Class of March 2015 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
Originally Posted by Bmac 
This has to be the 5th or 6th night in a row that I have had dreams about being in a relationship. Hmmm.... 
i woke up with vertigo.
I fell asleep with the fan going, allergies maybe. i hate taking antihistamines, they make me wired.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 262
Today was rough for me too. Wanted to drink, but bc I was feeling happy. The glamour of going to a nice new restaurant and having a glass of wine appeared, but I'm glad I didn't give in..
Coming up on day 30.. Feeling confused. Don't want to drink again but I don't know if that'll happen. I have my honeymoon planned for Napa (3 days) and that was before downfall. Can I have a few days of civilized/glamorous enjy omen and not go down the rabbit hole again?!
Coming up on day 30.. Feeling confused. Don't want to drink again but I don't know if that'll happen. I have my honeymoon planned for Napa (3 days) and that was before downfall. Can I have a few days of civilized/glamorous enjy omen and not go down the rabbit hole again?!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
Day 8. Wow. Yesterday was a big test. My MIL took our son to the Rodeo in town and then he spent the night over at his granparents house. My husband I could have easily drank and I wont lie, I thought about it. So we decided to go fishing instead, we fished until 9pm at the bay here. My husband has been very gung ho about sticking to the plan of not drinking. I think he is actually doing better than me, because I brought up drinking a few time yesterday. So glad he reminded me why we were doing this and talked me down.
I have been very depressed. Today I feel just blah. I have no energy at all. Why? I wonder if it is some kind of thing associated with not drinking? Headaches as well. I Also get these obsessions as well. Like for the last week I have been looking for a truck for my husband because his car is dying. Well I have been searching craigslist like a maniac looking for a used truck for him and it has kind of consumed a lot of my time. I hate when I get like this. Its like I want him to just buy something already so I will stop focusing on this car search stuff. Why must I obsess over stuff!? Anyway hope you all are having a good night.
I have been very depressed. Today I feel just blah. I have no energy at all. Why? I wonder if it is some kind of thing associated with not drinking? Headaches as well. I Also get these obsessions as well. Like for the last week I have been looking for a truck for my husband because his car is dying. Well I have been searching craigslist like a maniac looking for a used truck for him and it has kind of consumed a lot of my time. I hate when I get like this. Its like I want him to just buy something already so I will stop focusing on this car search stuff. Why must I obsess over stuff!? Anyway hope you all are having a good night.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
I forgot to respond to Pouncer about my therapy. I actually really like this therapist. First one I have ever liked. Most did make me worse! I just think I am just so down that its hard for him to help me right now. I am not sure anything can help me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by strangeangel
Today was rough for me too. Wanted to drink, but bc I was feeling happy. The glamour of going to a nice new restaurant and having a glass of wine appeared, but I'm glad I didn't give in..
Coming up on day 30.. Feeling confused. Don't want to drink again but I don't know if that'll happen. I have my honeymoon planned for Napa (3 days) and that was before downfall. Can I have a few days of civilized/glamorous enjy omen and not go down the rabbit hole again?!
Coming up on day 30.. Feeling confused. Don't want to drink again but I don't know if that'll happen. I have my honeymoon planned for Napa (3 days) and that was before downfall. Can I have a few days of civilized/glamorous enjy omen and not go down the rabbit hole again?!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Need Im feeling down too but just wanted to say I relate i have zero energy and headaches, even my good days I'm pretty worn out all the time so I'm thinking it's just part of early sobriety 
hope you feel better soon oh and I obsess of things too
hope you feel better soon oh and I obsess of things too
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by strangeangel
Today was rough for me too. Wanted to drink, but bc I was feeling happy. The glamour of going to a nice new restaurant and having a glass of wine appeared, but I'm glad I didn't give in..
Coming up on day 30.. Feeling confused. Don't want to drink again but I don't know if that'll happen. I have my honeymoon planned for Napa (3 days) and that was before downfall. Can I have a few days of civilized/glamorous enjy omen and not go down the rabbit hole again?!
