I guess I should check in here. I'm ten days in and feeling great! Of course, this isn't my first day 10 so I don't want to get too ahead of myself, but I'm feeling stronger this time around. I'm making plans to keep busy in sober ways, I'm trying to crush that voice that tells me that one day I will learn to moderate (been trying to do that for years now, literally) and I'm coming on here every day to post and reply to others. I've been pretty good about hopping on here when I get those unhelpful thoughts in my head and it really has helped. I haven't been put to any big test yet, but I'm hoping I will be ready.

Glad to see so many others making the choice to better their lives this month! Feel free to PM me anyone who needs to talk. I check on here often :)

Welcome! You've joined a great class! I think a good number of us here have been through something similar to what you've described. They key is to never get discouraged and give up. Post in here helps immensely. :)

Happy 18.

Hey KeepTruckin'

Nice to see you drop in. I am on Day 10, too. :)

General update:
Feeling really bad: anxious, angry and under-appreciated all the time. A member in the chat room has been talking about her struggle with codependency. It startled me because I have so many similar attitudes. Then I took a quiz and answered 9 out of 10 positive for codependency. I also read the book "Codependent No More" and something just clicked.

I have never had a co-dependent obsession with an individual per se. I think I am just addicted to drama and other people's lives so I don't have to deal with mine. I am constantly wanting to help people. I over-commit and never care for myself. I don't really think I want to help because I want to (well maybe I do in sometimes), but mostly because I want people to think I am a good person. I cannot stand it when people don't like me. I am always looking for external validation and when I don't get it, I freak out.

When I was a child, I felt largely ignored unless I was being praised for helping and showing empathy. I think it has snowballed into an unhealthy obsession and addiction.

I think I actually get a dopamine hit when I am fighting for somebody's injustice or helping them. It is never about me and at the same time, I am not helping the people who depend on me the most because it is boring and not dramatic.

I am really trying to examine how I deal with this type of dysfunctional fear of rejection and I wonder if it is related (or a cause) for why I drink. Honestly, this type of thought process is pervasive and utterly controls my life. I realized that I come on to the forums at SR to find the neediest person to help.

Thanks for letting me vent. I would appreciate if anyone who understands this would share their experience. I promised myself and my family that I would stay abstinent forever. I know sobriety is going to be hard for me this time because there are so many layers of unhealthy behavior to peel off and understand -- and I have to understand if I want to stay abstinent for life.

thanks :)

Still going strong. Congrats to everyone who haven't drank thus far. Keep your momentum up.

Morning all.....

Day three starting. Little sleep as yet. Exhaustion a drinking trigger in the early days for me....get tired of being tired and alcohol offers a few hours respite. Then the passout, wake at 2am, the bumping heart, sweating. Lie there until the light comes in around the curtains and it's day one again. Great.

Maybe tonight will bring sleep and rest.....

Sorry I don't have a lot to say......but I read all your posts twice a day, follow you all and wish you all the best for today.

Later......

Your doing great Marchers i know some days are tough but your all winners in my eyes

Canguy, I'm right with you on the sleep issues. Woke at 2:30 wide awake two nights ago, 3:30 last night, so hopefully its getting better.

I'm on Day 9, I had to pick up some things at Trader Joe's last night and I passed by the wine section. Normally I'd automatically throw 2 or 3 bottles of wine into my cart to prepare for the nest couple nights. It was VERY difficult walking by and buying nothing, but glad I was able to. Hopefully things get easier and easier in time.

secretary - I've had jobs before I hated but I grew to like them - can you give it a couple of weeks?

D

Day 17 for me. The days feel long themselves, but I can't believe 2.5 weeks has already gone by. I'm still exhausted when I wake up, but I hope in time that will pass. I've been more conscious of my mood swings and they're becoming more manageable as I work on making other aspects of my life (like exercising) more constant. How is everyone else doing?


Pouncer, I understand exactly what you mean. My father is an addict so I never got any attention from him when I was a child. To this day, I still need someone to constantly acknowledge that I am making the right choices, that I'm working hard enough at work, etc.

I have this need to be liked by everybody, even people that I may not like! So I, like you, will bend over backwards to try and do everything I can to make their lives better so they will like me, which can put a strain on the relationships I actually care about. I think that getting and staying sober helps us realize that we need to put our best interest first and at the same time, by staying sober we are putting our best interest first.

The thing I have appreciated the most about sobriety is being self-introspective. I can only speak for myself, but I know I wouldn't be realizing these characteristics about myself let alone discussing them if I was drinking. Staying sober not only helps us recover, but also helps us work on the reasons we were drinking in the first place (at least that's my opinion...)

Have you read any advice on how to deal with this constant need for acceptance or how to manage it?

Have a great day everybody!

Congratulations on day three Canguy! Try to stay strong, I've always found the first 3 days the hardest. We are all here for you! I hope your day gets better and you are able to get some rest soon.
:You_Rock_

As I grew in self confidence, starting living up to my responsibilities and started to accomplish things sober, my self esteem and my self awareness about my self worth grew too.

I found my need for validation from others lessened, as did my need to be liked, and my desire to avoid conflict or anger at all costs.

I think you'll find the same Kafkaesque :)

Simple check in
Starting day 14
Bit of a struggle but just couldn't bear the thought of a hangover tomorrow :/
Keep Marching!

Thanks for commiserating. I don't think I was willing to be introspective before. I also think that relapsing made my insecurities much worse.

I devoured the book, "Codependent No More" last night and I signed up for the online course. It is really hard to relate to a lot of the codependent stories. I never supported an alcoholic. I was the alcoholic. I have that massive do-good, look-more-moral-than-everyone-else thing. It is hard to tell, because I really do 'feel' for people. I am going to have to be aware of my intentions and be really honest with myself.

Congratulations on 17 days!

Thank you for the encouragement Dee! I think and hope you're right. I know that if I stayed doing what I was doing, nothing would get better that's for sure...

I'm going to give it a try Dee.

Congratulations to you on 10 days! :)

I am going to have to look into that book. I haven't read very much about codependency, but I really do know what you mean. I also think I would do more for others to justify my drinking. I made up crazy arguments saying I did all of this for people while I was drunk, thus I must be a better person when drunk rather than sober. Obviously that stupid AV trying to trick me again.

But I think the fact that you feel for people is a great thing! You have to take care of yourself first and foremost, but you sound like a very genuine person and I know that whenever I was really struggling and would post on here, the people who would respond were my saving grace. :)

Secretary, I hope you begin enjoying your job more soon! I start my new job in a few weeks and I'm terrified I'll hate it. But I didn't like my current job when I first started either. I didn't like sobriety the first few days either but the longer I stay sober, the more I'm learning to like and appreciate it.

I really hope you like your new job more soon! Please keep us updated :)

Thanks Kafka for the support. Maybe it's the new job and the new sobriety. There doesn't seem to be any pay-offs. It seems like the longer I'm sober the worse I feel

I know how you feel. Some days I feel like that too. But I think that's because with major changes like those, it just takes awhile to adjust. I keep thinking of staying sober as working out - it's really rough early on because you're putting in all this time and effort and don't see any results but then after months of devotion, you can finally see the payoff! Stay strong :)