Class of March 2015 Part 4
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I needed to take drinking completely off the table.
My life revolved around drinking so I had to change my life if I wanted change.
That usually freaks people out (or at least their AVs) but it's true.
The good news is I didn't lose out on the deal - sure my life changed but it was worth it several times over.
By dipping back in, and drinking here and there, you're always going to be stuck on that merry go round.
D
My life revolved around drinking so I had to change my life if I wanted change.
That usually freaks people out (or at least their AVs) but it's true.
The good news is I didn't lose out on the deal - sure my life changed but it was worth it several times over.
By dipping back in, and drinking here and there, you're always going to be stuck on that merry go round.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 262
I can stick with it today but I am so overwhelmed by the events I have coming up. Why can't I just say no and have a club soda. Where I my willpower. Why is it so hard to find. Why do my depression and anxiety and alcoholism control my being? Why is every day I fight. I'm sorry for whining but I have no where else to turn. My head makes no sense and I feel defeated
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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Part of my will wanted to drink - I just didn't want any of the 'bad stuff' -so will power didn't help me.
Acceptance did - acceptance of what I was and what I needed to do.
Some people grasp that right away...and others keep walking into brick walls until they get it.
I chose the brick wall way - don't be like me
D
Acceptance did - acceptance of what I was and what I needed to do.
Some people grasp that right away...and others keep walking into brick walls until they get it.
I chose the brick wall way - don't be like me
D
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
As an atheist I really have taken issue with step 1. However, there is some wisdom in it. You won't improve if you cannot admit that you are powerless to alcohol. Nothing I do will magically make me a normal drinker. Once I start, I am powerless.
It took me years and years to get to this point of addiction. I was a problem weekend drinker and could moderate, for the most part, but the signs were all there. I had to consciously moderate, always.
Don't beat yourself up, Angel. I slipped a couple of weeks ago. I say and know I never want to drink again, but I still hear whining from my AV. I have answers planned ahead for anything it throws me now. I learned a lot from my last slip. Turn this around to something positive. Did you discover a new trigger? Did your plan consider situation a, b and c?
Social drinking is a bug trigger for me too. I am embarrassed that I don't drink anymore. I would rather be embarrassed for a couple of minutes (or hours) than wake up with a hangover and that feeling of guilt and dread after a black-out night.
It took me years and years to get to this point of addiction. I was a problem weekend drinker and could moderate, for the most part, but the signs were all there. I had to consciously moderate, always.
Don't beat yourself up, Angel. I slipped a couple of weeks ago. I say and know I never want to drink again, but I still hear whining from my AV. I have answers planned ahead for anything it throws me now. I learned a lot from my last slip. Turn this around to something positive. Did you discover a new trigger? Did your plan consider situation a, b and c?
Social drinking is a bug trigger for me too. I am embarrassed that I don't drink anymore. I would rather be embarrassed for a couple of minutes (or hours) than wake up with a hangover and that feeling of guilt and dread after a black-out night.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I am embarrassed that I don't drink
I felt embarrassed that I couldn't control my drinking, that I'd let it control me.
I felt embarrassed because all my friends and family still drank. I felt like a failure.
I felt embarrassed because I'd all my life heard alcoholics were weak people with low morals and low cunning.
curiously I didn't feel as embarrassed about the embarrassing things I done when drinking - I was drunk your honour...not my fault...
My inner addict made much of this, and of my fear of being different.
Thinking so much about what other people must think of me bought me back to drinking time and again and nearly killed me.
I'm proud of who I am now and of the life I lead.
That was one of the greatest gifts recovery gave me
D
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
For me to admit my embarrassment is a big deal. My whole life, I stifled any uncomfortable feeling. Now I recognize, yes, I am embarrassed - but nowhere near as embarrassed as I would be if I drank. Plus, who knows if I would make it anyway? Every relapse and slip has been worse than the previous. I could die of alcohol poisoning. I feel embarrassment but will not act on it.
Getting over the part where I am embarrassed about being the only non-drinker is temporary. I never got this far before. When I was sober for a year, I said "I'm not drinking right now," instead of, "I don't drink."
In a way, I am happy for the embarrassment. I means I am at a place I never reached before, if that makes sense.
Getting over the part where I am embarrassed about being the only non-drinker is temporary. I never got this far before. When I was sober for a year, I said "I'm not drinking right now," instead of, "I don't drink."
In a way, I am happy for the embarrassment. I means I am at a place I never reached before, if that makes sense.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Thanks for talking about this guys, embarrassment is a huge thing for me too - I've always been very reluctant to admit to any vulnerability, I've been pretending I'm always fine since I was a kid. Even in AA meetings it's very hard for me to admit I'm in anyway struggling, I can talk very openly about how horrific it was, but act like I'm fine now.
and in hospital with .425 BAC not eaten for a week and a massive head wound I was still acting as if I was just fine, ditto when going through withdrawal scared I was going to die after a seizure I couldn't seem to shake off that fake 'oh yeah I'm fine it's not so bad' act.
here really seems to be the only place I can put that aside and be honest in that way, and I don't think I've ever in my life admitted embarrassment over anything but absolutely that's a big thing for me too.
I mean, I'm 24, I find it incredibly embarrassing sometimes that I can't join in with friends for after work drinks or the wine tours (live in a big wine area too!) or being the only one not drinking at all the engagements I'm invited too
I do think it's getting easier though, as I can see myself growing as a person this I'm gradually caring less about things like how my sobriety looks to others. Thanks for sharing this, you've got me thinking now!!
and in hospital with .425 BAC not eaten for a week and a massive head wound I was still acting as if I was just fine, ditto when going through withdrawal scared I was going to die after a seizure I couldn't seem to shake off that fake 'oh yeah I'm fine it's not so bad' act.
here really seems to be the only place I can put that aside and be honest in that way, and I don't think I've ever in my life admitted embarrassment over anything but absolutely that's a big thing for me too.
I mean, I'm 24, I find it incredibly embarrassing sometimes that I can't join in with friends for after work drinks or the wine tours (live in a big wine area too!) or being the only one not drinking at all the engagements I'm invited too
I do think it's getting easier though, as I can see myself growing as a person this I'm gradually caring less about things like how my sobriety looks to others. Thanks for sharing this, you've got me thinking now!!
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