Coming up on day 30.. Feeling confused. Don't want to drink again but I don't know if that'll happen. I have my honeymoon planned for Napa (3 days) and that was before downfall. Can I have a few days of civilized/glamorous enjy omen and not go down the rabbit hole again?!
I have been having a rough hour or two. I decided to shut the doors in my room and get some quiet away from the noisy family activities going on right now. I almost lost it at my son in Home Depot today. He was touching EVERYTHING, straightening boxes here and there, not paying attention to people around him - moving the cart into people and twirling a large wooden dowel like a baton.
I held it together somehow. He is a very nice, considerate person but his ADHD and OCD were really out of control today. I really, really want to have a drink.
Angel,
Imagine your wedding anniversary in Napa (?!?). You get dressed up in new heels and a dress you packed on the first night of your vacation. You and your husband drive to an upscale restaurant that was highly recommended on Yelp. You are seated. The menu is earthy and surprisingly creative. You decide on the organic, free-range grass-fed sirloin, grilled parsnips and asparagus. This restaurant is civilized, quiet and made from cobblestones that were re-purposed from an old dairy barn from the 1920s.
You realized that you have been good today; you didn't drink anything during the day while your husband was tasting and choosing wines at a couple of nearby wineries. The wine tasting visits didn't bother you or make you itch -- and you feel triumphant.
The server recommends a wine pairing with the sirloin. It is a red wine - 12 years old. You decline and feel a mixed wave of pride and a slight sting as you utter the words, 'I will have a decaf latte and sparkling water.' Your husband is served a sweet white wine that was recommended with the fig and sage cheese appetizer. You start to feel dejected that you can't drink (you say can't drink instead of won't drink to yourself). Then you look around. Everyone has a glass of wine. That is the reason people visit Napa, right? You abstained for a month, maybe you don't really have an addiction problem. The waiter comes back to check on your table and as he starts his return to the kitchen, you impulsively call him back and say, 'I've changed my mind. I think I will have the red that you recommended earlier.'
This place doesn't even have a vibe where you could get trashed anyway and it is your anniversary, after all. Live a little.
Now that it is out in the open, you ask your husband to have a sip of the Gewürztraminer he ordered. The first sip hits you within thirty seconds, like a warm bath. The waiter returns to verify that you requested your sirloin medium rare. He noticed you when you took a sip from your husband's glass and asks if you would like a glass of the same. It has 'pear and nutmeg overtones and is the perfect complement to the fig and sage cheese appetizer.' He also informs you that there will be a longer-than-normal wait because your husband's entree is prepared to order and has to be baked.
'Sure. Why not. It is our anniversary.'
'Congratulations. This one is on the house. How nice...how many years...where are you from...sorry about the wait.'
You and your husband chat with him for a few minutes. As he leaves, he amiably assures you that the wait for the entrees was serendipity. 'See? It worked out for the best. It will be nice for you guys to your time, have a romantic, leisurely dinner. Okay? I will be right back with that wine.'
The wine hits you hard. After half a glass you feel like you drank four glasses of wine. It feels good. It does.
Not much happens after this. Husband urges you to eat some of the crackers and cheese. He reminds you that you are not touching your sirloin. You left after two glasses of wine...you drove five minutes or an hour to another wine tasting room......broke off one of the heels from your new shoes when you walked back to the car...or not...then came back to your hotel and drank a little more with your husband...somewhere in there was some late-night attempt to go swimming...the pool gate locked...some argument with the hotel staff about noise level...you were paying such-and-such a night...it was your anniversary you tell everyone...give me a break...be quiet you are going to wake up everyone...do you really love me?
Nothing much but a sprinkling of hazy flashes and you feel like ****. It is a monumental task just to get up to go pee. You look at the clock. It is 1:47. That's PM.
It takes you almost two days to get over the hangover. You don't want to be seen or leave your room because you are feeling too raw and guilty for your walk of shame through the hotel lobby. You order in. You are too tired to do any sightseeing, visit Hearst Castle, the beach, Solvang (fill in the blanks). The trip was not fun for you or your husband.
