, I set myself back and more importantly it could be fatal. One last drink becomes ten, I get in the car and kill a family coming home from dinner.
The "kindling effect" is a real and dangerous enemy. Did you look it up? People die from seizures, heart attacks, suffocation, drowning, all kinds of ways. Relapse is not - should not be - an option. This isn't just not partying on Friday night: it's life and death. If you go to a few AA meetings you will hear the tragedy played out over and over.
100% firm in commitment is the only way to achieve sobriety. Full stop. Slips don't "Happen." We buy it, pick it up in our own hand and pour it into our own mouth. No one else, and no outside event is to blame. It is an inside job.
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
IMO, I do not think Kinzo was trying to condone using the relapse potential that we all have as an excuse to just go ahead and drink. "Oh well, many people relapse so I guess it is OK for me" is certainly the self talk of an alcoholic that has yet to surrender to the idea that he cannot ever take another drink, and he is using that as an excuse. You could not be more right about that!
However, in an addiction with a very low success rate, relapses are going to happen. It happened to me after 23 years of sobriety. If, like me, they are lucky enough to make it back to the rooms or these forums, then they could probably use a good dose of experience, strength, hope and support from those of us who are sober. Just my $0.02.
However, in an addiction with a very low success rate, relapses are going to happen. It happened to me after 23 years of sobriety. If, like me, they are lucky enough to make it back to the rooms or these forums, then they could probably use a good dose of experience, strength, hope and support from those of us who are sober. Just my $0.02.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
bmac, I also had 18 years of sobriety when I picked up again.
Would I give my left arm for having had a stronger belief? Yes. I was not convinced I could not moderate. I am convinced now. The couple years of alcoholic drinking again was soul-destroying. Any way to avoid that is worth talking about. It was 100% my fault. But only because I gave it an "in."
The problem is that hearing everyone say, "relapse is part of recovery," is a lie.
It only is part of addiction.
Would I give my left arm for having had a stronger belief? Yes. I was not convinced I could not moderate. I am convinced now. The couple years of alcoholic drinking again was soul-destroying. Any way to avoid that is worth talking about. It was 100% my fault. But only because I gave it an "in."
The problem is that hearing everyone say, "relapse is part of recovery," is a lie.
It only is part of addiction.
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Originally Posted by biminiblue
"
The problem is that hearing everyone say, "relapse is part of recovery," is a lie.
It only is part of addiction.
The problem is that hearing everyone say, "relapse is part of recovery," is a lie.
It only is part of addiction.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Do you also acknowledge that you very well could have died in that relapse? Because that, for me, was the place of darkness that the second round of alcoholism took me to.
I no longer wanted to live. I was killing myself slowly, and was resigned to do so. Some of these people on this site will die from alcoholism or related tragedy. I've seen lots of people die this way in my life.
I'm not willing to sugar-coat the seriousness of a relapse. YMMV.
I no longer wanted to live. I was killing myself slowly, and was resigned to do so. Some of these people on this site will die from alcoholism or related tragedy. I've seen lots of people die this way in my life.
I'm not willing to sugar-coat the seriousness of a relapse. YMMV.
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Originally Posted by biminiblue
I'm not willing to sugar-coat the seriousness of a relapse. YMMV.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Relapse is no joke. I don't think there is anyone here who would underestimate the seriousness of it. It definitely isn't a part of recovery IMHO
I also think that it is possible to learn from it and to come through even stronger. When I relapsed and finally came to my senses about it, I felt a real sense of loss over the sober time I'd thrown away and there was a part of me that felt 'F it...it's not worth starting over'. I had to fight that.
I would urge anyone who relapses to get straight back on the wagon and to fight all those whispers that tell you it's over. Sometimes it's just a new and stronger beginning, and one that can benefit others if you share your success.
Relapse is serious but we can overcome it. Don't ever think we can't x
I also think that it is possible to learn from it and to come through even stronger. When I relapsed and finally came to my senses about it, I felt a real sense of loss over the sober time I'd thrown away and there was a part of me that felt 'F it...it's not worth starting over'. I had to fight that.
I would urge anyone who relapses to get straight back on the wagon and to fight all those whispers that tell you it's over. Sometimes it's just a new and stronger beginning, and one that can benefit others if you share your success.
Relapse is serious but we can overcome it. Don't ever think we can't x
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by biminiblue
bmac, I also had 18 years of sobriety when I picked up again.
Would I give my left arm for having had a stronger belief? Yes. I was not convinced I could not moderate. I am convinced now. The couple years of alcoholic drinking again was soul-destroying. Any way to avoid that is worth talking about. It was 100% my fault. But only because I gave it an "in."
The problem is that hearing everyone say, "relapse is part of recovery," is a lie.
It only is part of addiction.
Would I give my left arm for having had a stronger belief? Yes. I was not convinced I could not moderate. I am convinced now. The couple years of alcoholic drinking again was soul-destroying. Any way to avoid that is worth talking about. It was 100% my fault. But only because I gave it an "in."
The problem is that hearing everyone say, "relapse is part of recovery," is a lie.
It only is part of addiction.
One day at a time.
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nowhere, USA
Posts: 340
Originally Posted by Jeni26
Relapse is no joke. I don't think there is anyone here who would underestimate the seriousness of it. It definitely isn't a part of recovery IMHO
I also think that it is possible to learn from it and to come through even stronger. When I relapsed and finally came to my senses about it, I felt a real sense of loss over the sober time I'd thrown away and there was a part of me that felt 'F it...it's not worth starting over'. I had to fight that.