A whole month down the drain. You think, What is wrong with me? Why do I do this? When am I ever going to learn? That's it! I have to stop drinking for good.
Whew! Now I played that out for you, I don't want to drink either. I am f*cking done thinking about alcohol tonight-- because that would be the scenario if I decided to have one sip, or one glass.
Hang in there! Strengthen your resolve and have a great anniversary weekend with your husband - it should be a moment in your life that you remember with fondness, not shame. Live a lot.
love is the answer
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 1,352
Originally Posted by Pouncer
I have been having a rough hour or two. I decided to shut the doors in my room and get some quiet away from the noisy family activities going on right now. I almost lost it at my son in Home Depot today. He was touching EVERYTHING, straightening boxes here and there, not paying attention to people around him - moving the cart into people and twirling a large wooden dowel like a baton.
I held it together somehow. He is a very nice, considerate person but his ADHD and OCD were really out of control today. I really, really want to have a drink.
Angel,
Imagine your wedding anniversary in Napa (?!?). You get dressed up in new heels and a dress you packed on the first night of your vacation. You and your husband drive to an upscale restaurant that was highly recommended on Yelp. You are seated. The menu is earthy and surprisingly creative. You decide on the organic, free-range grass-fed sirloin, grilled parsnips and asparagus. This restaurant is civilized, quiet and made from cobblestones that were re-purposed from an old dairy barn from the 1920s.
You realized that you have been good today; you didn't drink anything during the day while your husband was tasting and choosing wines at a couple of nearby wineries. The wine tasting visits didn't bother you or make you itch -- and you feel triumphant.
The server recommends a wine pairing with the sirloin. It is a red wine - 12 years old. You decline and feel a mixed wave of pride and a slight sting as you utter the words, 'I will have a decaf latte and sparkling water.' Your husband is served a sweet white wine that was recommended with the fig and sage cheese appetizer. You start to feel dejected that you can't drink (you say can't drink instead of won't drink to yourself). Then you look around. Everyone has a glass of wine. That is the reason people visit Napa, right? You abstained for a month, maybe you don't really have an addiction problem. The waiter comes back to check on your table and as he starts his return to the kitchen, you impulsively call him back and say, 'I've changed my mind. I think I will have the red that you recommended earlier.'
This place doesn't even have a vibe where you could get trashed anyway and it is your anniversary, after all. Live a little.
Now that it is out in the open, you ask your husband to have a sip of the Gewürztraminer he ordered. The first sip hits you within thirty seconds, like a warm bath. The waiter returns to verify that you requested your sirloin medium rare. He noticed you when you took a sip from your husband's glass and asks if you would like a glass of the same. It has 'pear and nutmeg overtones and is the perfect complement to the fig and sage cheese appetizer.' He also informs you that there will be a longer-than-normal wait because your husband's entree is prepared to order and has to be baked.
'Sure. Why not. It is our anniversary.'
'Congratulations. This one is on the house. How nice...how many years...where are you from...sorry about the wait.'
You and your husband chat with him for a few minutes. As he leaves, he amiably assures you that the wait for the entrees was serendipity. 'See? It worked out for the best. It will be nice for you guys to your time, have a romantic, leisurely dinner. Okay? I will be right back with that wine.'
The wine hits you hard. After half a glass you feel like you drank four glasses of wine. It feels good. It does.
Not much happens after this. Husband urges you to eat some of the crackers and cheese. He reminds you that you are not touching your sirloin. You left after two glasses of wine...you drove five minutes or an hour to another wine tasting room......broke off one of the heels from your new shoes when you walked back to the car...or not...then came back to your hotel and drank a little more with your husband...somewhere in there was some late-night attempt to go swimming...the pool gate locked...some argument with the hotel staff about noise level...you were paying such-and-such a night...it was your anniversary you tell everyone...give me a break...be quiet you are going to wake up everyone...do you really love me?