I would urge anyone who relapses to get straight back on the wagon and to fight all those whispers that tell you it's over. Sometimes it's just a new and stronger beginning, and one that can benefit others if you share your success.
Relapse is serious but we can overcome it. Don't ever think we can't x
I also think that it is possible to learn from it and to come through even stronger. When I relapsed and finally came to my senses about it, I felt a real sense of loss over the sober time I'd thrown away and there was a part of me that felt 'F it...it's not worth starting over'. I had to fight that.
I would urge anyone who relapses to get straight back on the wagon and to fight all those whispers that tell you it's over. Sometimes it's just a new and stronger beginning, and one that can benefit others if you share your success.
Relapse is serious but we can overcome it. Don't ever think we can't x
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
'relapse is a part of recovery' is something we hear a lot.
It's not something that originated in this thread
I always take the time to explain that relapse is part of my disease, not my recovery, because my job is to share my experience and that was a pretty important revelation
...and I think there's a place for both straight talking and hugs
we're all on the same side - let's get back to it
D
It's not something that originated in this thread
I always take the time to explain that relapse is part of my disease, not my recovery, because my job is to share my experience and that was a pretty important revelation
...and I think there's a place for both straight talking and hugs
we're all on the same side - let's get back to it
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Wow I missed a lot while I slept
Just wanted to say if I felt I was going to be beat up over my relapse I don't think would have made it back, it's primarily because I knew my friends here and in aa would support me and help me give it another (final) shot that I came back after only a few days drinking this last time,
it has normally been months but I knew I had people to help me through this time and that relapse didn't mean failure for good,
I agree relapse isn't part of recovery and that's not helpful thinking, but berating people over their mistakes is not going to help either
In other news, I just took my dog to the dog park and it's so fun watching him play with all the other (much smaller!!) doggies. Sunny here today so off to buy some more plants AV was strong last night but I feel better today, and glad you're all here
Just wanted to say if I felt I was going to be beat up over my relapse I don't think would have made it back, it's primarily because I knew my friends here and in aa would support me and help me give it another (final) shot that I came back after only a few days drinking this last time,
it has normally been months but I knew I had people to help me through this time and that relapse didn't mean failure for good,
I agree relapse isn't part of recovery and that's not helpful thinking, but berating people over their mistakes is not going to help either
In other news, I just took my dog to the dog park and it's so fun watching him play with all the other (much smaller!!) doggies. Sunny here today so off to buy some more plants
AV was strong last night but I feel better today, and glad you're all here
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Reading through these posts before bed tonight. Instead of counting sheep, I'm going to think long about all your words, and I'll also think about intention. The intention to wake up tomorrow and live a sober day. The intention to add on another, day after day after day. One day at a time, hell one minute at a time, we make our lives anew.
Friends, we can do this.
And thanks secretary, Djinn, bobcat, and immri for your thoughts on my social isolation and meeting an old (drinking) pal issue. Next time I see her, I'm going to try to muster up the guts to tell her my new life choice. Might be a little easier than I thought it would be as I'm now on new a med for pain... though, I know, using that line, I'm hiding the truth of the matter. Gah! Why is it so hard to be 100% truthful (outside of SR)???
Friends, we can do this.
And thanks secretary, Djinn, bobcat, and immri for your thoughts on my social isolation and meeting an old (drinking) pal issue. Next time I see her, I'm going to try to muster up the guts to tell her my new life choice. Might be a little easier than I thought it would be as I'm now on new a med for pain... though, I know, using that line, I'm hiding the truth of the matter. Gah! Why is it so hard to be 100% truthful (outside of SR)???
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 688
Oh need, I send hugs your way. Over the past few years, I've had many Day Ones because of this kind of scenario. Promising myself I wouldn't drink, but soon as I'm with particular company, or after, I succumbed. It's hard to stick to our guns. But we can, right? We can. And we'll feel so much better to get a day or night like that behind us, make sober choices, and wake up without the remorse. xo
(night, all)
(night, all)
Originally Posted by needtostopthis
Speaking off heavy drinking friends. One of my good friends (who also happens to be my niece) just had a baby and I went over to see the baby yesterday. He is 5 weeks old. My niece was a pretty heavy drinker before she got pregnant and she kept bringing up drinking yesterday. She kept saying she could not wait to be done breastfeeding because she wants to just get drunk. Then she said " we have to hang out soon and get drunk together and sing and dance like we used too" I nodded in agreement but told her that my therapist says I shouldn't drink. The therapist I see is the same one she saw years ago when she was really depressed. So she said oh he said that to me too but I had to tell him that I knew I wasn't going to quit and that I didn't want to focus on that. She was saying I should tell him that. It was kind of uncomfortable because I wanted to say to her, that I also knew I needed to get sober and its not just my therapist who thinks I have a problem. But I felt weird. She kept talking about how fun drinking is and how she has so much fun and yadda yadda. I actually started believing what she was saying because I USED to have fun too, but I am way past that point of having fun anymore. Anyway what happened was I got home and went staight to the bottle and got wasted. I was looking for that nostalgia I guess, looking for the good ole days. So here I am AGAIN on day friggin 1. I pleaded to god to help me today, I have never asked god for help with this but I felt so bad I just broke down. I am not even very religious. So sorry for this long post, but I had to get it out.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
AV not too strong today, she did make an appearance a few times. I gave Moe a bath today, Moe is a little dog I found wandering the streets back in January during the first month of my recovery period prior to this one. I relapsed for a night, (one stiff drink) and then, started sobriety all over again. Didn't go through any withdrawals.
I would send a pic of Moe but don't know how to. I try again.
I would send a pic of Moe but don't know how to. I try again.
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