Nothing much but a sprinkling of hazy flashes and you feel like ****. It is a monumental task just to get up to go pee. You look at the clock. It is 1:47. That's PM.
It takes you almost two days to get over the hangover. You don't want to be seen or leave your room because you are feeling too raw and guilty for your walk of shame through the hotel lobby. You order in. You are too tired to do any sightseeing, visit Hearst Castle, the beach, Solvang (fill in the blanks). The trip was not fun for you or your husband.
A whole month down the drain. You think, What is wrong with me? Why do I do this? When am I ever going to learn? That's it! I have to stop drinking for good.
Whew! Now I played that out for you, I don't want to drink either. I am f*cking done thinking about alcohol tonight-- because that would be the scenario if I decided to have one sip, or one glass.
Hang in there! Strengthen your resolve and have a great anniversary weekend with your husband - it should be a moment in your life that you remember with fondness, not shame. Live a lot.
I held it together somehow. He is a very nice, considerate person but his ADHD and OCD were really out of control today. I really, really want to have a drink.
Angel,
Imagine your wedding anniversary in Napa (?!?). You get dressed up in new heels and a dress you packed on the first night of your vacation. You and your husband drive to an upscale restaurant that was highly recommended on Yelp. You are seated. The menu is earthy and surprisingly creative. You decide on the organic, free-range grass-fed sirloin, grilled parsnips and asparagus. This restaurant is civilized, quiet and made from cobblestones that were re-purposed from an old dairy barn from the 1920s.
You realized that you have been good today; you didn't drink anything during the day while your husband was tasting and choosing wines at a couple of nearby wineries. The wine tasting visits didn't bother you or make you itch -- and you feel triumphant.
The server recommends a wine pairing with the sirloin. It is a red wine - 12 years old. You decline and feel a mixed wave of pride and a slight sting as you utter the words, 'I will have a decaf latte and sparkling water.' Your husband is served a sweet white wine that was recommended with the fig and sage cheese appetizer. You start to feel dejected that you can't drink (you say can't drink instead of won't drink to yourself). Then you look around. Everyone has a glass of wine. That is the reason people visit Napa, right? You abstained for a month, maybe you don't really have an addiction problem. The waiter comes back to check on your table and as he starts his return to the kitchen, you impulsively call him back and say, 'I've changed my mind. I think I will have the red that you recommended earlier.'
This place doesn't even have a vibe where you could get trashed anyway and it is your anniversary, after all. Live a little.
Now that it is out in the open, you ask your husband to have a sip of the Gewürztraminer he ordered. The first sip hits you within thirty seconds, like a warm bath. The waiter returns to verify that you requested your sirloin medium rare. He noticed you when you took a sip from your husband's glass and asks if you would like a glass of the same. It has 'pear and nutmeg overtones and is the perfect complement to the fig and sage cheese appetizer.' He also informs you that there will be a longer-than-normal wait because your husband's entree is prepared to order and has to be baked.
'Sure. Why not. It is our anniversary.'
'Congratulations. This one is on the house. How nice...how many years...where are you from...sorry about the wait.'
You and your husband chat with him for a few minutes. As he leaves, he amiably assures you that the wait for the entrees was serendipity. 'See? It worked out for the best. It will be nice for you guys to your time, have a romantic, leisurely dinner. Okay? I will be right back with that wine.'
The wine hits you hard. After half a glass you feel like you drank four glasses of wine. It feels good. It does.
Not much happens after this. Husband urges you to eat some of the crackers and cheese. He reminds you that you are not touching your sirloin. You left after two glasses of wine...you drove five minutes or an hour to another wine tasting room......broke off one of the heels from your new shoes when you walked back to the car...or not...then came back to your hotel and drank a little more with your husband...somewhere in there was some late-night attempt to go swimming...the pool gate locked...some argument with the hotel staff about noise level...you were paying such-and-such a night...it was your anniversary you tell everyone...give me a break...be quiet you are going to wake up everyone...do you really love me?
Nothing much but a sprinkling of hazy flashes and you feel like ****. It is a monumental task just to get up to go pee. You look at the clock. It is 1:47. That's PM.
It takes you almost two days to get over the hangover. You don't want to be seen or leave your room because you are feeling too raw and guilty for your walk of shame through the hotel lobby. You order in. You are too tired to do any sightseeing, visit Hearst Castle, the beach, Solvang (fill in the blanks). The trip was not fun for you or your husband.
A whole month down the drain. You think, What is wrong with me? Why do I do this? When am I ever going to learn? That's it! I have to stop drinking for good.
Whew! Now I played that out for you, I don't want to drink either. I am f*cking done thinking about alcohol tonight-- because that would be the scenario if I decided to have one sip, or one glass.
Hang in there! Strengthen your resolve and have a great anniversary weekend with your husband - it should be a moment in your life that you remember with fondness, not shame. Live a lot.
Romancing the thought of 'just one' or 'I'm celebrating' really isn't worth it.
Love to all.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
I think you nailed it Pouncer.
I know from 30 years of trying I can't dance around the lip of the rabbit hole before falling in again, sooner or later.
It may seem like a deprivation now but it really is a freedom - I promise
D
I know from 30 years of trying I can't dance around the lip of the rabbit hole before falling in again, sooner or later.
It may seem like a deprivation now but it really is a freedom - I promise
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
Originally Posted by Sisterbobby
If science is correct, i was born with the alcoholism/addiction DNA. Even Though i was a two month preemie, the Nuns that cuddled and feed/nursed me to life (1958 in small town Dakotas) the first few months of my life did not save me from the life of addition. AV still lurks inside me.
My son has the alcoholism gene, daughter does not drink but has her own addictions. My AV comes from ancient blood, thats what science is telling me. More reason to fight even harder.
My son has the alcoholism gene, daughter does not drink but has her own addictions. My AV comes from ancient blood, thats what science is telling me. More reason to fight even harder.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 354
Hi everyone, I'm so behind in the posts.
We are still taking care of our very sick little doggy, who miraculously is surviving day to day, getting weaker, is still showing some spunk.
Spent Friday night with a bunch of girlfriends and wasn't even tempted to drink AND I had a good time.
Most of the time I'm still feeling depressed/angry/sad - trying to explore why I am feeling this way. I'm looking into therapy, but with my insurance being HMO it looks like I can only get 7-9 visits, whats with THAT??
I hope you all stay strong and have a wonderful day, my friends.
We are still taking care of our very sick little doggy, who miraculously is surviving day to day, getting weaker, is still showing some spunk.
Spent Friday night with a bunch of girlfriends and wasn't even tempted to drink AND I had a good time.
Most of the time I'm still feeling depressed/angry/sad - trying to explore why I am feeling this way. I'm looking into therapy, but with my insurance being HMO it looks like I can only get 7-9 visits, whats with THAT??
I hope you all stay strong and have a wonderful day, my friends.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 262
Pouncer, thank you for your in out. It definitely was though provoking for me. Today I made it 30 days! It seems like a life time but I am very proud of myself. I am going off my Antabuse today and seeing my psychiatrist to discuss further. I am also going to treat myself to these leggings I want. yes, my honeymoon is worrying me, but, one day at a time. I will have a better understanding of my sobriety come July. Happy monday everyone!
yes, my honeymoon is worrying me, but, one day at a time. I will have a better understanding of my sobriety come July. Happy monday everyone!
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Hi Need - I too have been feeling focused to the point of obsession. I am starting to schedule breaks to make sure I do not grind the gears down to the metal.
Hi Angel - I feel nervous from hearing about your upcoming Napa trip since I know my own vulnerabilities to that setting. But I have to believe it is possible to handle such settings, since at some point I have to start going out into the world in all its variety. Please let me know how things go!
Mel
Hi Angel - I feel nervous from hearing about your upcoming Napa trip since I know my own vulnerabilities to that setting. But I have to believe it is possible to handle such settings, since at some point I have to start going out into the world in all its variety. Please let me know how things go!
Mel
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